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Greetings from the land of drop-bears, yowies, and surprisingly good wine.
I bring the ritual gifts for the mighty Grave-keeper (bows low at the shrine). Here is Aussie whiskey to keep his great voice lubricated, a merino fleece jumper that he may be forever warm, and a pair of steel-capped boots, that his tootsies may have the needed power to kick buttock without damage.
There was also a sacrificial wallaby, but it seems to have escaped into the temple.
<ahem> 'Twas the weeks before solstice....
and actually, we were doing pretty good. It was a Saturday arvo, and a few petty matters were keeping me amused. The MOD was grumbling because someone had forgotten to update the safe cash trail after a delivery, so she had to go and recount everything. A customer was wittering on at the far till about wanting 40 gift cards, but she was disappointed we didn't have bubble-gum flavoured.
Anyway, I was rocking away on till 3, enjoying it all immensely, when a couple comes up with a flat-bed trolley loaded to groaning with bogan brew. Oh well, I can't convert every customer to drinking better stuff. I smiled, scanned the trolley in, and prepared to make the sale.
2 things should be noted for your information: I'm one of those odd people who likes retail and serving customers. Customer service is fun, and I enjoy it.
The second is that we have a rule that says we will beat any customers advertised price. Now, the important bit in that advertised price - I have to be able to confirm the price exists, it's a real store (no online only shops!) but you get the idea.
So, I give the total and ask how they will pay. At which point, the man scowls and takes out his i-whatever and starts waving it around, grumbling that it's supposed to be cheaper and he can prove it. The other customers and staff can smell the arrogance and the regular customers begin to settle in for the show.
I go into friendly and helpful mode and reach for The Book! The Book is a magical blue folder where we keep each weeks advertised stuff by other companies. If you want it at their price, you tell me, I confirm it, I change it, and we're both happy. So I flip through to the Green Booze Company, thinking that's what he wants, a price beat.
He waves his electro-whatsit under my nose and begins to look very annoyed. "No, you advertised it cheaper! See, here it says you're selling it for 5 peanuts!"
I look at the thingamy and groan. He's trying to use a local website that has no creadence at all. It's been published locally that this site is a pink unicorn. The owner is a bloke who sits in his bedroom and tries to make us and the Green Booze Company price beat each other by claiming we have cheaper prices.
To clarify: Big W might sell a tv for $50. He will state that it's available at $45. A customer goes to K-mart, and uses his site to get a cashier to sell them the tv for the price beat of $40. Customer sends him an email, so the website is updated with this as the "sale price". Then another customer goes to Big W and uses the site and gets it for $35...... rinse, repeat.
Now, imagine the above with large amounts of alcohol involved.
More local customers have spotted what's going on, mainly because my line has ground to a halt at is being diverted to other tills, and are grinning as they watch me begin to go into cattledog mode. I smile. I nod. And place my hands behind my back and away from large heavy objects, as my boss object to filling incident reports.
"Sir, that is not our site. That is a pink unicorn sneezing glitter. There is no possible way we could sell bogan brew for anything less that 9 peanuts. And I would need to confirm that."
Customer becomes more annoyed. "But the unicorn says that's the price! You have to sell it to me for 3 peanuts because your computers and tickets are wrong!"
I take a deep breath and keep a firm hold of the smokes trays. "Sir, we price match real shops and advertised prices only."
"This is advertised!" He's actually turning purple now, and I'm idily starting to worry that I might have to haul a corpse out the loading dock if his heart can't keep up.
"Sir, it's not our website! That isn't our advertising!" Bugger this, let's either make the sale, or clear the aisle mate. But I want my lane back in 5 seconds. "I won't sell it under a false price, so either accept the price on the machine or get out (yes, I really have that much power). I don't care which one you pick, just do it now."
Customer snarls and snatches his wallet off the counter. "Well, you just lost this sale! I'm going to complain to your manager about your attitude!"
(raises eyebrow insolently)
"Really?" (hikes thumb over shoulder) "That's her hiding down behind the counter there, laughing like a hyena at you. She's the one who taught ME that pink unicorns are unreliable." (turned back to counter where a line was forming after one of the muscles whisked the trolley away) "But you can feel free to complain, it'll give her a few more things to yell at me about."
He huffed and puffed but left under his own steam. Customers in line that I served were more concerned about me getting yelled at for the incident, but laughed when the MOD peeked back over the counter and grinned at them as she asked if there was a problem.
I have a very high requirement for amusement, so I just shook my head. "No, sadly. It looked like it might get exciting for a few moments, but then it died off again. All very boring really, for a pre-solstice Saturday."
She patted my hand condescendingly. "Never mind, I'm sure there'll be a riot or something between now and then. Meanwhile, just keep on selling.
--------------------------------
We never did get the riot, but one or two other amusing incidents kept us going.
It'll have to be another time though -- I've just spotted that damn wallaby hiding behind the confessional............
I bring the ritual gifts for the mighty Grave-keeper (bows low at the shrine). Here is Aussie whiskey to keep his great voice lubricated, a merino fleece jumper that he may be forever warm, and a pair of steel-capped boots, that his tootsies may have the needed power to kick buttock without damage.
There was also a sacrificial wallaby, but it seems to have escaped into the temple.
<ahem> 'Twas the weeks before solstice....
and actually, we were doing pretty good. It was a Saturday arvo, and a few petty matters were keeping me amused. The MOD was grumbling because someone had forgotten to update the safe cash trail after a delivery, so she had to go and recount everything. A customer was wittering on at the far till about wanting 40 gift cards, but she was disappointed we didn't have bubble-gum flavoured.
Anyway, I was rocking away on till 3, enjoying it all immensely, when a couple comes up with a flat-bed trolley loaded to groaning with bogan brew. Oh well, I can't convert every customer to drinking better stuff. I smiled, scanned the trolley in, and prepared to make the sale.
2 things should be noted for your information: I'm one of those odd people who likes retail and serving customers. Customer service is fun, and I enjoy it.
The second is that we have a rule that says we will beat any customers advertised price. Now, the important bit in that advertised price - I have to be able to confirm the price exists, it's a real store (no online only shops!) but you get the idea.
So, I give the total and ask how they will pay. At which point, the man scowls and takes out his i-whatever and starts waving it around, grumbling that it's supposed to be cheaper and he can prove it. The other customers and staff can smell the arrogance and the regular customers begin to settle in for the show.
I go into friendly and helpful mode and reach for The Book! The Book is a magical blue folder where we keep each weeks advertised stuff by other companies. If you want it at their price, you tell me, I confirm it, I change it, and we're both happy. So I flip through to the Green Booze Company, thinking that's what he wants, a price beat.
He waves his electro-whatsit under my nose and begins to look very annoyed. "No, you advertised it cheaper! See, here it says you're selling it for 5 peanuts!"
I look at the thingamy and groan. He's trying to use a local website that has no creadence at all. It's been published locally that this site is a pink unicorn. The owner is a bloke who sits in his bedroom and tries to make us and the Green Booze Company price beat each other by claiming we have cheaper prices.
To clarify: Big W might sell a tv for $50. He will state that it's available at $45. A customer goes to K-mart, and uses his site to get a cashier to sell them the tv for the price beat of $40. Customer sends him an email, so the website is updated with this as the "sale price". Then another customer goes to Big W and uses the site and gets it for $35...... rinse, repeat.
Now, imagine the above with large amounts of alcohol involved.
More local customers have spotted what's going on, mainly because my line has ground to a halt at is being diverted to other tills, and are grinning as they watch me begin to go into cattledog mode. I smile. I nod. And place my hands behind my back and away from large heavy objects, as my boss object to filling incident reports.
"Sir, that is not our site. That is a pink unicorn sneezing glitter. There is no possible way we could sell bogan brew for anything less that 9 peanuts. And I would need to confirm that."
Customer becomes more annoyed. "But the unicorn says that's the price! You have to sell it to me for 3 peanuts because your computers and tickets are wrong!"
I take a deep breath and keep a firm hold of the smokes trays. "Sir, we price match real shops and advertised prices only."
"This is advertised!" He's actually turning purple now, and I'm idily starting to worry that I might have to haul a corpse out the loading dock if his heart can't keep up.
"Sir, it's not our website! That isn't our advertising!" Bugger this, let's either make the sale, or clear the aisle mate. But I want my lane back in 5 seconds. "I won't sell it under a false price, so either accept the price on the machine or get out (yes, I really have that much power). I don't care which one you pick, just do it now."
Customer snarls and snatches his wallet off the counter. "Well, you just lost this sale! I'm going to complain to your manager about your attitude!"
(raises eyebrow insolently)
"Really?" (hikes thumb over shoulder) "That's her hiding down behind the counter there, laughing like a hyena at you. She's the one who taught ME that pink unicorns are unreliable." (turned back to counter where a line was forming after one of the muscles whisked the trolley away) "But you can feel free to complain, it'll give her a few more things to yell at me about."He huffed and puffed but left under his own steam. Customers in line that I served were more concerned about me getting yelled at for the incident, but laughed when the MOD peeked back over the counter and grinned at them as she asked if there was a problem.
I have a very high requirement for amusement, so I just shook my head. "No, sadly. It looked like it might get exciting for a few moments, but then it died off again. All very boring really, for a pre-solstice Saturday."
She patted my hand condescendingly. "Never mind, I'm sure there'll be a riot or something between now and then. Meanwhile, just keep on selling.
--------------------------------
We never did get the riot, but one or two other amusing incidents kept us going.
It'll have to be another time though -- I've just spotted that damn wallaby hiding behind the confessional............
(Hahn is questionable)
from another Aussie. I'm your rival from interstate. 
Or rather, my paternal relatives are bogans.
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