In which I PWN an ISP salesman!

[siskaren]

Alaska's not the only state people have a hard time figuring out it's a state. *Points to my location.*

There's a post on notalwayright.com about a customer who didn't know that Illinois is a state.

[Mictor Veldrew]

In the UK we don't have Zip codes, ours are called Postcodes. All you normally need to find an address is the house number and the Postcode. The format for our postcodes is X9, X99, XX9 or XX99 plus a second part in the format of 9XX (Where X is a letter and 9 is a number) The first part of the code determines the geographic area, the second part is just small subsections within each area normally for each separate street or part of a street if it is very long. Quite often telemarketers or scammers will ask you to confirm your address by quoting your postcode and house number to you. When I moved into this house I got a new telephone provider which means that the phone number was previously used at a different house elsewhere in the town.

I never get telemarketers ring and ask for me by name as my new number is not in the directory, and I am registered with a service that is supposed to prevent these type of calls, but the previous owner of the number must have been in the directory, because right from the start I was getting calls for this person. I did some research and found out this person had died years before, so the number would have been unused for some time before being allocated to me.

At some point I advised one telemarketer / scammer that the postcode he had quoted was wrong, and he asked me what the correct one was. I told him it was PI55 0FF, (I quoted it to him using the recognised phonetic alphabet so he would get it correct - PAPA INDIA FIVE FIVE ZERO FOXTROT FOXTROT so he said he would updete his database. Ever since then most of the junk marketing or scam calls I get from call centres in what sounds like the indian sub-continent now quote this to me. If I have time I often keep them on the line at their expense for as long as possible, giving them the most ridiculous answers to their questions. Few of them realise that they are being strung along.

Sometimes I find it difficult to stop laughing as the caller asks if he is speaking to 'MISTER Margaret xxxxxx' Now I don't know about non english speaking countries, but I am unaware that any man would ever be called Margaret. I know that some names can apply to either sex, but a bloke called Margaret?

[Chromatix]

Even more amusingly, PI55 is not a valid postcode. It is in the correct format, but there is no postcode area for PI. So they can't be verifying the data at all.

[mhkohne]

I work at a game store with an internet cafe built in, we have 10 computers at the moment.

ME: well if you dont know this one, then you shouldnt be here
ISP Guy: young asian guy who looks like he is just out of college

Me: <opening spiel>
ISP Guy: I see you have many computers, what kind of internet speeds do you get?
Me: We have Fiber Optic internet so get very fast speeds
ISP Guy: can I see a speed test?
Me: <brings up speed test which shows awesome speeds>
ISP Guy: Well if you switch to us, you can save blah blah blah.
Me: <looking at prices> We pay about 1/3 of that price.
ISP Guy: Oh, I cant beat that price, have a good day. <leaves with rather disappointed look on his face>
Me: Thank you very much, please come again! *Damn you BTMF, you no working today*

We know people with the ISP that we use and we get a KILLER deal with them.

As a side note, I cant stand door to door salesmen. I did not mean to sound racist but that is the way it came out.

Nice. I used to make the FIOS salesweasles go away by telling them I get my net connection for free (I used to work from home and my employer paid for my net connection, and for some reason, they preferred Comcast). Caused them no end of consternation to try to figure out how to sell something that the mark is already getting for free.

[Mictor Veldrew]

Even more amusingly, PI55 is not a valid postcode. It is in the correct format, but there is no postcode area for PI. So they can't be verifying the data at all.

Yes I realise there is no Postcode area with the code PI, but as you said it looks like there is no data validation takes place. The latest one that seems to be prevalent in the UK is for reclaiming insurance premiums on loans. I had one the other day and he was extatic that he 'thought he had a live one' with all the info I gave him. I assume they are on commission if they ever get to deal with a legitimate claim. He was going to send me all the documentation to start processing the claim, so I would have loved to see the dismay on their faces when they couldn't actually find the address for Mister Margaret xxxxx.

The other type of call I have been getting is from 'Microsoft' telling me my computer is infected with a virus. I kept one of them on the line for over an hour trying to connect into the computer remotely to diagnose the problem, by telling me to go to various websites, none of which would work. I eventually decided to give up as I had to go out, so I asked him to explain how he was trying to connect to the machine. I explained that I am on dial-up internet which doesn't work at the same time as I was speaking to anyone on the phone. There was then an exasperated yell then 'click!'

[wolfie]

I've had people call wanting Washington DC, and when I told them we were Washington State....most are like "oh okay derp" but there is still a frighteningly high portion that don't seem to realize Washington DC and Washington State are different places.

You want to really blow their minds? Explain that one Washington is the District of Columbia, and the other Washington is immediately south of British Columbia.

Sometimes I find it difficult to stop laughing as the caller asks if he is speaking to 'MISTER Margaret xxxxxx' Now I don't know about non english speaking countries, but I am unaware that any man would ever be called Margaret. I know that some names can apply to either sex, but a bloke called Margaret?

Probably a bit too fond of the Johnny Cash song "A Boy Named Sue".

[SongsOfDragons]

A not-so-profane joke for British Postcodes is French fish!! ^^

PO15 5ON

PO is also a real area; it's part of Portsmouth. It probably doesn't actually point you to a street.

[Aethian]

You want to really blow their minds? Explain that one Washington is the District of Columbia, and the other Washington is immediately south of British Columbia.

Thats evil...I like it.

[TheCheerfulTreeRat]

PO is also a real area; it's part of Portsmouth. It probably doesn't actually point you to a street.

When doing agency work I once delivered a letter to 69 Lovett Road - postcode PO3 5EX...

[NorthernZel]

A good source for finding funny replies to obnoxious telemarketers: http://www.wedonotuse.com/

[Chromatix]

PO15 5ON

You're right, although there is a PO15, there is no 5ON subcode to it (nothing between 5LX and 5PL - I have a copy of the database that was leaked a while ago). Presumably whoever was in charge of assigning the codes was wise to the joke, especially in a port city.

Explain that one Washington is the District of Columbia, and the other Washington is immediately south of British Columbia.

...and there's another Columbia that you *really* don't want to visit - the actual sovereign country by that name.

[depechemodefan]

I had a customer call, wanting the address to a company in Washington. I asked if it was Washington state or Washington DC. She was confused.

...and there's another Columbia that you *really* don't want to visit - the actual sovereign country by that name.

YOu mean the country of Colombia? It's actually a really beautiful country. I never had problems the times I visited it.

[Ironclad Alibi]

You want to really blow their minds? Explain that one Washington is the District of Columbia, and the other Washington is immediately south of British Columbia.

Not to mention about 30 different Washingtons in as many states.

[Bunny]

I think I was there when that smarmy salesman trying pitching to you that lame sales pitch! Reminds me of something like Lionel Hutz from the Simpsons would do!! :P

[Gurndigarn]

A couple months after I switched over, I got a call from someone who said he could offer me internet service for the "low price" of $x/hour. I told him I already had service, and was only paying $20 a month no matter how much I used it. The guy stammered for a bit, trying to figure out how to "save" the sale, and then realized he had nothing to offer me, and politely ended the call.

At least he gave up. AT&T was once trying to get me onto their credit card-- this was a long time ago-- and finally got ahold of me after 3-4 efforts. The tenacity continued after they finally got me. I almost immediately said "no" and I hadn't finished that when they rushed on "OhIseewhyyoumightfeelthatway, Mr. Grandigurn, but..."

I didn't really hear what happened after that, since I put the phone down on the table next to the cradle. I mean, I was polite. And I had said no in a way that you couldn't really mistake. So... talk to air.

And apparently she did. For a long time. I came back ten minutes later, realized the phone was still off the hook... and heard the click of a call disconnecting.