Abandon all Memory and/or Planning, Ye Who Enter Here

[SecurityWench]

Is it just me, or people seem to have a really big problem with not having what they essentially need to go to the grocery store? Or have what they need but no clue on how to use it?

You're old enough, BUT...

Dear customers:

I realize you need your smokes. I realize you enjoy your alcohol. I can also see that you are of the correct age to buy these things from looking at your ID. However, your ID expired in 2009, and I cannot take it. No, really. Expired ID does not work.

Please refrain from pitching a big fit that makes me doubt how old it says you are.

No love,
Your friendly neighborhood grocery wench

--

Such an impeccable sense of timing you have!

Dear forgetful customer,

You had a significantly large order. As in a $350 order. No big deal, I handle those several times a day. You paid with a debit card. Again, no big deal, debit cards are good and useful. However, after I handed you your receipt, you told me that you had made a mistake and should've used your food stamp card instead of your debit. And I quote, "I really neeeeed to use this card, or my wife will be really mad."

I had a delightful time refunding all that food for you so that you could use the card you forgot to use the first time.

Hoping a brain transplant comes your way,
Wenchy McWencherstein

--

We can hold it for you, BUT...

Customers, lend me your ears! (I'll return 'em, I promise):

I realize shit happens, I realize sometimes you forget your purse/wallet/card/etc. It's happened to everybody. Sure, we can hold it for you. And we can hold it for you for a whole half hour. I remember to tell you this up front.

Please, when I do this, remember the following:

a) Actually come back
b) Don't show up in two hours and then get upset at me when all your items have been returned to the shelves

Hoping you'll get some reason into that noggin of yours,
Me

P.S. People who leave stuff on/near the belt and then wander off without saying anything to me? Don't be pissed when I put the items back in the fifteen minutes that you were gone. Thank you.

If it's a basket, it's gonna be a return bin!

To the customers who put mostly perishable items in the little red baskets at the end of my register/in the magazines/in the soda coolers/on random shelves/outside my line of sight until it's spoiled and leaked everywhere....

FUCK YOU.

Go walk on legos,
The redhead cashier who will go crazy on your ass if she catches you

--

This isn't a complex topic.

Forgetful customers (I'm sensing a theme here),

I realize you have forgotten your PIN number. We have a handy credit function that will get you out of that jam lickety-split. When you try to use credit, please do not do the following:

a) Look aghast and shout "I don't siiiiiign anything!"
b) Get mad at me because you can't get cashback
c) Ask me at the signature screen "Do I hit enter or clear?"

Please learn to chill out,
The increasingly cynical girl behind the register

--

Now multiply each of those by 10 and you have a clue of what my days have been like. -_-

[Draco]

If it's a basket, it's gonna be a return bin!

To the customers who put mostly perishable items in the little red baskets at the end of my register/in the magazines/in the soda coolers/on random shelves/outside my line of sight until it's spoiled and leaked everywhere....

FUCK YOU.

Go walk on legos,
The redhead cashier who will go crazy on your ass if she catches you

Oh, I know exactly how it goes. Almost daily. And I -hate- the above. Be it at the UScan or at register, it happens far too much.

I do admit, it's great when you catch them doing it. They look like a deer stuck in headlights.

[simplyanother]

We don't really sell anything perishable at the craft store, I think the candy by the registers is at least 3 years old, and only gets purchased by employees (with a coupon), diabetics who are goingtodieRIGHTNOW if they don't have sugar (during Christmas), and random kids... Anyway, people are forever trying to creatively tuck shit into the candy, or under the thingy that holds the gift cards. I'm standing RIGHT here, hand it to me. It's not even like we have belts or anything. The furthest away you can be from me, and at my register is like 2 feet. Stop shoving random crap into the candy. "oh, I didn't know".Liar.

[Andara Bledin]

To the customers who put mostly perishable items in the little red baskets at the end of my register/in the magazines/in the soda coolers/on random shelves/outside my line of sight until it's spoiled and leaked everywhere....

When I spot these douchebags, I make a point of giving them a hard time for abandoning their product (especially when it's perishable). So far, the couple of times when it has been perishable, the people involved were so embarrassed, they ended up buying the items anyway. Fools.

Any time I spot anything stuffed in the impulse buy racks, I'll rescue it and hand it to the cashier. Stupid idiot shoppers; is it really so terrible to let the cashier (who likely won't remember you 30 minutes later) know that you realized you didn't really want whatever that item you abandoned was?

^-.-^

[Ironclad Alibi]

Go walk on legos

Oh those poor Legos. Send them to me (the Legos, not the SCs) and I'll give them a good home.

[BuffySummers]

I'm the dumbass who managed to leave the house w/o ID, and then tried to buy a case of really nice Sam Adams winter varietals. . .but when I got carded, and realized my mistake, I apologized to the cashier, and thanked her profusely when she apologized and said she had to card anyone who looked under 30. UNDER 30!!! I nearly cried, I was so touched she thought I looked under 30. *sigh*

So, I'd like to apologize to you for the ID-less idiots.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

That was pretty much last Saturday for me on the register all day . . . busy as Hell (it was the Day before SuperBowl Sunday, after all) and it did seem as if half our customers left their brains at home.

Special kudos go out to the two young girls who came in near the end of my shift and tried to use a card but couldn't remember the PIN, then looked at ME like I was supposed to give them that PIN or something.

Needless to say, my crystal ball was in the shop over the weekend so I didn't have that info for them. But I didn't need one to tell me they weren't coming back either.

[CrystalynRose]

c) Ask me at the signature screen "Do I hit enter or clear?"

I swear I hear this question at least 30 times in every shift. And its all I can do not to ask them if they're stupid or just lack reading comprehension. I don't know what it is about the card swipers/screens that make people just completely lose whatever intelligence they may have.

[MoonCat]

I swear I hear this question at least 30 times in every shift. And its all I can do not to ask them if they're stupid or just lack reading comprehension. I don't know what it is about the card swipers/screens that make people just completely lose whatever intelligence they may have.

It's the fact that every single store you go into has a different system. Sign, don't sign. Credit button, no credit button/hit cancel. Debit only/credit only/take your pick. As soon as I memorize which store has which system, the store changes to something else.

[Food Lady]

I've run into all these issues, and I don't even work in a grocery store.

[Anthelle]

Yes! Finding random preishable objects all over the store was a big pet peeve when I worked a grocery store.
What are they thinking?
Don't feel like that ham anymore? Why not just leave it on the shelf with the laundry powder.
Just remember you have apples at home? Hide them behind some chocolate.
Just got a call and need to leave? Walk off and leave your full trolley in the middle of the store and don't tell anyone. Bonus points if you come back hours later (after someone realises the cart has been unattended for a while and wastes the dripping mess) and complain about having to do your shopping again.

[MystyGlyttyr]

I admit, I have occasionally been exhausted at the end of a trip and I decided I don't need to buy this butter/cream/whatever now...but at the VERY least I will leave it in a cooler SOMEWHERE. It might be next to the pizza, but at the very least it won't spoil from temperature. And even that is when I am literally exhausted and/or in pain and can't walk the quarter mile back to where it came from (honestly, that could be a whole thread itself, why do the two refrigerated sections have to be so damn far apart? Why can't they all be together?). Otherwise I walk it back before I check out.

Non-perishable stuff...yeah, once or twice I've left it laying on top of the counter or something if I last-second changed my mind, but only when there was nowhere/no one around for me to put it (I use self-check almost exclusively because I don't do well on talking to people).

[barnone]

My red head sister I soooooo feel your agony. Maybe you can tell me where you're located so one day I can come and spend the day in your line just slapping all of the dumb ass customers.

[manybellsdown]

I feel like this happens at the Post Office. That's why the line is always so long - everyone forgets basic things when they get there. Like their ZIP CODE.

[XCashier]

I am very glad that I work in a store that doesn't sell perishable goods or age-restricted items. That does cut down the number of flakes. Note I said "cut down", not "eliminate".

We get many forgetful people. So many folks are so excited about their new craft or sewing project, they just want to rush out to buy fabric now now now! But they forget a few things:

1. Measuring whatever they're making it for.
2. Buying or drawing up a pattern.
3. Figuring out exactly how much fabric/yarn/whatever is needed.
4. Reading the labels on the fabric bolts to figure out if the fabric is right for the project. (No, the dry-clean-only 100% silk dupioni is not suitable for children's play clothes!)

They also forget their coupons. "Oh, I forgot my coupon!" and they look at me all expectantly, like I can magic one up for them. Yes, we do get coupons in the store, on Sunday. By Monday afternoon (at the latest), they're all gone. Sorry, you're out of luck.

It's the fact that every single store you go into has a different system. Sign, don't sign. Credit button, no credit button/hit cancel. Debit only/credit only/take your pick. As soon as I memorize which store has which system, the store changes to something else.

I understand that it's annoying. That's why I carefully read and follow the instructions on the screen. That said, they changed my store's system. Used to be when you ran a credit card, you'd sign the screen and tap the "done" button on the screen. Most people couldn't figure that out; they all pressed the green "enter" button on the keypad instead. So now they've reprogrammed the screen so that the "done" button is gone and you have to use the green "enter" button. And now the customers are looking for the "done" button on the screen!