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Hi everyone!
Time for the endless suckage that is Introduction Week!
College term began on Monday, which means a new set of 18-year-olds with more money than sense who think they can do whatever the fuck they please now that mum isn't looking over their shoulder. A couple of highlights so far:
First, the usual suspects:
Endless gripes from the bouncers about foreign IDs, most of which are a laminated pieces of paper that I could make in 10 minutes.
Equally endless haggling for drinks at the bar. Your poverty does not constitute an emergency on my part. I will not fill your glass a little extra because you are my buddy. Exact money for exact booze. That's the extent of our relationship. Nothing more, and sure as shit nothing more.
I won't pour some extra liquor into the chick you're trying to chat up's drink either. Even if you pay for it. I'm not going to be an accessory to your attempted date-rape. At least be honest about what you're trying to do and get some roofies.
18-year-olds know vodka-RedBull and tequila. That's all they drink, because they don't know how to order anything else.
Yes, foreign exchange student, liquor prices are high in this country. No, I'm not handing out free drinks. It's illegal here. I have no idea how things work where you're from, but newsflash: You're not there anymore!
Yes, you're drunk. No, you're not getting another one. Every "come on, please!" only moves you further away from that drink. And I am not a "fucking cunt" for refusing it to you. You'll thank me in the morning.
And a few specials:
One guy was chucked out for being piss-drunk at a quarter past ten. His dad came and fetched him (an hour's drive) and promptly chewed the guy out for not being able to hold his liquor.
Another guy got caught in the act of smashing up a table. Awesome boss had a field day with him.
Apparently, it's prefectly OK to grab the barspoon from behind the bar and give your vodka-RedBull a stir because the bartender had to turn his back to get you a swizzle-stick. Like he won't notice. I don't like it when customers stick their hands behind the bar, but if I see them go for the box of straws I let it slide. Fuck with my gear, though, and you get the fang.
Best so far, however: Chick stands at bar. Typical Paris Hilton-wannabe. Tries to yell for me and wave her daddy's credit card incessantly. I have six people before her and my earplugs in, so I treat the whole thing with my usual serene calm
. Then, I spot her hand reaching down behind the bar and grabbing a fistful of shotglasses.
Our shotglasses are the kind you can get a twelve-pack of for 2$ at IKEA (that's where we get them ), nothing fancy at all, but we have huge problems with glass thefts. I'm with another customer, so I just look at her and snarl. Usually enough to dissuade would-be glass thieves, so this time too. However, most glass thieves have the decency to look embarrassed and slink away. Not this one. She continues yelling and waving daddy's credit card, as if I hadn't caught her trying to steal stuff. I walk up to her.
"We wanted some shots, so we thought we'd help you get the glasses ready."
Yeah. Right.
"Turn around and walk away. I'm not going to serve or be polite to someone I caught stealing!"
Cue CBF and stomp-off. She'll be back, but the booze-God is a vengeful and vindictive God...
Time for the endless suckage that is Introduction Week!
College term began on Monday, which means a new set of 18-year-olds with more money than sense who think they can do whatever the fuck they please now that mum isn't looking over their shoulder. A couple of highlights so far:
First, the usual suspects:
Endless gripes from the bouncers about foreign IDs, most of which are a laminated pieces of paper that I could make in 10 minutes.
Equally endless haggling for drinks at the bar. Your poverty does not constitute an emergency on my part. I will not fill your glass a little extra because you are my buddy. Exact money for exact booze. That's the extent of our relationship. Nothing more, and sure as shit nothing more.
I won't pour some extra liquor into the chick you're trying to chat up's drink either. Even if you pay for it. I'm not going to be an accessory to your attempted date-rape. At least be honest about what you're trying to do and get some roofies.
18-year-olds know vodka-RedBull and tequila. That's all they drink, because they don't know how to order anything else.
Yes, foreign exchange student, liquor prices are high in this country. No, I'm not handing out free drinks. It's illegal here. I have no idea how things work where you're from, but newsflash: You're not there anymore!
Yes, you're drunk. No, you're not getting another one. Every "come on, please!" only moves you further away from that drink. And I am not a "fucking cunt" for refusing it to you. You'll thank me in the morning.
And a few specials:
One guy was chucked out for being piss-drunk at a quarter past ten. His dad came and fetched him (an hour's drive) and promptly chewed the guy out for not being able to hold his liquor.
Another guy got caught in the act of smashing up a table. Awesome boss had a field day with him.
Apparently, it's prefectly OK to grab the barspoon from behind the bar and give your vodka-RedBull a stir because the bartender had to turn his back to get you a swizzle-stick. Like he won't notice. I don't like it when customers stick their hands behind the bar, but if I see them go for the box of straws I let it slide. Fuck with my gear, though, and you get the fang.
Best so far, however: Chick stands at bar. Typical Paris Hilton-wannabe. Tries to yell for me and wave her daddy's credit card incessantly. I have six people before her and my earplugs in, so I treat the whole thing with my usual serene calm
. Then, I spot her hand reaching down behind the bar and grabbing a fistful of shotglasses. Our shotglasses are the kind you can get a twelve-pack of for 2$ at IKEA (that's where we get them
), nothing fancy at all, but we have huge problems with glass thefts. I'm with another customer, so I just look at her and snarl. Usually enough to dissuade would-be glass thieves, so this time too. However, most glass thieves have the decency to look embarrassed and slink away. Not this one. She continues yelling and waving daddy's credit card, as if I hadn't caught her trying to steal stuff. I walk up to her."We wanted some shots, so we thought we'd help you get the glasses ready."
Yeah. Right.
"Turn around and walk away. I'm not going to serve or be polite to someone I caught stealing!"
Cue CBF and stomp-off. She'll be back, but the booze-God is a vengeful and vindictive God...
I've had to remind a few people about that. Also that in Australia, our school year starts in January and ends in December across all states 
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