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It’s time for the pubs annual Christmas fare again! Who wants to know how it went?
Boss Lady’s husband works as a party planner. Because of this he has access to a lot of really cool equipment. He managed to get us a mechanical bull for the pub. That’s right, we had a friggin mechanical bull in the middle of the pub that was dressed up as a reindeer. That was just exactly what our pub needed with it’s crazy SC’s.
To be honest, they weren’t that bad. I was actually off duty and had just stopped in to help out.
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The first SC was a mother of course. She came up to the bull with her two year old.
SC: Look sweetie, isn’t that funny?
Kid: I want-I want-I want
SC: Oh I think you might be a bit too little to go on that sweetie.
Kid: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
SC: Oh! Oh! Oh no!
She ran over to the co-worker in charge of the bull.
SC: Can she go on? She’s crying!
CW: Oh no. We’ve got a strict age and height limit on this. I don’t think it would be safe.
SC: But she’s crying!
CW: Well maybe we can let her sit on it and keep it stationary.
SC: But that won’t be fun for her!
CW: I can’t have her on the moving machine. She will get hurt.
SC: Then why have you got it out? You’re upsetting children!
She walked away. The child screamed the place down for about ten minutes.
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Customer was on the bull. She started to fall off.
C: Oh God! Crap! Crap!
She fell, laughed and left. Angry man appeared.
SC: You need to control the language of your customers on that bull!
Me: I will try but I can’t guarantee someone will not swear as they fall.
SC: You’d fucking better.
Me: Well that language has just completely cancelled out your complaint.
SC: What language?
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The bull took up a bit of space in the pub, but nothing too bad. We put it in an area that was normally used for standing space for customers. Only about four or five tables were effected (including the booths, but that becomes important later)
Man and wife walk in and see the bull. The man immediately starts shaking his head angrily and storms over to CW (CW was also off duty, so please note that these people were yelling at people dressed in normal clothes and not the actual workers!)
SC: Where have you put the tables that are normally here????
CW: They’re just being stored in our cellar at the moment.
SC: You need to bring them back! We want to sit down here!
CW: There’s no room down here, but we have lots of space near the bar area.
SC: My wife has cancer! She can’t sit near a bar!
CW: Oh..uhh…
SC: She has cancer! She has to sit down and eat right now!
CW: I will just go find a manager.
CW walked away and mouthed “What the fuck??” as she went past me. The two customers walked away and sat down by the bar area. They shooed the manager away when he asked them if everything was OK.
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I don’t want this to sound like I’m bashing fat people at all. I really don’t.
A larger woman attempted to get on the bull, except she couldn’t. She even had her 20-something daughter and husband attempt to push her onto the thing. It wasn’t actually funny to look at. I felt very sorry for her as other customers laughed at her. She gave up and climbed off. She stormed up to the operator.
SC: MONEY BACK! NOW!
O: But it’s only 50p and it’s for charity!
SC: NOW! YOUR STUPID BULL DOESN’T WORK PROPERLY!
Daughter: I’ll take your go Mum.
SC: NO! THIS PUB HAS HUMILIATED ME ON PURPOSE!
She left along with all the sympathy I had for her.
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A co-worker dressed as an elf was standing near the bull asking people if they wanted a turn as they entered the pub.
CW: Fancy having a go on the bull?
SC: Only if I can have a go on you.
CW: Yeah, move on.
CW: Want to try the bull?
SC2: Go away.
CW: You guys look like you’d have fun on this. All money raised goes to charity.
SC3: Leave us the fuck alone.
I love charitable people.
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That’s all the bull stories out the way.
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The bull took up a section of the pub and blocked off the entrance to one of the two booths. The other booth was covered, decorated and turned into Santa’s grotto. The pub had hired a professional Santa to sit in there and give presents to any kids that wanted to see him.
Another angry couple entered. The mechanical reindeer was not loved by angry couples at all!
SC: Can we sit at a booth?
Me: I’m afraid they’re cut off.
SC: That one isn’t!
Me: That’s Santa’s grotto.
SC: Make him move!
Me: I can’t make Santa move. He’s set up quite nicely in there.
SC: We come here every Sunday and the booths are always, always taken, and the one day they aren’t you’re not letting us sit in them! Make Santa move right now!
Me: I’m not tearing apart the grotto. We put a lot of effort into that.
SC: SANTA ISN’T EVEN REEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAALLL!!
SC2: Come on! Let’s go to *rival pub* for lunch!
SC: Yes! They would never do something so disgusting!!
They were in for a treat. I knew for a fact that *rival pubs* kitchen was currently closed for a refit.
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A mother appeared.
SC: I want my children to see Santa, but do you know if he has been properly checked for a criminal record?
Me: What?
SC: I just want to make sure, well you know, that he’s not a sex offender or anything.
Me: He was professionally hired. He will have been cleared.
SC: I will go ask him.
I have never seen anything so awkward. Santa got his paperwork out and proved that he indeed had been checked and was not a sex offended. SC allowed her kids to visit the grotto, but went inside and stared daggers at Santa.
She asked me if Santa was a sex offender while carrying one of her children and the other was stood right next to her. Great way to make your kids paranoid about Santa!
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Santa gave the children a selection box of chocolate when he visited. An annoyed father walked up to CW.
SC: What is this? Chocolate? Is that all you get for visiting Santa?
CW: Well he brought them himself. Maybe you should ask him.
SC: I know a Santa that gives kids x-box games! Not chocolate! How cheap!
I want to know where this Santa is so I can go visit him myself.
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We had Christmas songs playing quite loudly. One of the cooks walked out the kitchen to grab a drink and sang along cheerfully to them. I suddenly overheard two people at a table talking.
SC: That was absolutely ridiculous!
SC2: I know! I wouldn’t dream of acting like that in my workplace!
SC: It’s so rude and not to mention unprofessional!
SC: I agree. He’s here to work. Not to sing and act like an idiot!
Yeah sure. We’ll just put a ban on people being happy in the workplace. Seriously, if the manager turned around and banned singing on duty, there would be a mutiny!
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A different off duty co-worker set up a cake stand. Another annoying mother appeared and studied them carefully.
SC: What ingredients have you used in these??
CW: Are you worried about allergies? Don’t worry, I’ve got a list here of everything I’ve used in each cake in case anyone has any questions.
SC: What brand flour did you use?
CW: It’s just *store name* brand.
SC: *STORE NAME* BRAND? NO THANK YOU!
Kid: Mum, can I-
SC: No! These cakes are nasty and bad for you!
I decided to buy a cake to make a point. She didn’t know I worked there.
Me: Mmmmmm! This cake is the nicest cake I’ve ever had! NOM NOM!
Kid: Mum, I want-
SC: I SAID NO!
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Despite all these horrible SC’s, the pub made an absolutely massive amount of money. Not just for charity but on bar sales. It was the most we’ve ever raised. There were a lot of really cheerful, festive people in the pub.
We somehow managed to offend a lot of the church crowd though. They said so as they left.
SC: How am I supposed to enjoy a quiet lunch when all these people are in here??
SC: You need to sort out your chef! He sings and is unprofessional! It’s very off putting!
SC: You’d better not block off the entrance to the booths again!
Ah well. I don’t mean to brag, but I’ve only got one more shift and then I’m off for the whole Christmas week
And I’ve got BLACK FRIDAY OFF!
Boss Lady’s husband works as a party planner. Because of this he has access to a lot of really cool equipment. He managed to get us a mechanical bull for the pub. That’s right, we had a friggin mechanical bull in the middle of the pub that was dressed up as a reindeer. That was just exactly what our pub needed with it’s crazy SC’s.
To be honest, they weren’t that bad. I was actually off duty and had just stopped in to help out.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The first SC was a mother of course. She came up to the bull with her two year old.
SC: Look sweetie, isn’t that funny?
Kid: I want-I want-I want
SC: Oh I think you might be a bit too little to go on that sweetie.
Kid: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
SC: Oh! Oh! Oh no!
She ran over to the co-worker in charge of the bull.
SC: Can she go on? She’s crying!
CW: Oh no. We’ve got a strict age and height limit on this. I don’t think it would be safe.
SC: But she’s crying!
CW: Well maybe we can let her sit on it and keep it stationary.
SC: But that won’t be fun for her!
CW: I can’t have her on the moving machine. She will get hurt.
SC: Then why have you got it out? You’re upsetting children!
She walked away. The child screamed the place down for about ten minutes.
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Customer was on the bull. She started to fall off.
C: Oh God! Crap! Crap!
She fell, laughed and left. Angry man appeared.
SC: You need to control the language of your customers on that bull!
Me: I will try but I can’t guarantee someone will not swear as they fall.
SC: You’d fucking better.
Me: Well that language has just completely cancelled out your complaint.
SC: What language?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The bull took up a bit of space in the pub, but nothing too bad. We put it in an area that was normally used for standing space for customers. Only about four or five tables were effected (including the booths, but that becomes important later)
Man and wife walk in and see the bull. The man immediately starts shaking his head angrily and storms over to CW (CW was also off duty, so please note that these people were yelling at people dressed in normal clothes and not the actual workers!)
SC: Where have you put the tables that are normally here????
CW: They’re just being stored in our cellar at the moment.
SC: You need to bring them back! We want to sit down here!
CW: There’s no room down here, but we have lots of space near the bar area.
SC: My wife has cancer! She can’t sit near a bar!
CW: Oh..uhh…
SC: She has cancer! She has to sit down and eat right now!
CW: I will just go find a manager.
CW walked away and mouthed “What the fuck??” as she went past me. The two customers walked away and sat down by the bar area. They shooed the manager away when he asked them if everything was OK.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don’t want this to sound like I’m bashing fat people at all. I really don’t.
A larger woman attempted to get on the bull, except she couldn’t. She even had her 20-something daughter and husband attempt to push her onto the thing. It wasn’t actually funny to look at. I felt very sorry for her as other customers laughed at her. She gave up and climbed off. She stormed up to the operator.
SC: MONEY BACK! NOW!
O: But it’s only 50p and it’s for charity!
SC: NOW! YOUR STUPID BULL DOESN’T WORK PROPERLY!
Daughter: I’ll take your go Mum.
SC: NO! THIS PUB HAS HUMILIATED ME ON PURPOSE!
She left along with all the sympathy I had for her.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A co-worker dressed as an elf was standing near the bull asking people if they wanted a turn as they entered the pub.
CW: Fancy having a go on the bull?
SC: Only if I can have a go on you.
CW: Yeah, move on.
CW: Want to try the bull?
SC2: Go away.
CW: You guys look like you’d have fun on this. All money raised goes to charity.
SC3: Leave us the fuck alone.
I love charitable people.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That’s all the bull stories out the way.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The bull took up a section of the pub and blocked off the entrance to one of the two booths. The other booth was covered, decorated and turned into Santa’s grotto. The pub had hired a professional Santa to sit in there and give presents to any kids that wanted to see him.
Another angry couple entered. The mechanical reindeer was not loved by angry couples at all!
SC: Can we sit at a booth?
Me: I’m afraid they’re cut off.
SC: That one isn’t!
Me: That’s Santa’s grotto.
SC: Make him move!
Me: I can’t make Santa move. He’s set up quite nicely in there.
SC: We come here every Sunday and the booths are always, always taken, and the one day they aren’t you’re not letting us sit in them! Make Santa move right now!
Me: I’m not tearing apart the grotto. We put a lot of effort into that.
SC: SANTA ISN’T EVEN REEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAALLL!!
SC2: Come on! Let’s go to *rival pub* for lunch!
SC: Yes! They would never do something so disgusting!!
They were in for a treat. I knew for a fact that *rival pubs* kitchen was currently closed for a refit.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A mother appeared.
SC: I want my children to see Santa, but do you know if he has been properly checked for a criminal record?
Me: What?
SC: I just want to make sure, well you know, that he’s not a sex offender or anything.
Me: He was professionally hired. He will have been cleared.
SC: I will go ask him.
I have never seen anything so awkward. Santa got his paperwork out and proved that he indeed had been checked and was not a sex offended. SC allowed her kids to visit the grotto, but went inside and stared daggers at Santa.
She asked me if Santa was a sex offender while carrying one of her children and the other was stood right next to her. Great way to make your kids paranoid about Santa!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Santa gave the children a selection box of chocolate when he visited. An annoyed father walked up to CW.
SC: What is this? Chocolate? Is that all you get for visiting Santa?
CW: Well he brought them himself. Maybe you should ask him.
SC: I know a Santa that gives kids x-box games! Not chocolate! How cheap!
I want to know where this Santa is so I can go visit him myself.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We had Christmas songs playing quite loudly. One of the cooks walked out the kitchen to grab a drink and sang along cheerfully to them. I suddenly overheard two people at a table talking.
SC: That was absolutely ridiculous!
SC2: I know! I wouldn’t dream of acting like that in my workplace!
SC: It’s so rude and not to mention unprofessional!
SC: I agree. He’s here to work. Not to sing and act like an idiot!
Yeah sure. We’ll just put a ban on people being happy in the workplace. Seriously, if the manager turned around and banned singing on duty, there would be a mutiny!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A different off duty co-worker set up a cake stand. Another annoying mother appeared and studied them carefully.
SC: What ingredients have you used in these??
CW: Are you worried about allergies? Don’t worry, I’ve got a list here of everything I’ve used in each cake in case anyone has any questions.
SC: What brand flour did you use?
CW: It’s just *store name* brand.
SC: *STORE NAME* BRAND? NO THANK YOU!
Kid: Mum, can I-
SC: No! These cakes are nasty and bad for you!
I decided to buy a cake to make a point. She didn’t know I worked there.
Me: Mmmmmm! This cake is the nicest cake I’ve ever had! NOM NOM!
Kid: Mum, I want-
SC: I SAID NO!
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Despite all these horrible SC’s, the pub made an absolutely massive amount of money. Not just for charity but on bar sales. It was the most we’ve ever raised. There were a lot of really cheerful, festive people in the pub.
We somehow managed to offend a lot of the church crowd though. They said so as they left.
SC: How am I supposed to enjoy a quiet lunch when all these people are in here??
SC: You need to sort out your chef! He sings and is unprofessional! It’s very off putting!
SC: You’d better not block off the entrance to the booths again!
Ah well. I don’t mean to brag, but I’ve only got one more shift and then I’m off for the whole Christmas week
And I’ve got BLACK FRIDAY OFF!
Good work.
Seriously, sure it sucks when the kids cry but... she's going to cry a LOT MORE if she breaks a bone on that thing.
sometimes karma is fun.
Seriously though, some people just aren't happy unless everyone else is miserable.
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