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I encountered one of THE stupidest callers I have ever had last night...<twitch>
I can hear you~
Me: "<company name>"
SC: "(rummaging in background)"
Me: "Hello?
SC: "….."
Me: "Hello?"
I know you're there, I can hear you failing at life.
867
Me: "and what colour would you like?"
SC: "Uh…er…."
Look, it only comes in 2 colours. So you have a 50/50 shot at this. Its either black like the darkness that is your future or brown like….er…ok, never mind, I see the problem. Nunavut, right? Ok, here's what you want to do: Grab a shovel or something you can at least sort of shovel with (like an old beer cooler or the water tank off that toilet in the back yard.) now head outside to the front lawn. Carefully avoid the old car engines, beer cans, radiators and your uncle (You might want to turn him on his side, btw) and find an open spot. Now start digging in the snow. Keep digging downwards until the ground changes colour. See that? That's brown. Now, please, make your selection.
Oh. My. God.
Sweet baby Jesus in line at McDonald's with a coupon for a Big Mac on Easter Sunday. Just when I thought I had seen and heard the stupidest people this planet had to offer someone comes along and shatters all my expectations:
Me: "<Company name>."
SC: "Yeah, I'd like to place an order."
Me: "Ok, what's your name?"
SC: "Blah Blah."
Me: "Last name?"
SC: "Blah Blah Crow."
Me: "C-R-O-W?"
SC: "Huh? C-R-W……E-R…."
Me: "Um?"
SC: "W…..uh, I mean O-W."
Me: "Crow, as in the bird?"
SC: "Yeah."
Me: "and your postal code?"
SC: "JOM xxx, box xx."
Me: "What was that again?"
SC: "G0M xxx"
Me: "G or J?"
SC: "J0M"
Me: "J0M?"
SC: "Yeah"
(That comes up as St Jean's….)
Me: "St Jean's?"
SC: "Huh?"
Me: "Are you in St Jean's?"
SC: "Wha?"
Me: "What city are you in?"
SC: "Quebec, the province of Quebec."
Me: "No what city?"
SC: "The province of Quebec."
Me: "What city are you in?"
SC: "(mumbles something)."
Me: "The town was called what again?"
SC: "The province of Quebec."
Me: "The town, what's the town called?"
SC: "<town name>."
Me: "and that's G0M xxx?"
SC: "Yeah."
Me: "That’s not what comes up when I enter that postal code."
SC: "Wha…wha would you like it in? I wan…I wanna repeat my address again, ok?" (….!?)
Me: "Ok."
SC: "Qu…Quebec. Post office xx. Box xx….C0M xxx…"
Me: "C0M?"
SC: "J0M."
Me: "………"
SC: "…….."
Me: "Do you mean G as in George?"
SC: "Yes…..no! That's J. J as in John."
Me: "J0M?"
SC: "C0M."
Me: "……."
SC: "……..<click>" (Yes, that’s right, he just hung up.)
What. The. Hell. I wasn't aware any part of the current human gene pool was THAT shallow. That wasn't even deep enough to moisten the back of a POSTAGE STAMP. I didn't know this level of stupidity actually existed. This is uncharted territory. I am a God damn pioneer. This kind of stupidity has eluded researchers for ages by hiding out in the backwoods of Quebec. This is like the Sasquatch of half wits and I have freakin' discovered it. I am the Isaac Newton of idiocy and the retard apple has just fallen on my head.
Now I have to publish my findings in a scientific journal. I will garner fame and fortune in the scientific community, oh yes.
Monkeys Rule
Caller explained that her faucet would not turned off. Caller called back a bit later to add that the security guard had come and tried to turn the faucet off, and in his genius, had broken the faucet entirely off. Further proof that any situation can be made more entertaining by the addition of a monkey.
Espionage
SC: "What was the name of it again?"
Me: "The <name> Inn. Would you like the phone number?"
SC: "No, I think I can get it."
You think you can get it? Considering as I just offered it to you I'd wager to say this is the most convenient method of obtaining the information. Do you feel that me simply giving you the number isn't enough of a challenge? Did you perhaps want to relish the hunt? Or do you have some more….how should I say? Clandestine method of obtaining it I'm unaware of?
Perhaps you are, in fact, a super spy or some sort of psychic gypsy? Do you have ninjas at your disposal maybe? Because if I'm about to be set upon by ninjas let me tell you I will *not* be impressed, young man. Its bad enough I have to talk to you, never mind having my neck snapped by some guy hanging upside from the ceiling.
Work week's half over.....
I can hear you~
Me: "<company name>"
SC: "(rummaging in background)"
Me: "Hello?
SC: "….."
Me: "Hello?"
I know you're there, I can hear you failing at life.
867
Me: "and what colour would you like?"
SC: "Uh…er…."
Look, it only comes in 2 colours. So you have a 50/50 shot at this. Its either black like the darkness that is your future or brown like….er…ok, never mind, I see the problem. Nunavut, right? Ok, here's what you want to do: Grab a shovel or something you can at least sort of shovel with (like an old beer cooler or the water tank off that toilet in the back yard.) now head outside to the front lawn. Carefully avoid the old car engines, beer cans, radiators and your uncle (You might want to turn him on his side, btw) and find an open spot. Now start digging in the snow. Keep digging downwards until the ground changes colour. See that? That's brown. Now, please, make your selection.
Oh. My. God.
Sweet baby Jesus in line at McDonald's with a coupon for a Big Mac on Easter Sunday. Just when I thought I had seen and heard the stupidest people this planet had to offer someone comes along and shatters all my expectations:
Me: "<Company name>."
SC: "Yeah, I'd like to place an order."
Me: "Ok, what's your name?"
SC: "Blah Blah."
Me: "Last name?"
SC: "Blah Blah Crow."
Me: "C-R-O-W?"
SC: "Huh? C-R-W……E-R…."
Me: "Um?"
SC: "W…..uh, I mean O-W."
Me: "Crow, as in the bird?"
SC: "Yeah."
Me: "and your postal code?"
SC: "JOM xxx, box xx."
Me: "What was that again?"
SC: "G0M xxx"
Me: "G or J?"
SC: "J0M"
Me: "J0M?"
SC: "Yeah"
(That comes up as St Jean's….)
Me: "St Jean's?"
SC: "Huh?"
Me: "Are you in St Jean's?"
SC: "Wha?"
Me: "What city are you in?"
SC: "Quebec, the province of Quebec."
Me: "No what city?"
SC: "The province of Quebec."
Me: "What city are you in?"
SC: "(mumbles something)."
Me: "The town was called what again?"
SC: "The province of Quebec."
Me: "The town, what's the town called?"
SC: "<town name>."
Me: "and that's G0M xxx?"
SC: "Yeah."
Me: "That’s not what comes up when I enter that postal code."
SC: "Wha…wha would you like it in? I wan…I wanna repeat my address again, ok?" (….!?)
Me: "Ok."
SC: "Qu…Quebec. Post office xx. Box xx….C0M xxx…"
Me: "C0M?"
SC: "J0M."
Me: "………"
SC: "…….."
Me: "Do you mean G as in George?"
SC: "Yes…..no! That's J. J as in John."
Me: "J0M?"
SC: "C0M."
Me: "……."
SC: "……..<click>" (Yes, that’s right, he just hung up.)
What. The. Hell. I wasn't aware any part of the current human gene pool was THAT shallow. That wasn't even deep enough to moisten the back of a POSTAGE STAMP. I didn't know this level of stupidity actually existed. This is uncharted territory. I am a God damn pioneer. This kind of stupidity has eluded researchers for ages by hiding out in the backwoods of Quebec. This is like the Sasquatch of half wits and I have freakin' discovered it. I am the Isaac Newton of idiocy and the retard apple has just fallen on my head.
Now I have to publish my findings in a scientific journal. I will garner fame and fortune in the scientific community, oh yes.
Monkeys Rule
Caller explained that her faucet would not turned off. Caller called back a bit later to add that the security guard had come and tried to turn the faucet off, and in his genius, had broken the faucet entirely off. Further proof that any situation can be made more entertaining by the addition of a monkey.
Espionage
SC: "What was the name of it again?"
Me: "The <name> Inn. Would you like the phone number?"
SC: "No, I think I can get it."
You think you can get it? Considering as I just offered it to you I'd wager to say this is the most convenient method of obtaining the information. Do you feel that me simply giving you the number isn't enough of a challenge? Did you perhaps want to relish the hunt? Or do you have some more….how should I say? Clandestine method of obtaining it I'm unaware of?
Perhaps you are, in fact, a super spy or some sort of psychic gypsy? Do you have ninjas at your disposal maybe? Because if I'm about to be set upon by ninjas let me tell you I will *not* be impressed, young man. Its bad enough I have to talk to you, never mind having my neck snapped by some guy hanging upside from the ceiling.
Work week's half over.....
.......
......
.....!!!!!!!!!!!
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