Wherein Things See The Light Of Day

[Gravekeeper]

I am now situated in my new position facing a new breed of idiocy. Along with some I'm quite familiar with which, as it turns out, are universal constants. It is harder for me to document the blubbering wiles now, but some of them made themselves quite memorable on my first day. And yes, day. My new position is not an overnight shift. No longer do I keep the graves ( sad face ) though I still work late into the evenings.




Lets Try It This Way

Me: "And your phone number, please?"
SC: "Mastercard"

.....Right. Okay. It seems we have a bit of a problem here. Now, you do in fact have answers. But you appear to be having some difficulty matching them up to the appropriate questions. So, how about this: I will write down all of the questions we need answered on the right side of a piece of paper and have it mailed out to you with your next catalog. Then, you can right down all of the answers you think you have ( Name, address, phone number, potato, credit card number, etc ) on the left side of the paper. Once that's done, you can draw a line from each answer on the left to the correct question on the right and then mail it back to us.

It'll be no more difficult that solving the kid's puzzles on the back of a cereal box. Now, I'm sure you've been bested once or twice by a box of Sugar Crisp in your life, but this should be down around Fruit Loop level. Hopefully putting it well within your realm of ability.

Hopefully.




Seriously?

Me: "And your address please?"
SC: "Uh......I don't know. Hang on."
Me: "Alright"
SC: "<Various commotion, voices, then a door opening.>"
Me: "......"
SC: "Okay, just hang on."
Me: "Alright"
SC: "<panting, wind, I can hear snow crunching. So he's outside.>"
Me: "........"
SC: "Almost, just hold on.........okay <pant> it's, uh, Barring Street."

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, he just ran outside and down to the end of the street through the snow to figure out what street he lives on. On one hand he probably shouldn't be trusted with a cell phone or indeed with any form of product transaction. On the other, you have to admire that for all of his alarming mental shortcomings he's still a problem solver.


Me: "Alright, but what's the house number?"
SC: "......Ah, fuck. Uh, sorry, one minute, let me get back. <panting and snow crunching as he runs back to his house>"
Me: "........"
SC: "Okay, uh, it's.....the number is 555."

Excellent! I applaud your progress, my friend. However, as effective as your embarrassing methods are, there is but one last hurdle to overcome. One that will not be so easily vanquished by your simian antics. A final, forboding trial that will test both your strength and your wits.


Me: "Alright, and what city are you in please?"
SC: "..........."

So.....would you like me to hold until you jog out to the city limits to check or sign? Or would you like to give us a call back after you've called a cab?



Okay Then

10:43pm:
Caller threatens to kill himself and blame me in his suicide note if his order doesn't arrive before Christmas.



I Think I Can Solve This One

SC: "I'm on your website and non of the videos will play! I click on them and NOTHING HAPPENS! How do I fix this!?"

Difficulty Level:
There are no videos on our website.




Thought Process

Oh, its coming up on the holidays, I should wish him Merry Christmas! But, wait, no, that might offend him if he's not Christian. Oh no, um, oh! Right! I can say Happy Holidays! No no, but than that might offend him if he IS Christian. What do I do? Oh God he's starting to wrap up the call, I have to say something! Oh god, oh god, think, Cathy! THINK!

SC: "MERRY BYE BYE!"
Me: ".....y-you too, ma'am"

I AM SUCH AN IDIOT.






annnd...er....well no not rest, cus I'm awake during the day now. Uh. Well, end scene.

[Aislin]

Yay! I mean. ... Um. Hi. Sorry for your miss fortune. We missed you.

[chikenlady]

With address dude, how the heck is he going to figure out his postal/zip code?

[Android Kaeli]

Unless someone moved recently -- and by recently I mean within at least the first month or so -- people should know what their address is by then. I guess that's asking too much, huh?

[Kazim]

I'm just glad the only thing i need to worry about is wheteror not the XB360's have allied themself with the WiiU since the XB's failed to kill me last year...

[Soulstealer]

Unless someone moved recently -- and by recently I mean within at least the first month or so -- people should know what their address is by then. I guess that's asking too much, huh?

Yes, but even if you moved recently there's always the rental agreement if you don't have any mail yet.

[zombiequeen]

MERRY BYE-BYE?
That made me giggle so hard. I might have to start using that one.

[dalesys]

MERRY BYE-BYE?
That made me giggle so hard. I might have to start using that one.

Reminds me of the time my mother asked me to say the blessing at a family feast (not Thanksgiving) and I prayed: "We thank Thee to bless this food. Amen."

My eight little siblings were very thankful to me.

[Cat Herder]

Here you go:

[mhkohne]

So, with video dude - was he clicking on static picture and expecting it to move, or was he on some completely unrelated, and highly broken, web site?

Also, good luck with day work. At the very least you should meet some different idiots on the skytrain...

[MoonCat]

Unless someone moved recently -- and by recently I mean within at least the first month or so -- people should know what their address is by then. I guess that's asking too much, huh?

I dunno about that. When I bought my house the new address was burned into my brain. I suppose if I'd moved a lot I might have found it more difficult to remember new addresses.

[Jester]

First off, congratulations on your new job. I think. Hope the daytime works for you. I know that when I was first informed that I was going to be the daytime face of The Bar (I open 4 of the 7 days each week), I was not sure I'd be able to deal with the early hours (I have to be there by 10 am, for goodness sake!), but I've adjusted rather well to it. I hope you do as well.

Caller threatens to kill himself and blame me in his suicide note if his order doesn't arrive before Christmas.

I think this is taking the whole "You've ruined Christmas!" thing to the ultimate extreme. And yet, not only am I not even slightly surprised by it, I actually expect for someone to follow through on such a threat at some point. I'll be watching CNN with half an eye open for this.

SC: "I'm on your website and non of the videos will play! I click on them and NOTHING HAPPENS! How do I fix this!?"

Difficulty Level:
There are no videos on our website.

Sounds pretty much like why I am not getting laid on any of my recent dates: I haven't had any dates recently.

I dunno about that. When I bought my house the new address was burned into my brain. I suppose if I'd moved a lot I might have found it more difficult to remember new addresses.

I've moved a lot. A LOT.

I never had too much trouble remembering my new address.

And for those who are wondering what I mean by "a lot," by my fourth birthday we were in our fifth residence and fourth state. And here's a list of streets I've lived on that I actually remember, just off the top of my head: Colt Court, Heritage Drive, Dubel Lane, Valley Road, La Jolla Drive, Clambake Court (yes, really!), Doubloon Drive, Adelphi Drive, 85th Street, 40th Street, Baseline Road, Bluebell Lane, 13th Street, Apache Boulevard, Thomas Road, Taylor Street, Granada Drive, Roosevelt Boulevard, Josephine Drive, Duck Avenue.

I may have forgotten a few, and I am not including my parents' place that I had to live in for six months in my early 20s due to lack of employment.

Yeah. I'm a moving fucking expert. And even *I* have no problem knowing what address I am currently at, thank you very much!

[Teefies2]

Welcome back Gravekeeper!!!!

Will you get a new name now? Should we have a contest for it??

[Jester]

Gravekeeper is Gravekeeper. Or GK if you prefer. New name? Do you give Superman a new name? Batman? Rapscallion? Jester? (Well, the last one many call Asshole, but that's besides the point.)

[Racket_Man]

Seriously?

Me: "And your address please?"
SC: "Uh......I don't know. Hang on."
Me: "Alright"
SC: "<Various commotion, voices, then a door opening.>"
Me: "......"
SC: "Okay, just hang on."
Me: "Alright"
SC: "<panting, wind, I can hear snow crunching. So he's outside.>"
Me: "........"
SC: "Almost, just hold on.........okay <pant> it's, uh, Barring Street."

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, he just ran outside and down to the end of the street through the snow to figure out what street he lives on. On one hand he probably shouldn't be trusted with a cell phone or indeed with any form of product transaction. On the other, you have to admire that for all of his alarming mental shortcomings he's still a problem solver.


Me: "Alright, but what's the house number?"
SC: "......Ah, fuck. Uh, sorry, one minute, let me get back. <panting and snow crunching as he runs back to his house>"
Me: "........"
SC: "Okay, uh, it's.....the number is 555."

Excellent! I applaud your progress, my friend. However, as effective as your embarrassing methods are, there is but one last hurdle to overcome. One that will not be so easily vanquished by your simian antics. A final, forboding trial that will test both your strength and your wits.


Me: "Alright, and what city are you in please?"
SC: "..........."

So.....would you like me to hold until you jog out to the city limits to check or sign? Or would you like to give us a call back after you've called a cab?

.

I hate to say this but ask anyone in the food delivery business about this and they will tell you this happens WAAAAYYYYY more than it should.

Heck I just posted last week about someone who kept insisting that a 3 story apartment building was PRIVATE HOME AND could not understand why I was asking for an apartment number so I could ACTUALLY deliver their order to the proper place.