Smashed, then smashed

[Argabarga]

I wasn't the one who got this one, so the story comes to you courtesy of Yup, our evening/overnight driver. So named because his vocabulary is 50% the word "A'yup", 49% "Nope" and 1% everything else.

Anyway, at around 3am, he gets a call for assistance. Caller gives his name and location, states that his car "won't start" and that we need to get there and tow it now! "And hurry!" was how the owner phrased it.

This fires off warning flare number 1 for Yup, as the guy on the other end hasn't told us where it's being towed to or what it's going to cost, he seems much more concerned that we just get there post haste.... that, combined with the early hours time of the call in suggests someone did something they'd rather not anyone else know about.

Yup drives out to the location and can immediately tell something isn't kosher, since the car in question is sitting at a funny angle, like, the right rear suspension is at maximum travel, while the left front is at maximum compression.... because the left front wheel is gone.... well, it's still in place, but with it pulled from the transmission, axle and all, the only thing holding it in place is gravity and the weight of the car. This is quite a different problem from the "not starting" condition described to us over the phone. It probably starts just fine, it's MOVING that's the problem.... Red warning flare #2 goes up.

Yup asks the driver what he hit, driver doesn't seem to recall hitting anything, Yup assures him that he had to have hit something to break that 3'' thick steel driveshaft. Driver can't tell. There goes red warning flare #3.

Looking behind him in the snow, Yup sees some tire tracks and follows them back about 20 yards where they seem to suddenly veer from the road, right into a set of concrete steps leading up to the porch of one of the houses along the street, with a large section of said concrete having been knocked off. Looks like this guy drifted off the road, struck the steps, knocked the wheel out, and slid the remaining distance until his inertia was expended. There's nothing to indicate he left the road for any compelling emergency reason, in fact, given it was a straight, clear, unobstructed street, there can only be one explanation for deciding to just shoot off it on a tangent.... the only reason people leave the streets without warning at 3am..... Warning flare number 4 is now blazing through the sky.

Yup goes back to the car and tells the "Driver" to call his buddy back to the scene because this is a reportable accident, damage has occurred to someone's property (the steps) and he's calling the police right now. If the real driver isn't back to the scene by the time they are, he'll be charged with fleeing the scene of an accident in addition to the DUI he probably is about to get nailed for. Fake!Driver seems to protest, but Yup tells him that the police probably won't appreciate being lied to as much as he does, which isn't much to start with.

Fake!Driver pulls his cellphone and calls Real!Driver and informs him that he needs to get back to where he left the car, because Fake!Driver decides that since going to jail wasn't part of the original plan, he's opting out of it while he can. About the time the cops show up, an SUV with Real!Driver in it, being driven by a 3rd person, pulls up. The cops take some measurements, and ask Fake!Driver what happened, Fake!Driver says he doesn't know, he was asleep in the backseat when the crash happened, and that Real!Driver was "up front".

Naturally, the cops now focus on Real!Driver. They inform him they ran the plates and they know it's Real!Driver's car, so, was he driving it?

Nope

So, he was letting someone else drive it? Who?

He doesn't remember

You let someone else drive your car, it was wrecked, and you don't know who you let drive? Is that it? Because I'd be awfully mad if that happened, I certainly wouldn't cover for him....

Yep, wasn't me

Where you even IN the car when it wrecked?

Yep

Where?

Backseat

With who?

Nobody

There wasn't anyone in the backseat with you?

Nope!

You sure about that? Your buddy over there says he was in the backseat and YOU were up front

Uh......

Were you in the car?

Uh... yeah

And where were you?

Front

So now you're sure you were up front?

Yeah, front

Who was driving?

Uh............ nobody?

You weren't driving?

Nope

Then who was?

My buddy!

He says he was in the back

Uh.....

Were you driving?

Nope!

Then who was?

Buddy!

He says he wasn't, so who WAS driving?

Uh.... I, uh, nobody?

Okay partner, field sobriety check, fail, *click click* on go the cuffs.


I've said it before and I'll say it again. We are a towing service, NOT YOUR ALIBI, if you want to flee the scene of your own DUI, that's your call, but the instant you try to involve us, you have all but assured your own arrest, do NOT do it. We do NOT appreciate it.

Best part was, this was a Friday night/Saturday morning call. The guy eventually got sobered up, bailed out, and then came over to the garage the following Sunday. Since we did tow the car in when it was all said and done, he wanted to know if he could pay the tow bill and drive it home.....

"Uh, you can pay the bill if you want, but there's no way you can drive out of here with it today"

"Why?"

"That car is destroyed buddy, it's not driving anywhere ever again"

"Uh.... really?"

We led him around back and showed him the car....

"It's........ totaled?!" he gasped when he saw how bad it was

Yeah, he had been so s*itfaced that he had no idea he had tore a wheel off, he collected his belongings from it and walked home instead. Hopefully, lesson learned and he ends up a better person for it.

[Bright_Star]

NEVER ever lie to the police. It makes a bad situation worse.

[dalesys]

NEVER ever lie to the police. It makes a bad situation worse.

But it does increase the entertainment value.

[Jester]

This reminds me of a story from about 20 years ago.

Back then, a flakey female friend and I would often go out to dinner together, as friends. One day, after a fine meal, we wandered out of the restaurant and noticed something odd. On Broadway (a major street in Tempe, AZ), there was a car just...sitting there. Kinda on the median, and facing the wrong way. At this part of town, Broadway had three lanes going each way. It appeared that the car in question had been driving westbound and had somehow lost control, as it was now facing east in the leftmost westbound lane, with one of the wheels at a weird angle up on the median. Basically, they had spun out and smashed their front wheel into the median or something, but in effect destroyed the car's ability to drive.

No one was with the car. It was pretty clear that this had just happened.

Being the nosy sorts that we were, Flakey and I cross the eastbound lanes and check out the car from the median, being careful not to touch anything or get too close. Right around then, a motorcycle cop pulls up behind the car (technically in front of it, but behind it if it were facing the right way). He asks us what happened, we say we have no idea, we just got here, this isn't our car. So he parks his motorcycle several lengths behind the car, with all its lights flashing, including the blue on that's mounted on that little pole at the rear of the bike. Kinda hard to miss.

At that point, an SUV pulls up in the center westbound lane, and the driver starts talking to the cop, who has dismounted his bike and is standing right next to the SUV. Clearly they know each other, so we presume the SUV driver is an off-duty cop, firefighter, or paramedic. We're still checking out the damage to the car's axle when suddenly someone yells "LOOK OUT!" We look up just in time to see a small car come ramming in to the motorcycle, sending it flying almost straight up in the air. Had the cop still been on it, he almost definitely would have been killed, or at the very least severely injured.

The motorcycle, which was never designed for flight, comes crashing back to earth directly behind the wrecked car, literally just feet from where Flakey and I were still standing on the median. It's a miracle WE weren't injured.

The cop's bike is a wreck, there are papers and other debris from his saddlebags scattered everywhere, and he's looking less than happy.

The driver of the small car, which had been traveling in the leftmost westbound lane, was a 20something woman, who claimed not to have seen the flashing blue lights on the motorcycle. The only explanations for this I can think of are she was blind (she wasn't), she had been distracted by something far more distracting than flashing blue police lights directly in front of her in the lane she was traveling, or she was under the influence of something.

Apparently the cop had the same thoughts as I did, because he had the woman get out of the small car (she was completely uninjured, though her front bumper could not say the same thing), and gave her a field sobriety test.

Last we saw her was in handcuffs in the back of a police car that arrived later. I am going to hazard a guess that she may have had a few drinks that night.

[Argabarga]

And that right there kids is why I have no sympathy for drunk drivers... in one fell swoop, she could have killed 3 people....... all for the sake of just havin' a few....

[Sapphire Silk]

Moral of the Story: If you're going to lie to the cops, don't involve third parties.

[DaDairyDruid]

maybe you should start calling him "Big MacIntosh"

[protege]

I too have very little sympathy for drunk drivers, especially when they kill or injure someone.

I know a guy who is currently in jail because of something like that. This asshole, who happened to be the son of my grandmother's cleaning lady, actually ran down a cop at a sobriety checkpoint

He claimed that his brakes failed...but after the car was checked, he got busted for DUI. Yep, he was bombed out of his mind and going way too fast on that particular street. Thinking that he could blame his shitbox car, he tried to talk his way out of it. He got his hearing--with the judge who *hates* drunks--and got several years in jail. The cop lost a leg in the accident. Sure, he's alive, and can walk now, but still.

[Jester]

And that right there kids is why I have no sympathy for drunk drivers... in one fell swoop, she could have killed 3 people....... all for the sake of just havin' a few....

Technically, she could have killed four or more. The SUV was still parked in the center westbound lane, so conceivably she could have caused him problems, and the motorcycle could have flown to either side of the street, where by this point there were many onlookers. Or she could have swerved into the SUV and/or some of those bystanders. As it was, she was damn lucky the only casualties were the motorcycle, the front of her car, and her freedom.

[Jay 2K Winger]

maybe you should start calling him "Big MacIntosh"

Glad to see I wasn't the only one who thought so.

I try to avoid lying in real life as often as possible (the Internet doesn't count-- telling lies to large amounts of people without consequence is what the Internet is for, after porn), given that I always get caught.

I'd never lie to the cops, since the punishment for lying to them is pretty steep. I'd certainly never lie to my folks, since the punishment is even worse.

[Crossbow]

Glad to see I wasn't the only one who thought so.

Trust me, you weren't.

Damn, Agrabarga. Are you sure you don't get to be on COPS? I swear I've seen that exact scenario at least half a dozen times.

[Lachrymose]

maybe you should start calling him "Big MacIntosh"

I not only heard Big M's voice as I was reading, I also actually pictured the driver AS him.

[Seshat]

Even if a drunk driver manages to wipe him/herself out in a single vehicle accident with no other living casualties, there's fallout.

There's whatever was damaged in the SVA. (single vehicle accident)

There's the police who have to show up and deal with yet another dead person.

There's the people who love the drunk.

There's the morticians, the cleanup crew, etc...

There's any witnesses - which may include small children who should NOT have to see that sort of thing.

.....

And honestly, the chances of a consistent drunk-driver surviving long are poor. An SVA with no passengers is really the BEST case scenario.

[Jester]

I'm surprised you forgot the tow truck driver who has to come to the SVA and tow the wreck away, which often can't be easy if it's particularly messy.

Not to mention paramedics if the driver isn't killed.

[Mr Hero]

I try to avoid lying in real life as often as possible (the Internet doesn't count-- telling lies to large amounts of people without consequence is what the Internet is for, after porn), given that I always get caught.

I'm confused. Always get caught with lying or porn?