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So the past six months I have been working for Call Center doing a contract for a leading Canadian Financial Institution. While I have gotten a few really great stories out of the experience, I didn't have the opportunity to post them because I really tried to avoid thinking about this job when I am not at work. It is a very stupid job, check out my post about rules in "Morons in Management". However, I finally have see the light at the end of the tunnel and I plan to leave in a few months. So I thought I might as well start dumping out my stories. I hope you all enjoy.
I am telling you I am me!
So the bank that I'm working for has really hard core security measures before we can help our customer's do any banking. They either need to provide a special security code, or they have to answers a range of security questions. The questions are divided into questions about the customer personally, and questions about their banking practices. Many of the people who call in get really pissed off by the questions. We change the questions every few months so fraudsters won't be able to answer them, but this just angers the customers.
A lot of them demand why we need to ask so many questions, some complain about the contents of the question, but most people have one response.
"Look, I am me! That's it. Stop asking stupid questions and just tell me what I want to know." Or some variation of that phrase. I don't know what they are expecting that I will suddenly shout "Oh my god, of course you are Mr. Smith. No one except Mr. Smith would loudly and angrily announce they are Mr. Smith."
I would love to know what they would say if their account go frauded. "Well Mr. Smith, the person who was calling in angrily yell that he was you, and that was all the proof that we needed."
...Oh but of course we still love YOU, Hina!
I don't really find this sucky, so much as hilarious. At least one call a day, I will get really irate customer who will spend the better part of the call screaming their head off at me about how evil the bank is. They will curse three ways to Sunday about ever little sin the bank has commited. This will usually go on for a while, but it always the same way. The rant starts to wind down and I get the following we speach; "Oh, but this has nothing to do with you Hina. You are such a sweet, intelligent, wonderful young woman. I understand that you are just doing your job, so I hope you can understand why I hate that vile bank you work for. I hope you have an amazing day, and a wonderful life. All your dreams will come true. You are a peach, and you have the patience of a saint."
At that point all I can do it thank the customer and end the call. It is such a huge change in tone, that I usually have to put myself on hold for a minute after they customer hangs up to laugh.
You are TORTURING the daughter of a murder victim
One of the first calls I got.
Me= Welcome to Canadian Bank, this is Hina. How can I help you?
Customer= Hi. I am in Jamaica right now, for my dad's funeral. I am having trouble getting money from the ATM. Can you help?
Me= No problem. Can I just ask you some security questions to verify your account?
Customer No problem.
So I proceed to ask her a few security questions, and sadly the girl gets them all wrong.
Me= I'm so sorry. But I wasn't able to verify your account with the questions I was given, Normally I'd advise you to step into a branch but...
Customer's boyfriend(grabs the phone from girl)= Why won't you fix my girlfriend's card?
Me= I can't really discuss her financial information with you but...
Boyfriend= Don't you understand that her father was Murdered two weeks ago and that is why we are in Jamaica for the funeral.
Me= Well...
Boyfriend= You are TORTURING the daughter of a muder victim! (hangs up)
You are doing this on purpose
There are some customer's who understand that I am just doing my job when they call in. There are others who think I have some sort of vendetta against them personally.
Me=Welcome to Canadian Bank. My name is Hina how can I help you?
Girl= Yeah I need my balance.
Me= No problem I just need to ask you some security questions to verify your account.
girl=whatever
Me= (asks a variety of security questions that the girl gets wrong) I'm sorry, but at this time I'm not able to verify your account, so I will have to ask you to step into a branch.
Girl=No, I am not doing that. It's f-in cold out and I'm not running all the day to the GD bank. Tell me my balance.
Me= Unfortunately I couldn't verify your account so...
Girl=F you! You just don't believe I'm me. So you are just f-in with me because you are hateful.
Me= No I am just following the rules and...
Girl= You are a BITCH!
Me=In my head= And that's the magic word! (Hangs up)
Two Suzies!
Me=Welcome to canadian bank, my name is hina. Can I get your name?
Girl= Suzie Marshall**fake name
Me=Okay Ms. Marshall can I ask you some security questions?
girl= No problem.
Me= Question one?
Girl= 97
Voice in the background= No it'd 2002.
Girl=Ooops sorry. here she's right behind me so I'll just give her the phone.
Girl 2= Hey
Me= Hello, may I ask who I am speaking with?
Girl= Suzie Marshall
Not suspicious at all
Me= (Spiel)
Girl= Hey I just wanted to check my balance.
me=(notices a man's account has populated) Sure, can i get your bank number?
Girl=#######
Me= Tahnks (types in the number, the same profile comes up)
Could I ger your name please?
Girl= Walter Crenshaw
Me= Unfortunately Mr. Crenshaw your account information didn't come up. I'm going to have to ask you to step into a branch.
Girl= What's the problem?
me= I'm not sure, but if you go into the branch they can fix it. Thank you for calling Canadian Bank.
Girl= Okay. (To person in the room) Hey walt, CB says that your card is broken.
....yeah that's not the least bit suspicious.
Spare some change?
I am always amazed by the number of people who just call up the bank and ask if we can give them money. Not if they can apply for a credit product, or if we can cash an investment, or transfer money. No. They want to know if the bank will GIVE them money. One customer actually asked one of my CW's if he would put $1000.00 in her account. When he said no she replied that she must not be with the right bank. I would love to know what the "right bank" would be. Is is the First Bank of Miracles and Dreams?
I guess GK's Customer's need to bank somewhere
This is another one of my very first calls. The moment it started getting weird, all I could think was; "So this is where GK's customers bank." This is kind of condensed because it was long, and it happend almost half a year ago.
Me=Welcome to Canadian Bank, my name is Hina. How may I assist you?
customer= Yes, I had a question about ABMs.
Me= No problem
Customer=See I was depositing into an ABM when, you see this friend of mine had the same problem. Because the abms are owned by the banks and the banks are in cahoots with the RCMP. See they banks get the RCMP to break in and shred all their documents and steal their money, and then they report it and the RCMP covers it up. I know, I used to be married to one of those vile cops. They just break into places and steal stuff all the time, then they pretend it never happened and taht they had a warrant in the first place. Because the politicians in toronto are plotting something. They put feces in our drinking water. YOU know what they are planning, YOU have experience it. We are drinking shit because that's what the mayor of Toronto wants us to do. He and the banks...
Me=(twenty minutes later) Um....do you have a banking concern?
Customer= Oh yes. You see I had a question about the ABMs at your branches, because the RCMP are planning on stealing all the money. They put shit in our drinking water your know and...
Me=Unfortunately, I am going to have to end this call because it is the end of my shift.
I spend that whole call laughing so hard my coworkers thought I was crying, it wasn't until she started making more pointed remarks at me that I got a little worried.
Well if you aren't going to give it to me, I don't want it
Me= (spiel)
Caller= I was just wondering if I have any offers on my account for a Line of Credit?
Me= Unfortunately, you don't right now. But you have offers for other products, so I'm sure if we do an application for the line of credit you'll be approved.
Calller= Oh I don't want to do an application. I don't even want a line of credit. I just wanted to know if I had an offer.
Me=Okay...
Caller= You see, Other Bank, who I'm not even a customer yet sent me a letter offering me a Line of credit. So I wanted to see if CB, who I am a customer with, would do the same. But you didn't so I'm going to leave the bank.
Me= As I said, you do have credit offers so we could just...
Caller= NO I don't want that! I want you to OFFER me a Line of Credit. Because you didn't I am leaving CB! (hangs up)
How about I come see you sometime?
I get a lot of offers from customers that want to come visit me. They keep offering to come out East and have me give them a "personal" tour. I remind them that the call is recorded, but they make some impressive offers they say can just be "our little secret". I'm really not sure why they find Overdraft Protection so seductive. But I really wish it would stop. (shudder)
This isn't your fault, but it is totally your fault
So the other day my systems messed up and I wouldn't use my softphone at all. The worst part was that calls kept coming in on my hardphone, while one of the managers tried to get me logged out. We had no way to prevent the calls from coming in, so I just had to continually tell people that unfortunately my system was down and I couldn't help them. They would have to call back. One customer really didn't like that.
Me= Welcome to Canada Bank. My name is Hina, and my system is malfunctioning. So I can't actually take your call, you will have to call back. I apologize for this major inconvience, if I could help you I would.
Customer= That's it I quit CB.
Me= Don't quit the bank because of me.
Customer= I am not quitting because of you Hina. I'm quitting the bank because you can't help me.
Me= I really can't help the fact that my system is glitching.
Customer= Oh no I totally understand. It's not your fault your computer isn't working, but CB sent me to an agent who's computer isn't working. So I quit the bank. (hangs up)
I have to do what is right for ME
So I was in the middle of doing a product switch on a customer's Visa. We were changing his card from our basic card to our most advanced card. I was in the middle of the last disclaimed when the customer announces:
Customer= I have a question for a the Visa department.
Me= Of course Mr. Customer. I will send you over to them once we finish this product switch, and we do the other ten requests you asked of me.
customer= No I think I want to talk to your visa department now.
Me=Mr. customer, we are almost done the product switch, and there are still all those other things that you asked me to do.
Customer= it's fine I'll just get them to transfer me back to your department after I ask my question.
Me= Did you want to finish the product transfer first?
Customer= No, I have to do what's best for me. And right now that's talking to Vissa. Right now!
Me= Okay. (transfers)
I do it better
One of the rules about working for Canadian Bank is that you have to have an account with them, and your pay cheques get deposited into that account. There is also a security feature on Staff accounts which makes them totally invisible to other CB staff. Which seems really awesome because that way none of your coworkers can see your financial information, but it's a real PITA if you get a staffer calling. Instead of just looking over their profile, asking a few questions, and doing their banking for them. You have to use a pile of back passage tricks in order to find the simplest information, like their chequing account. So a girl who is also inbound customer service calls in, and asks if I can do something on her account. Now maybe she is just better than me, or maybe she has just never gotten a staff account, but in the middle of me doing the alterations to her account, she announces to a person standing next to her.
"My God, when I do {activity} it never takes me THIS long."
Me:
Is there anythign else I can do for you?
SC Staffer= Um....no thank you. Thank will be all. thanks
Me= Okay have an amazing day and tahnk you for calling CB!
(In my Head: I hope you get a monsoon of SCs during your next shift.)
Alrgith so I have a ton of other stories from the past six months that I can't recall right now. I'll try to get them compiled and posted as soon as possible. Plus I'm sure I will encounter a ton more SCs before I actually get to leave Call Center.
I am telling you I am me!
So the bank that I'm working for has really hard core security measures before we can help our customer's do any banking. They either need to provide a special security code, or they have to answers a range of security questions. The questions are divided into questions about the customer personally, and questions about their banking practices. Many of the people who call in get really pissed off by the questions. We change the questions every few months so fraudsters won't be able to answer them, but this just angers the customers.
A lot of them demand why we need to ask so many questions, some complain about the contents of the question, but most people have one response.
"Look, I am me! That's it. Stop asking stupid questions and just tell me what I want to know." Or some variation of that phrase. I don't know what they are expecting that I will suddenly shout "Oh my god, of course you are Mr. Smith. No one except Mr. Smith would loudly and angrily announce they are Mr. Smith."
I would love to know what they would say if their account go frauded. "Well Mr. Smith, the person who was calling in angrily yell that he was you, and that was all the proof that we needed."
...Oh but of course we still love YOU, Hina!
I don't really find this sucky, so much as hilarious. At least one call a day, I will get really irate customer who will spend the better part of the call screaming their head off at me about how evil the bank is. They will curse three ways to Sunday about ever little sin the bank has commited. This will usually go on for a while, but it always the same way. The rant starts to wind down and I get the following we speach; "Oh, but this has nothing to do with you Hina. You are such a sweet, intelligent, wonderful young woman. I understand that you are just doing your job, so I hope you can understand why I hate that vile bank you work for. I hope you have an amazing day, and a wonderful life. All your dreams will come true. You are a peach, and you have the patience of a saint."
At that point all I can do it thank the customer and end the call. It is such a huge change in tone, that I usually have to put myself on hold for a minute after they customer hangs up to laugh.
You are TORTURING the daughter of a murder victim
One of the first calls I got.
Me= Welcome to Canadian Bank, this is Hina. How can I help you?
Customer= Hi. I am in Jamaica right now, for my dad's funeral. I am having trouble getting money from the ATM. Can you help?
Me= No problem. Can I just ask you some security questions to verify your account?
Customer No problem.
So I proceed to ask her a few security questions, and sadly the girl gets them all wrong.
Me= I'm so sorry. But I wasn't able to verify your account with the questions I was given, Normally I'd advise you to step into a branch but...
Customer's boyfriend(grabs the phone from girl)= Why won't you fix my girlfriend's card?
Me= I can't really discuss her financial information with you but...
Boyfriend= Don't you understand that her father was Murdered two weeks ago and that is why we are in Jamaica for the funeral.
Me= Well...
Boyfriend= You are TORTURING the daughter of a muder victim! (hangs up)
You are doing this on purpose
There are some customer's who understand that I am just doing my job when they call in. There are others who think I have some sort of vendetta against them personally.
Me=Welcome to Canadian Bank. My name is Hina how can I help you?
Girl= Yeah I need my balance.
Me= No problem I just need to ask you some security questions to verify your account.
girl=whatever
Me= (asks a variety of security questions that the girl gets wrong) I'm sorry, but at this time I'm not able to verify your account, so I will have to ask you to step into a branch.
Girl=No, I am not doing that. It's f-in cold out and I'm not running all the day to the GD bank. Tell me my balance.
Me= Unfortunately I couldn't verify your account so...
Girl=F you! You just don't believe I'm me. So you are just f-in with me because you are hateful.
Me= No I am just following the rules and...
Girl= You are a BITCH!
Me=In my head= And that's the magic word! (Hangs up)
Two Suzies!
Me=Welcome to canadian bank, my name is hina. Can I get your name?
Girl= Suzie Marshall**fake name
Me=Okay Ms. Marshall can I ask you some security questions?
girl= No problem.
Me= Question one?
Girl= 97
Voice in the background= No it'd 2002.
Girl=Ooops sorry. here she's right behind me so I'll just give her the phone.
Girl 2= Hey
Me= Hello, may I ask who I am speaking with?
Girl= Suzie Marshall
Not suspicious at all
Me= (Spiel)
Girl= Hey I just wanted to check my balance.
me=(notices a man's account has populated) Sure, can i get your bank number?
Girl=#######
Me= Tahnks (types in the number, the same profile comes up)
Could I ger your name please?Girl= Walter Crenshaw
Me=
Unfortunately Mr. Crenshaw your account information didn't come up. I'm going to have to ask you to step into a branch.Girl= What's the problem?
me= I'm not sure, but if you go into the branch they can fix it. Thank you for calling Canadian Bank.
Girl= Okay. (To person in the room) Hey walt, CB says that your card is broken.
....yeah that's not the least bit suspicious.
Spare some change?
I am always amazed by the number of people who just call up the bank and ask if we can give them money. Not if they can apply for a credit product, or if we can cash an investment, or transfer money. No. They want to know if the bank will GIVE them money. One customer actually asked one of my CW's if he would put $1000.00 in her account. When he said no she replied that she must not be with the right bank. I would love to know what the "right bank" would be. Is is the First Bank of Miracles and Dreams?
I guess GK's Customer's need to bank somewhere
This is another one of my very first calls. The moment it started getting weird, all I could think was; "So this is where GK's customers bank." This is kind of condensed because it was long, and it happend almost half a year ago.
Me=Welcome to Canadian Bank, my name is Hina. How may I assist you?
customer= Yes, I had a question about ABMs.
Me= No problem
Customer=See I was depositing into an ABM when, you see this friend of mine had the same problem. Because the abms are owned by the banks and the banks are in cahoots with the RCMP. See they banks get the RCMP to break in and shred all their documents and steal their money, and then they report it and the RCMP covers it up. I know, I used to be married to one of those vile cops. They just break into places and steal stuff all the time, then they pretend it never happened and taht they had a warrant in the first place. Because the politicians in toronto are plotting something. They put feces in our drinking water. YOU know what they are planning, YOU have experience it. We are drinking shit because that's what the mayor of Toronto wants us to do. He and the banks...
Me=(twenty minutes later) Um....do you have a banking concern?
Customer= Oh yes. You see I had a question about the ABMs at your branches, because the RCMP are planning on stealing all the money. They put shit in our drinking water your know and...
Me=Unfortunately, I am going to have to end this call because it is the end of my shift.
I spend that whole call laughing so hard my coworkers thought I was crying, it wasn't until she started making more pointed remarks at me that I got a little worried.
Well if you aren't going to give it to me, I don't want it
Me= (spiel)
Caller= I was just wondering if I have any offers on my account for a Line of Credit?
Me= Unfortunately, you don't right now. But you have offers for other products, so I'm sure if we do an application for the line of credit you'll be approved.
Calller= Oh I don't want to do an application. I don't even want a line of credit. I just wanted to know if I had an offer.
Me=Okay...
Caller= You see, Other Bank, who I'm not even a customer yet sent me a letter offering me a Line of credit. So I wanted to see if CB, who I am a customer with, would do the same. But you didn't so I'm going to leave the bank.
Me= As I said, you do have credit offers so we could just...
Caller= NO I don't want that! I want you to OFFER me a Line of Credit. Because you didn't I am leaving CB! (hangs up)
How about I come see you sometime?
I get a lot of offers from customers that want to come visit me. They keep offering to come out East and have me give them a "personal" tour. I remind them that the call is recorded, but they make some impressive offers they say can just be "our little secret". I'm really not sure why they find Overdraft Protection so seductive. But I really wish it would stop. (shudder)
This isn't your fault, but it is totally your fault
So the other day my systems messed up and I wouldn't use my softphone at all. The worst part was that calls kept coming in on my hardphone, while one of the managers tried to get me logged out. We had no way to prevent the calls from coming in, so I just had to continually tell people that unfortunately my system was down and I couldn't help them. They would have to call back. One customer really didn't like that.
Me= Welcome to Canada Bank. My name is Hina, and my system is malfunctioning. So I can't actually take your call, you will have to call back. I apologize for this major inconvience, if I could help you I would.
Customer= That's it I quit CB.
Me= Don't quit the bank because of me.
Customer= I am not quitting because of you Hina. I'm quitting the bank because you can't help me.
Me= I really can't help the fact that my system is glitching.
Customer= Oh no I totally understand. It's not your fault your computer isn't working, but CB sent me to an agent who's computer isn't working. So I quit the bank. (hangs up)
I have to do what is right for ME
So I was in the middle of doing a product switch on a customer's Visa. We were changing his card from our basic card to our most advanced card. I was in the middle of the last disclaimed when the customer announces:
Customer= I have a question for a the Visa department.
Me= Of course Mr. Customer. I will send you over to them once we finish this product switch, and we do the other ten requests you asked of me.
customer= No I think I want to talk to your visa department now.
Me=Mr. customer, we are almost done the product switch, and there are still all those other things that you asked me to do.
Customer= it's fine I'll just get them to transfer me back to your department after I ask my question.
Me= Did you want to finish the product transfer first?
Customer= No, I have to do what's best for me. And right now that's talking to Vissa. Right now!
Me= Okay. (transfers)
I do it better
One of the rules about working for Canadian Bank is that you have to have an account with them, and your pay cheques get deposited into that account. There is also a security feature on Staff accounts which makes them totally invisible to other CB staff. Which seems really awesome because that way none of your coworkers can see your financial information, but it's a real PITA if you get a staffer calling. Instead of just looking over their profile, asking a few questions, and doing their banking for them. You have to use a pile of back passage tricks in order to find the simplest information, like their chequing account. So a girl who is also inbound customer service calls in, and asks if I can do something on her account. Now maybe she is just better than me, or maybe she has just never gotten a staff account, but in the middle of me doing the alterations to her account, she announces to a person standing next to her.
"My God, when I do {activity} it never takes me THIS long."
Me:
Is there anythign else I can do for you?SC Staffer= Um....no thank you. Thank will be all. thanks
Me= Okay have an amazing day and tahnk you for calling CB!
(In my Head: I hope you get a monsoon of SCs during your next shift.)The End, for now
Alrgith so I have a ton of other stories from the past six months that I can't recall right now. I'll try to get them compiled and posted as soon as possible. Plus I'm sure I will encounter a ton more SCs before I actually get to leave Call Center.
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