All in one day...sigh (very long, buckle up)

[ominousoat]

Today was not a good day at work. Nearly everyone nearby was complaining about the overall suckiness of the customers today. Okay, so first...


SC = Stupid Customer, shares a namesake with an Addams Family member, and speaks with a creepy, effete, redneck tone. Think the old guy from Family Guy that is always hitting on Chris...
ME = ME


SC: I dun' get mah' bill...

ME: Okay, and what's the problem?

SC: Y'all screwin' me ovah'

ME: Okay...looking at your account it seems as if we overcharged you, and credited the overcharged amount back to you. So...since you paid the overcharged bill, we credited that money back to you...since...you know, the bill was too high.

SC: I dun' get all this computin' stuff...why'd ah' get two bills?

ME: We cancelled your high bill...

SC: ...no...you didn't. I paid that bill.

ME: Right..and we cancelled it after you paid...then sent you a new bill...for the right amount...

SC: THAT MAKES NO SENSE! I PAID Y'ALL!

ME: Yes. You did. You did pay us.

SC: THEN FIX THAT ACCOUNT!

ME: It is fixed! We fixed it! We gave you your money back!

SC: I am sick of this computer stuff! Why don't you people make sense!

ME: Please! Just listen! This is to your benefit! We gave you money back because you overpaid!

SC: Then why did I get these disconnect notices!

ME, wondering why the hell he didn't mention this earlier: Ooookay...what are the account numbers on those?

SC: [gives two account numbers...neither of which are the same as this...how did this man procure three properties with his inability to understand simple explanations?]

ME: Okay...it looks like you haven't paid the past due amounts on these accounts...thus, we sent you these disconnect notices...

SC: It don' make sense! Why do I hav' a credit then!

ME: Okay...you have three different accounts...

SC: I KNOW THAT!

ME: Okay...one has a credit because we overcharged you. Two have past due balances. Those need to be paid to avoid disconnect.

SC: I don't want to get no disconnect notices from y'all! It's bad business.

ME: Well...there's a past due balance...and if you don't pay your bills on time...you get disconnected.

SC: Y'all said I didn't have to pay!

ME: Who said that?

SC: Y'all

ME: Someone from here?

SC: No, someone in the office?

ME: The local office there?

SC: WELL IT CERTAINLY WASN'T JAPAN NOW WAS IT!

ME: Okay...well I think you misunderstood them...you have to pay your bills.

SC: Y'all dun make sense!

ME, speaking slowly, like to a child: If you don't pay your bills...we disconnect you.

SC: That ain't right! I'll pay them! Y'all jus' gots tah' wait.

ME: There's a due date.

SC: This DUN MAKES SENSE!

ME, finaly losing my temper (a rare occurance): YES! YES IT DOES! IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE! YOU DON'T PAY YOUR BILL! YOU DON'T GET GAS! PAY YOUR BILLS BY THEIR DUE DATE AND YOU WON'T GET DISCONNECT NOTICES! IT'S NORMAL, IT'S COMMERCE! IT'S LIFE!

SC: This is not normal! It's ABnormal!

ME: Okay...listen...just pay your bills or we'll disconnect you. It's simple.

SC: If anyone tries to turn off my gas I'll be waiting with my shotgun!

ME: Fine, that's a threat, you are now a threat to our business, and you will be documented as such.

SC: Y'ALL THREATENIN' ME!

ME: Alright sir, this is going nowhere.

SC: I KNOW! Y'ALL LIKE BROKEN RECORDS OVER THERE! It's like y'all computers were made in Africa...

ME: Okay. Anything else I can help you with?

SC: So I won't get any more disconnect notices?

ME: If you pay your bills.

SC: I'm gonna' disconnect this call if you dun' say something that makes sense!

ME: Pay your bills. No disconnect notices.

SC: I'm disconnectin'! [click]


So my brain is still reeling. I put his account on threat status, make sure to send a message to every technician to only go to this address with police escort. Then when I sign back on surprise!

HW = Horrible Woman
ME = ME

HW: WHERE'S YOUR TECHNICIAN!

ME, looking at account: He wasn't able to make it today since he had a series of emergency orders.

HW: UNACCEPTABLE! I MAKE $35 AN HOUR! I WANT THAT BACK!

ME: I will send a message to the local office stating you want recripication but we guarentee nothing.

HW: WELL YOU BETTER PAY ME BACK! I'M SENDING YOU ALL A BILL! [click]


Whew, that wasn't so bad...right? Right? Oh no. I sign back onto the phone and...sure enough, it's horrible woman calling right back.


HW: LET ME SPEAK WITH A SUPERVISOR!

ME: No can do, they're busy.

HW: GET ME SOMEONE ABOVE THEM THEN!

ME: You have to go through the supervisors first, sorry.

HW: I KNOW YOU CAN GET ME THE HIGHEST PERSON THERE! JUST DO IT!

ME: No, you'll have to wait for someone to call.

HW: FINE! [click]

Whew. Done, right? Nope, right after that I received a stupid, but uninteresting sucky customer with a frighteningly effete voice (much like the first, but with a good vocabulary) who simply wanted to whine to me. Thanks to him I ended up being late getting off work, and simply wanting to die.

YUP! All in one day, all one after the other. How did this happen?

[CurlyLocks]

Wow! My brain hurt just reading about about those morons.

[draftermatt]

2nd person should have handled that better, but I've lost wages because a tech didn't show up, and no one called me, so I can understand being mad and wanting money back (the one place said it was "company policy" not to reimburse you), but flying off the handle doesn't do any good.

[mariamousie1]

When that woman said she wanted the highest person there, you should have switched her over to someone who's been smoking pot all day.

[iradney]

ominousoat, I would like to extend my sympathies to you. Will you be holding a memorial service for the braincells that committed sideways because of these marvels of evolution?

*hands over choccies*

[Boozy]

SC: Y'all said I didn't have to pay!
ME: Who said that?
SC: Y'all

For some reason this bit struck me as ridiculously funny.
Apparently, the Mystery Employee is referred to as "Y'all" in the south. Cool.

[Mongo Skruddgemire]

SC: I'm gonna' disconnect this call if you dun' say something that makes sense!

ME: Pay your bills. No disconnect notices.

SC: I'm disconnectin'! [click]

Sweet Zombie Jesus! I think I've seen Nerf that was sharper than this...this...you know, words are inadequate to describe just how low this guy is on the evolutionary ladder.

Makes me want to buy him an iPod with an 80GB mp3 of someone going "Breathe in...Breathe out...Breathe in...Breathe out"

M

[lordlundar]

Makes me want to buy him an iPod with an 80GB mp3 of someone going "Breathe in...Breathe out...Breathe in...Breathe out"

M

But he can't figure it out!

[BookstoreEscapee]

But he can't figure it out!

Yeah...it's a computer thing...it was probably made in Africa...it DUN MAKE SENSE!

hugs to you, ominousoat

[Kara]

When that woman said she wanted the highest person there, you should have switched her over to someone who's been smoking pot all day.

I love when people ask to talk to the highest person they can.

SC: I want to talk to someone in management!
ME: Ok, you can talk to my supervisor, but he'll just tell you the same thing.
SC: I don't want a supervisor! In fact, get me the president of (company) right now!

Or, even better,

SC: I am friends with your CEO, and if you don't do this for me, he's personally going to fire you!

Yeah, let's see. You live on the other side of the country from him, and I'm tempted to ask you what his name is so I can hear the sound of their brain shutting down.

The best was a few years ago when we would send out mailers for special offers for customers. There was a phantom "Head of Customer Satisfaction" who signed all the mailers. His name was also on welcome letters for customers who first signed up. We would hear requests to speak to him, and, to this day (even though we stopped using him a long time ago), customers don't know he never existed at all. But it always killed me to here:

SC: You know what? I happen to know your Head of Customer Satisfaction (they would say his name here, but I'll keep it anonymous)! And when he hears about this, you'll be sorry!
ME : Go right ahead.
SC: *click*

[Noelegy]

For some reason this bit struck me as ridiculously funny.
Apparently, the Mystery Employee is referred to as "Y'all" in the south. Cool.

No, no, no! "Y'all" always should refer to a multiple "You." It's an abbreviated form of "You all." It never refers to a singular person. That's what we have the word "You" for.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Yeah, you can always tell a poser down here by the way they use "ya'll."

You can say "ya'all" and you can even say "all ya'all", but it must always be referring to more than one person.

If it's singular, it's simply "you" and only a complete poser uses "ya'll" to denote one person.

And yes, a secondary use of the word "ya'll" down here is indeed used in reference to the Mystery Employee.

[wagegoth]

The best was a few years ago when we would send out mailers for special offers for customers. There was a phantom "Head of Customer Satisfaction" who signed all the mailers. His name was also on welcome letters for customers who first signed up. We would hear requests to speak to him, and, to this day (even though we stopped using him a long time ago), customers don't know he never existed at all.

When I worked at a savings and loan customer service center, they did the same thing. We used to get exactly the same kind of calls. "I know [non-existent employee] and you better take care of this!" "I was turned down for a credit card for no reason, and I demand to talk to [non-existent employee] now!"

[Bella_Vixen]

Yeah, you can always tell a poser down here by the way they use "ya'll."

...I say "y'all"...even when just talking to/about one person. Not all the time, though.

[Boozy]

You can say "ya'all" and you can even say "all ya'all", but it must always be referring to more than one person.

Which makes it perfect for referring to the Mystery Employee..its just so non-committal. Just like using "they" to avoid denoting gender.