NAW-THING?! Long multiple stories

[Skarredmind]

Background. I am the Night Auditor of a fairly popular hotel, in a tourist area, that also has a VERY popular bar/night spot. (Especially on weekends during the summer)

You don't got NAW-THING?

SC "She had too much to drink. Do you have any rooms?"

Me "No, I'm sorry, we're sold out."

SC "You don't have nothing?"

No... I DO have nothing. That's the problem!

Me "No, I'm sorry, we're sold out for tonight..."

SC "Nothing?"

Me "Yup." I do believe that is what sold out means, right?

SC "Nawthing?!"

Me ...

SC ... (With a healthy dose of cat butt face)

Me ...

SC ...

Uh oh, someone came to a battle of minds. Shame he came unarmed...
Me "Anything else I can do for you?"

SC "You don't have ANYTHING?"

I suppose you could sleep on the ground in the parking lot maybe... put your head in traffic k?

Me "sold. out."

SC (walks away with his drunk gf grumbling about how ridiculous it is...)



Where is my room!

Sober Guest: "Is this the way to my room?"

Huh? Who the hell are you, how would I know?
Me: "It could be... which room is it."

SG: "Is this the way to my room?"

Uh, yes? I am at the front desk...
Me: "You can get to your room from here... Which room is it?"

SG: "[Room number we don't have]... I was just here."

Oh good. You're 4 levels above the roof. I heard there is a great view from up there.
Me: "Uhh we don't have that room number in the hotel... Can I have your last name?"

SG: "I WAS JUST HERE!"

You and 300 other guests. Congratulations but the amount of time between your arrival at the front desk does not correlate in ANY way with which room you're staying in.
Me: "..."

SG: (grudgingly) "[Name]"

Me: "Oh, you're in [ROOM]... yeah, you just go down that hall there all the way to the end."

SG: (Grumbling, Storms off)
Thank YOU for playing. I understand being lost sucks, but there is no reason to be a sh*t to me because you can't rememeber your own room number.



The NOISE, THE NOISE!!

Background: Did I mention a busy/popular bar/night spot? Yeah, we have live music every weekend. Its good great freaking amazing for our business on the weekends... its TERRIBLE for the folks staying in the hotel. It also means that I get yelled at, EVERY. DAMN. FRIDAY and SATURDAY. In addition to them being the busiest nights of the week, I also spend a good chunk of my night fielding issues with noise.

Honestly? I blame the people higher in the food chain here. I don't really fault the guests for being unable to sleep, or for being upset at the noise. Really. I don't. I sympathize, and I will do just about everything I can to help them. For some, just doesn't matter. I am either unhelpful or a jerk.

This one STARTED reasonably enough. SC called to complain, I explained the situation, apologized profusely, and we moved on with the night.

Then she called back 45 minutes later, and threatened to call the cops. She was planning to call the police on the hotel, because the hotel bar was too noisy. I told her that I couldn't stop her from calling, but that I suspected that the police wouldn't do anything about it. She demanded to speak to the bar, I transferred her, hoping things would be settled.

Lo, and behold, the bar lowers the volume on the music somewhat. Now she thinks she has ULTIMATE POWER!! So... about an hour later (15 minutes before the band closes down for the night) the volume goes back up as they do their final song or two of the night.

SC (over the phone) "Hi, I called down there a little while ago."

Oh God, here we go again.
Me "You did. I remember."

SC "The band is still playing."

Me" They are, I am sorry again for the noise. Like I told you before they will be finished at 1am. So please just give it a few more minutes."

SC "You are disturbing the peace. I am gonna call the police."

Me "You're welcome to Ma'am, but by the time they get out here the band will be done playing, and the hotel will be quiet..."

SC "Because this is a hotel, I consider this a residental area."

Thanks for the update Judge Judy.

SC "There is no reason for any music to play in your bad past Midnight. You know that because this is a residental area that if I call the police you could lose your franchise."

My brain screeched to a halt here. What? We're independently owned not a franchise for one... but this ISN'T a residential area just because you decided it is...

Me "... Uh... what?"

SC (said in a voice indicating that I am the dumbest piece of feces on the planet) "The police will take away your FRANCHISE!! Then you won't be able to sell liquor anymore!!! Then what will your bar do?!"

Oh... so franchise = liquor license. Which makes me wonder why the franchised burger place down the street doesn't sell beer.

Me "... I don't... think it works like that... "

SC "Look, I called before and told them that if they didn't turn down the music in five minutes I was going to call the police. Now, I DEMAND that you do something about it."

Me "Ma'am as I explained before, I am just the Night Auditor, not a manager, I can't do anything about it. I'd like to encourage you to contact my manag-"

SC "You could go unplug the speakers."

Wait... what?
Me "... Uh... No. No, I couldn't."

SC "Why not? This music is too loud, this is blah blah blah"

Me "Uh. Because they'd fire me."

SC "Well I am going to tell your manager that you aren't being very helpful."

Me "I'm sorry you feel that way, but like I've said before, there is really nothing more than I've already done that I can do to help you. Again, I'd like to apologize, and encourage you to contact my man-"

*CLICK*



No how do you really feel about me?

Background: We have sports tournaments near us occassionally. Some weekends the whole hotel is packed to capacity with poorly behaved children athletes idiot drunk parents. Its also worth pointing out that we don't have a continental breakfast. We have a full service restaurant on site. MOST of these soccer teams don't get the breakfast vouchers, so no breakfast for them unless they pay. Its a part of their contract, and something reiterated to them when they check in, because invariably there are EW problems. Most are cool with the idea since it saves them a cool $5 on the room. Some, just don't get it. The following takes place at 12:30am.

Me (Picking up Phone) "Front Desk, this is Skarredmind"

EW "I just wanted to know what time breakfast is tomorrow."

Me "Sure, the restaurant opens at 6:30 am and breakfast runs until 10am"

EW "My kids have a 8:30am game tomorrow. I was calling to find out if you can put out breakfast early for them."

Me "No, I am sorry, breakfast is handled by the restaurant, they have a chef who comes in to cook it, and servers who-"

EW "What the hell? You're beating around the bush man! I just want to know whether you can put out breakfast early tomorrow or not!"

Oh Hi angry guy! Where did the other person I was talking to go.
Me "OH... well then, no. No, I can't"

EW "YOU'RE A JACKASS!" *CLICK*


Now, I have to say, that when this happened I literally burst out laughing. I am glad no one was around, because I suspect someone having heard my part of the thing might have had the wrong idea. But really? I'm a jackass because I won't break the lock into the kitchen's walk in and cook breakfast for daddy and his widdle soccah pwayers?

"Here you go kids... some raw egg concentrate, a handful of pickles, and... uhh... mayonnaise. All the mayo you can eat! Chow down!"

Thanks for sticking with me!! Hope it was worth the read LOL.

[Rena_Muffin]

It was worth the read. I understand the noise complaint to some degree, I get most people aren't like me and can't sleep unless there is complete silence (myself I need some white noise or I toss and turn most of the night) but she should have gotten it through her thick skull that there was nothing you could do. As for the soccer dad story, I could see this happening. "Great" example the guy was showing for his kids.

Anyways, thanks so much for sharing.

[Skarredmind]

Oh I TOTALLY agree that the noise issue is (in and of itself) a valid one. I hate having to deal with it as much as the guests have to really. (Much as some would argue the issue, to them it seems that I enjoy being yelled at.) I also completely understand (and agree with) the idea that the hotel SHOULD be quiet during sleeping hours. (I mean having a place to sleep is the main purpose of a hotel in the first place right?)

In fact, most of the people I talk to understand that its not like *I* am out there making a racket, and believe me when I say that the whole shebang is going on above my paygrade. I tell them that I make sure to collect the info from the folks who complain and pass it on to my manager, and then also urge them to call him about the issue. He's aware and refunds/comps rooms on a fairly regular basis for these folks. Of course my guest above was too busy telling me about franchises, and re-zoning the hotel's property for me to try to pass along my manager's info heh.

[BroSCFischer]

You don't got NAW-THING?

Where is my room!

The NOISE, THE NOISE!!

I deal with all of these, especially the club one. Oy.

SC

[AmbrosiaWriter]

One of my friends cannot fall asleep without it being very, very quiet. However, she also understands that there is no guarantee that the place she is staying can be as quiet as she likes when she goes to sleep - and she dislikes calling the front desk to complain.

So she packs ear plugs. 100% chance for the quiet she needs to fall asleep whenever she wants. She also sprung for the very nice set that are super comfortable.

[PepperElf]

"Here you go kids... some raw egg concentrate, a handful of pickles, and... uhh... mayonnaise. All the mayo you can eat! Chow down!"

that made me giggle.

SC "Well I am going to tell your manager that you aren't being very helpful."

what a cockwallet. She's going to complain that you wouldn't get yourself fired for her eh?

So she packs ear plugs. 100% chance for the quiet she needs to fall asleep whenever she wants. She also sprung for the very nice set that are super comfortable.

I sometimes wear headphones if I can't sleep.

[figgyx]

me too

I have been the night auditor for several different hotels and most of what you posted I have had to deal with as well. I did work at one (rhymes with Milton) where we had 6 floors of rooms and the three rooms over the bar on each floor could surely hear the base from the band reverberating in their rooms - all the way up to the top floor. We only sold those rooms on sold out nights but it was always a terror for us when we did. I would field call after call about when was the band gonna stop.

As far as sold out nights. I would always get the same type of person. When told there were no rooms available the questions would begin. What I always hated was how I would have to stop what I was doing and call around to various hotels to find a room for the loser. This was a nice thing that I did but it was always a pain. One time a guy was waiting in line behind one of my checkins and when it was his turn I informed him we were sold out he said (and I quote) Why the F did you not tell me that sooner? Like I had ESP and knew he was not one of my reserved guests.

[Pixilated]

It was worth the read. I understand the noise complaint to some degree, I get most people aren't like me and can't sleep unless there is complete silence (myself I need some white noise or I toss and turn most of the night) but she should have gotten it through her thick skull that there was nothing you could do. As for the soccer dad story, I could see this happening. "Great" example the guy was showing for his kids.

Anyways, thanks so much for sharing.

Ah, another guest who's watched too many cop-and-lawyer shows on TV. I sympathize about the noise too, but hey -- TALK TO THE MANAGER.Who incidentally is long gone by midnight. The manager might not be able to actually stop it, but at least he/she can pass along the complaints to the owner(s). (And don't all those comped rooms start to hurt the bottom line after a while ...??)

Thanks for sharing. Makes me kinda glad that the local hotels don't seem to be looking for employees ...

[AmbrosiaWriter]

Ah, another guest who's watched too many cop-and-lawyer shows on TV. I sympathize about the noise too, but hey -- TALK TO THE MANAGER.Who incidentally is long gone by midnight. The manager might not be able to actually stop it, but at least he/she can pass along the complaints to the owner(s). (And don't all those comped rooms start to hurt the bottom line after a while ...??)

Thanks for sharing. Makes me kinda glad that the local hotels don't seem to be looking for employees ...

That depends on if the hotel makes any money from the bar/club and how much money it is. It could be that the profits from the venue easily cover and exceed the comped/discounted rooms for those days.

[SkullBash]

SG: "[Room number we don't have]... I was just here."

Oh good. You're 4 levels above the roof. I heard there is a great view from up there.

LOL. And Willy Wonka will be in the elevator to take you. If you want to view paradise...

[Jay 2K Winger]

"Here you go kids... some raw egg concentrate, a handful of pickles, and... uhh... mayonnaise. All the mayo you can eat! Chow down!"

"We asked for eggs and milk, and Dad made us eat this!"

[Rainman]

"We asked for eggs and milk, and Dad made us eat this!"

BILL COSBY STANDUP!! haha I've always loved that one. "Dad is great! Gave us the chochlate cake!"

Anyway, yeah i can understand being upset at a loud club under you when you wanna sleep, but that lady just sounded straight idiotic. Go unplug the speakers, yeah. . . okay. I also dig that she magically changed the zoning laws too, that was special.

[Pizzacommando]

Hmmm, if hotels are considered residential areas then wouldn't the entire Vegas strip be residential?

[AmbrosiaWriter]

Hmmm, if hotels are considered residential areas then wouldn't the entire Vegas strip be residential?

No. Only the parts of the buildings that have hotel rooms are residential, the floors/rooms with casino are commercial. Duh!

[DGoddessChardonnay]

BILL COSBY STANDUP!! haha I've always loved that one. "Dad is great! Gave us the chochlate cake!"

Here ya go . . . Chocolate Cake

Anyway, yeah i can understand being upset at a loud club under you when you wanna sleep, but that lady just sounded straight idiotic. Go unplug the speakers, yeah. . . okay. I also dig that she magically changed the zoning laws too, that was special.

Some people just seem to live in their own little universe where they are Queen of the World.

I sure would like to take a peek inside her entitled head just to study it and see how in the Hell does she equate a hotel with a residential area?

But that would require massive funding and I'm fresh out.