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Can you guess from which show?
I am currently away at school, thus not able to help these delightful customers on the phone. But, thanks to good old technology and a very friendly boss, I handle the emails…
Mystery Meat
SC: The hotel food is disgusting! You should have warned me about this!
Me: I’m terribly sorry that you are not satisfied with your stay, however, I am not sure what you’re asking me to do.
SC: The food is disgusting! There’s this grey and lumpy piece of garbage on my plate! Make them change the menu!
Me: Again, I am terribly sorry, but I’m afraid I’m not able to do anything about this as I do not work for the hotel.
SC: The food is disgusting!
Attack of the Killer Garage Sale
SC: I think there’s something wrong with this toaster I bought.
Me: I am terribly sorry, but we do not sell appliances. We sell tour packages in Greece. Would you be interested in one? Just follow this link
I know, you guys probably hate that last line, but I’m required to type it when we get these weird ones…
SC: I know you don’t sell appliances, but I bought this toaster in Greece and it’s not working!
Me: I’m terribly sorry, but we are not responsible for any purchases or souvenirs bought overseas.
SC: I didn’t buy this overseas! I bought this at some garage sale in Santorini!
Bitter Reunions
SC: What the fuck?! Why did you let this idiot travel with me?!
Me: I’m terribly sorry, but I am not aware of what the problem is.
SC: The problem is you sold a tour to Greece to this idiot!
Yourself?
SC: I told him that I just booked a tour with your company and he decided to book one too! Now, we’re being forced to travel together and it’s your fault!
Me: I’m terribly sorry for the inconvenience, but if he wishes to travel to Greece along with you, then there’s really nothing I can do.
SC: But I hate that idiot! I’ve hated him since college! He’s a fucking idiot!
Are you sure you’re not staring in the mirror right now?
SC: Cancel his package!
Me: I’m afraid I’m not permitted to do so without his permission.
SC: But he’s an idiot! I only told him I was going to Greece to impress his wife!
Me: Sir, there’s nothing I can do.
SC: But he’s an idiot!
Dude, seriously. Step away from the mirror.
Fanning the Flames
SC: I want to change hotels! The hotel staff is completely rude!
Me: I’m terribly sorry you are not completely satisfied with your stay. May I ask how the staff is rude?
SC: They keep calling me Ma’am! They refuse to remember my name!
Life Lessons
SC: This beach is completely disgusting! I demand a refund for my whole trip!
Me: I’m terribly sorry you are not completely satisfied with your stay, however, I do not think I am able to refund the whole trip if the beach was just the problem. And even then, I highly doubt I’d be able to refund it.
SC: But the beach is completely disgusting! It’s the only reason I came here! It’s filthy! I cannot believe such filth happens on the beach!
Me: May I ask what the problem is? How is the beach disgusting?
SC: I saw a naked couple doing the “dance” if you know what I mean.
Me: I’m terribly sorry, but this is beyond my control. I am not able to refund anything.
SC: But they were doing the naked “dance!”
Control Freaks
SC: The taxi must come at 2:00 sharp so that I can begin the tour at 3:00 sharp.
Me: The taxi has already been informed of the time to pick you up. He will get there around 2. Perhaps, a little earlier.
SC: I don’t want him “around” 2 or “a little earlier!” He must pull up at 2:00 sharp! On the dot! Do you understand me?
Me: Ma’am, I am not able to control what time the taxi will get there. All I can say is that I have been informed he might be able to pick you up a little earlier or around 2.
SC: But the tour starts at 3 on the dot! He must pull up at 2 on the dot!
Me: I assure you, the tour does wait a few minutes for latecomers. As long as the taxi picks you up on time, you will not be late for the tour.
SC: WHAT?! The tour WAITS A FEW MINUTES?! ARE THEY CRAZY?! My package here says it starts at 3! It cannot wait a few minutes! It must start at 3 0’ CLOCK SHARP!
Me: Ma’am, again, I am not able to control what time the tour starts or what time the taxi will arrive. The times on your itinerary are all estimated, not exact times.
SC: WHY NOT?! THEY MUST START AT THE TIMES IT SAYS IT WILL START! THEY MUST!
Pirate Radio
SC: I don’t like the music they have playing on the radio! It sounds like gibberish!
Me: The music on the radio are not in gibberish. They are in Greek.
SC: Why?
WTF?
Me: Because you are in Greece.
SC: Don’t they have songs in English? They sound much better!
Me: I do not know, but I highly doubt it.
SC: Well, they should! Tell them to play songs in English!
Me: Ma’am, I am not able to control Greece’s music choice.
SC: Can you tell them to sing songs about pirates? I like pirates! Oooh! Have them play the Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack!
Beauty Marked
SC: How come none of the guys are paying attention to me?
Me: I’m sorry, but I believe you have entered the wrong email address. We are a tour agency that sells tour packages to Greece. Would you be interested in one? Just follow this link.
SC: I’m already in Greece, you idiot. And nobody’s paying attention to me! Why not?
Me: Have you complained about a problem earlier? If you could tell me the original complaint, I can help you fix it.
SC: This is my original complaint! I’m pretty and nobody’s paying attention to me! They’re all too busy with their ugly girlfriends!
Me: I don’t think I’m quite understanding what the problem is.
SC: I’M PRETTY! GUYS WON’T LOOK AT ME! NOW DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!
Me: I’m afraid I don’t see what this has to do with your travel package.
SC: The only reason I traveled here was to have hot Greek guys look at me! I WANT HOT GREEK GUYS TO PAY ATTENTION TO ME!
Same here.
Masters of All Time
SC: Well, have you canceled that idiot’s travel package yet?
Oh, trust me. I’ve been so tempted…
Me: Sir, I am not able to cancel anyone’s travel package without their permission.
SC: But he’s a fucking idiot!
Me: My hands are tied here, sir. There’s nothing I can do.
SC: I’m starting to wish I never made that announcement in the first place. Perhaps you can do something about that?
Me: I’m sorry?
SC: You know, you are partly to blame. If you hadn’t sold me that package, I wouldn’t have any right to brag to his wife about it.
Me: Sir, I’m not following this.
SC: As a matter of fact, if you hadn’t sold that moron his package, we would both be happy here!
Well, he’s got that right, at least.
Me: Sir, I’m still not following this...
SC: Why didn’t you stop all this from happening?!
Me: I beg your pardon?
SC: You should be! You should have interfered and none of this stuff would have happened!
Me: Well, what do you want me to do now, sir? Travel through time? I’m terribly sorry, but I seem to have left my time medallion over at Clockwork’s tower!
Yes, I basically lost it here. But on the bright side, he never emailed back.
Torrent of Terror
SC: Do you know when the weather will be when we get there?
These requests happen more times than you actually thought possible. Most people realize we do not have psychic powers and laugh off their stupidity. MOST people…
Me: I’m terribly sorry, sir, but I have no way of predicting what the weather shall be when you arrive.
SC: Why not?
Me: Because we are in April (time of email) and you are scheduled to depart in July.
SC: So?
…
Me: So, there is no way of knowing what the weather might be three months in the future.
Not to mention time zones and season changes, but let’s not overdrive poor Vortex. I don’t think his brain can handle it.
SC: Well, can you at least tell me what the weather will be when we get to Crete?
Urban Jungle
SC: Is there a city in Athens?
I could come up with a clever quip here, but unfortunately, my brain has just stopped.
Me: Athens IS a city.
SC: It is?! So, there’s people there?!
Message sent to brain. Message received by brain. ERROR! ERROR! Message contains horrendous stupidity. Brain must now force shut down to protect sanity. We are terribly sorry for the inconvenience.
Me: Yes. Athens contains people.
SC: But they ruin everything! They ruin precious Earth! We must protect the Earth from humanity! Do you know what we are?! We cut down our beautiful nature, but in the end, we’re all fertilizer!
In other news, soylent green is people.
SC: Do you understand?! We ruin everything, but nature prevails!
Claw of the Wild
SC: So, on our tour group, are we going to meet any wild animals?
Me: There are plenty of wild plants, birds, insects, and other wildlife all around Greece.
SC: Yeah, I know that part. I mean, are there any WILD animals?
Me: I’m afraid I do not understand your question.
SC: Are we going to meet any wolves? Or bears? I don’t want to get eaten by wild tigers roaming around the place.
Me: Sir, you’re going to Greece.
SC: What does that have to do with the wild tigers?
Phantom Planet
SC: So, everything is good to go?
Me: Everything is set. We hope you enjoy your trip next week!
SC: Oh, I will. I plan to enjoy every minute while I can. I have to you know, what with what else is going on. How are you spending your time?
Me: Oh, I’m just studying for finals and working, but when I’ve got time, I write fanfiction mostly.
SC: Finals. You need to stop studying darling. They won’t do any good in the long run. Everybody should be enjoying life while they can.
Me: I like enjoying life, but if I wish to graduate school, I’ve got to study.
SC: You know, school’s going to be useless once December 21st comes.
Oh crap. Not another one.
Me: I can’t help it. Hard work runs in the family.
SC: I suppose so, but the world’s got better plans. The Mayans predicted the meteor, you know.
Me: Yes, I’m aware of that prediction.
SC: You enjoy Earth while you can darling. Before you know it, it’ll be blown to pieces! Bye!
Bonus Lost Episode: Return of The Ultimate Enemy (Seriously, Nickelodeon. Make this happen!)
Remember this last guy? http://www.customerssuck.com/board/s...ad.php?t=83324 Yeah, he wasn’t too happy about being banned. Before I went off to school, the goddamned phones kept ringing and ringing off the hooks with him trying to get in contact with us. We got his number blocked and he’s been quiet for a couple months, but we should have known better than to relax.
SC: I’m here to ask a question.
Me: Certainly! How may I assist you?
SC: I was banned from your stupid ass company and never given a reason why.
SC: Hello?
SC: Are you here?
SC: Answer my fucking question!
Me: I apologize for the delay. I had to attend several meetings today.
Technically classes are meetings, right? Besides, I was only gone for four fucking hours!
Me: You were banned for disrespecting and harassing the staff.
As I’m typing my reply, he sends this lovely note.
SC: Get your goddamned ass into gear and answer my fucking question, you stupid bitch!
SC: After receiving his message DISRESPECT?! HARASS?! ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?! YOU ASSHOLES MESSED UP MY TRAVEL PACKAGE! I HAD EVERY RIGHT TO MAKE SURE YOU FUCKING MONKEYS WEREN’T SCREWING SHIT UP AGAIN! UNBAN ME NOW!
Me: This is a permanent ban and will not be uplifted.
SC: I SAID UNBAN ME! GOD! YOU’RE JUST LIKE THAT STUPID BITCH WHO ANSWERED THE PHONE! NOT ONCE DID SHE EVER DO SHIT! AND I WAS AS POLITE AS FUCKING EVER TO HER!
Okay. Now I’m mad.
Me: I happen to have been that “stupid bitch who answered the phone.” Not once were you ever polite to me, and as I can see here, you still have not changed. I would tell you to email *boss* if you have any more questions, but quite frankly, she hasn’t done anything wrong to me to deserve this unspeakable torture. If you ever try to contact *Company* again either by phone, email, or whatever, *Company* will file harassment charges against you with the police and rest assured, *boss* will support this decision.
I then blocked his email and warned boss. Guess what? She supports this decision.
I am currently away at school, thus not able to help these delightful customers on the phone. But, thanks to good old technology and a very friendly boss, I handle the emails…
Mystery Meat
SC: The hotel food is disgusting! You should have warned me about this!
Me: I’m terribly sorry that you are not satisfied with your stay, however, I am not sure what you’re asking me to do.
SC: The food is disgusting! There’s this grey and lumpy piece of garbage on my plate! Make them change the menu!
Me: Again, I am terribly sorry, but I’m afraid I’m not able to do anything about this as I do not work for the hotel.
SC: The food is disgusting!
Attack of the Killer Garage Sale
SC: I think there’s something wrong with this toaster I bought.
Me: I am terribly sorry, but we do not sell appliances. We sell tour packages in Greece. Would you be interested in one? Just follow this link
I know, you guys probably hate that last line, but I’m required to type it when we get these weird ones…
SC: I know you don’t sell appliances, but I bought this toaster in Greece and it’s not working!
Me: I’m terribly sorry, but we are not responsible for any purchases or souvenirs bought overseas.
SC: I didn’t buy this overseas! I bought this at some garage sale in Santorini!
Bitter Reunions
SC: What the fuck?! Why did you let this idiot travel with me?!
Me: I’m terribly sorry, but I am not aware of what the problem is.
SC: The problem is you sold a tour to Greece to this idiot!
Yourself?
SC: I told him that I just booked a tour with your company and he decided to book one too! Now, we’re being forced to travel together and it’s your fault!
Me: I’m terribly sorry for the inconvenience, but if he wishes to travel to Greece along with you, then there’s really nothing I can do.
SC: But I hate that idiot! I’ve hated him since college! He’s a fucking idiot!
Are you sure you’re not staring in the mirror right now?
SC: Cancel his package!
Me: I’m afraid I’m not permitted to do so without his permission.
SC: But he’s an idiot! I only told him I was going to Greece to impress his wife!
Me: Sir, there’s nothing I can do.
SC: But he’s an idiot!
Dude, seriously. Step away from the mirror.
Fanning the Flames
SC: I want to change hotels! The hotel staff is completely rude!
Me: I’m terribly sorry you are not completely satisfied with your stay. May I ask how the staff is rude?
SC: They keep calling me Ma’am! They refuse to remember my name!
Life Lessons
SC: This beach is completely disgusting! I demand a refund for my whole trip!
Me: I’m terribly sorry you are not completely satisfied with your stay, however, I do not think I am able to refund the whole trip if the beach was just the problem. And even then, I highly doubt I’d be able to refund it.
SC: But the beach is completely disgusting! It’s the only reason I came here! It’s filthy! I cannot believe such filth happens on the beach!
Me: May I ask what the problem is? How is the beach disgusting?
SC: I saw a naked couple doing the “dance” if you know what I mean.
Me: I’m terribly sorry, but this is beyond my control. I am not able to refund anything.
SC: But they were doing the naked “dance!”
Control Freaks
SC: The taxi must come at 2:00 sharp so that I can begin the tour at 3:00 sharp.
Me: The taxi has already been informed of the time to pick you up. He will get there around 2. Perhaps, a little earlier.
SC: I don’t want him “around” 2 or “a little earlier!” He must pull up at 2:00 sharp! On the dot! Do you understand me?
Me: Ma’am, I am not able to control what time the taxi will get there. All I can say is that I have been informed he might be able to pick you up a little earlier or around 2.
SC: But the tour starts at 3 on the dot! He must pull up at 2 on the dot!
Me: I assure you, the tour does wait a few minutes for latecomers. As long as the taxi picks you up on time, you will not be late for the tour.
SC: WHAT?! The tour WAITS A FEW MINUTES?! ARE THEY CRAZY?! My package here says it starts at 3! It cannot wait a few minutes! It must start at 3 0’ CLOCK SHARP!
Me: Ma’am, again, I am not able to control what time the tour starts or what time the taxi will arrive. The times on your itinerary are all estimated, not exact times.
SC: WHY NOT?! THEY MUST START AT THE TIMES IT SAYS IT WILL START! THEY MUST!
Pirate Radio
SC: I don’t like the music they have playing on the radio! It sounds like gibberish!
Me: The music on the radio are not in gibberish. They are in Greek.
SC: Why?
WTF?
Me: Because you are in Greece.
SC: Don’t they have songs in English? They sound much better!
Me: I do not know, but I highly doubt it.
SC: Well, they should! Tell them to play songs in English!
Me: Ma’am, I am not able to control Greece’s music choice.
SC: Can you tell them to sing songs about pirates? I like pirates! Oooh! Have them play the Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack!
Beauty Marked
SC: How come none of the guys are paying attention to me?
Me: I’m sorry, but I believe you have entered the wrong email address. We are a tour agency that sells tour packages to Greece. Would you be interested in one? Just follow this link.
SC: I’m already in Greece, you idiot. And nobody’s paying attention to me! Why not?
Me: Have you complained about a problem earlier? If you could tell me the original complaint, I can help you fix it.
SC: This is my original complaint! I’m pretty and nobody’s paying attention to me! They’re all too busy with their ugly girlfriends!
Me: I don’t think I’m quite understanding what the problem is.
SC: I’M PRETTY! GUYS WON’T LOOK AT ME! NOW DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!
Me: I’m afraid I don’t see what this has to do with your travel package.
SC: The only reason I traveled here was to have hot Greek guys look at me! I WANT HOT GREEK GUYS TO PAY ATTENTION TO ME!
Same here.
Masters of All Time
SC: Well, have you canceled that idiot’s travel package yet?
Oh, trust me. I’ve been so tempted…
Me: Sir, I am not able to cancel anyone’s travel package without their permission.
SC: But he’s a fucking idiot!
Me: My hands are tied here, sir. There’s nothing I can do.
SC: I’m starting to wish I never made that announcement in the first place. Perhaps you can do something about that?
Me: I’m sorry?
SC: You know, you are partly to blame. If you hadn’t sold me that package, I wouldn’t have any right to brag to his wife about it.
Me: Sir, I’m not following this.
SC: As a matter of fact, if you hadn’t sold that moron his package, we would both be happy here!
Well, he’s got that right, at least.
Me: Sir, I’m still not following this...
SC: Why didn’t you stop all this from happening?!
Me: I beg your pardon?
SC: You should be! You should have interfered and none of this stuff would have happened!
Me: Well, what do you want me to do now, sir? Travel through time? I’m terribly sorry, but I seem to have left my time medallion over at Clockwork’s tower!
Yes, I basically lost it here. But on the bright side, he never emailed back.
Torrent of Terror
SC: Do you know when the weather will be when we get there?
These requests happen more times than you actually thought possible. Most people realize we do not have psychic powers and laugh off their stupidity. MOST people…
Me: I’m terribly sorry, sir, but I have no way of predicting what the weather shall be when you arrive.
SC: Why not?
Me: Because we are in April (time of email) and you are scheduled to depart in July.
SC: So?
…
Me: So, there is no way of knowing what the weather might be three months in the future.
Not to mention time zones and season changes, but let’s not overdrive poor Vortex. I don’t think his brain can handle it.
SC: Well, can you at least tell me what the weather will be when we get to Crete?
Urban Jungle
SC: Is there a city in Athens?
I could come up with a clever quip here, but unfortunately, my brain has just stopped.
Me: Athens IS a city.
SC: It is?! So, there’s people there?!
Message sent to brain. Message received by brain. ERROR! ERROR! Message contains horrendous stupidity. Brain must now force shut down to protect sanity. We are terribly sorry for the inconvenience.
Me: Yes. Athens contains people.
SC: But they ruin everything! They ruin precious Earth! We must protect the Earth from humanity! Do you know what we are?! We cut down our beautiful nature, but in the end, we’re all fertilizer!
In other news, soylent green is people.
SC: Do you understand?! We ruin everything, but nature prevails!
Claw of the Wild
SC: So, on our tour group, are we going to meet any wild animals?
Me: There are plenty of wild plants, birds, insects, and other wildlife all around Greece.
SC: Yeah, I know that part. I mean, are there any WILD animals?
Me: I’m afraid I do not understand your question.
SC: Are we going to meet any wolves? Or bears? I don’t want to get eaten by wild tigers roaming around the place.
Me: Sir, you’re going to Greece.
SC: What does that have to do with the wild tigers?
Phantom Planet
SC: So, everything is good to go?
Me: Everything is set. We hope you enjoy your trip next week!
SC: Oh, I will. I plan to enjoy every minute while I can. I have to you know, what with what else is going on. How are you spending your time?
Me: Oh, I’m just studying for finals and working, but when I’ve got time, I write fanfiction mostly.
SC: Finals. You need to stop studying darling. They won’t do any good in the long run. Everybody should be enjoying life while they can.
Me: I like enjoying life, but if I wish to graduate school, I’ve got to study.
SC: You know, school’s going to be useless once December 21st comes.
Oh crap. Not another one.
Me: I can’t help it. Hard work runs in the family.
SC: I suppose so, but the world’s got better plans. The Mayans predicted the meteor, you know.
Me: Yes, I’m aware of that prediction.
SC: You enjoy Earth while you can darling. Before you know it, it’ll be blown to pieces! Bye!
Bonus Lost Episode: Return of The Ultimate Enemy (Seriously, Nickelodeon. Make this happen!)
Remember this last guy? http://www.customerssuck.com/board/s...ad.php?t=83324 Yeah, he wasn’t too happy about being banned. Before I went off to school, the goddamned phones kept ringing and ringing off the hooks with him trying to get in contact with us. We got his number blocked and he’s been quiet for a couple months, but we should have known better than to relax.
SC: I’m here to ask a question.
Me: Certainly! How may I assist you?
SC: I was banned from your stupid ass company and never given a reason why.
SC: Hello?
SC: Are you here?
SC: Answer my fucking question!
Me: I apologize for the delay. I had to attend several meetings today.
Technically classes are meetings, right? Besides, I was only gone for four fucking hours!
Me: You were banned for disrespecting and harassing the staff.
As I’m typing my reply, he sends this lovely note.
SC: Get your goddamned ass into gear and answer my fucking question, you stupid bitch!
SC: After receiving his message DISRESPECT?! HARASS?! ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?! YOU ASSHOLES MESSED UP MY TRAVEL PACKAGE! I HAD EVERY RIGHT TO MAKE SURE YOU FUCKING MONKEYS WEREN’T SCREWING SHIT UP AGAIN! UNBAN ME NOW!
Me: This is a permanent ban and will not be uplifted.
SC: I SAID UNBAN ME! GOD! YOU’RE JUST LIKE THAT STUPID BITCH WHO ANSWERED THE PHONE! NOT ONCE DID SHE EVER DO SHIT! AND I WAS AS POLITE AS FUCKING EVER TO HER!
Okay. Now I’m mad.
Me: I happen to have been that “stupid bitch who answered the phone.” Not once were you ever polite to me, and as I can see here, you still have not changed. I would tell you to email *boss* if you have any more questions, but quite frankly, she hasn’t done anything wrong to me to deserve this unspeakable torture. If you ever try to contact *Company* again either by phone, email, or whatever, *Company* will file harassment charges against you with the police and rest assured, *boss* will support this decision.
I then blocked his email and warned boss. Guess what? She supports this decision.
I love that show. I think it was the last cartoon I was really into.
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