Did you follow the directions?

[Flying Grype]

SC: It's not working.

Me: Here's a list of updates you need to do to make it work. Call me back if you can't do them or if they don't make it work.

...

SC: *calls back* Still not working.

Me: So the updates I sent didn't make a difference?

SC: Nope.

Me: Were you able to do all of the updates?

SC: Yup.

Me: Including the graphics card driver?

SC: Um... hang on, let's see... nope, I couldn't figure out how to do it.

Me:

-----

The smarter customers are offended when I ask them so many questions. But I have to use a standard of service that assumes everyone to be a complete idiot.

[EricKei]

I usually start from simple commands when trying to get info out of customers ("OK right click on your Desktop/MyComputer/shortcut and...") to see how they respond, and tailor my vitriol accordingly.

If the response to the above is "OK, xp pro 64bit, 4 gigs, dual core yada yada", I sigh in relief, damn the torpedos, and go full speed ahead with the techtalk.

If the response is "OK, how do I do that?", I cover the phone's mouthpiece as I cry softly for a moment, come back to the phone, and then work to ascertain whether the issues is that she's having trouble identifying the "Desktop" or identifying the "right mouse button" ...

I really wish I were kidding on that one.

[Naaman]

If the response is "OK, how do I do that?", I cover the phone's mouthpiece as I cry softly for a moment, come back to the phone, and then work to ascertain whether the issues is that she's having trouble identifying the "Desktop" or identifying the "right mouse button" ...

I really wish I were kidding on that one.

Right mouse button was always the bane of my life.
Once you explained that their mouse has TWO buttons and no matter how many times you said "only press that one when I tell you to...", for the rest of the call every statement would start "Is that the left or right mouse button?"

[EricKei]

for the rest of the call every statement would start "Is that the left or right mouse button?"

QF muthafrakkin' T!

Er, I mean, hell yeah. I see I'm not the only one this happens to. I feel a bit better now. That's kinda what this board is for, anyway ^_^