commercials that annoy

[Danno]

I'm annoyed by pretty much any ad for a Glade product starring the Compulsive Liar Lady (hereafter referred to as CLL). It's one of those commercials that was probably originally meant as a one-shot but somebody liked it and decided it should be a series. But it's just not a very repeatable idea; "Lets have this woman buy lots of different Glade products and lie about them every single time!" At least the original "Glah-Day" was sorta funny; the attempts at humor in later commercials are just too much of a stretch. Plug into my karma, hey it's a plug-in, what a clever wordplay hurr-hurr. Worse, don't these commercials imply that one should be embarrassed to use Glade products, just like CLL seems to be? It all comes off as so poorly thought out.

But I admit that I sort of like the latest one with the gingerbread-scented candles. CLL dumps storebought gingerbread man cookies onto a plate and lights a candle in an attempt to make the room smell like she'd cooked them herself. When her friends (God, why do they stick by her?) show up and compliment her, the camera does a close-up on the cookies. A gingerbread man comes to life and proclaims in his squeaky voice that it's not him smelling delicious but actually the candle. However, before he can finish his statement CLL snatches him up and bites his head off while her friends look on uncomfortably.

I prefer to think that the close-up shot of the talking cookie takes place only in CLL's guilt-ridden mind as she slowly goes over the edge. Her friends' disturbed expressions result from watching her talking to herself in a squeaky voice before pouncing on the inanimate cookie man. Hell, their reactions look more akin to "our friend is bonkers" than "HOLY SHIT! YOU JUST KILLED A TALKING COOKIE MAN!"

Yeah, I'm weird.

[Danno]

My best friend and I have decided that the sham-wow guy is milo from the oblongs all grown up.

I kinda think he's Beavis.

[SG15Z]

I kinda think he's Beavis.

Damn why does every one insist on making me laugh today. I'm still a little sick so every time I laugh I star couphing a lot. Damn you all!!

*couphcouph* Damn it!!

[smileyeagle1021]

I hate the ShamWow commercials too. Ugh that guy is SUCH a dork.

you know, I hate the commercial too, but I'm almost ashamed to admit that at one point I almost had a crush on that guy for the very reason he was such a dork

for the commercials I hate, I think every Utahn will understand what I mean when I say "just you watch the best" *cue really annoying commercial here* and that's an old one... they've only gotten worse

[Jester]

Let's see, Billy Mays is covered below.

Someone mentioned Free Credit Report.com. I have commented on them before. Especially because I work in a pirate-themed bar, and I DO sell chowder to tourists in t-shirts. No, really, I do.

And I find it insulting and offensive that he makes that out to be the worst job in the world that he got stuck with because someone stole his identity.

Hey, Mr. Lip Syncher: FUCK YOU! If I ever see that guy in person, OR the asshole that wrote the whole thing, I will shove a pirate hat right up their ass. SIDEWAYS.

No, I don't like that commercial. Can you tell? And they even reference the first commercial (the pirate restaurant) in the Ren Faire commercial. Assholes.

Another one that irritates the piss out of me is The General. Apparently it's some insurance company, but the commercials are idiotic. I mean, it's one thing to have a talking lizard as your spokesman (Hello Geico!), but at least those commercials have some cute factor to them.

But an animated general that comes off as a blowhard car salesman, who has a helmet so low on his head you can't see his eyes? And this is the company that I want to rely on if I ever get t-boned in rush hour? Are you fucking kidding me? Shit, I didn't think it could get worse than those moronic Esurance animated commercials, but this company makes Esurance look like reliable, trustworthy, intelligent insurers by comparison. Hey, General....BLOW ME!

Speaking of idiotic, let's talk about Extenze. "It's REAL science." Okay, lady, when you have the demeanor of a high school senior getting excited about going to the prom, and you feel the need to emphasize that it's "REAL science," well, frankly, you come off as being completely full of hooey. And enough already with "that cerain part of the male body." It's a fucking penis. Half the population has one, thank you very much. And if you want to convince us that your product is going to make Mr. Willie into Mr. T, you are going to have to get comfortable with the subject you're discussing. Until then, I'd like to introduce your ass to a certain part of the male body--the right foot!

Let's not forget McDonald's. If they spent half as much money and energy on making good food as they did on making commercials that attempt to delude the public into believing that their product is some kind of gastronomical nirvana, I might actually eat there. But the fact is, they still put out mass-produced hockey puck assemblyline burgers that TASTE like mass-produced hockey puck assemblyline burgers. So sorry, Mickey D's, those "Dollar Menuaire" commercials need to go where most of your food ends up....right in the toilet.

And yes, Wendy's with your 3conomics and Burger King with your creepy King dude, I'm including you two in this as well.

And for the love of all that is holy in heaven and on earth, the U.S. just elected their first black President, a man that is inspiring hope in millions--can we PLEASE stop ripping people off with this "collectible" crap that's being spewed out? "Priceless family heirloom" my ass. Even if Mr. Obama ends up living up to the hype and being the greatest leader this country ever had, a twenty dollar plate with his face on it is still a bloody plate with his face on it--NOT an heirloom, and not worth the twenty bucks you're charging for it. Can we please have some RESPECT and DIGNITY towards this man and this country? Yeah, I know....too much to ask.

The sad thing is, I have no doubt that people are buying this shit in droves. Proof that an uneducated poor person and their money are soon parted by unscrupulous turd goblins who are trying to be the next Bernard Madoff.

Any commercial with Billy Mays. He SHOUTS everything!

OH MY GOD, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? THAT IS JUST HIM PITCHING A PRODUCT. HE NEVER EVER YELLS. HE IS JUST A CONSUMMATE SALESMAN!

Yeah, right. Excuse me. I'll be right back. I have to go put together my surprise for Mr. Mays. It involves a blanket, some rope, and my truck.

he is getting his own show on the Discovery Channel soon!

NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

FIVE!

FIVE DOLLAR!

FIVE DOLLAR FOOT LOOO--

Irv....don't make me kill you.

The cute redhead I was hanging/flirting with at the bar while watching the playoffs on Sunday would occasionally break that out, and I came very close to hitting her over the head with a bottle of tequila.

Okay, I didn't do that, but I did express my displeasure with her for that. What was it....oh yeah....."Don't make me break out the duct tape, lady!"

Yes, I said that to a girl I was flirting with. And people wonder why I'm still single.

I kinda think he's Beavis.

YOU, my friend, are full of win today. That....is....AWESOME!


The amusing thing about this whole subject is that I am the son of a salesman and ad man, and frankly, could sell just about anything to anyone. Ice to an Eskimo? Amateur stuff. I could sell whiskey to a Mormon, bacon-wrapped shrimp to a Jew, and sex with adult females to Michael Jackson. So I appreciate a GOOD commercial. Hell, the company that makes the SportsCenter commercials for ESPN continues to churn out brilliance. But these horribly bad NATIONAL commercials (I'll give the local commercials some slack since their budgets are generally smaller) have just got to go. And by "go" I mean get the firetruck off my tv and out of my life, preferably to a small, dark, uninhabited place. Like George Bush's skull, perhaps.

[smileyeagle1021]

I could sell whiskey to a Mormon, bacon-wrapped shrimp to a Jew, and sex with adult females to Michael Jackson.

you know... I know a Mormon who seriously could use some whiskey

I also knew a Jew you should try to sell that too...

now, with Michael Jackson, that would impress me, what would impress me more (and make me personally happier) is if you could sell sex with me to the cute (unfortunately for me straight) guy who used to sit in front of me in class last semester

[Jester]

what would impress me more (and make me personally happier) is if you could sell sex with me to the cute (unfortunately for me straight) guy who used to sit in front of me in class last semester

Two things.

1. I am a good salesman. I am even a magician. However, I do magic...NOT miracles.

2. I'm not here to impress you.

[ditchdj]

How about the "Ped Egg"?????

Isn't it "great" seeing how "good" this thingy works when you rub it on the bottom of your feet and then you get to look at all the skin-shavings in someone's hand??? I'm starting to feel like puking up my fruit snacks right now just thinking about it.

[Dreamstalker]

I dunno, I kinda like Flo (the Progressive checkout girl). She reminds of an anime character.

Ads I can't stand:

--new Taco Bell one. And pretty much all the ads that indirectly encourage SCs.
--Enzyte. More annoying than anything else.
--Extenze or whatever the other one's called.
--ShamWow. Mom is convinced that the carpet test that guy does has some quick-change stuff going on. And what's with the headset?
--I hate hate hate the Freecreditreport ads. That guy needs to die. Preferably get run over by the Lifelock truck (I think that's the service where the van has the CEO's SSN all over it)
--Subway and that damn jingle
--McDonalds. Nuff said I think.

Has anyone else noticed that Billy Mays often has the same color shirt as whatever product he's hawking?

[blas]

Don't throw anything.....

But....

I really do like that one McDonalds commercial that's supposed to imitate like an R&B music video...."Girl I know that u been creeeepin...." his gf snuck off to McDonalds and comes back inside to eat McNuggets.....the rain, the beat of the song.....it's hilarious.

[Geek King]

That Finally Fast commercial. God, how I hate thee.

First, ever notice how people in commercials play the lamest games in history? What is he even playing there? Barney's Shoot 'em Down Adventure? Put that guy in front of 1942 and his pants would explode from shitting himself. "Oh, god! They're moving and shooting back! Help! Moo0-oo0-oom! <assplode>"

Two: commercials take their technical advisors from The Net and Wargames. Seriously, watch what they have on the computers during that commercial. Its actually physically painful to me. And I had to watch Feast once. I think the font size is in the 100s.

I want to beat them with a pickel loaf. I really do.

[Bradester]

Speaking of idiotic, let's talk about Extenze. "It's REAL science." Okay, lady, when you have the demeanor of a high school senior getting excited about going to the prom, and you feel the need to emphasize that it's "REAL science," well, frankly, you come off as being completely full of hooey.

I love this.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

And for the love of all that is holy in heaven and on earth, the U.S. just elected their first black President, a man that is inspiring hope in millions--can we PLEASE stop ripping people off with this "collectible" crap that's being spewed out? "Priceless family heirloom" my ass. Even if Mr. Obama ends up living up to the hype and being the greatest leader this country ever had, a twenty dollar plate with his face on it is still a bloody plate with his face on it--NOT an heirloom, and not worth the twenty bucks you're charging for it. Can we please have some RESPECT and DIGNITY towards this man and this country? Yeah, I know....too much to ask.

The sad thing is, I have no doubt that people are buying this shit in droves. Proof that an uneducated poor person and their money are soon parted by unscrupulous turd goblins who are trying to be the next Bernard Madoff.

My store is going to be carrying Obama commemorative coins. I guess they see another cash cow just waiting to be dry-humped.

And when the day comes that we elect our first female President, we'll see the same commemorative collectible shit being peddled left, right and center.

Jeez, is Obama our next President, or is he just another brand?

[smileyeagle1021]

2. I'm not here to impress you.

oh

but you've impressed us all so many times in the past

[fireheart]

another annoying commercial:

Anything that's from Danoz Direct (home shopping sales company). Sooo freakin annoying.

And finally, this is a semi-commercial from work. We have this lady who comes in every so often and sells these really crappy kitchen gadets/knives. We call her Knife Lady. Her sales pitch goes something like this:

Attention customers, in <number> minutes time, our demonstrator will demonstrate Stupid Kitchen Gadget in location, so if you haven't already gotten your stupid kitchen gadget, head down to location to also receive your free paring knife absolutely....free. This is on offer only for today (not) so head down to location to watch our crappy demonsration and receive your free paring knife. One per customer, must be over 21.