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  • #1

    How to fail at buying cigarettes

    Circa 2001, CVS at the mall, cashier is at the register, and unfamiliar customer approaches while I'm behind the counter doing some other chores.

    SC: "Yo, uuh, can I get some marbreds?"
    Cashier: "May I see some ID?"
    SC: "Uuuuuuh... *points at me* ...he knows me."
    Me: "Huh? Who are you?"
    Cashier: "ID, please."
    SC: *storms out, screaming "FUUUUUCK!!!" *
    Cashier: "Ooookay, then."

    Apparently people think I am such a cool guy I'll back up any random stranger's story.
    Fiancee: We're going to need to do laundry. I'm out of clean pants.
    Me: Sounds like a job for Gravekeeper!
    Fiancee: What?!
    Me: Nevermind.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Even if I had known them, I think I'd have said, "no," just because I'm evil like that.
    If I make no sense, I apologize. I'm constantly interrupted by an actual toddler.

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    • #3
      Yeah...We are not to take each other's word that someone is old enough at the C-Store. No ID, no smoke. Simple...well, simple for non-SC's anyway!
      "And though she be but little, she is FIERCE!"--Shakespeare

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      • #4
        Quoth thehuckster View Post
        Cashier: "ID, please."
        SC: *storms out, screaming "FUUUUUCK!!!" *
        "I still need to see your ID, Mr. Fuck."
        Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

        "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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        • #5
          Quoth thehuckster View Post
          Cashier: "May I see some ID?"
          SC: "Uuuuuuh... *points at me* ...he knows me."
          Me: "Yeah, I do, and you're definitely NOT old enough to buy these"
          Cashier: "GTFO, please."
          SC: *storms out, screaming "FUUUUUCK!!!" *
          Cashier: "Ooookay, then."

          Apparently people think I am such a cool guy I'll back up any random stranger's story.
          Edited for the way it would have gone down, had I been in your place. 'Cause I'm just evil like that.
          Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. -Groucho Marx

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          • #6
            We card everyone at the tax office--yes even 20 year customers and personal friends.
            I recall this convo best (she wasn't really sucky):
            Lady: Hi. The name is Mary Smith [not her real name, of course] I'm here to pick up my refund check and copy of my return.
            Me: Identification, please.
            Lady: What if I don't have an ID?
            Me: (Pointing to the coffee pot in the waiting area) Then the only thing to change hands will be a cup of joe.
            She left empty handed (not even free coffee)

            A couple minuted later her husband came in with proper ID.
            I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up my keister!

            Who is John Galt?
            -Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

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            • #7
              Quoth Syriilord View Post
              Edited for the way it would have gone down, had I been in your place. 'Cause I'm just evil like that.
              Obviously not evil enough - you forgot to slip in a remark about him needing to bring his fake ID if he wants to buy smokes, so on a future visit, if he has his ID with him, the clerk might refuse him, believing it's the fake ID you mentioned). Where's the Cthulu smilie, or the "One called Night" smilie? Devil isn't evil enough.
              Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.

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              • #8
                Quoth wolfie View Post
                Obviously not evil enough - you forgot to slip in a remark about him needing to bring his fake ID if he wants to buy smokes, so on a future visit, if he has his ID with him, the clerk might refuse him, believing it's the fake ID you mentioned). Where's the Cthulu smilie, or the "One called Night" smilie? Devil isn't evil enough.
                Yeah. I'm only 82.6% evil. Sorry about that. I'll try harder in future
                Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. -Groucho Marx

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                • #9
                  I've had this happen several times at The Bar.

                  SC: "Can I get a vodka tonic please?"
                  ME: "Sure. May I see some ID?"
                  SC: "What? I'm in here all the time. You know me!"
                  ME: "Nope. Can't say that I do."
                  SC: "Well, I must be here when you aren't working. But I'm here all the time. Everyone here knows me."

                  And one of three things will happen.

                  1. I will be the only one there, so there will be no coworkers to check with. SC FAIL. And they don't get served.
                  2. A poll of my coworkers will get a bunch of blank stares when asked about the SC. SC FAIL. And they don't get served.
                  3. A poll of my coworkers will reveal that one of them actually does recognize them, and they will, in fact, get served. SC FAIL for being an idiot and expecting that if one bartender at a bar knows them, everyone will. Also a FAIL for not having your ID when you are in your twenties.

                  The best was when I was waiting tables at the Waterfront Bar. Dude sits down at one of my tables and orders a beer. I ask for his ID.

                  SC: "Dude, I don't have my ID with me."
                  ME: "Then I'm sorry, sir, but I won't be able to serve you alcohol."
                  SC: "But I work security at Major Landmark Key West Bar."
                  ME: "Then you of all people should know that you need your ID."
                  The SC paused and realized I was right. And then tried a different tack.
                  SC: "But I'm in here all the time. All the bartenders know me."
                  ME: "Well, if any of them will vouch for you, no problem. Which one do you know?"
                  SC: "Those guys? I don't know any of them."

                  Working behind the bar that day were four of the longest tenured employees in the establishment, ranging from 12 to 20 years of tenure. If the guy was in there "all the time," he should recognize at least ONE of them.

                  I served him exactly ZERO alcoholic drinks that day. SC FAIL.

                  "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is                   Still A Customer."

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