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Hi everypeople! 
Before we begin, a bit of background. As I said in my intro thread, I drive taxis for a small, family owned business in a small town in rural Australia. Due to the small size of the company, we don't operate quite the same way as a regular taxi service. The biggest difference is that we don't have a dispatch, so when customers call they are talking directly to one of the cars. There are a few other differences but I'll cover those as they become relevant.
You would think that in a town of only a few thousand people, that you could easily walk across and where everyone knows each other would be one of the few places on earth you could hide from SC's. Nope, they're here and as crazy as ever.
The First Rule
Me: Hello, Bugarup Taxi
SC: Hi. Could I get a taxi to....
Me: ...
SC: ... er... (Clunk)
Me: ...?
SC: (In background) Hey, I have the taxi on the phone, what address is this?
Right, so this is the first rule of calling a taxi: know where you are before you call. More importantly, ask the guy in the other room for the address before you call, or at least tell us you're putting the phone down. We don't mind, honest.
Flattery
I'm flattered, I really am. It's not every day I get an invitation to spend an evening at a nightclub, followed by a romantic dinner for two and "Whatever the evening holds". It sounds like the ideal time to spend with a lady. Two problems though; I happen to know that you are happily married, and you are old enough to be my grandmother. So... thanks, but no thanks.
How do you even do that!?
Not one that happened to me, but to my Coworker, L. Call comes in for three people (C1, C2 and C3) at one of the local pubs, L goes to get them. C1 takes the front seat, telling C2 and C3 to get in the back. C3 asks L to open the boot (Or trunk to our U.S friends) while C1 and C2 get in and chat with L while they wait. After a couple of minutes, L starts to wonder where C3 got to and checks the rear view mirror to see what he was doing, just in time to see him close the boot.
From the inside
Yep, somehow C3 interpreted "Get in the back" as "Load up the grog and climb in the boot after it. You can ride home in there". I still have no idea how he even managed to fit in there.
A Bad Idea
It's 3am, and you want to go to the lake for a swim? Granted, this is the middle of summer, but even though the nights are steamy, the water in the lake will be ice cold. Oh you'll be fine? It won't be that bad? Well ok then.
An hour later I pick them up again. they had turned a rather magnificent shade of blue and their teeth sounded like maracas.
Magic!
Me: Hello, Bugarup taxi
SC: Could I get a taxi at 123 ABC Street?
Me: Ok, 123 ABC Street?
SC: Yes, 123 DEF Street
Me: Oh sorry, you're at 123 DEF Street?
SC: That's right, 123 GHI Street
It's amazing! How are you able to be in so many places at the same time? More the point, what are you calling a taxi for when you can teleport like that? You must teach me your secrets!
After going back and forth like that for a while, I found him at the first address after all.
Well alright then
Pull up at number 10 A Street in response to a call. While I am waiting for the fair, a woman comes out of number 6, looks around, then comes over to the taxi.
Me: Hi
SC: We didn't call for a taxi
Me: Alright. I have a call from number 10 here, which address are you from?
SC: Number 6. We didn't order a taxi
Me: (Checking fare list) Number 6.... No we don't have a call for number 6 A Street
SC: Good, we didn't call you. (turns to go)
Me: Have a nice night!
As she walked away, the real customer jumped in the cab, and laughed about it the entire trip.
Om Nom Nom!
Here's an old one dredged up from my days in the supermarket. Many years ago I worked at a large national grocery chain, The Big Apple, in just about every position you could care to name below management. At the time of this story I was a customer service supervisor, one of the people who organizes the cashiers and handles returns and whatnot. It was an old store, badly in need of refurbishment, and had one of those old steel turnstiles at the entrance. One of the ones bolted to the floor with half of the thing obscured by a steel frame and only able to spin one way, ensuring one way access. As you can imagine, the thing had a habit of nipping at the arms of kids playing with it, as well as grabbing the odd carelessly swung handbag. This is the first time it tried to eat a whole kid though.
A kid of about 6 year old was playing on the thing. Being the responsible employee, I asked him to stop in case he gets trapped. Suddenly his mum appears from the isles, thanks me and leads him away.
Yeah, right.
SC: You can't tell little Jimmy what to do! I am right there and he is fine!
Me: Ma'am, He can't play on the turnstile. It isn't safe and he could get trapped in it.
SC: Nohecan'tthatsimpossiblehe'sperfectlysafeRarglebla rge!!!!
And right on cue: *Clunk* "Waaaaaa!!!!!"
By this time, several coworkers had turned up to see what the shouting was about, and a manager was bustling down the isles, so the reaction was instant. An ambulance was quickly called, one of the cashiers kept the kid calm, I kept other customers at a distance while the manager, Paramedic and a stock man managed to free to kid by forcing the turnstile the wrong way, snapping the locking arm in the process. In a few minutes, the kid was free and unharmed. Did his mum thank us? Nope. Cue catbuttface and stomp out, with the age old phrase "I'm never shopping here again!"
We decided not to fix the turnstile after that, and let the thing spin any way it wanted. Nothing further came of it and sure enough, they were back a couple of days later.
Coming up next time: How to hail a cab by faking your own death!
Before we begin, a bit of background. As I said in my intro thread, I drive taxis for a small, family owned business in a small town in rural Australia. Due to the small size of the company, we don't operate quite the same way as a regular taxi service. The biggest difference is that we don't have a dispatch, so when customers call they are talking directly to one of the cars. There are a few other differences but I'll cover those as they become relevant.
You would think that in a town of only a few thousand people, that you could easily walk across and where everyone knows each other would be one of the few places on earth you could hide from SC's. Nope, they're here and as crazy as ever.
The First Rule
Me: Hello, Bugarup Taxi
SC: Hi. Could I get a taxi to....
Me: ...
SC: ... er... (Clunk)
Me: ...?
SC: (In background) Hey, I have the taxi on the phone, what address is this?
Right, so this is the first rule of calling a taxi: know where you are before you call. More importantly, ask the guy in the other room for the address before you call, or at least tell us you're putting the phone down. We don't mind, honest.
Flattery
I'm flattered, I really am. It's not every day I get an invitation to spend an evening at a nightclub, followed by a romantic dinner for two and "Whatever the evening holds". It sounds like the ideal time to spend with a lady. Two problems though; I happen to know that you are happily married, and you are old enough to be my grandmother. So... thanks, but no thanks.
How do you even do that!?
Not one that happened to me, but to my Coworker, L. Call comes in for three people (C1, C2 and C3) at one of the local pubs, L goes to get them. C1 takes the front seat, telling C2 and C3 to get in the back. C3 asks L to open the boot (Or trunk to our U.S friends) while C1 and C2 get in and chat with L while they wait. After a couple of minutes, L starts to wonder where C3 got to and checks the rear view mirror to see what he was doing, just in time to see him close the boot.
From the inside
Yep, somehow C3 interpreted "Get in the back" as "Load up the grog and climb in the boot after it. You can ride home in there". I still have no idea how he even managed to fit in there.
A Bad Idea
It's 3am, and you want to go to the lake for a swim? Granted, this is the middle of summer, but even though the nights are steamy, the water in the lake will be ice cold. Oh you'll be fine? It won't be that bad? Well ok then.
An hour later I pick them up again. they had turned a rather magnificent shade of blue and their teeth sounded like maracas.
Magic!
Me: Hello, Bugarup taxi
SC: Could I get a taxi at 123 ABC Street?
Me: Ok, 123 ABC Street?
SC: Yes, 123 DEF Street
Me: Oh sorry, you're at 123 DEF Street?
SC: That's right, 123 GHI Street
It's amazing! How are you able to be in so many places at the same time? More the point, what are you calling a taxi for when you can teleport like that? You must teach me your secrets!
After going back and forth like that for a while, I found him at the first address after all.
Well alright then
Pull up at number 10 A Street in response to a call. While I am waiting for the fair, a woman comes out of number 6, looks around, then comes over to the taxi.
Me: Hi
SC: We didn't call for a taxi
Me: Alright. I have a call from number 10 here, which address are you from?
SC: Number 6. We didn't order a taxi
Me: (Checking fare list) Number 6.... No we don't have a call for number 6 A Street
SC: Good, we didn't call you. (turns to go)
Me: Have a nice night!
As she walked away, the real customer jumped in the cab, and laughed about it the entire trip.
Om Nom Nom!
Here's an old one dredged up from my days in the supermarket. Many years ago I worked at a large national grocery chain, The Big Apple, in just about every position you could care to name below management. At the time of this story I was a customer service supervisor, one of the people who organizes the cashiers and handles returns and whatnot. It was an old store, badly in need of refurbishment, and had one of those old steel turnstiles at the entrance. One of the ones bolted to the floor with half of the thing obscured by a steel frame and only able to spin one way, ensuring one way access. As you can imagine, the thing had a habit of nipping at the arms of kids playing with it, as well as grabbing the odd carelessly swung handbag. This is the first time it tried to eat a whole kid though.
A kid of about 6 year old was playing on the thing. Being the responsible employee, I asked him to stop in case he gets trapped. Suddenly his mum appears from the isles, thanks me and leads him away.
Yeah, right.
SC: You can't tell little Jimmy what to do! I am right there and he is fine!
Me: Ma'am, He can't play on the turnstile. It isn't safe and he could get trapped in it.
SC: Nohecan'tthatsimpossiblehe'sperfectlysafeRarglebla rge!!!!
And right on cue: *Clunk* "Waaaaaa!!!!!"
By this time, several coworkers had turned up to see what the shouting was about, and a manager was bustling down the isles, so the reaction was instant. An ambulance was quickly called, one of the cashiers kept the kid calm, I kept other customers at a distance while the manager, Paramedic and a stock man managed to free to kid by forcing the turnstile the wrong way, snapping the locking arm in the process. In a few minutes, the kid was free and unharmed. Did his mum thank us? Nope. Cue catbuttface and stomp out, with the age old phrase "I'm never shopping here again!"
We decided not to fix the turnstile after that, and let the thing spin any way it wanted. Nothing further came of it and sure enough, they were back a couple of days later.
Coming up next time: How to hail a cab by faking your own death!
now I know why they got rid of those turnstiles....
Surrender your pants. 
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