I do not need strangers to be my mood monitors

[Food Lady]

I know I have posted this soooo many times. I am beginning to wonder if I am the sucky one or just not suited for face-to-face in a frenetic environment. I was working in cafe this weekend. Today I didn't particularly want to go to work because last night was a slight nightmare. But I wasn't grumpy or anything. I just figured I'd hit the ground running. I went in and asked a few questions, but came in right at rush time on a holiday weekend. So it took me a bit to assess and make a plan for closing. I had 2 girls ask if I had bottled water, and I said in the cooler around the corner. One said she'd like one, and I stopped her to tell her I didn't have buttons for those, that she could grab whatever and I'd scan it. She and the other just stood there like deer in headlights and then left. OK, whatever. I was too busy to even be annoyed, so I took the next lady, the (you decide) SC. I pulled out a cup for her and the whole cup holder came out, the second one to do that in the last 5 minutes. I was trying to fix it while I took her order, but I can do 2 things at once. No biggie. Also, I asked my coworker, who was temporarily helping out, if he could please turn the running water at the sink for me, as it might overflow.

Stop for a second to observe the scene. All the tables are dirty. This lady I'm helping is one in a dining room full of customers. I have water running I'm not even attending to. Condiments are almost gone. I'm standing there with like 30 cups with slushie lids put on them--by me--because it's busy. At one point I am bent over trying to find lids under the counter. It's a bit crazy, but I am moving very fast and do have it somewhat under control. It's clear I'm the one giving direction since it's my cafe tonight and coworker is helping me.

This is when SC-lady asks, "Has it been busy today, because you seem stressed."

And this annoys me. I know sometimes people are genuinely concerned*, but her tone seemed more critical. This is why these types of conversations irritate me:

1) It should be obvious by my breakneck speed and all the people around that I'm trying to keep up. If you have a problem with that, don't shop at a mall store. We are all acting like this because there are so many of you in here.
2) Did I politely take your order? Yes. Did I get it to you in a timely manner? Yes. Was I chatty with you? No. Do you see the people behind you? That's why. Why does it matter what's in my head? Are you going to complain I didn't feel how you wanted me to?
3) Even if I felt like explaining it to you, is it really apropriate for me to discuss with you how I feel about my job, or the issues at my store? No. Are they affecting you negatively? No; you got quick, efficient, professionally polite service. Just let it go. Why draw attention to it?

So I felt like I had to explain that I was running the show, didn't usually have help, and that I didn't know about earlier--as I had just walked in--but it was a busy Saturday now. That seemed to appease her nosiness somewhat, but why couldn't she leave well enough alone?

The best part was that another lady--who turned out to be with the first--was waiting in line and watching me run, and then happened to be my customer rather than my coworker's. I took her order and went to cook it, her watching me the whole time. I got it to her and told her to have a good day, and she just looked at me like I was an alien. I don't know. Maybe they have never witnessed anyone work hard. My guess is the older one hadn't worked in a while.

*There was a guy at the end of the night who was being genuinely sympathetic when he said I looked tired, so yes, I can tell the difference. But seriously, am I doing something wrong? Am I supposed to be all chatty and friendly when my mind is going 1000 miles an hour? Or do people have totally unrealistic expectations? Is this a weird midwestern expectation? I can deal with the frantic pace and workload and people coming at me all day, but this passive-agressive control-the-cashier stuff has to go.

[Mytical]

*hugs* I wish I could tell you what people expect, but I am as clueless as you. I would always get wonderful feedback (according to my bosses) from customers, yet they always seemed to ask if I was angry. So..*shrugs*

[MoonCat]

Some people seem to take it as a personal insult when the person serving them shows any sign of stress. They want cashiers, servers, etc., to act cheerful and happy all the time, even when dealing with a crush of customers and a bunch of problems that make work a PITA. These are the same idiots who tell you to "Smile!"

If you are efficient, professional and polite, they have no right to expect anything more. Your personal feelings are none of their business.

[Andara Bledin]

It's simple, really. Some people who are "in the zone" tend to look angry or upset to the rest of the world.

I can't even begin to count how many times classmates asked me if I was ok while I was nose-deep in a book. It took a bit for me to figure out that I just looked like that when I was concentrating.

So, no matter what the reason they're asking, whether out of concern or because they want something to bitch about, just let it go. Just say that you're busy, because you are, and move on. The assholes aren't worth even worrying over.

^-.-^

[Miss Fatale]

On a recent evaluation, a (male) student told (female) me to smile more.

Look, did I present the material in a clear and easy to understand manner? Was your work graded on time? Did I use a variety of methods, including videos and games, besides straight-up lecture? I did? Then what does it matter if I'm smiling.

The student added that if I should smile more to show that I'm excited about the material. Here's a secret, teaching about nouns, adjectives, paragraphs, etc, isn't that exciting to me. Crazy, right? It's important information, and I try to present it in creative ways, but I didn't actually spend a million years in college covering basic grammar. I'd rather be discussing Shakespeare or something.

[Seshat]

It's simple, really. Some people who are "in the zone" tend to look angry or upset to the rest of the world.

I can't even begin to count how many times classmates asked me if I was ok while I was nose-deep in a book. It took a bit for me to figure out that I just looked like that when I was concentrating.

Apparently I look worried and scared when I'm concentrating. Multiple doctors have mistaken my 'okay, I'm learning about this new illness I've been diagnosed with' face for a worried/scared face.

No, not worried or scared. New illnesses are old hat to me now. Especially obscure ones. Just get on with telling me how to manage it, will you?

[Ellain]

It's simple, really. Some people who are "in the zone" tend to look angry or upset to the rest of the world.

I can't even begin to count how many times classmates asked me if I was ok while I was nose-deep in a book. It took a bit for me to figure out that I just looked like that when I was concentrating.

This. I used to get this all the time. Enough so I started practicing a pleasant expression, and trying to freeze it on my face when I was concentrating on stuff. Seems to have worked fairly well, too!

[starsinthesky]

My husbands angry and/or worried face is the same as his concentrating face.

[veniteangeli]

I taught myself a new line to answer this situation: "My face is not your jurisdiction".

I also use "Hush now, I'm trying to math."

Both of them confuse the person enough that their line of questioning is derailed, nine times out of ten. But then again, my profession is a little different to being a cashier or a shelf stocker or whatever - I deal cards.

[manybellsdown]

Ah yes, Chronic Bitchface. I always used to get "Why do you look so sad?" I'm not SAD, I'm just THINKING.

[TheTigress]

I got this constantly when I was still at Subway. Our stories are so similar it could be either one of us telling it.

They always seemed to point this out when it was extremely busy in the store and me multi-tasking my butt off trying to work on multiple sandwiches and multiple customers. There were a few times on morning shift that while a sandwich was toasting I'd run to the back room at full speed to get a few more green peppers or other prep cut while the sandwich is still toasting and run back out when the toaster goes off. When I am in this state I'm in full "must get tasks taken care of" mode and it can show on my face. I'm also at a disadvantage because I naturally have a pissy expression on my face even if I'm not upset.

Even during the non stressful slow times I've never been very good at the small talk thing but this becomes amplified during the rushes. Lots of SCs get offended when they aren't being treated like the center of attention even if they can see the chaos that surrounds them.

[malmalthekiller]

I completely understand.

"Smile! Ah! There it is!" - After I awkwardly show them a tight smile.
"What's the matter?"
"Hey sweetheart, lighten up a little!"
"You look miserable!"

Surprisingly, none of the above makes me feel better, or like smiling.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I'm just THINKING.

Why don't you get me a Pepsi?

[blas]

The only time that I will admit to giving people shit and playing mood monitor, if you will, was with my most recent ex, Whiney Bitch. He was the typical passive aggressive silent treatment playing type, and his moodiness would affect not only our personal lives, but since we worked together, he could make everyone at work uncomfortable. And the worst part was, not only would he refuse to say what was wrong, but the more anyone tried to help him, the angrier he got, because in his mind, everyone should "know" what made him so upset, why couldn't they "know" what they did "wrong"? Because I try to take my job seriously, I would come to work acting like nothing was wrong and everything was fine no matter what was going on with him, and that made him even more upset. Thankfully, everyone knew that I was mature enough to never start anything on the floor, I would just give him space and do my work and let him make himself look like a fool at work.

What really gets my gourd, is that I am constantly getting nailed for talking too much at work (god forbid I try to get along with others!), and then the rare day I have a really bad migrane or am starting to get sick, I barely speak at all because I feel horrible, I get asked why I'm not talking to anyone or not being social. WTF?

[sms001]

One of my favorites uttered by the insincere "Smile" or "You look stressed", etc. people was always "Hey, slow down there."

Uh, yeah, no. If I worked at a pace (and did all the smiling and chit-chat) you seem to feel is your due when we're interacting, all the people behind you would be peeved. For that matter, the ONLY reason you have time to say that to me is that I worked this pace until I got to you!

I get that I'm one of the only two or three retail people you will deal with today, and you wanna give yourself the warm fuzzies for being nice to the little people; but to me you are one of hundreds of customers that I give prompt, accurate, fair service to in exchange for money.