attention home shoppers!!

[Queen Kitty]

[B][COLOR="Blue"]i have been working at a homeshopping network for three years now...all in all...i love my job. the people are great, the benefits rock, the pay is alright...but you will be amazed at how many stupid people are out there...ok, maybe you wont be. but, im here to let everyone know, that there are a few guidelines that should be accounted for if you decide to order off of tv....ready set go!

please have your credit card ready. we do not enjoy sitting there and listening to you wheeze on the phone while you run out to your car or fumble through papers to find it. its retarded.

do not interrupt us while we do our greeting. im sure what you have to say is important, but would it kill you to wait half of a second? its part of our job, and trust me, we do not want to thank you for calling anyways.

please do not go into detail about your personal life. i dont care if you have a broken foot or if your husband ran off with your mother or if you have a yeast infection. im there to take orders, not give you advice. keep it short and sweet, and we will be sweet right back to you.

if we say that an item is sold out...dont question us. just because they are still showing it on the tv doesnt mean crap. take into consideration that although it is live, you are still about 15 seconds behind of what is really going on. and if an item does sell out...dont whine to us about it. we dont care. you are tying up our line...go cry into your pillow about it.

if you have ordered with us before, you do not need to spell out every little detail. we ask you to VERIFY your name and address. VERIFY means we already have it on file, we just want to make sure it is you. plus, there is no need to spell JOHN SMITH...i think i got that under control

also when it comes to verifying info...yes you do have to verify your credit card info as well. its not to piss you off, its not to make you get off the couch, its for security purposes. its to cover our own ass to be completely honest. so do it and dont bitch about it. you know you have to, so just fucking do it...

when you do order, listen to us and not the showhosts. its not cute when we are ignored...although you guys think it is hilarious

turn your tv down when you call in. i know your deaf, but you could hear me better if the tv wasnt sounding like a slipknot concert. retard.

if you saw something last week, and you dont have the item number or any other additional info on it, do not expect us to know what in the hell you are talking about.

if we say to give an item 2 weeks to ship...dont call in the next day wondering why it hasnt arrived. its called active listening...work on it.

also, dont get mad if you want to cancel something you ordered 2 days ago, and it has already been packaged or shipped out. its not our fault you spent your child's diaper money on crap. be a good parent...retard

we have millions of customers. dont expect me to know who you are.

we dont care what competitive shopping networks are selling stuff for. so dont tell us

if you order a 2 carat diamond ring for 20 bucks, and it has flaws in it...thats your fault for being stupid enough to order it. of course its going to be crap, its a 2 carat diamond for 20 bucks! der!

dont order stuff just because its cheap...its cheap for a reason...

DO NOT EAT, BLOW YOUR NOSE, SNIFF, BREATHE HEAVY, OR USE THE BATHROOM ON THE PHONE!!! IT IS DISGUSTING AND WE HATE HEARING IT. ITS RUDE!! ALSO, TAKE THE PHONE OUT OF YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU CALL IN, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO EAT THE RECEIVER SO THAT WE CAN HEAR YOU!!!! TRUST ME, WE HEAR EVERYTHING!!

ALSO, IF YOUR BABY IS CRYING, TAKE CARE OF IT INSTEAD OF ORDERING FROM US!!! YOU MAY THINK ITS PRECIOUS, BUT TO US, ITS A SCREAMING POOP BOMB IN OUR EAR!!!

please have an i.q. bigger than your bra size before you even attempt to call in. just because you can dial a phone doesnt mean shit. die, please.

kay im done.....for now...

[Luckymom]

My last name changed from thie really difficult to pronounce and spell name to a very simple name after I got married. I still spell my last name for people over the phone...I am never rude about it though, but a sure people are thinking in their heads. "Look lady I can spell Smith." While Smith isn't my last name it is that simple.

[Spiffy McMoron]

I still spell my last name for people over the phone...I am never rude about it though, but a sure people are thinking in their heads. "Look lady I can spell Smith."

Smith is not my last name, and I'm not a lady, but I do constantly tell people how to spell my name. It bugs me when people spell my first name wrong, and with my last name, there are two ways to spell it. I'm just clearing thing up for the person on the other end of the line.

[Drakstern]

See, I always love it when people spell the easy name and neglect to spell the hard one.

SC: My name is Jim Pfaltzgraft. That's J-I-M.

Me: Okay... and how do you spell your last name?

SC: *Heavy Sigh*

[ebonyknight]

if you order a 2 carat diamond ring for 20 bucks, and it has flaws in it...thats your fault for being stupid enough to order it. of course its going to be crap, its a 2 carat diamond for 20 bucks! der!

Really? Jeez, I didn't know they sold raw diamonds.

Seriously though?

[wagegoth]

I have an extremely short, simple last name. However, it can be spelled at least three different ways, so I always spell it out.

[ShortTemperHatesStupidity]

Oh don't get me started on people spelling names wrong. I've had every butchered pronunciation imaginable, as well as a few new inserted leters that don't belong there. I get a c or two (none of those in my last name), a couple extra k's (there's only one in my name fucktard). I wonder where the eff they get the spelling from if I did it for them over the phone. As QueenKitty put it-active listening people...

[MadMike]

Smith it's my last name, and I' not a lady, but I do constantly tell people how to spell my name.

Of course, you can pronounce your name any way if you want. Your name can be spelled S-M-I-T-H, but you can pronounce it "Jonofsky" if you want.

"What's the name?"

"Jonofsky."

"How do you spell that?"

"S-M-I-T-H."

"Huh???"

"They're all silent, never mind!"


Back on topic, my last name isn't very common, but it's simple, and is spelled just the way it sounds, and sounds just the way it's spelled. But over the years, that hasn't stopped people from inserting an extra letter or two. In fact, this one girl I went to high school with, has apparently been getting it wrong for the last 20+ years, and I didn't even realize it until she wrote a check to pay me for building a computer for her. Shortly after she sent the check, she realized and apologized for getting my name wrong, and apparently saying it wrong all this time without me noticing.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Drakstern - I know exactly what you mean! And then there are the people with easy names but they could start with a C or a K...that's vital info when you want me to find your order...they're several shelves apart.

ShortTemper - I get that too. My first name is easy to pronounce but no one seems to hear it when I say it. I'll repeat it 4 times and they'll say something different back each time. When it was customers I just said "yes." Not like I want these people knowing my name, and they're gonna forget the second I'm out of their line of vision anyway.

[Pagan]

My last name is very short and goes by quickly and still gets spelled wrong even if I've spelled it. But, it's also the first name of one of the characters in "Star Wars", so I just use that to get it across to them.

The funniest thing is my first name, it starts with a "V". Well, many times I get called one of two other names that start with "V". I had one lady get very angry with me because I didn't respond to her, "Well, I was calling you by name!" Um, no you weren't ma'am. My name is this, you were calling me that. Why would I respond to a name that's not mine? Again, active listening folks!

[BlaqueKatt]

I get both my first and last name misspelled(sadly my last name actually has umlauts-I'm German)

[BookstoreEscapee]

I get both my first and last name misspelled(sadly my last name actually has umlauts-I'm German)

my first name is german no umlauts or anything fun like that just as well, it would only confuse people more

[CurlyLocks]

I get both my names misspelled all the time. My first name is a common one but it is spelled with one letter different than usual. Although it's not the common spelling it's certainly not unheard of, yet sometimes people can't even pronounce it. Anyway, I've had to spell my first name to people all my life but at least my maiden name was very easy to spell and I never had problems with it. But although my married name is only 4 letters no one ever spells it or pronounces it right. Having to constantly spell out both my names get pretty tiresome! When we call for pizza or whatever we just use my husband's first name, which can't be messed up.

[CrazedClerk]

My last name is european but sounds very close to a common south american surname. People always assume it's the south american one.

Argh!

[Imogene]

My last name has four letters in it, people constantly want to shorten it to three, or change one or more of the letters, so I've gotten into the habit of saying it and then spelling it.

On the other side of the counter... I do so enjoy looking at names on credit cards, rolling the difficult names around in my head for a moment, then trying the pronunciation I think is right. I've gotten more hits than misses over my time. I also enjoy translating Germanic sounding names.