Nice knowing you...

[Kara]

Here's a couple of customers I'm glad we're losing.

ME = Cute little CSR
SC = Doofus

SC: I want to get my phone replaced but you guys said you won't do it. Unless you people can take care of a longtime customer, I'm going somewhere else.
ME (troubleshooting was already done by Tech, now he's my problem): I'm definitely wouldn't want to lose you (I am so bad ), and I understand you need to have a working phone. I see you have the Samsung (the model isn't important, but I think it could qualify as an antique), and it's been several years since we offered that device. The warranty expired 4 years ago. Now, we can look at some newer devices for you, included this new free camera phone from Samsung with a contract.
SC: I don't want a contract. I don't want to upgrade, because I plan on upgrading later this year, but I don't want to now. I know you guys still have these phones, so just replace it for me.
ME: Actually, like I said, we haven't had that device in years. They don't make it any more.
SC: What? Why did you stop making it? It was a good phone, and you guys had to go and do something stupid like that?
ME (why oh why do people think the carriers make the phones. Samsung isn't exactly a no-name company and we sure as heck don't own them): Well, we didn't make the device to begin with. The manufacturer did. They stopped making it because there were newer phones that came out since then to replace it. Now, the new phone is basically a much more updated version of your same phone, and you can expect even better performance out of it...
SC: I don't want to upgrade. I'm not doing a contract.
ME: I know you want to get an upgrade later on, but we could look at the device you want now and see what discount would be available.
SC: No, I'm just going to find someone else.
ME: But you understand that they will require a contract just to get started. Plus-
*click*

Call #2

ME: Hi again
SC: Doofus (the female of the species this time)
SUP: My lead rep

ME: *greeting*
SC: I want to talk to someone in management!
ME: Well, I am an "account specialist," and I'd be happy to go over any issues your having.
SC: I talked to a rep on the weekend and they wouldn't help me. Get me a manager NOW!
(Before even talking to my boss, I reviewed her account. All lines were canceled already, and she had called on Saturday wanting a credit for 543 minutes in overage. The rep said no, since the usage was valid. Now she's trying again. So I go to my sup, he's busy, so I go to my lead rep who takes over the call).
SUP: I understand you wanted to speak to a manager.
SC: Yes. My daughter had to call HP because we were trying to set up (Competitor)'s internet service. She had to call from her mobile phone, and they kept putting her on hold. She didn't know that calling a 1-800 number would use her minutes. It was an honest mistake and we shouldn't have to pay this bill.
SUP: Well, I see a few calls to a 1-800 # on the bill here.
SC: Yes, those are the calls that made us go over.
SUP: And it looks like you had a total of 45 minutes total for the calls.

I'm afraid I didn't get to hear the rest of the call. I was muted on the line from my desk, listening in. But we're kind of not supposed to do this, and I got a tap on my shoulder from my sup that just about made me scream (and came closer to providing me with a wet chair than I care to think about), so I had to disconnect from the call. But the point is, 45 minutes of calls to anyone do not = 543 mins of overage. Second, why do people not realize that calling an 800 # still uses your minutes. It's a toll-free call (actually, HP used to charge $30 per call but I don't know if they still do), which means you don't get charged long-distance for calling it. It does not mean you won't use your minutes. It's a call like any other.

[sarahj]

It's a toll-free call (actually, HP used to charge $30 per call but I don't know if they still do), which means you don't get charged long-distance for calling it. It does not mean you won't use your minutes. It's a call like any other.

Seriously, I thought a toll-free call meant it was free. So it's charged as a local call then?

[Gurndigarn]

Seriously, I thought a toll-free call meant it was free. So it's charged as a local call then?

Airtime charges are separate from the local/long distance question. So if, for example, you were with some pipsqueek cell carrier that still charged for long distance calls, you wouldn't get billed long distance for calling an 800 number, but you would still be charged airtime from the cell company.

Since most cell companies absorb the cost of long-distance calls, it means that for most cell phone owners, there is no special advantage of calling an 800 number over any other number.

[SCSlave]

I, too, am a "Wireless Warrior Princess"---and I feel your pain.

It KILLS me when people walk in with these huge ass Nokia phones that have been around since God was a child--and they're pissed off because they don't work right anymore. Seriously? Take a look at it...it's got DUCT tape holding it together for God's sake! (Honest to God....I see 4 or 5 of these gems daily--duct tape or scotch tape) Of course it doesn't work anymore.

You know what ones I really love? The ones who come in and scream and rant and rave about their phone 'not working'. They claim they haven't been able to make a call in MONTHS..and want something as compensation (free service, free new phone...whatever their fancy). Then you look up their account.

"Um...when was the last time you were able to make calls?"
"TWO MONTHS ago!!!!"
"Ok...well it shows here, you've made 15 calls today, 8 calls yesterday....this month alone, you've used 800 minutes...last month was..."
The look on their faces is always Morons. Don't they know we are all knowing??

[Reyneth]

"Um...when was the last time you were able to make calls?"
"TWO MONTHS ago!!!!"
"Ok...well it shows here, you've made 15 calls today, 8 calls yesterday....this month alone, you've used 800 minutes...last month was..."
The look on their faces is always Morons. Don't they know we are all knowing??

Don't they ever look at their bill? Mine shows exactly how many calls, if they were incoming or outgoing, to which number, what time, and how long they lasted. Duh. I love it when the overdramatic ones get caught.

[Boozy]

I don't even pretend to understand my cell phone contract. Hell, I haven't even read it. My husband signed me up for it. He just handed me the phone and said, "Don't use it if you have the option of using a landline instead."
Every time I pick up the phone and dial ANY number, I assume its costing something. Its hardly my phone companies fault if I can't be bothered to even read and understand the contract.

[TWOLF]

I had a customer straight up ask me" You expect us to read our bills?" Well duh, that's why we send them, so you can see any issues.

[ahanix1989]

I love the old Nokia 5165's.
Just got our phone bill, my Grandma used exactly 3 minutes last month

[Kara]

Don't they ever look at their bill?

You would be horrified to know the truth. 9 out of 10 customers admit to me that not only do they not read the bill, other than the part to cut out and send for payment, but many don't even open the bill. They just blindly pay whatever. The best argument is "Well, I should be able to trust my provider to not make mistakes!" Sorry, but mistakes happen. If there's something you were charged for and it's not valid, we want to know so we can fix it. A lot of people, though, they thought they changed the plan but didn't, or thought something was included and it wasn't, and when you ask them if they had taken the time to notice the info on their bill and they always say "Well, I never look at my bill, I just pay it."

I don't go over all my bills with a magnifying glass, but I at least know what I am being charged for and why If something doesn't look right, I'll get an explanation right away, not 6 months later.

Its hardly my phone companies fault if I can't be bothered to even read and understand the contract.

You are a wonderful human being and I wish all customers were like you.

[tollbaby]

Since most cell companies absorb the cost of long-distance calls, it means that for most cell phone owners, there is no special advantage of calling an 800 number over any other number.

Err... maybe in the great land of Planet US, but not anywhere else, they don't. At least not in Canada, Australia, Japan, China, most of Europe or the UK (places where I've got friends living who I could check with).

[Rapscallion]

I, too, am a "Wireless Warrior Princess"---and I feel your pain.

It KILLS me when people walk in with these huge ass Nokia phones that have been around since God was a child--and they're pissed off because they don't work right anymore. Seriously? Take a look at it...it's got DUCT tape holding it together for God's sake! (Honest to God....I see 4 or 5 of these gems daily--duct tape or scotch tape) Of course it doesn't work anymore.

The Boss had an elderly phone like that. He dug it out a while ago - that fellow is huge! Duct tape, check, but have you ever seen one that had a meat skewer that was stuck in where the arial had broken off?

It worked.

Rapscallion

[Imogene]

meat skewer that was stuck in where the arial had broken off?

Didn't that happen in Idle Hands? One of the guys who got killed/reanimated into a zombie had been killed by a sawblade thrown through his neck, and the main char was trying to figure out how to get his head back on... took a meat fork, stabbed it into the guy's neck, slipped his head back on, duct taped the cut closed.

[Naaman]

Here in the UK when you dial a "0800" (free) number from a mobile you get a service message saying that "whilst it's a freephone number a there will be a charge, please dial again with 08100 and the rest of the number" - sorted