I'm a man, I can't slice bread

[sylvier]

A little fun one from today. Customer is a little guy with the "I'm a big man" complex. I didn't take the order, but I filled it - one dozen buns and a loaf of medium rye. I served him when he came in and told him his bread wasn't sliced. He didn't say anything about that, added a few things to the order and off he went. He called back about an hour later complaining that the bread hadn't been sliced. I told him that the order didn't say anything about slicing the bread, and that I had mentioned to him that the bread was not sliced. He went kind of crazy and said that his wife had broken her arm and couldn't slice bread, and then came out with the line in my title. Seriously? And, he's never coming back and that I should tell the boss. So, he hung up on me. My boss was standing right beside me during this call, so she answered the phone when he called back 5 minutes later. "I'm never coming back. What are you going to do about that?" "Nothing!" I love my boss. We both know he'll be back in about 2 weeks, and we'll be having some fun with him.

[thehuckster]

Can't stand those men who think they're the best thing since... oh wait.

[Pixilated]

Can't stand those men who think they're the best thing since... oh wait.

Oh, and I love your boss too, sylvier!

[XCashier]

I'm a man, I can't slice bread.

Seriously?! How pathetic can you get? It's not like you need a chainsaw.

It's entirely possible that he didn't know the bread didn't come pre-sliced, considering all the standard bread on the shelves is. But it would've been smart of him to listen when you told him the bread wasn't sliced and ask for it to be. Just more proof that Customers Don't Listen.

[Hyndis]

At the local store the bakery sells bread unsliced by default.

However if you ask nicely, they'll drop a loaf of freshly baked bread into the slicing machine and slice it for you.

I've known this since I was about 8 years old. How can this person have not?

[Merriweather]

Love the title. Sounds like something my hubby would say when asked to do something he rarely does - but he says it as a joke, then does it.

I mean, good grief. You might not be able to slice it thinly and evenly, you might not even know which knife is best to use, your slices might not make a magazine photo worthy sandwich, but I think you can manage. And all that is due to not having experience, not chromosones As far as I know, no one has discovered a bread-slicing gene, gender related or not.

[Jay 2K Winger]

1. Take knife
2. Saw knife through bread.
3. ????
4. PROFIT.

Seriously, it's not hard.

Random quote that sort of fits: from the movie 'Snatch.'

Bullet-Tooth Tony: "What about you? You want one [a knife]?"
Cousin Avi: "Oh, no, not me. I wouldn't know what to do."
Tony: "It's a knife, for fuck's sake. What's been keepin' your fork company all these years?"

[Food Lady]

Haha nice Southpark reference. I try to explain that episode to people who haven't seen it, and they never get why it's funny. But I about fell off the sofa.

[Merriweather]

Haha nice Southpark reference. I try to explain that episode to people who haven't seen it, and they never get why it's funny. But I about fell off the sofa.

I love that episode.

[Kristev]

What? He can't slice bread because it doesn't bleed? How pathetic.

[dalesys]

I'm a man, and to be perfectly honest, I just gnaw at the loaf until it's all gone...


like any othe rat.

[PepperElf]

or there's always the lazy way.
buy a loaf in the bread dept. they come pre-sliced from the factory.

[lordlundar]

Sheesh! even I can slice bread.

I can't seem to slice it straight, but I can slice it.

(and in just under 2 hours I'll have a nice new loaf of homemade sourdough to practice on. Yum!)

[PatchO'Black]

Oh, good gravy and biscuits. If he is implying that only women can prepare food, I'm sure a number of professional cooks and chefs would like to speak to him about this belief.

[Pagan]

Seriously?! How pathetic can you get? It's not like you need a chainsaw.

It's entirely possible that he didn't know the bread didn't come pre-sliced, considering all the standard bread on the shelves is. But it would've been smart of him to listen when you told him the bread wasn't sliced and ask for it to be. Just more proof that Customers Don't Listen.

Every grocery store that has a bakery, most their loaves aren't sliced. He's had to have noticed that.

At the local store the bakery sells bread unsliced by default.

However if you ask nicely, they'll drop a loaf of freshly baked bread into the slicing machine and slice it for you.

I've known this since I was about 8 years old. How can this person have not?

Whole Foods does that.

Oh, good gravy and biscuits. If he is implying that only women can prepare food, I'm sure a number of professional cooks and chefs would like to speak to him about this belief.

That is exactly what he's getting at. Which makes him a misogynistic jerk. And kind of makes one wonder just how the wife's arm got broken in the first place....