No, no you CAN'T come back! (pretty long)

[cybiko123]

We had a customer a few months ago who rented a server from us. Things started out OK, but as time went on, he started to push the limits of acceptable behavior. He would troll our Live Chat system, vandalize other customers' servers, and actually tried to get into our payroll server (which is in itself a story for another time, sorry! ). One day, he just left. No explanation, and frankly, we didn't care. He was gone!

That is, until yesterday, when he tried to come back. Oh boy. He started by harassing one of our sales reps, R, who also happens to know him in real life. Chat requests like "Y U HANG UP ON MY BBY I WANNA HAV LIVE CHAT SXY TIM<3XOXOXOX " and "CAN WE HAS BUTTSEX NAO?" were the norm. I won't assault your eyes with the contents of those chats.

Today, after about 10 chats of this caliber, R transfers him to me.


[10:30 AM] Me: Thanks for contacting [us]. This is [me], how may I help you?
[10:30 AM] SC: Hey [me], R said you wanna talk to me.
[10:30 AM] SC: What's up?
[10:30 AM] Me: I just wanted to address yesterday and figure out what's going on.
[10:31 AM] Me: Why do you think it's acceptable to say things like "WAT CAN [my name] DO TO ME?XOX <3 " on our live chat?
[10:31 AM] SC: Well...
[10:32 AM] Me: Or "CAN WE HAS BUTTSEX NAO? "
[10:32 AM] SC: That one wasn't .e
[10:32 AM] SC: me*
Same IP as the others, I call BS.
[10:33 AM] Me: In any case, R tells me you were shopping for VPSes. (i.e. servers)
[10:33 AM] SC: Yup.
[10:33 AM] Me: For what?
[10:33 AM] SC: Gameservers and some other stuff.
[10:33 AM] Me: Uh huh.
[10:33 AM] R: What other stuff exactly?
[10:34 AM] SC: What do you mean, [me]?
[10:34 AM] Me: (10:33 AM) R: What other stuff exactly?
[10:34 AM] SC: Oh, stuff like runescape bots. Stuff along those lines.
[10:34 AM] Me: Right, well.
[10:34 AM] Me: That's not happening.
[10:35 AM] Me: Thanks for contacting [us].
[10:35 AM] SC: Hmm?
[10:35 AM] SC: Care to explain?
[10:36 AM] SC: Any particular reason?
[10:36 AM] R: It's basically abusing the VPS.
[10:37 AM] SC: Howso?
[10:37 AM] R: Using it for hacking Runescape?
[10:37 AM] SC: It's not hacking...
(I know there are plenty of legitimate uses for making a game bot, but this guy is too much of a risk.)
[10:37 AM] Me: *relevant section of TOS*
[10:38 AM] Me: *other relevant section of TOS*
[10:38 AM] Me: Any other questions?
[10:39 AM] SC: What do you mean?
[10:39 AM] Me: You joined. Then you vandalized servers, hacked us, and did other Bad Things (tm).
[10:39 AM] Me: Then you left.
[10:40 AM] SC: What?...
[10:40 AM] Me: Now you're coming back to do it again, and I won't have it.
[10:40 AM] SC: And what "Bad things" did we do?
[10:41 AM] Me: I saw you trying to connect to root on one of our internal servers.
[10:41 AM] SC: Whut
[10:41 AM] SC: internal servers?
[10:41 AM] SC: Dafuq are you talking about.
[10:41 AM] Me: I believe it was our payroll server.
[10:41 AM] SC: What the f*ck are you talking about?
[10:42 AM] SC: Hm?
[10:42 AM] SC: I honestly have no clue what you're talking about.
[10:42 AM] SC: "payroll server"
[10:42 AM] SC: Wha?
[10:42 AM] Me: The server that houses all our employee data.
[10:42 AM] Me: Contact information, payment history
[10:42 AM] Me: Etc.
[10:42 AM] SC: o.O?
[10:43 AM] Me: You're lucky you're not in prison for that one.
[10:43 AM] SC: Do you mind if i ask you how "I tried to connect to root on your internal server"?
[10:43 AM] Me: SSH (That's Secure Shell, I wasn't telling him to shush. )
[10:43 AM] SC: And when was this?
[10:43 AM] Me: Late december
[10:43 AM] SC: o.O
[10:44 AM] SC: I honestly have no clue what you're talking about...
[10:44 AM] Me: You have a nice day. R, if you could end the chat?
[10:44 AM] R: Sure thing.
[10:44 AM] R has left the room
[10:44 AM] SC: >_<

[thehuckster]

God I hope this guy is 12 years old. If he's any older, my faith in humanity has decreased by yet another notch.

[Pixilated]

Don't you just love the "Who, me?!?" attempts at innocence ...

[Redbeard]

God I hope this guy is 12 years old. If he's any older, my faith in humanity has decreased by yet another notch.

I've known guys in their 30's that asinine I'm sorry to say, and whenever they've been caught, it's always the "Who, me? I'm just jokin with ya! Can't you take a joke?"

They usually vanish before long when people tire of their ass-hattery

[BrenDAnn]

If I didn't know better, I'd think you were talking to my nephew...my 22 year old nephew. He wouldn't get that nasty with you though. Sorry you had to deal with that, and I hope he learned a lesson!

[PepperElf]

sounds like the typical gamer who thinks their shit don't stink.

as soon as they get caught they try to act like they weren't doing what you caught them doing, as if it means they'll not get in trouble for it