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I work for a major bank/credit card company, that handles customers people with a variety of incomes, backgrounds, ethnicities, and states of sanity. I have learned in my time that stupidity is blind, and even people with more than they need will try to weasel out of the things they bring upon themselves. Here are a few of my most common problems.
CA- (Customer Advisor)
SC- (SC)
Stuff in {} is my personal thoughts
First and foremost, the infamous Rate Club call (aka Why's my apr so high!?) Ver. 1.0
CA: Thank you for calling Card Services, how may I help you?
SC(disgruntled): Why's my APR so high?
CA (Checking payment history): {Because you're an idiot} I'm showing here we've received several late payments to your account.
SC: So what!?
CA {Basics of lending, dipsh*t} When you default on your account, your rate is increased.
SC: Well, if you look back on my account, you'll see that I've always been an excellent customer, and I've always payed my bills on time.
CA: {Except the last three times, numbskull} Unfortunately, we did receive those payments late, so your APR increased.
SC: This is an outrage! Just because I moved, and my bills get to me late because the post office forwards them, and it takes extra time to get to me doesn't mean I should get penalized!
CA: {Can I have some of what you're smoking?} Have you updated your address with us, sir/ma'am?
SC: Um, no?
CA: {What planet are you from?} Then I can go ahead and get that updated for you today.
SC: Are you going to lower my APR?
CA: {Sure! I'll just push my magical APR go down button, nimrod} That decision is made with consideration for the status of your account. As long as we receive payments on time going forward, we will eventually be able to bring it down. (Riddles off alternate payment methods)
SC: Well, if this is the way (bank) treats it's customers, just close my account, and I'll go with (bank competitor)
Let's take a brief pause to explain something. Here, with most other credit card companies, we have a complex system that decides how we handle fee wavers and account closure threats. about 3/4 of our customer population has some room to threaten, and we pander to them. This particular customer's leeway was "Boot their ass out the door, and make sure you leave a print". I'm a happy camper, and now it's time for revenge.
CA: {giggling like a little girl} (Click click done) I am sorry to hear that. Your account has been closed. We'll inform the credit bureaus soon. If you wish to reopen your account at any time, it will be based solely on your credit at that time.
SC: Wait! I didn't want to close my account now!
CA: {and when you die, I'll dance on your grave, too} You requested closure, and it looks like you do not qualify to have your account reopened. If you wish to continue banking with us, I would advise putting in an application.
SC: Do you know who I am!?
CA: {Someone who no longer banks with us} Someone who no longer banks with us. Is there anything else I can help you with today?
Click.
I love it. I'll post more soon, unless this was just completely boring.
CA- (Customer Advisor)
SC- (SC)
Stuff in {} is my personal thoughts
First and foremost, the infamous Rate Club call (aka Why's my apr so high!?) Ver. 1.0
CA: Thank you for calling Card Services, how may I help you?
SC(disgruntled): Why's my APR so high?
CA (Checking payment history): {Because you're an idiot} I'm showing here we've received several late payments to your account.
SC: So what!?
CA {Basics of lending, dipsh*t} When you default on your account, your rate is increased.
SC: Well, if you look back on my account, you'll see that I've always been an excellent customer, and I've always payed my bills on time.
CA: {Except the last three times, numbskull} Unfortunately, we did receive those payments late, so your APR increased.
SC: This is an outrage! Just because I moved, and my bills get to me late because the post office forwards them, and it takes extra time to get to me doesn't mean I should get penalized!
CA: {Can I have some of what you're smoking?} Have you updated your address with us, sir/ma'am?
SC: Um, no?
CA: {What planet are you from?} Then I can go ahead and get that updated for you today.
SC: Are you going to lower my APR?
CA: {Sure! I'll just push my magical APR go down button, nimrod} That decision is made with consideration for the status of your account. As long as we receive payments on time going forward, we will eventually be able to bring it down. (Riddles off alternate payment methods)
SC: Well, if this is the way (bank) treats it's customers, just close my account, and I'll go with (bank competitor)
Let's take a brief pause to explain something. Here, with most other credit card companies, we have a complex system that decides how we handle fee wavers and account closure threats. about 3/4 of our customer population has some room to threaten, and we pander to them. This particular customer's leeway was "Boot their ass out the door, and make sure you leave a print". I'm a happy camper, and now it's time for revenge.
CA: {giggling like a little girl} (Click click done) I am sorry to hear that. Your account has been closed. We'll inform the credit bureaus soon. If you wish to reopen your account at any time, it will be based solely on your credit at that time.
SC: Wait! I didn't want to close my account now!
CA: {and when you die, I'll dance on your grave, too} You requested closure, and it looks like you do not qualify to have your account reopened. If you wish to continue banking with us, I would advise putting in an application.
SC: Do you know who I am!?
CA: {Someone who no longer banks with us} Someone who no longer banks with us. Is there anything else I can help you with today?
Click.
I love it. I'll post more soon, unless this was just completely boring.
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