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Greetings! I have a new job as a cashier, and as such, lots of stories. Horrible stories. So grab your popcorn. A bit of background here – I work in a cafeteria with short order cooks, and I ring everyone up. All the people who come through my line are employees of the same company I work for. (end BG)
Someone Needs to Calm Down
So on this particular day, we were serving vegetarian lasagna as the special. You could get meat sauce on it if you wanted, thus making it non-vegetarian. This guy came through and talked to the cook before he talked to me. I didn't hear everything he said.
Me: Hello!
SC: Hi. I want two specials.
Me: Okay, did you get meat sauce on either of them?
SC: (angrily) How the FUCK should I know?
Me: (pointing at the cook) Well, did you tell him to put meat sauce on them?
SC: What are you even saying?
Me: Meat sauce?...
SC: “Mee sauce?”
Me: MeaT sauce! As in beef! It's like a spaghetti sauce with beef in it.
SC: YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN!
Me: (taken aback) I'm sorry. I was just trying to be cheerful.
SC: WELL, IT'S NOT WORKING! THIS IS BAD CUSTOMER SERVICE!!!
Me: ….So. Do. You. Want. Meat. Sauce?.
SC: YEAH! (pays, and fortunately leaves once he gets his order)
I'm sorry, what seems to have crawled up your ass and died this afternoon, sir?
Just One of the Many Services I Provide
More background. We have these cards you can use as meal coupons. They are only good for one meal each, though they include a drink and some kind of side such as salad. People try to abuse this in all sorts of imaginative ways.
SC: I'd like macaroni and cheese and hot dogs, please.
Me: Okay, do you mean you want hot dogs chopped up in the macaroni and cheese? (we normally serve our mac and cheese with meat, either beef or chicken)
SC: NO! I want mac and cheese, and two hot dogs.
Me: So you want two hot dogs chopped up in it, then?
SC: NO! ARGH! I want two hot dogs, in buns! (describing hot dog buns with her hands)
Me: You can't do that on a meal card, ma'am.
SC: WELL WHY NOT? Macaroni and cheese is a side!
Me: (points at the price board) No it isn't. It's two dollars. It's considered a main course for the purposes of these cards. Now which would you like, mac and cheese, or hot dogs? Or would you like to pay with two cards and get both?
SC: I GUESS I JUST WANT THE HOT DOGS! GOD! YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE THINGS SO DAMN DIFFICULT!
A few minutes later one of my managers walks up. He asks “How ya doin'? I reply “I give bad customer service and I make things too damn difficult.” “What??” So I explain to him. “Is either of these people still here?” “Yeah, the second one.” He describes one of the ladies standing waiting for her food. “Yep, that's her,” I confirm. “So in other words she was getting mad at you for doing your job. She tries to pull that with everybody, don't worry about her. If you get a name on the other guy, let me know. Nobody needs to be talking to you like that.”
Score:
Me: 2
SCs: 0
Jedi Mind Powers
I have this one woman who comes through and usually gets a cafeteria tray, puts all her sides and drink on it, and then orders her food to go and puts the tray away.
So I've made it a habit of asking everyone “For here?” to avoid any mistakes, because some people get pissy if their food isn't in a to go box. So one guy shows up and asks for something or other, and I ask him “For here?” despite his tray. He growls “Wha'd ya THINK it was?” Oh, I beg your pardon, sir, I forgot to activate my Jedi Mind Powers this morning.
I'm also supposed to psychically sense that, if you have your purse open at the beginning of the transaction, I should ask you for your employee ID before you put it away. Even though it's clearly posted everywhere you look that you have to have it out for your transaction, and it nearly ALWAYS takes me more than 0.3 seconds to type in the details on your order.
Curiouser and Curiouser
There's one woman who's from my home state, though she's from a different large city than I am and likes to lord it over me that she's from <clearly inferior town>. What I can't figure out is why, every time she comes through the line, she's turbo-bitch. I can't do anything right and she snaps at me constantly while I'm taking her order (we have about the most complicated register possible). And then when she leaves, she's all friendly and smiley and says “Good-bye to Miss <my birth town> from <her crappy town>” or something similar and laughs. Other than having a blood sugar crash and recovering after eating, I can't think what would make her seem like two different people.
Speaking of two different people in one body, there's also a gentleman who likes to be very adamant that he wants his sandwich to be vegetarian, any time he orders a vegetarian sandwich. About a third of the time, though, he wants ham and cheese or something with chicken or fish. I understand eating a varied diet, since I'm technically flexitarian most of the time, but I don't see the point of angrily specifying that a vegetarian sandwich has no meat if you eat meat on a semi-regular basis...I mean, it's not like the cooks are going to get mixed up if they see “tomato sandwich” or “avocado sandwich” and be like “HUR HUR, DIS NEED BEEF!!”
Someone Needs to Calm Down
So on this particular day, we were serving vegetarian lasagna as the special. You could get meat sauce on it if you wanted, thus making it non-vegetarian. This guy came through and talked to the cook before he talked to me. I didn't hear everything he said.
Me: Hello!
SC: Hi. I want two specials.
Me: Okay, did you get meat sauce on either of them?
SC: (angrily) How the FUCK should I know?
Me: (pointing at the cook) Well, did you tell him to put meat sauce on them?
SC: What are you even saying?
Me: Meat sauce?...
SC: “Mee sauce?”
Me: MeaT sauce! As in beef! It's like a spaghetti sauce with beef in it.
SC: YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN!
Me: (taken aback) I'm sorry. I was just trying to be cheerful.
SC: WELL, IT'S NOT WORKING! THIS IS BAD CUSTOMER SERVICE!!!
Me: ….So. Do. You. Want. Meat. Sauce?.
SC: YEAH! (pays, and fortunately leaves once he gets his order)
I'm sorry, what seems to have crawled up your ass and died this afternoon, sir?
Just One of the Many Services I Provide
More background. We have these cards you can use as meal coupons. They are only good for one meal each, though they include a drink and some kind of side such as salad. People try to abuse this in all sorts of imaginative ways.
SC: I'd like macaroni and cheese and hot dogs, please.
Me: Okay, do you mean you want hot dogs chopped up in the macaroni and cheese? (we normally serve our mac and cheese with meat, either beef or chicken)
SC: NO! I want mac and cheese, and two hot dogs.
Me: So you want two hot dogs chopped up in it, then?
SC: NO! ARGH! I want two hot dogs, in buns! (describing hot dog buns with her hands)
Me: You can't do that on a meal card, ma'am.
SC: WELL WHY NOT? Macaroni and cheese is a side!
Me: (points at the price board) No it isn't. It's two dollars. It's considered a main course for the purposes of these cards. Now which would you like, mac and cheese, or hot dogs? Or would you like to pay with two cards and get both?
SC: I GUESS I JUST WANT THE HOT DOGS! GOD! YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE THINGS SO DAMN DIFFICULT!
A few minutes later one of my managers walks up. He asks “How ya doin'? I reply “I give bad customer service and I make things too damn difficult.” “What??” So I explain to him. “Is either of these people still here?” “Yeah, the second one.” He describes one of the ladies standing waiting for her food. “Yep, that's her,” I confirm. “So in other words she was getting mad at you for doing your job. She tries to pull that with everybody, don't worry about her. If you get a name on the other guy, let me know. Nobody needs to be talking to you like that.”
Score:
Me: 2
SCs: 0
Jedi Mind Powers
I have this one woman who comes through and usually gets a cafeteria tray, puts all her sides and drink on it, and then orders her food to go and puts the tray away.
So I've made it a habit of asking everyone “For here?” to avoid any mistakes, because some people get pissy if their food isn't in a to go box. So one guy shows up and asks for something or other, and I ask him “For here?” despite his tray. He growls “Wha'd ya THINK it was?” Oh, I beg your pardon, sir, I forgot to activate my Jedi Mind Powers this morning.I'm also supposed to psychically sense that, if you have your purse open at the beginning of the transaction, I should ask you for your employee ID before you put it away. Even though it's clearly posted everywhere you look that you have to have it out for your transaction, and it nearly ALWAYS takes me more than 0.3 seconds to type in the details on your order.
Curiouser and Curiouser
There's one woman who's from my home state, though she's from a different large city than I am and likes to lord it over me that she's from <clearly inferior town>. What I can't figure out is why, every time she comes through the line, she's turbo-bitch. I can't do anything right and she snaps at me constantly while I'm taking her order (we have about the most complicated register possible). And then when she leaves, she's all friendly and smiley and says “Good-bye to Miss <my birth town> from <her crappy town>” or something similar and laughs. Other than having a blood sugar crash and recovering after eating, I can't think what would make her seem like two different people.
Speaking of two different people in one body, there's also a gentleman who likes to be very adamant that he wants his sandwich to be vegetarian, any time he orders a vegetarian sandwich. About a third of the time, though, he wants ham and cheese or something with chicken or fish. I understand eating a varied diet, since I'm technically flexitarian most of the time, but I don't see the point of angrily specifying that a vegetarian sandwich has no meat if you eat meat on a semi-regular basis...I mean, it's not like the cooks are going to get mixed up if they see “tomato sandwich” or “avocado sandwich” and be like “HUR HUR, DIS NEED BEEF!!”
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