Announcement

**XCashier** · 10-11-2012, 02:41 AM

Your dad rocks!

Many women in customer service have been hit on by guys they'd rather not be hit on by. Eventually you learn the way to put them in their place politely, but it's always nice to have someone who'll back you up.

**Mr Hero** · 10-11-2012, 02:41 AM

So glad you're safe.

And you dodged a bullet in your wording by saying he was creepy as a crypt keeper. If you had said he was creepy as a grave keeper, you'd have gotten a lot of weird looks on this site.

**Kristev** · 10-11-2012, 04:42 AM

More importantly, you escaped a bad situation.

**Seshat** · 10-11-2012, 07:57 AM

Adult woman here. Advantage of experience.

Have your father and some of your co-workers help you practice a Cold Stare.

You sort of .. spread your shoulders. Not squaring them, so much as imagining your scapulas (shoulder blades) are attached to wings, and you're spreading the wings. That 'squares your shoulders' in an even more intimidating way than the usual, but not in an 'I'm about to fight you' way.

It also tends to lift your chin. Allow that to happen. Also allow it to tighten your diaphragm and hold your corset muscles steady. Set your feet firmly on the floor, and relax your knees. Make sure your hands aren't clenched - relax them, and let your arms hang 'at rest'. The 'spread wings' scapula positioning will hold the arms in a good position for this.

While this is happening, draw into your mind all the good and important things about you. You're a strong woman. You are skilled at car repair. You are permitted to manage cash; which means you're trustworthy. You're a good scholar/athlete/whatever-is-true. You're a good (whatever hobbies you have).

In other words, draw into your mind that you are above being treated as an object by any Creepy McCreeperson.

Then with all that knowledge of who you are behind you, allow your face to show that confidence.

Now, there's a couple of ways to do the actual stare. One is directly into their eyes. The other is to look just a little bit off; as if they're not worthy of eye contact.

Practice both forms on your father, and on other men you trust. (Yes, you are most welcome to show them this post, to explain what you want to do.)

Most adult men have encountered enough Creepy McCreepersons themselves to be able to fake it - how well they can fake it depends on their personal acting ability.

So if you need a safe 'Creeper' to practice on, you can ask them to try acting like one.

One last thing. If you want an example of an adult woman dressing down Creepersons, check out our PM. Julia Gillard dressing down Slipper.

Now, the Cold Stare will not drive away all Creepersons. It will drive away many, however.
The next step is the Professional Voice. Maintain the same physical posture, make a point of speaking calmly and slowly, and slightly below your normal speaking pitch. Enunciate everything carefully and clearly, as if you were speaking to a deaf person and making sure they could lip read you clearly.
Take a moment to think of what you're going to say before you say it, and then speak ONLY of professional matters. Pretend you didn't even hear what Creepy said that was inappropriate.

Example:
Creepy says something about how he'd love to ... oh, get into your buns or some such.
You: "So that was one order for burger buns, no patty, no vegetables." Either enter into the computer, or pretend to. (Avoid using the words 'meat' or 'sauce', he'll just misuse them.)
Creepy: tries to continue innuendo.
You: continues to 'interpret' it as orders. "And you wish to supersize it. Very well. Is that all the food you wish to order? We have a deal on the apple pies this week."

If he continues enough to make you uncomfortable, or unwilling/unable to maintain Professional Voice:

Creepy: tries to make it even worse, or more blatant.
You: We do not offer that service, sir. I am bringing my manager to the front to explain this to you.

And DO summon the manager. Respond to anything else he says with "My manager is on his/her way to deal with your request."

Or ignore him; and serve the next customer.

If he even STARTS to look like he's going to get physical; drop professionalism. Yell for help, make sure the cash drawer is closed, and run-do-not-walk for the back of the shop. You do not exist for the pleasure of Creeperson.

If you get a repeat Creeperson, go to the police. Do not pass 'go', do not collect $200. While you're still young and new at handling Creepersons, take your Dad with you.
Unfortunately, the percentage of Creepersons in the community is high enough that by the time you're my age, you'll be cynical and well used to handling them.

Jester and I had a long discussion at one point about the difference between being a flirt and being creepy. (Jester is a huge flirt.)
The difference is that a flirt makes an overture - a single suggestion of flirtishness - and if it's not responded to with a flirty response, he stops. (Or she stops.)
A creep (male or female) doesn't stop.

As you get older, you'll get a sense of probable-flirt vs probable-creep. Use a lesser version of the Cold Stare on the probable-flirts (just a sort of 'professional look', perhaps), and keep the conversation to the business at hand, and a polite flirt will simply nod and switch to business-at-hand.
If the other person keeps 'flirting', that's when you pull out the full Cold Stare.

But if you're sub-18 and LOOK sub-18, true gentleman flirts like Jester haven't started flirting with you yet. Which is why you've not seen them.

If I could, I'd mail Jester to you; he'd be delighted to teach you fun-flirting; and to punch Creeperson in the nose.

**Little Retail Rabbit** · 10-11-2012, 11:10 AM

I am far less tolerant of that kinda shit at the moment (after the groping incident <.< ).

I bypass being coldly polite and make a big fuss now. Even if it were to happen at work, I would do so. But for the most part, at work, you just get sweet little old men who just kindly say you're pretty, because they just want conversation.

My dad is tall and intimidating, and I have no qualms about going to him. One day recently he went to the takeaway to get some fish and chips, and I left about a minute after him, to go to the next door shop to get some ramen. As I was walking around the corner, the damaged plate on my New Rock boot was striking the pavement and making a spur-like chinking noise. A few paces ahead of me, a man heard it and kept looking back at me. At first I thought nothing of it; its a strange noise to hear coming from a pretty strange shoe after all. But I was walking faster than him, and as I started to overtake him, he grinned at me, extending his hand and said "Ohhh you want to hold my hand?" I just frowned at him and said "Err, no!" and overtook him and went into the shop. Then as I got my ramen and approached the counter, the bloke was there again, and as we were trying to move past each other, he did actually touch my hand (I recoiled quickly) and he said "oh what are you like?" like I was the one in HIS way or something. I paid quickly, then shot off into the chippy to stay with dad. He was like "what are you doing here, I thought you wanted noodles?" I said "There's a guy in the store creeping me out." Grr.

When I was a young teenager, I hated wearing bras because I found them profoundly uncomfortable. I started developing about age 11 and only started wearing bras regularly at around age 14. Despite the fact I was busty, however, I didn't look older than my age...even now, in my mid twenties, I am often mistaken for a teenager. On 2 ocassions I know of, my dad copped at someone who made a comment about my chest. The first, I was present for, and it was the partner of an honorary "auntie"...right in front of my parents he said "you have big tits", to which my dad copped...we left shortly after and I never saw my "auntie" again. The second, I only heard about. Apparently, around the same age (12 or 13), I was at a disco, and someone at the bar said something about me dancing around and my big boobs bouncing around. My dad overheard, calmly walked up to the man, took his pint and dumped it over his head, and then informed him of the fact I was his daughter and I was 12. Of course, back then, regardless of the boobs, I was still a little girl, and Dad was defending a child, but I would still like to think he would do that for me now.

**~~PepperElf~~** · 10-11-2012, 02:11 PM

BM: WE will go check it. Come on.

Smart man, your father.

I mean it's one thing to look at a woman and to be attracted, but... when it's an adult doing it and the woman is underage that's something completely different.

like one of my coworkers... he had photos of his fiancé and her daughter (whom he already considered to be his daughter too) on his wallpaper. One of the guys saw the girl and started drooling, asking who she was.

Coworker: Fuck you! She's <age> (I forget... not even 12 I think, although she did look much older).

At least the guys backed off once he told them her age though. It sounds like your Creepy McCreeperson didn't exactly care if you were off limits or not.

**taurinejunkie** · 10-11-2012, 02:43 PM

another tip (from a guy who used to think of himself as fucking creepy

): If the creeper starts hissing, RUN!

ETA: This is just a crappy Minecraft joke.

**raudf** · 10-11-2012, 04:45 PM

I'll second what Sashet says, and add: If you can't ban known regular creepers, never be afraid to ask a male coworker or female coworker (who can handle asshats like this) to take over for you. Some creepers can't/won't take a tact-nuke level "hint," but that doesn't mean you have to serve them yourself.

At the repair center, I had an awful lot of "uncles," (and a couple of real ones) and a few male coworkers who ENJOYED disappointing these guys. And like your dad, my dad would step up if he really didn't like how the guy was behaving or he was afraid I'd reach for the huge wrench under the counter. (He felt I was gonna be dealing with this sort of thing on a regular basis, so I ought to learn in a "controlled environ," on how to handle them. But then he realized I was my mom's daughter...*)

(*He was right.. my husband wasn't amused when a creeper asked him if he could date his "daughter." Umm.. married and I'm a year older than my poor hubby. Yeah, I know, at 24 I looked 18 at worst and hubby at 23 looked 40. Never failed to get a jaw drop, though

)

Oh and this doesn't count the proposals that often happened after I'd manage to help the guy (or gal - got some of those too) fix the problem over the phone. Those were the, "Will you marry me," of pure flirty happiness. It meant they didn't have to deal with a costly repair AND they could use the product NOW. It was only that line and it was back to business.

**csquared** · 10-11-2012, 05:33 PM

I would take Teddy Roosevelt's advice - Walk softly and carry a big stick. I'm thinking tire iron.

**DGoddessChardonnay** · 10-11-2012, 07:00 PM

Quoth taurinejunkie View Post

another tip (from a guy who used to think of himself as fucking creepy

): If the creeper starts hissing, RUN!

Or, if you're in - for example a small convenience store and it's fairly crowded at the counter - speak LOUDLY.

Had to do this a couple of times at the Quick Stop - there's a creepy dude who comes in on occasion who will NOT shut the hell up and leave me alone. He'll not only ogle but continuously yammer about how beautiful I am, blah blah blah (guy acts like he's either drunk, high or both - got kicked out of the WD for that crap years ago, so I know this dude on sight even after so many years but I digress.)

I had to point blank yell at him "BACK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE. YOU ARE IN MY PERSONAL SPACE AND YOUR BEHAVIOR IS MAKING ME UNCOMFORTABLE!!!"

The two guys behind the counter wasted no time in telling Creepy High Guy to GTFO.

Then CHG starts yammering over and over again he's sorry. I don't care - just STfU and get away from me already.

Security guy had to run him out of the parking lot after I'd gotten into the car and CHG actually followed me to the car and, right in front of my Mom, started up again.

Again, I told him point blank to "Shut up and GET AWAY FROM ME." Then I saw out of the corner of my eye the security guy approaching him, yelling at him to get away from the car and get off their property as Mom was able to move the car (we had another vehicle in front of us at the gas pumps that had to move first.)

Yeah, I have a mouth and I can use it when needed.

**blas** · 10-12-2012, 01:29 AM

And always remember, it's NOT your fault that creeps are creeps, and don't ever let anyone try to make you feel bad or guilt you by pointing out that other girls never get hit on or any of that bogus bullshit. Creeps are creeps, a huge problem, and until we can woodchip them all, we gotta know that we aren't the cause of the problem and we need to do our best to keep them away.

**malmalthekiller** · 10-12-2012, 03:33 AM

When I worked at the bank I got a lot of creepy old men and comments from them.

I had one guy tell me , after hearing that I had two jobs, that my problem was that I was, "too good looking, and not rich enough."

I had another man asked me where I lived so he could "come and woo me". Then, once finding out I didn't live very far from the bank, he said, "Oh, that's not very far. I've driven further for people less attractive than you!"

Also had another guy that would come in every Friday, and started remembering little things I said. Not creepy at first, but turned into something weird. Just noticing when I dyed my hair, asking me about something I previously mentioned. When we had a heat wave, he asked how I had done without air conditioning. "I was on the beach and thought of you right away, I remember you said you didn't have air conditioning!" WTF. Do not remember me outside of this business establishment. Thanks.

Also had a sex offender that came in regularly that everyone would tell me to leave the line so that I could get away from him. He would just ogle and make uncomfortable conversations.

Then there are the people that stop you on the street or yell out windows at you. Had a guy sitting on his stoop drinking a 40, yell "Oh you are so BEAUTIFUL!" to me as I walked by. "Oh...thanks." "You have boyfriend? Where is your boyfriend?" None of your fucking business.

Being a woman can suck sometimes.

**Seshat** · 10-12-2012, 04:47 AM

Re: what blas said:

EVERY woman gets hit with creeps. So do some men. For all I know, most men! Even being disabled doesn't help - even a visible disability, or a deformity. It doesn't matter how pretty, plain, homely or even ugly you might be. Size doesn't matter. Location only affects which type of creep creeps on you.

Never - NEVER - be afraid to make a scene. Just stage-set the scene.

In 'The Gift of Fear', the author offers this advice for the stage-setting. Lift your hands in front of you, between you and creep. Palms out, in a 'No' or 'Go Away' gesture. And shout your choice of 'GO AWAY", "LEAVE ME ALONE", "NO" ... anything like that.

If you're not at work and you get creeped on, I'd actually recommend using this as option 1. Leave the Cold Stare and the Professional Voice as at-work options - and if they don't work, use DGoddessChardonnay as inspiration.

I had to point blank yell at him "BACK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE. YOU ARE IN MY PERSONAL SPACE AND YOUR BEHAVIOR IS MAKING ME UNCOMFORTABLE!!!"

(BTW: putting your hands up in that 'No' gesture means they're in a near-perfect position to block an attack.)

**Ghel** · 10-12-2012, 03:30 PM

I've had to deal with a few creepy guys while working here at the bank. Two stand out in my mind. (I may have mentioned them on other threads.)

I opened a checking account for Creepy Old Man about 5 years ago. He seemed nice, well, a little too nice. After I finished the account opening, I was resting my hands on my desk. He put his hand over mine and told me I reminded him of his late wife. I think my silence and blank stare were enough, because he removed his hand. Luckily, I haven't had to deal with him much since.

The other creeper is more of a recurring problem. He's a local business owner who has a high sense of entitlement. He has this habit of leaning on the cubicle wall at the edge of the lobby and staring at me. I can usually get rid of him by asking if there's something he needs.

But the one time that stands out was when he walked over and addressed me as "Sweetpea." I glared at him and (following advice from folks on this forum*) said, "Don't call me that. It's rude." Then he wanted to argue with me. "It's not rude." "I don't want to be called that, so, yes, it's rude." I paused for a second to let that sink in, then said, "Now, what can I do for you?" I took care of what he needed, quickly and professionally.

*I don't remember what thread it was, but somewhere there's some good advice on how to respond to harrassment, including telling the offender to stop what they're doing.

Announcement

Creepy guy is creepy...

Creepy guy is creepy...

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment