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Love Letter the First
While hooking up a red BMW that's parked in a private lot without a permit, I notice a piece of paper on the dash, declaring:
Sorry Brandon my homey, I hate to be dissin' you and your crew of "boyz" but dis be tow man turf, and note or not, I'm gonna' wreck your shizzle for rizzle!! Unless you got $115, your whip is mine fo' real! Straight cash, it's how Argabarga rolls....
*Owww.... my aching head*
Wow, you actually DO lose brain cells when you talk like that...... who knew?
Love Letter the Second
Another car, another lot, another note. This one was much more blunt:
Wow, did you see the two exclamation marks? I did! Guess he REALLY means it!
You know what I didn't see in all that?
The word "please"
(wouldn't have mattered, but seriously, where have manners gone?!
)
Square Peg, Very Small Square Hole
While returning to base with a freshly-caught Chevy Cobalt, I end up backed up at a stop sign, with about 4 or so cars in front of me. The line has us backed up far enough from the corner that I'm sitting on a portion of the street where parallel parking is allowed, the line of parked cars curbside effectively narrowing the 2 lane street to 1.3 lanes. Put a tow truck in there with a car on dolly wheels, and it effectively narrows the street to about .75 lanes, in other words, I'm like the kink in the garden hose, there's no getting past me until the cars in front of me move and I can pull forward to where there's a full lane without parked cars.
Well, sure enough, someone in a hurry coming the other way sees the obvious obstruction, slows, and decides he's going to chance it.... he's NOT going to fit.
I have my window down so I hold out my hand...... he rolls his down
Me: You're not going to make it past me, just hold on until I can move forward
Him: Naaah... I can make that!
Me: You won't
Him: I think I can!
*I notice his rearview mirror is about 1/2 an inch from hitting mine, if he doesn't clear the mirror by more than that, he's certainly NOT clearing the dolly wheels trailing me.... he might be thinking he can squeeze through, but it's all wishful thinking, and now he's pulling ahead again.....
*
Me: Sir, you know, waiting a few seconds is free, broken parts cost money.
Him:.......... yeah, you're right.
10 seconds later, the backlog cleared and I got out of his way. At least I was able to talk some sense into him... he wasn't sucky. So, what's the excuse for the rest of you kamikaze drivers? You realize that your precious little Audi doesn't tip the scales at anywhere NEAR my F-450 right? And that's not even considering what I might be pulling behind me. I can't get out of your way very easily, and the car I'm towing is even harder to dodge, in any non-freeway head-to-head matchup, I'm going to win in every category.... not giving me at least some token right-of-way is foolish. It's as dumb as racing a freight train to the crossing (which you probably do too, so, nevermind)
Public Service Announcement the First
When the cops boot your car for unpaid parking tickets, don't try driving off....... with the boot still attached....... you'll just put some interesting dents in your car. And when the cops see what you are doing, they will just call me in to tow your car off to the impound and you'll have to do the walk-of-shame to the District Magistrate's Court to get written official authorization before we'll let you pay your $115 and get your car out of the hock.... On the bright side, the *thump* of the *MAGISTRATE RELEASE ONLY* ink stamp going on the paperwork DID bring a smile to my face. Why yes, those are very big block letters, and they're RED, VERY red.......
Public Service Announcement the Second
Hey, Redneck Joe, I know you have a hard time thinking about things other than what that chick over there looks like naked, or what bar restroom toilet you left your "These Colors Don't Run" ballcap floating in, but I got some important information you might want to consider. Get a load of this: Cops these days have these fancy things called "computers" in their cars. And those thingys are hooked up to other "computers" at this place called "The DMV" where the records of every plate and vehicle are stored. And, you ain't gonna believe this, but the computer in the cops car can "talk" to the ones at the DMV and see if the plate on your Ford belongs on it, or on another truck entirely, like say that Chevy you took it off of that probably went to the junkyard last year* to just save yourself that hassle of legally registering it and whatnot. And if they find that out, they ain't gonna be happy with you. In fact, they'll be so UNHAPPY that they'll pull you over, have us come out, impound your truck, take the plates, and now you'll have to do the walk of shame to the District Magistrate's Court to get written official authorization before we'll let you pay your $115 and get your truck out of the hock.... On the bright side, the *thump* of the *MAGISTRATE RELEASE ONLY* ink stamp going on the paperwork DID bring a smile to my face. Why yes, those are very big block letters, and they're RED, VERY red....... Except this time, without plates, the Magistrate won't even LET you drive it away, it'll have to be towed out, but, look on the bright side. $50 will get you 10 miles of tow in any direction!
* I'm assuming it was a Chevy because the yearly safety inspection sticker on the windshield had all the signs of being pilfered from the same truck the license plate came from. Wrinkly, held on with scotch tape, etc. See, when they give you a new sticker, they write the VIN of the vehicle on the back, so you can't swap it with another vehicle. Well, as this gentleman showed, you CAN, but you'll get caught, when the first 5 of YOUR VIN is "1FALP....." (Ford) and the one on the sticker is "1GN1X......" (General Motors) there's no sweet talkin' your way outta that!
While hooking up a red BMW that's parked in a private lot without a permit, I notice a piece of paper on the dash, declaring:
THIS IS BRANDON TOUGHGUY'S CAR!
Call 555-5555 if you need it moved, but DO NOT tow or f*ck with this car!
-Brandon's Boyz
Call 555-5555 if you need it moved, but DO NOT tow or f*ck with this car!
-Brandon's Boyz
Sorry Brandon my homey, I hate to be dissin' you and your crew of "boyz" but dis be tow man turf, and note or not, I'm gonna' wreck your shizzle for rizzle!! Unless you got $115, your whip is mine fo' real! Straight cash, it's how Argabarga rolls....
*Owww.... my aching head*
Wow, you actually DO lose brain cells when you talk like that...... who knew?
Love Letter the Second
Another car, another lot, another note. This one was much more blunt:
DO NOT TOW my car!!
Wow, did you see the two exclamation marks? I did! Guess he REALLY means it!
You know what I didn't see in all that?
The word "please"
(wouldn't have mattered, but seriously, where have manners gone?!
)Square Peg, Very Small Square Hole
While returning to base with a freshly-caught Chevy Cobalt, I end up backed up at a stop sign, with about 4 or so cars in front of me. The line has us backed up far enough from the corner that I'm sitting on a portion of the street where parallel parking is allowed, the line of parked cars curbside effectively narrowing the 2 lane street to 1.3 lanes. Put a tow truck in there with a car on dolly wheels, and it effectively narrows the street to about .75 lanes, in other words, I'm like the kink in the garden hose, there's no getting past me until the cars in front of me move and I can pull forward to where there's a full lane without parked cars.
Well, sure enough, someone in a hurry coming the other way sees the obvious obstruction, slows, and decides he's going to chance it.... he's NOT going to fit.
I have my window down so I hold out my hand...... he rolls his down
Me: You're not going to make it past me, just hold on until I can move forward
Him: Naaah... I can make that!
Me: You won't
Him: I think I can!
*I notice his rearview mirror is about 1/2 an inch from hitting mine, if he doesn't clear the mirror by more than that, he's certainly NOT clearing the dolly wheels trailing me.... he might be thinking he can squeeze through, but it's all wishful thinking, and now he's pulling ahead again.....
* Me: Sir, you know, waiting a few seconds is free, broken parts cost money.
Him:.......... yeah, you're right.
10 seconds later, the backlog cleared and I got out of his way. At least I was able to talk some sense into him... he wasn't sucky. So, what's the excuse for the rest of you kamikaze drivers? You realize that your precious little Audi doesn't tip the scales at anywhere NEAR my F-450 right? And that's not even considering what I might be pulling behind me. I can't get out of your way very easily, and the car I'm towing is even harder to dodge, in any non-freeway head-to-head matchup, I'm going to win in every category.... not giving me at least some token right-of-way is foolish. It's as dumb as racing a freight train to the crossing (which you probably do too, so, nevermind)
Public Service Announcement the First
When the cops boot your car for unpaid parking tickets, don't try driving off....... with the boot still attached....... you'll just put some interesting dents in your car. And when the cops see what you are doing, they will just call me in to tow your car off to the impound and you'll have to do the walk-of-shame to the District Magistrate's Court to get written official authorization before we'll let you pay your $115 and get your car out of the hock.... On the bright side, the *thump* of the *MAGISTRATE RELEASE ONLY* ink stamp going on the paperwork DID bring a smile to my face. Why yes, those are very big block letters, and they're RED, VERY red.......
Public Service Announcement the Second
Hey, Redneck Joe, I know you have a hard time thinking about things other than what that chick over there looks like naked, or what bar restroom toilet you left your "These Colors Don't Run" ballcap floating in, but I got some important information you might want to consider. Get a load of this: Cops these days have these fancy things called "computers" in their cars. And those thingys are hooked up to other "computers" at this place called "The DMV" where the records of every plate and vehicle are stored. And, you ain't gonna believe this, but the computer in the cops car can "talk" to the ones at the DMV and see if the plate on your Ford belongs on it, or on another truck entirely, like say that Chevy you took it off of that probably went to the junkyard last year* to just save yourself that hassle of legally registering it and whatnot. And if they find that out, they ain't gonna be happy with you. In fact, they'll be so UNHAPPY that they'll pull you over, have us come out, impound your truck, take the plates, and now you'll have to do the walk of shame to the District Magistrate's Court to get written official authorization before we'll let you pay your $115 and get your truck out of the hock.... On the bright side, the *thump* of the *MAGISTRATE RELEASE ONLY* ink stamp going on the paperwork DID bring a smile to my face. Why yes, those are very big block letters, and they're RED, VERY red....... Except this time, without plates, the Magistrate won't even LET you drive it away, it'll have to be towed out, but, look on the bright side. $50 will get you 10 miles of tow in any direction!
* I'm assuming it was a Chevy because the yearly safety inspection sticker on the windshield had all the signs of being pilfered from the same truck the license plate came from. Wrinkly, held on with scotch tape, etc. See, when they give you a new sticker, they write the VIN of the vehicle on the back, so you can't swap it with another vehicle. Well, as this gentleman showed, you CAN, but you'll get caught, when the first 5 of YOUR VIN is "1FALP....." (Ford) and the one on the sticker is "1GN1X......" (General Motors) there's no sweet talkin' your way outta that!
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