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OR: How NOT to get a discount...
Well, yesterday was a smooth, non-SC-filled day. The team worked well, a VIP function went off without a hitch, and today is my day off. life is good.
So what better time to tell you about my favourite SC ever. The Smiling Assasain who discoved that Karma is a you-know-what.
I'm working the ticket desk at the New Zealand equivalent of the CN Tower. (Insert Seattle Space Needle, AMP Tower or whatever your personal cultural reference may be.) As mentioned in the Canonical List of SCS's, we have a lot of different discount vouchers avaliable for customers to use. (10% being the most widely-used.) It's a fairly quiet night... as it turned out, that was the only positove thing about the next ten minutes.
I look up from my magazine, and spot a group of about ten Indian tourists approaching. Slowly. Checking out the price list. In great detail. I already know where this is going. The group huddles up quickly, then approaches the desk. All ten of them, led by The Smiling assasain.
I call him that because he maintained a huge, freindly smile for the next ten minutes as I slowly went bugshit inasne.
SA: *reads namebadge* Hello Distorted Kiwi... we would like to go up the Tower. do you have any group rates?
Note: Yes, we do. For groups of fifteen and over. Close, no cigar. I explain this. Two or three times, as the group has assumed that if the Smiling Assasian doesn't get the group rate, the old guy next to him can ask for a group rate. Oh, and then the young guy in tha back can ask for a group discount ina slightly different way. maybe that'll work!
It doesn't, of course. So they play this card..
SA: But why can't we have a discount? We've come all the way from (insert country here. In this case, India.)
This tactic gets tried mpre often than I'd care to admit. I make my usual joke that we get people from all around the world, and in the interests of fairness, they all get charged the same. I get asked the same question by every male in the group, of course. My patience reserves are dwindling fast.
SA: But why don't you give tourists a discount?
tDK: Well, mainly because most of of customers ARE tourists, really. We'd be giving everyone a discount at that rate.
SA: Well, (points randomly) he is a student.
tDK: Do you have any student ID.
SA: No, he's from India!
tDK: Interantional student ID is fine?
SA: *blank look*
tDK: *points to clearly marked sign reading "Student ID Required* on price-list
SA: So he can't have a discount?
tDK: *dies a little more inside*
A new tactic suddenly emerged, as EVERY male in the group began asking me a question at once.
tDK: QUIET! One at a time, please!
All five questions turn out to be the same question.. "Why can't we have a group discount?". I point to the Smiling Assasain. (Whose grin is now threatening to remove the top third of his head.
tDK; You sir and now the group spokesman. I'm not answring anyone elses questions!
Old Guy: But why won't you?
tDK: HE'S the spokesman!
SA: You know, other places we've been have given us a discount...
tDK: I'm happy for you. However I don't set the prices, I just sell the tickets, sir. Ten people would be (XX dollars).
SA: Is there a manager I can speak to?
The Distorted Kiwi nearly loses the plot. Practically rips his namebadge off as he pulls it forward, pointing to the line of fine-print below his name.
tDK: Do you see what this says?
SA: (slightly losing his smile) oh, you ARE the manager...
tDK: *pauses, uses finger to cover phrase "Senior Tower Host". (Not actually a manager, just a very, VERY experienced employee. But close enough for a game of soldiers, I think.) Nods*
SA: Oh.
And then he did it.
SA: What about this 10% off voucher we have? Will that work?
tDK: *brain explodes*
Believe me, the above was actually a fairly abridged version of the ten-minute circular conversation to that point. Had he produced that coupon at the start, we might have been friends. Not Mortal Nemesis-es.
tDK: *through gritted teeth* Yes. Yes it would. That would make it exactly ninty dollars for ten people.
I thought I'd made it. Got to the end of this hell without choking the guy.
SA: Can't you make it fifteen percent?
tDK: *slowly and clearly, like i'm talking to a small child or a politician* No. No I cannot. It's a TEN percent off coupon. Therefore it takes ten percent off.
SA: But you can make it fifteen?
tDK: Not without reprogramming my computer, no.
SA: Can't you try?
I think I rewached the snapping point there.
tDK: Well, let me try. (Waves fingers at screen) SHAZAM! No, apparently not. It's TEN percent!
SA: But...
tDK: LOOK! You have exactly two options! You can either pay $90 for ten people or NOT pay $90 and not go up the tower at all! That's it!
SA: Okay, that's fine.. *pulls out credit card* But other places give us group discounts, you know.
tDK: Probably because you badgered them into it, sir!
I run the credit card, he signs for it. Huzzah.
tDK: Around the corner to the right, thank you and GOODBYE!
Smiling Assasain takes his party off, grinning all the way. Then complains to my co-worker that i wouldn't give him a discount. I'm meanwhile apologising to a single Swiss lady who's been caught behind the party of buttmonkeys for the last ten minutes. (I seriously never saw her. I gave her a ten percent discount for her trouble. No, she didn't have a coupon.)
THE EPILOGUE: Two days later I was called into the managers office. Apparently Income Control had found a variance with my paperwork for that day. The manager shows me a photocopy of a credit card transaction. I instantly recognise the name... it's the SA's card. Crap, what did I do?
Well, I was a shade agitated during the transaction. And it looks like I pressed the buttons too hard and double-pressed a numeral. I didn't spot it, neither did he.
I'd charged him NINE HUNDRED DOLLARS for the tickets.
I think I danced a jig.
I still like to think of him halfway down the country smiling blankly at a credit card screen reading "DECLINED".
Karma is good.
Well, yesterday was a smooth, non-SC-filled day. The team worked well, a VIP function went off without a hitch, and today is my day off. life is good.
So what better time to tell you about my favourite SC ever. The Smiling Assasain who discoved that Karma is a you-know-what.
I'm working the ticket desk at the New Zealand equivalent of the CN Tower. (Insert Seattle Space Needle, AMP Tower or whatever your personal cultural reference may be.) As mentioned in the Canonical List of SCS's, we have a lot of different discount vouchers avaliable for customers to use. (10% being the most widely-used.) It's a fairly quiet night... as it turned out, that was the only positove thing about the next ten minutes.
I look up from my magazine, and spot a group of about ten Indian tourists approaching. Slowly. Checking out the price list. In great detail. I already know where this is going. The group huddles up quickly, then approaches the desk. All ten of them, led by The Smiling assasain.
I call him that because he maintained a huge, freindly smile for the next ten minutes as I slowly went bugshit inasne.
SA: *reads namebadge* Hello Distorted Kiwi... we would like to go up the Tower. do you have any group rates?
Note: Yes, we do. For groups of fifteen and over. Close, no cigar. I explain this. Two or three times, as the group has assumed that if the Smiling Assasian doesn't get the group rate, the old guy next to him can ask for a group rate. Oh, and then the young guy in tha back can ask for a group discount ina slightly different way. maybe that'll work!
It doesn't, of course. So they play this card..
SA: But why can't we have a discount? We've come all the way from (insert country here. In this case, India.)
This tactic gets tried mpre often than I'd care to admit. I make my usual joke that we get people from all around the world, and in the interests of fairness, they all get charged the same. I get asked the same question by every male in the group, of course. My patience reserves are dwindling fast.
SA: But why don't you give tourists a discount?
tDK: Well, mainly because most of of customers ARE tourists, really. We'd be giving everyone a discount at that rate.
SA: Well, (points randomly) he is a student.
tDK: Do you have any student ID.
SA: No, he's from India!
tDK: Interantional student ID is fine?
SA: *blank look*
tDK: *points to clearly marked sign reading "Student ID Required* on price-list
SA: So he can't have a discount?
tDK: *dies a little more inside*
A new tactic suddenly emerged, as EVERY male in the group began asking me a question at once.
tDK: QUIET! One at a time, please!
All five questions turn out to be the same question.. "Why can't we have a group discount?". I point to the Smiling Assasain. (Whose grin is now threatening to remove the top third of his head.
tDK; You sir and now the group spokesman. I'm not answring anyone elses questions!
Old Guy: But why won't you?
tDK: HE'S the spokesman!
SA: You know, other places we've been have given us a discount...
tDK: I'm happy for you. However I don't set the prices, I just sell the tickets, sir. Ten people would be (XX dollars).
SA: Is there a manager I can speak to?
The Distorted Kiwi nearly loses the plot. Practically rips his namebadge off as he pulls it forward, pointing to the line of fine-print below his name.
tDK: Do you see what this says?
SA: (slightly losing his smile) oh, you ARE the manager...
tDK: *pauses, uses finger to cover phrase "Senior Tower Host". (Not actually a manager, just a very, VERY experienced employee. But close enough for a game of soldiers, I think.) Nods*
SA: Oh.
And then he did it.
SA: What about this 10% off voucher we have? Will that work?
tDK: *brain explodes*
Believe me, the above was actually a fairly abridged version of the ten-minute circular conversation to that point. Had he produced that coupon at the start, we might have been friends. Not Mortal Nemesis-es.
tDK: *through gritted teeth* Yes. Yes it would. That would make it exactly ninty dollars for ten people.
I thought I'd made it. Got to the end of this hell without choking the guy.
SA: Can't you make it fifteen percent?
tDK: *slowly and clearly, like i'm talking to a small child or a politician* No. No I cannot. It's a TEN percent off coupon. Therefore it takes ten percent off.
SA: But you can make it fifteen?
tDK: Not without reprogramming my computer, no.
SA: Can't you try?
I think I rewached the snapping point there.
tDK: Well, let me try. (Waves fingers at screen) SHAZAM! No, apparently not. It's TEN percent!
SA: But...
tDK: LOOK! You have exactly two options! You can either pay $90 for ten people or NOT pay $90 and not go up the tower at all! That's it!
SA: Okay, that's fine.. *pulls out credit card* But other places give us group discounts, you know.
tDK: Probably because you badgered them into it, sir!
I run the credit card, he signs for it. Huzzah.
tDK: Around the corner to the right, thank you and GOODBYE!
Smiling Assasain takes his party off, grinning all the way. Then complains to my co-worker that i wouldn't give him a discount. I'm meanwhile apologising to a single Swiss lady who's been caught behind the party of buttmonkeys for the last ten minutes. (I seriously never saw her. I gave her a ten percent discount for her trouble. No, she didn't have a coupon.)
THE EPILOGUE: Two days later I was called into the managers office. Apparently Income Control had found a variance with my paperwork for that day. The manager shows me a photocopy of a credit card transaction. I instantly recognise the name... it's the SA's card. Crap, what did I do?
Well, I was a shade agitated during the transaction. And it looks like I pressed the buttons too hard and double-pressed a numeral. I didn't spot it, neither did he.
I'd charged him NINE HUNDRED DOLLARS for the tickets.
I think I danced a jig.
I still like to think of him halfway down the country smiling blankly at a credit card screen reading "DECLINED".
Karma is good.
THAT'S hysterical!
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