why can we not ban you?

[chainedbarista]

i'd almost forgotten this 'special' case sc...almost.

she's a walking stereotype for trailer trash everywhere:

missing most of her teeth
loud and obnoxious
demanding
abusive and rude
expects a whole lot for next to nothing (preferrably nothing)
dirty
slovenly
gramatically challenged
possibly drunk/high or both

round one and round two occur in the same way (a deja vu event), her plodding up to the register dumbly, like a cow (a brain dead cow), and ordering her drink, which is one of the few coherent things she managed to say during her visit.

i want a caramel macchiata, three, ONLY three ice cubes-you unnerstand that, ONLY three ice cubes, got it, 'cuz i'm gonna split it up when i gets home, a cup of ice and as much caramel as you can fit in the cup, and caramel syrup, not that vanilla stuff. (say this in the loudest, nastiest tone possible, with minimal slurring)

i proceed to make the drink, thinking, when have i done this before, only to realise, to my horror, that this is the crazy witch from a few months back that made me see beyond red (the worst customer in my history of working).

she begins to throw a tantrum before she leaves the register, howling incoherently about how it's wrong already, that's not enough caramel-my temper readout is already reaching red, and it hasn't even been a minute yet. after a few more seconds, my limit has been breached-i turn to my manager and ask him if i can take my break now (and i mean right now, because i'm about to kill this waste of tissue and precious oxygen) so i can cool off, because homicide isn't the answer (or worth my time).

he takes over, she continues to rant, trying to enlist the aid of other customers in her selfishness, stupidity and greed, who are actually watching her with a mixture of revulsion, horror and fascination, much like someone would watch an interview with a serial killer.

after she leaves, i'm calm again; however, i ask (and this is a first time in over three years of this job, so it's damned bad) if we can ban her, based on the abuse she heaps on us whenever we're inflicted with her patronage.

he asks if i felt it was that bad (would hell yes work?) since it was a first time? i tell him that this is the second time (that i'm aware of) and that she has been like this, and it's simply beyond abuse, and shouldn't be tolerated. he says that we should consider that maybe she's mentally ill.

mentally ill my ass, try meth fried; the incoherence and need for that much sugar? says some sort of drug addiction to me, not mental illness, and even if it were, she's not just abusive, but creating a hostile enviornment for all, not just employees, but for other customers. guh...

[Whyme]

What is it about caramel that turns people into psychopaths? Back in the day when I worked for the All Seeing Siren, I would have completely normal looking people get a homicidal look in their eye, lean over the counter and say "When I say extra caramel, I mean EXTRA!" Then watch us carefully while we made their drink, already saying "That's not enough caramel!" before we even put down the caramel bottle. Some people were just scary about it.

So the woman isn't going to be banned?

[Myra]

I was watching an episode of the show "True Life" on MTV. This one was about meth addicts. One of the people they profiled was a guy whose fiancee gave him an ultimatum: quit the meth, or she was leaving. So he set about to do it, and one of the things he used to wean himself of meth was super-strong coffee. They showed him going into a coffee shop and getting this double-super espresso something in a tall glass. He said the caffiene gives him the energy boost he was used to from the meth.

Moral of my story: it's pretty believeable that this psycho lady could be a meth head in need of a fix.

[Mr. Crow]

Call me callous if you wish, but what difference does it matter if she is nut? No one should have to put up with that, weather they are a meth head or mentally ill.

But I guess that is just me being narrow minded again.

[Tutorgal]

I used to work there as well and nothing set people off like that stupid bottle of caramel. The actual recipe called for only a small amount drizzled on the top, but most people wanted at least a quarter, if not more, of the squeeze bottle. Technically we were supposed to charge extra for that, but they would freak out if we tried to charge them.

And then there was the skim milk/extra caramel issue. We had these skinny little teenage girls come in all the time and just twig at the thought that we had snuck whole milk into their coffee (hello, paranoia!) but at the same time get all pissy if we didnt put a ridiculous amount of caramel in there as well.

Let's not even talk about the ones who also ordered that skim milk/tons of caramel drink with sugar free vanilla syrup instead of regular.

[Barista_Babe]

I used to work there as well and nothing set people off like that stupid bottle of caramel. The actual recipe called for only a small amount drizzled on the top, but most people wanted at least a quarter, if not more, of the squeeze bottle. Technically we were supposed to charge extra for that, but they would freak out if we tried to charge them.

Oh god..the friggin caramel!! I don't work for the green apron another special pit of coffee cafe hell...I have this group of women (HUGE sc's, my heart drops when the herd walks in the door) who literally lean halfway over the counter "I want one of those machi-whatevers...and don't be trying to gyp me with the syrup! I want it sweet--not coffee tastin', ya'know *thinks to self--your teeth will rot with the REGULAR amount and why are you ordering an expresso drink if you don't want to taste at least a little*"
Argh. It makes me long for my old cafe with the caramel sauce that gave pretty much whoever ate a severe need to use the bathroom. Extra "Ca-Ca-Caramel" was a special treat for our deserving SC's...

[zzapp the witch]

Mr. Crow

Asked bipolar bf. Nope, you're not narrow minded, just holding people to a standard. Says to do your best to be understanding because sometimes the mentally ill really can't control it, its like they're watching themselves be idiots and they can't do anything about it, and they probably won't have any idea later of what they did. They literally won't remember.

Oh, and don't make any sudden movements or look them in the eye or talk overly loud. Its startling and confrontational. And watch how apes and wolves interact on the Discovery Channel, it'll save you some trouble at some point.

/end pointless and semi-informative blah session

(and I understand the point-of-view, I'm quite the callous bitch, too).

[Imogene]

Okay, I admit to being a slave to Grenadine. Few restaurants here in Texas know how to make a proper Roy Roger. They'll use mostly coke and add a dash of grenadine at the end. You can hardly taste the grenadine that way.

I'll also admit to enjoying caramel flavored stuffs. However, I do NOT get antsy about it.

[chainedbarista]

i've never understood why these psychos seem to think that a measly $0.35 should purchase a whole bottle of caramel and why it triggers some funky type of psychosis in this particular flavor fandom.

she is one creepy/scary/tweaked out freak; i hate her and that also says something. most sc's just irritate me, but this one tripped the hatred meter on full.

i used to get the extra caramel but was never rude about it; what was put in was always good enough for me, but now, just the thought of some of these drinks make me nauseated. why not grab a sack of sugar and a spoon instead?

i don't think she'll get banned; she doesn't come around that often, but whenever she does, all hell breaks loose. even for the infrequent customer, she's enough of a headache to merit a ban, but there's that silly 'just say yes' creedo we have to stick by...even if it means we have to take abuse from a total waste of space.

i had to leave because i seriously wanted to kill this crazy scheisse sack.

[AZangel]

I've frequented many coffee establishments and not one has cheated me on the caramel. I don't know how people can stand that much sugar anyway.

[Bloodsoul]

All of a sudden I'm glad that I only have a mild interest in caramel. Sometimes even the amount in one candybar is too much. O.o

[JuniorMintz]

HA, my sister's ex boyfriend works at Starbucks and he swears that the caramel people are the nuttiest people he's *ever* had to deal with.

I rarely order drinks with caramel myself, but whenever I do feel like an iced mocha with a caramel drizzle, it always seems like the barista's go on guard thinking I'm going to go nutty on them too. Not that I blame them, LOL. I just thank them and go about my business. It's just caramel, people! And frankly, who needs that much in their drink, anyway? The thought of drinking that much grosses me out...

[powerboy]

You would love me as a customer, I hate caramel. I never will understand, why is it that the little things, that pisses people off

[scary cary]

i feel you man. at our store we ask them how much extra they want and they'll usually respond with 1/4 inch or 1/2 inch. disgusting i know, but that way we're spared the "not enough caramel" tirade.

[counterjockey]

kinda OT, but I have a question and here are most if not all of the appropriate experts:

I go to my regular coffee joint (locally owned, but similar enough to a S-bucks in quality, price, variety of drinks and so on) and get a $1.65 medium dark roast coffee. On rare occasions I go for a cafe au lait but I'm consistent enough they usually don't even need to ask.

Would you say I'm a relief to the baristas because I have one simple order that doesn't take hardly any prep work (I put in two packets of sugar and a little half-n-half myself) or do you think they'd rather have me get one of the fancy double-mocha-big dollop of whipped cream jobs at $3 or $4?

I myself would say that if one is so obsessive over the preparation of their coffee then maybe they should buy the equipment and procure the ingredients to fix it them-fucking-selves, but that'd be *gasp* sensible