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Come closer and you will see, two towing stories I have for thee....
STORY 1
Global Domination Reality, one of our larger clients, has a rule in their leasing agreement. It states that if you have a car, you must have it up to date on state registration and state inspection if applicable. This is a standard clause just about everywhere you rent intended to keep people from parking/abandoning junk cars or storing their friends project/parts car at their apartment. Most of the time, it's not actively enforced. Most places are live and let live and won't get too bent out of shape at any car that at least moves under it's own power, doesn't leak too much fluid, and stays in it's assigned spot.
Well, seems that one of the Global maintenance guys was out in the first bit of spring weather this week cutting the grass and was appalled at the number of cars he encountered with long-lapsed registrations. Also he found at least two cars that had clearly been wrecked, limped into the parking lot, and left to expire. And we're not just talking dented fenders and scraped paint, we're talking flat tires, headlights smashed out, windshields broken and hoods more bent out of shape than my libertarian Uncle in a Tax Office.
Humorous Sidebar: For some reason, this particular property also has either the worst drivers in the world or the ones with the worst luck. Last year there was a car parked here for a while that had clearly ROLLED OVER because the roof had been flattened, they'd apparently just flipped it back over and drove it home like that. Another had an owner who had blown a rear tire and decided to just KEEP DRIVING like that, on bare metal, you could see the gouges in the pavement he was leaving whenever he came and went from his spot and the edge of the rim had been worn shiny like a freight car wheel .... you can't make this up folks! In fact, only a month ago we had a nasty wreck IN the lot that fortunately didn't hurt anyone. A guy carelessly zooming out of the lot by driving right down the center of the 2 lane entrance road met a person carelessly zooming into the lot using the center of the 2 lane entrance road which destroyed both vehicles in the ensuing head-on. Again, IN A PARKING LOT! I've had people PASS me in this lot because they think I'm driving too slow up the row...
So they sent us a memo, they've passed out some warnings and anything that doesn't have current registration or is wrecked to the point that it's clearly disabled can go, effective TONIGHT. Ah, sweet sweet nectar of revenge!
Sure enough, not everyone who got rounded up took it very well.
This chap took it least well of all.
-"Did someone at this number call looking for a silver Lexus RX300?"
-"Yes"
-"Okay, it looks like we do have that vehicle, it will be $115 to pick up"
-"Can I ask WHY I was towed?!"
-"You were called into us for not having a current registration or a license plate."
-"What? That's MY space I was parked in!"
-"Per the rules of Global Domination Reality, who own that lot, all cars on their property must be driveable and have current registrations and inspections, yours didn't even have a license plate"
-"WHAT?!"
-"You were towed for not having plates on your car"
-"This is f*cking ridiculous!"
-"Sir, please do not swear at me..."
-"This is a f*cking racket! You mean to tell me I have to pay to get my car back from MY space?! And how am I supposed to get it back? It doesn't have plates so I can't drive it on the road, and even if I could, I'm on a SUSPENDED LICENSE!!! I CAN'T GET IT REGISTERED BECAUSE THE COPS TOOK MY PLATES AND MY LICENSE!
"There's nothing I can do about that Sir, if you don't have current registration, they'll tow your car, that is their rule"
"This is f*cking incredible! A f*cking joke!"
"Sir..."
"IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE IF THEY'D HAVE F*CKING WARNED ME!!!"
"They did Sir, there's a warning note on the car from yesterday that says the car will be towed for not having plates or registration"
"THEY ONLY GAVE ME ONE DAY?!"
"Yes, they..."
"Bunch of f*cking thieves, you people are f*cking incredible you know that?!"
"Sir! If you do not stop swearing at me I'm going to have to hang up"
"Huh? Well, it doesn't matter anyway, F*CK YOU!"
*click*
Doesn't matter? Hmmm.... Nihilism and profanity...... that's an odd combination but anything's possible around here at 11:55 on a Friday night....
Icing on the cake, the particular apartment unit he was towed from, which I assume was his, also had three big notices stapled to the door that we saw while loading.
Notice 1 : You are behind on your rent
Notice 2 : You are wayyyyyyyyyyy behind on your rent
Notice 3 : Forget about that rent, only tenants owe us rent, and you're no longer a tenant of ours. You have 30 days to vacate, Buttercup.
Methinks I understand why he's in the predicament he's in a bit better now.
STORY 2, The Story of a Guy Telling a Story
I had no idea this one would be trouble, then again, it's always the quiet ones that get ya.
Pretty vanilla tow, car taken from lot for not having permit. Guy calls up looking for it and we're off to the races...
-Did someone at this number call looking for a silver Toyota from Hole-In-The-Wall Apartments?
-Yes, that was me!
-Okay, it looks like we do have it, it was called into us for not having a perm...
-*interrupting* I'm going to tell you a story. I'm a 48 year-old-man, and this was my first time in town. I was just coming to visit my kid who lives here, and I pay HUNDREDS of dollars for her rent this apartment. I was only here for thirty minutes, tops, and I came back and my car is gone!
-Yes Sir, the car was called into us for not having a permit. All vehicles in that lot must display a permit, those that do not have them cannot park there
-You're joking!
-No Sir
-It was only 30 minutes... tops!
-Looks that way Sir, we've had that car for only about 25 - 30 minutes at this point
-Are you KIDDING me?!
-Why would I lie?
-Well, I don't know....
-So I'm telling the truth then, aren't I?
-Look, this is only my FIRST time in town, how was I supposed to know I couldn't park there!? My kid LIVES here!
If they didn't tell you the rules, shame on them. If they did and you ignored them, shame on you. I think it's the latter as your next statement virtually affirmed...
-There needs to be some signs or something!
-There are, there's one right at the entrance to that lot that says "permit parking only"
-Do you have any idea how many signs there are around this town?!
-Quite a few I'd imagine
-I can't be responsible for reading EVERY SIGN!
-Well, there's nothing I can do about that Sir
-WHAT'S YOUR NAME?!
-Argabarga
-LAST NAME?
-You don't need that Sir, I'm the only Argabarga here
-I SAID LAST NAME!
-I'm not giving that to you
-Well, I hope you're HAPPY, I have a SICK kid with me who's on medication and that was IN THE CAR. Am I going to have to call 911 now for an AMBULANCE because you took my son's medication?!
-If you need property out of the vehicle, that's fine, you can just come down to the garage and get it
-How about you bring my car back?!
-That would count as a second tow and would just double the price
-Well aren't you just CHEERY and HELPFUL?!
-I try to be
-Well, WHERE ARE YOU?!
-We are at 808 Main St
-I DON'T KNOW WHERE THAT IS!
-If you're still at the apartment where you were towed from, the street in front is 4th Street, that will run all the way to Main St
-I DON'T KNOW WHERE THAT IS!
-4th Street runs along the front entrance side of that apartment, if you go west on it for 4 blocks, you'll come to Main St, and we're right on the corner there
-I DON'T KNOW WHICH WAY WEST IS!
-Well, If ....
-I'D KNOW IF I HAD MY GPS! WHICH IS IN MY CAR YOU TOOK!!! AND MY SON IS SICK TO HIS STOMACHE! AND I HAVE NO WAY TO GET THERE!!!! HOW FAR IS IT?!
-Eh, I'd say about 3/4ths of a mile
-WELL THIS OLD COWBOY CAN'T WALK THAT FAR! YOU NEED TO PROVIDE ME SOME WAY TO GET DOWN THERE!
-I'm afraid there's nothing I can do about that, Sir.
-YOU'RE A BIIIIIIIIIIIIG HELP THEN! HOPE YOU LIKE YOUR JOB
-I have no problems with it, pays the bills
At that point, he hung up. Too bad, that story he promised was certainly getting interesting! It had everything! Mystery men who won't give their names! Children in distress! Ambulances! Global Satellite Networks! Cowboys! Wow! Factually correct too as far as I can tell, we'd indeed had the car for only half an hour. You've done your homework, get this published pronto!
Oh wait, I already did
I left to take a call and later learned that the gentleman in question showed up about 5 minutes after I talked to him (so he obviously got a ride from someone) Since I wasn't there, one of my other drivers did the release/paperwork. Mr. Cowboy demanded THAT driver tell him my last name. Said driver refused. He then stopped a second driver and demanded HE tell him my last name. Second driver is a rookie who doesn't even KNOW me yet... so he couldn't. So now, Captain Cowboy says he's complaining to management in the morning that we're all being "rude" to him.
But I thought you said I was cheery and helpful to you?
You lied to me! Add that to the story! Betrayal always makes it better!
STORY 1
Global Domination Reality, one of our larger clients, has a rule in their leasing agreement. It states that if you have a car, you must have it up to date on state registration and state inspection if applicable. This is a standard clause just about everywhere you rent intended to keep people from parking/abandoning junk cars or storing their friends project/parts car at their apartment. Most of the time, it's not actively enforced. Most places are live and let live and won't get too bent out of shape at any car that at least moves under it's own power, doesn't leak too much fluid, and stays in it's assigned spot.
Well, seems that one of the Global maintenance guys was out in the first bit of spring weather this week cutting the grass and was appalled at the number of cars he encountered with long-lapsed registrations. Also he found at least two cars that had clearly been wrecked, limped into the parking lot, and left to expire. And we're not just talking dented fenders and scraped paint, we're talking flat tires, headlights smashed out, windshields broken and hoods more bent out of shape than my libertarian Uncle in a Tax Office.
Humorous Sidebar: For some reason, this particular property also has either the worst drivers in the world or the ones with the worst luck. Last year there was a car parked here for a while that had clearly ROLLED OVER because the roof had been flattened, they'd apparently just flipped it back over and drove it home like that. Another had an owner who had blown a rear tire and decided to just KEEP DRIVING like that, on bare metal, you could see the gouges in the pavement he was leaving whenever he came and went from his spot and the edge of the rim had been worn shiny like a freight car wheel .... you can't make this up folks! In fact, only a month ago we had a nasty wreck IN the lot that fortunately didn't hurt anyone. A guy carelessly zooming out of the lot by driving right down the center of the 2 lane entrance road met a person carelessly zooming into the lot using the center of the 2 lane entrance road which destroyed both vehicles in the ensuing head-on. Again, IN A PARKING LOT! I've had people PASS me in this lot because they think I'm driving too slow up the row...
So they sent us a memo, they've passed out some warnings and anything that doesn't have current registration or is wrecked to the point that it's clearly disabled can go, effective TONIGHT. Ah, sweet sweet nectar of revenge!
Sure enough, not everyone who got rounded up took it very well.
This chap took it least well of all.
-"Did someone at this number call looking for a silver Lexus RX300?"
-"Yes"
-"Okay, it looks like we do have that vehicle, it will be $115 to pick up"
-"Can I ask WHY I was towed?!"
-"You were called into us for not having a current registration or a license plate."
-"What? That's MY space I was parked in!"
-"Per the rules of Global Domination Reality, who own that lot, all cars on their property must be driveable and have current registrations and inspections, yours didn't even have a license plate"
-"WHAT?!"
-"You were towed for not having plates on your car"
-"This is f*cking ridiculous!"
-"Sir, please do not swear at me..."
-"This is a f*cking racket! You mean to tell me I have to pay to get my car back from MY space?! And how am I supposed to get it back? It doesn't have plates so I can't drive it on the road, and even if I could, I'm on a SUSPENDED LICENSE!!! I CAN'T GET IT REGISTERED BECAUSE THE COPS TOOK MY PLATES AND MY LICENSE!
"There's nothing I can do about that Sir, if you don't have current registration, they'll tow your car, that is their rule"
"This is f*cking incredible! A f*cking joke!"
"Sir..."
"IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE IF THEY'D HAVE F*CKING WARNED ME!!!"
"They did Sir, there's a warning note on the car from yesterday that says the car will be towed for not having plates or registration"
"THEY ONLY GAVE ME ONE DAY?!"
"Yes, they..."
"Bunch of f*cking thieves, you people are f*cking incredible you know that?!"
"Sir! If you do not stop swearing at me I'm going to have to hang up"
"Huh? Well, it doesn't matter anyway, F*CK YOU!"
*click*
Doesn't matter? Hmmm.... Nihilism and profanity...... that's an odd combination but anything's possible around here at 11:55 on a Friday night....
Icing on the cake, the particular apartment unit he was towed from, which I assume was his, also had three big notices stapled to the door that we saw while loading.
Notice 1 : You are behind on your rent
Notice 2 : You are wayyyyyyyyyyy behind on your rent
Notice 3 : Forget about that rent, only tenants owe us rent, and you're no longer a tenant of ours. You have 30 days to vacate, Buttercup.
Methinks I understand why he's in the predicament he's in a bit better now.
STORY 2, The Story of a Guy Telling a Story
I had no idea this one would be trouble, then again, it's always the quiet ones that get ya.
Pretty vanilla tow, car taken from lot for not having permit. Guy calls up looking for it and we're off to the races...
-Did someone at this number call looking for a silver Toyota from Hole-In-The-Wall Apartments?
-Yes, that was me!
-Okay, it looks like we do have it, it was called into us for not having a perm...
-*interrupting* I'm going to tell you a story. I'm a 48 year-old-man, and this was my first time in town. I was just coming to visit my kid who lives here, and I pay HUNDREDS of dollars for her rent this apartment. I was only here for thirty minutes, tops, and I came back and my car is gone!
-Yes Sir, the car was called into us for not having a permit. All vehicles in that lot must display a permit, those that do not have them cannot park there
-You're joking!
-No Sir
-It was only 30 minutes... tops!
-Looks that way Sir, we've had that car for only about 25 - 30 minutes at this point
-Are you KIDDING me?!
-Why would I lie?
-Well, I don't know....
-So I'm telling the truth then, aren't I?
-Look, this is only my FIRST time in town, how was I supposed to know I couldn't park there!? My kid LIVES here!
If they didn't tell you the rules, shame on them. If they did and you ignored them, shame on you. I think it's the latter as your next statement virtually affirmed...
-There needs to be some signs or something!
-There are, there's one right at the entrance to that lot that says "permit parking only"
-Do you have any idea how many signs there are around this town?!
-Quite a few I'd imagine
-I can't be responsible for reading EVERY SIGN!
-Well, there's nothing I can do about that Sir
-WHAT'S YOUR NAME?!
-Argabarga
-LAST NAME?
-You don't need that Sir, I'm the only Argabarga here
-I SAID LAST NAME!
-I'm not giving that to you
-Well, I hope you're HAPPY, I have a SICK kid with me who's on medication and that was IN THE CAR. Am I going to have to call 911 now for an AMBULANCE because you took my son's medication?!
-If you need property out of the vehicle, that's fine, you can just come down to the garage and get it
-How about you bring my car back?!
-That would count as a second tow and would just double the price
-Well aren't you just CHEERY and HELPFUL?!
-I try to be
-Well, WHERE ARE YOU?!
-We are at 808 Main St
-I DON'T KNOW WHERE THAT IS!
-If you're still at the apartment where you were towed from, the street in front is 4th Street, that will run all the way to Main St
-I DON'T KNOW WHERE THAT IS!
-4th Street runs along the front entrance side of that apartment, if you go west on it for 4 blocks, you'll come to Main St, and we're right on the corner there
-I DON'T KNOW WHICH WAY WEST IS!
-Well, If ....
-I'D KNOW IF I HAD MY GPS! WHICH IS IN MY CAR YOU TOOK!!! AND MY SON IS SICK TO HIS STOMACHE! AND I HAVE NO WAY TO GET THERE!!!! HOW FAR IS IT?!
-Eh, I'd say about 3/4ths of a mile
-WELL THIS OLD COWBOY CAN'T WALK THAT FAR! YOU NEED TO PROVIDE ME SOME WAY TO GET DOWN THERE!
-I'm afraid there's nothing I can do about that, Sir.
-YOU'RE A BIIIIIIIIIIIIG HELP THEN! HOPE YOU LIKE YOUR JOB
-I have no problems with it, pays the bills
At that point, he hung up. Too bad, that story he promised was certainly getting interesting! It had everything! Mystery men who won't give their names! Children in distress! Ambulances! Global Satellite Networks! Cowboys! Wow! Factually correct too as far as I can tell, we'd indeed had the car for only half an hour. You've done your homework, get this published pronto!
Oh wait, I already did
I left to take a call and later learned that the gentleman in question showed up about 5 minutes after I talked to him (so he obviously got a ride from someone) Since I wasn't there, one of my other drivers did the release/paperwork. Mr. Cowboy demanded THAT driver tell him my last name. Said driver refused. He then stopped a second driver and demanded HE tell him my last name. Second driver is a rookie who doesn't even KNOW me yet... so he couldn't. So now, Captain Cowboy says he's complaining to management in the morning that we're all being "rude" to him.
But I thought you said I was cheery and helpful to you?
You lied to me! Add that to the story! Betrayal always makes it better!
He is my Black Dragon (and yes, a good one) strong, protective, the guardian. I am his Silver Dragon, always by his side, shining for him, cherishing him.
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