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Here's a few fun quickies from the call center this month. Oh and no, sorry, there's no basketball involved, it couldn't be that much fun...we're talking SC's here...
Anyhow, I was working as a sorta-supervisor a lot, so many of these were escalated to me.
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ME: Okay, so what is your problem?
SC: YOU PEOPLE have been posting my payments late every month! And I do NOT want to get another reminder call from YOU PEOPLE again just because you are all too damn incompetent to post my damn payment!
ME: Okay, when did you send the payment?
SC: I didn't, my bank did.
ME: Okay, when did the bank send it.
SC: Five days before the due date.
ME: Five business days, or just five days?
SC: Five days.
ME: So...the past two months it has had three days to get from [your state] to Texas? It usually takes a week or more.
SC: THAT'S NO EXCUSE FOR INCOMPETANT WORKERS! I BETTER NOT BE GETTING ANOTHER F***ING CALL FROM YOU PEOPLE AGAIN ABOUT MY LATE BILL!
[click]
Gee, time is a cruel mistress, huh? It's a shame that utility company employees are incapable of bending time and space, how did we even get into this business without powerful superhuman abilities such as telephathy and altering time?
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There's a cast of characters in this one.
ME = ME
SSC = Sucky Sister Customer
SBC = Sucky Brother Customer
AM = Answering Machine
SSC: Hi, I need to get service out of my name at an address.
ME: Okay, well since there's no one to take over service we can only schedule a shut off of gas service, also this account is not under your name so we can't make any changes.
SSC: FINE! Well you'll just have to call me brother! His number is xxx-xxx-xxxx! [click]
ME, not wanting to help out any, but also not wanting to be irresponsible, I call the sucky brother: Hi, this is ominousoat from [gas supplier] regarding [address] your sister just called to stop service and I needed your permission to talk to her.
SBC: Oh, well it's fine to talk with her.
ME: Okay, well I do have some questions about this account for you. We aren't able to take your name off of the account without shutting the gas off.
SBC: Well why not? It's winter, we can't shut the gas off, but I'll be damned if I have to keep paying for those bills.'
ME: Well, someone has to pay for them, otherwise the gas needs to be shut off.
SBC: Well just call the renter and have him switch it into his name! The number is xxx-xxx-xxxx!
ME: Well, that's not really my responsibility
SBC: Like hell it isn't! The number is xxx-xxx-xxxx! And if they don't take responsibility for the bill shut their gas off!
[click]
At this point it was clear that these two were related. They both inherited a penchance of spouting phone numbers and orders, then hanging up. However, once again not wanting to let their poor tenant / buyer / whoever freeze, so once again I begrudgingly do the bidding of these evil people.
I dial the number, and lo & behold...
AM: Sorry, I'm not here right now, please leave a message!
So after all of that I end up with a machine. I have a feeling this madness isn't over.
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A bit of information on this one, we charge a nominal fee to pay with a credit card over the phone, this will come in handy for the next two. Also, for anyone who has never had to pay anything with a credit card, there are three certanties in life: Death, taxes, and additional fees to pay with a credit card.
SC: I want my [nominal fee] waived.
ME: I'm sorry, but no one here, including the supervisors can actually waive that fee.
SC: You guys screwed me over last month, I deserve something in return! I DEMAND you waive that [nominal fee]. (she was referencing a small mistake that applied to all of our customers, we took full responsibility for the mistake and refunded everyone any possible charges that may have been incurred due to the mistake.)
ME: I apologize that you feel that way, but since that was over a month ago, and not remotely related to your [nominal fee] we really can not waive it for you.
SC: Well I want to speak to a supervisor.
ME: I'm the closest there is to a supervisor right now, and they can't do anything for you either.
SC: Well...I [click]
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Cast of characters:
ME = Me
SC1 = Hilda, the squeaky german
SC2 = Bruno, the gruff, effeminate german...think the Sacha Baron Cohen character of the same name.
SC1(in high pitched voice, thick german accent): I am needing to pay the bill with credit card!
ME: Okay, just to let you know, there will be a [nominal fee]
SC1 We will not pay it!
ME: Okay, then you will have to mail in your payment.
SC1: WE MUST USE A CREDIT CARD! (in a sing-song voice)
ME: Okay, but there will be [nominal fee]
SC1: Let my get *garbled name* and get his APPROVAL! (high pitched emphesis on approval, seriously think of German women in Bugs Bunny cartoons...)
SC2: Why do we haaaaave to pay this fee!
ME: The company that processes the payments charges us, so we charge the customer.
SC2: Soooo you are saaaaying we can not paaaay with a credit caaaard?
ME: No, I'm saying you'd have to pay [nominal fee] along with the bill.
SC2: Well thats nooooooooot acceptable! Did yooooou know that most companies doooooon't charge a fee to pay with a credit caaaaard?
ME: I'm sorry, this is our system, you will have to mail in your payment then.
SC2: WE CAN'T DOOO THAT!
ME: Then you'll have to pay [nominal fee]!
SC2: This iiiiiisn't faaaaaaair! [click]
How surreal...
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Anyhow, I was working as a sorta-supervisor a lot, so many of these were escalated to me.
+++
ME: Okay, so what is your problem?
SC: YOU PEOPLE have been posting my payments late every month! And I do NOT want to get another reminder call from YOU PEOPLE again just because you are all too damn incompetent to post my damn payment!
ME: Okay, when did you send the payment?
SC: I didn't, my bank did.
ME: Okay, when did the bank send it.
SC: Five days before the due date.
ME: Five business days, or just five days?
SC: Five days.
ME: So...the past two months it has had three days to get from [your state] to Texas? It usually takes a week or more.
SC: THAT'S NO EXCUSE FOR INCOMPETANT WORKERS! I BETTER NOT BE GETTING ANOTHER F***ING CALL FROM YOU PEOPLE AGAIN ABOUT MY LATE BILL!
[click]
Gee, time is a cruel mistress, huh? It's a shame that utility company employees are incapable of bending time and space, how did we even get into this business without powerful superhuman abilities such as telephathy and altering time?
+++
There's a cast of characters in this one.
ME = ME
SSC = Sucky Sister Customer
SBC = Sucky Brother Customer
AM = Answering Machine
SSC: Hi, I need to get service out of my name at an address.
ME: Okay, well since there's no one to take over service we can only schedule a shut off of gas service, also this account is not under your name so we can't make any changes.
SSC: FINE! Well you'll just have to call me brother! His number is xxx-xxx-xxxx! [click]
ME, not wanting to help out any, but also not wanting to be irresponsible, I call the sucky brother: Hi, this is ominousoat from [gas supplier] regarding [address] your sister just called to stop service and I needed your permission to talk to her.
SBC: Oh, well it's fine to talk with her.
ME: Okay, well I do have some questions about this account for you. We aren't able to take your name off of the account without shutting the gas off.
SBC: Well why not? It's winter, we can't shut the gas off, but I'll be damned if I have to keep paying for those bills.'
ME: Well, someone has to pay for them, otherwise the gas needs to be shut off.
SBC: Well just call the renter and have him switch it into his name! The number is xxx-xxx-xxxx!
ME: Well, that's not really my responsibility
SBC: Like hell it isn't! The number is xxx-xxx-xxxx! And if they don't take responsibility for the bill shut their gas off!
[click]
At this point it was clear that these two were related. They both inherited a penchance of spouting phone numbers and orders, then hanging up. However, once again not wanting to let their poor tenant / buyer / whoever freeze, so once again I begrudgingly do the bidding of these evil people.
I dial the number, and lo & behold...
AM: Sorry, I'm not here right now, please leave a message!
So after all of that I end up with a machine. I have a feeling this madness isn't over.
+++
A bit of information on this one, we charge a nominal fee to pay with a credit card over the phone, this will come in handy for the next two. Also, for anyone who has never had to pay anything with a credit card, there are three certanties in life: Death, taxes, and additional fees to pay with a credit card.
SC: I want my [nominal fee] waived.
ME: I'm sorry, but no one here, including the supervisors can actually waive that fee.
SC: You guys screwed me over last month, I deserve something in return! I DEMAND you waive that [nominal fee]. (she was referencing a small mistake that applied to all of our customers, we took full responsibility for the mistake and refunded everyone any possible charges that may have been incurred due to the mistake.)
ME: I apologize that you feel that way, but since that was over a month ago, and not remotely related to your [nominal fee] we really can not waive it for you.
SC: Well I want to speak to a supervisor.
ME: I'm the closest there is to a supervisor right now, and they can't do anything for you either.
SC: Well...I [click]
+++
Cast of characters:
ME = Me
SC1 = Hilda, the squeaky german
SC2 = Bruno, the gruff, effeminate german...think the Sacha Baron Cohen character of the same name.
SC1(in high pitched voice, thick german accent): I am needing to pay the bill with credit card!
ME: Okay, just to let you know, there will be a [nominal fee]
SC1 We will not pay it!
ME: Okay, then you will have to mail in your payment.
SC1: WE MUST USE A CREDIT CARD! (in a sing-song voice)
ME: Okay, but there will be [nominal fee]
SC1: Let my get *garbled name* and get his APPROVAL! (high pitched emphesis on approval, seriously think of German women in Bugs Bunny cartoons...)
SC2: Why do we haaaaave to pay this fee!
ME: The company that processes the payments charges us, so we charge the customer.
SC2: Soooo you are saaaaying we can not paaaay with a credit caaaard?
ME: No, I'm saying you'd have to pay [nominal fee] along with the bill.
SC2: Well thats nooooooooot acceptable! Did yooooou know that most companies doooooon't charge a fee to pay with a credit caaaaard?
ME: I'm sorry, this is our system, you will have to mail in your payment then.
SC2: WE CAN'T DOOO THAT!
ME: Then you'll have to pay [nominal fee]!
SC2: This iiiiiisn't faaaaaaair! [click]
How surreal...
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