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Or, you could have said, wide-eyed, "Oh, I'm terribly sorry! I had no idea you couldn't read! All our other customers are very literate, you see. What a terrible handicap it must be for you; have you looked into adult reading courses?"
As for insisting you come over while you have a tray full of glasses? Fuck that. I DO deal with shit like that all the time. It usually goes something like this....
JESTER: "I'll be with you in just a few moments."4
SC: "I just need a Jack and coke and a--"
JESTER: "I'll be with you in a few moments.".
You know, I get that when I'm in the hospital. I'm in the middle of a crisis, and someone wants something, then complains about poor service. I'm sorry, but I'm gonna finish saving this guy's life first, thank you very much.
I would never interrupt a worker with his hands full. Duh: he's busy! You wait for him to come back out not busy to ask for service.
At most I would just raise my hand to catch the attention of someone working in the bar, and wait for a server.
They say that God only gives us what we can handle. Apparently, God thinks I'm a bad ass.
Next time he comes in, just cut him off and say that you're all out of bottled water (preferably while holding a bottle). Tell him he can a> drink tap/hose water (which is likely what's in the bottles anyway), b> settle down and behave himself, in which case you'll get his drinks like anybody else, or c> leave
I think he'd be more inclined to go with d>insist that you sell him the bottle you're holding (even if you just drank out of it) at a massive discount "for the inconvenience"
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. -Groucho Marx
Every once in a while someone who thought that they were entitled to all the hand-holding money can buy for the price of a drink would materialize. Big difference was we were never empty. They'd expect it after waiting four deep at the bar, with the same behind them! "What do you have?" "Alcohol." "But what kiiiiiiinnnnnnnddddd?"
Answer: "Ethyl, but I could get you some of our private reserve of methyl."
Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.
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