Phrases that don't help

[Geek King]

But honestly, anyone who's worked with computers for 4 years should know that you keep a backup in case it fries itself.

And yet, I meet people who have used them for even longer who ask me, "How do you make your words itallian in Word? You mean Italics? Yeah, all lean-y!"

[technical.angel]

"I have a virus."

[Geek King]

"I have a virus."

I don't mind that one much. I just give the old, "Okay, shut down your computer until I get there."

It's the ones that call up, "The anti-virus program says I have 26,542 virus!11!" that make my forehead all red and sore. Then I know I have a fully-functioning fake scanner on the computer already, and will probably spend a bit trying to disable it enough to clean it off.

[technical.angel]

I don't mind that one much. I just give the old, "Okay, shut down your computer until I get there."

Well, this one was a drop off. Of course, I boot it up, and DON'T see the fake AV. So then I have to find out exactly what "virus" means to the (l)user.

This time, it meant she couldn't connect to webpages.

[Geek King]

Well, this one was a drop off. Of course, I boot it up, and DON'T see the fake AV. So then I have to find out exactly what "virus" means to the (l)user.

Oh, I'd forgotten about the everything-that-goes-wrong-on-the-computer-is-a-virus types. You're right, those are annoying. Full points for post.

[Chrismor]

After arriving home from dropping my brother over to his house last week, I was greeted (read: attacked, as I barely had the car door open at this point) by my mom, telling me that my younger brothers computer had 20-something viruses on it.

Being the builder of every desktop in the house, I obviously must know how to deal with it (and I did).

Went up to his room to check the computer and see a FIREFOX window open, pretending to be the my computer window. It is, of course, flashing every drive as having viruses.

I ask "why is it open in a firefox window?" to get the standard response of "I don't know"

Cue my beating him around the head and threatening to wrap the ethernet cable around his neck (until I remembered he was using the wireless connection) for being such an idiot. Fortunately it was easy enough to have AVG mop everything up, with me just having to add that if he does not learn to not click it if he is not sure of it, I will make sure he never has the internet again.

C.
Cursing himself for letting family know he was good with computers.

P.S. While I do not condone violence against SC's I am making an exception in this case.

P.P.S. If I do have to cut off his internet, should I tell him that he is on a Token Ring LAN and needs to find the token to get back online? He seems to be gullible enough to believe that one.

[technical.angel]

P.S. While I do not condone violence against SC's I am making an exception in this case.

I think even Raps would agree that brothers are exempt from the not condoing violence rule.

[Midorikawa]

P.P.S. If I do have to cut off his internet, should I tell him that he is on a Token Ring LAN and needs to find the token to get back online?

*runs away screaming at the mention or Broken Ring.*

No really, Although I'm technically too young (24) to have messed with that miserable excuse for a network protocol, my internship at the local government gave me all manner of experience with ridiculously obsolete equipment, including MFM/RLL hard drives, 486 servers with exploding power supplies (coworker plugged it in after sitting in storage for so long, and all 4 power supplies exploded in sequence like a pack of fire crackers), Token Ring, and Novell NetWare.

[Ironclad Alibi]

P.P.S. If I do have to cut off his internet, should I tell him that he is on a Token Ring LAN and needs to find the token to get back online? He seems to be gullible enough to believe that one.

Three Token Rings for the System Administrators under the sky,
Seven for the Programmers in their halls of stone,
Nine for Users doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Microsoft where the Shadows lie.
One Token Ring to rule them all, One Token Ring to find them,
One Token Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Microsoft where the Shadows lie.

Apologies to J. R. R. Tolkien.

[mattm04]

*runs away screaming at the mention or Broken Ring.*

No really, Although I'm technically too young (24) to have messed with that miserable excuse for a network protocol, my internship at the local government gave me all manner of experience with ridiculously obsolete equipment, including MFM/RLL hard drives, 486 servers with exploding power supplies (coworker plugged it in after sitting in storage for so long, and all 4 power supplies exploded in sequence like a pack of fire crackers), Token Ring, and Novell NetWare.

The Community College I wen to after HS for 2 years for my Associates had Novell NetWare, on Win XP pc's. Arrrrrgh. Ok, now log into Novell, OK good now press enter to log int XP as a guest.

[Chrismor]

No really, Although I'm technically too young (24) to have messed with that miserable excuse for a network protocol, my internship at the local government gave me all manner of experience with ridiculously obsolete equipment, including MFM/RLL hard drives, 486 servers with exploding power supplies (coworker plugged it in after sitting in storage for so long, and all 4 power supplies exploded in sequence like a pack of fire crackers), Token Ring, and Novell NetWare.

I'm 23, so I'm also too young to have worked with it, thank God/Allah/Buddha/Spongebob. I just happened to know of it, and a Dilbert comic strip with the same joke.

Three Token Rings for the System Administrators under the sky,
Seven for the Programmers in their halls of stone,
Nine for Users doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Microsoft where the Shadows lie.
One Token Ring to rule them all, One Token Ring to find them,
One Token Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Microsoft where the Shadows lie.

Apologies to J. R. R. Tolkien.

As much as I should hate you for butchering Tolkien, I have to admit, I like that.

C.

[Geek King]

P.P.S. If I do have to cut off his internet, should I tell him that he is on a Token Ring LAN and needs to find the token to get back online? He seems to be gullible enough to believe that one.

Better: Tell him the token is stuck and he needs to blow into the ethernet cable to free it.

[Chrismor]

The trouble with that... wireless connection means no Ethernet cable. I like where you are going with it though.

C.

[Midorikawa]

I'm 23, so I'm also too young to have worked with it, thank God/Allah/Buddha/Spongebob. I just happened to know of it, and a Dilbert comic strip with the same joke.

I'll get around to posting my stories from that internship later (hopefully today, have to see how the first half of my shift goes at work), as some are rather epic.

[lordlundar]

The trouble with that... wireless connection means no Ethernet cable. I like where you are going with it though.

C.

Tell him the signal went dead in the building, then toss him a cheap multimeter without the probes attached and tell him that it's a signal detector. Then tell him when the signal goes into the red, it means the connection will never break.