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A tale of two sucky "customers" (and one nice one). Warning: contains harsh swearing, necessary for the telling.
This is a story my boyfriend (we'll call him the Underlord) related to me when he got back from work yesterday. You need to know that he has a lip-ring and tattoos and long blue/black hair, and the other floor manager (OFM) has long auburn hair and two lip-rings. They work in a discount bookstore.
Two young women, who might be describes as chavs if one were to use that sort of terminology, enter the shop.
Chavette 1: Have you got any of them, fuckin', red nose* fings innit?
OFM: *Blinks* ... No, we don't sell them.
Chavette 2: You look like Rapunzel or fuckin' Sleepin' Beauty or somefin'!
Chavette 1: Yeah, you've got girl's hair, innit!
The Underlord, hearing insults being thrown at his staff, steps in.
Underlord: May I help you, ladies?
They goggle at him for a moment.
Chavette 1: Are you, like, a fuckin' emo?
Underlord: No.
He draws himself up to his full six-foot-one.
Underlord: ... I am a goth.
Chavette 2: Yeah but, they're like the same fuckin' fing innit!
Underlord: No. We have been around for much longer. And our music is significantly better.
Chavette 2: Well you're a fuckin' lairy cunt innit!!
Then they run away.
Underlord (under his breath): bitches!
Then he spots the customer who is waiting, a rather posh sort of lady -
Underlord: Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to say that out loud.
Posh lady (kindly): That's perfectly all right. You've just been called a cunt.
* As any UK-based posters will be aware, today is Red Nose Day. For those who might not have heard of it: Red Nose Day is a peculiar British event where people do "wacky" or "crazy" things, like sitting in a bath full of baked beans or wearing an Ali G outfit to work, ostensibly to raise money for charity. This is done whilst wearing a "hilarious" red clown nose, which are available from many retail outlets, but not the Underlord's store. In the evening, alleged comedians bully the British public into making donations in an all-night telethon. It's all good clean fun, and it's for a good cause, I suppose.
This is a story my boyfriend (we'll call him the Underlord) related to me when he got back from work yesterday. You need to know that he has a lip-ring and tattoos and long blue/black hair, and the other floor manager (OFM) has long auburn hair and two lip-rings. They work in a discount bookstore.
Two young women, who might be describes as chavs if one were to use that sort of terminology, enter the shop.
Chavette 1: Have you got any of them, fuckin', red nose* fings innit?
OFM: *Blinks* ... No, we don't sell them.
Chavette 2: You look like Rapunzel or fuckin' Sleepin' Beauty or somefin'!
Chavette 1: Yeah, you've got girl's hair, innit!
The Underlord, hearing insults being thrown at his staff, steps in.
Underlord: May I help you, ladies?
They goggle at him for a moment.
Chavette 1: Are you, like, a fuckin' emo?
Underlord: No.
He draws himself up to his full six-foot-one.
Underlord: ... I am a goth.
Chavette 2: Yeah but, they're like the same fuckin' fing innit!
Underlord: No. We have been around for much longer. And our music is significantly better.
Chavette 2: Well you're a fuckin' lairy cunt innit!!
Then they run away.
Underlord (under his breath): bitches!
Then he spots the customer who is waiting, a rather posh sort of lady -
Underlord: Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to say that out loud.
Posh lady (kindly): That's perfectly all right. You've just been called a cunt.
* As any UK-based posters will be aware, today is Red Nose Day. For those who might not have heard of it: Red Nose Day is a peculiar British event where people do "wacky" or "crazy" things, like sitting in a bath full of baked beans or wearing an Ali G outfit to work, ostensibly to raise money for charity. This is done whilst wearing a "hilarious" red clown nose, which are available from many retail outlets, but not the Underlord's store. In the evening, alleged comedians bully the British public into making donations in an all-night telethon. It's all good clean fun, and it's for a good cause, I suppose.
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