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  • #16
    Quoth BroSCFischer View Post
    Alright, I think I need to respond here.

    First of all, NO, they in all likelihood will NOT be your friends again, especially if you bring suit.

    HOWEVER, it WILL make it known PUBLICLY that they are being dishonest, and slanderous (possibly libelous as well if they published any of that online). By making the TRUTH public, it might put you on the right track. It MAY even improve your mental health, and increase the likelihood of making friends with other people.

    You NEED to speak with a lawyer again, to see about what you CAN do, especially since it has been more than a year, and the statute of limitations may be an issue.

    Also, with lawmakers putting more and more anti-bullying laws on the books, you may have a criminal case for that.

    See a Lawyer. ASAP.

    SC
    I can see how that would be helpful. I think I will talk to someone when I go back. I have a list of lawyers I made last time.

    I am worried that people will just think of this as another example of my "dishonesty." The people involved told everyone that I'm a very dishonest person. I tried to explain to people the situation, but if I'm this stalker, why wouldn't I lie about it? That's their reasoning, anyway.
    There is no problem we cannot ignore, confront, plot against, drown in chocolate sauce, or run over with the car- Christopher Elliot

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    • #17
      Several things. I am not a lawyer, but you may have a case against the school--not for breach of contract, but for infliction of emotional distress. As for your "friends", you have an excellent case against them for libel and slander, (if anything was written) as well as character assassination. And a judge COULD order them to refrain from spreading that particular rumor about you as part of any settlement, it's called a gag order. For that matter, if you file suit, you could see about the possibility of imposing a gag order about the case itself (they would be ordered not to discuss the fact they're being sued or why or face contempt of court.) Now, obviously, laws on these things differ depending on the state and jurisdiction, but I would seriously ask your lawyer about this when you meet with him. They have destroyed your life and made you a social pariah by telling lies about you, and that is not just wrong but legally actionable.

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      • #18
        Anubite, here's the big thing about suing for slander.

        What happens if you win.

        If you win, you can legitimately tell people who say that "well they heard this (insert lie here)" about you, you can say that that's why you sued and why you won. Obviously, if you were lying you wouldn't have won the case, would you? That means that while you'll still have difficulties making friends because of the rumors, it'll start to get easier because you'll have proven that you are not the liar.
        My NaNo page

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        • #19
          Quoth Der Cute View Post
          *snip*
          I highly suggest (with my trusty cattle prod) to get yourself a lawyer. *snip*
          Der Cute, if ever I ask you for advice ... I'm going to do so from a LONG way away.

          Mr. Anubite, you said that "They won't be my friends again" if you sue ... however, in an earlier post, you said you recognized that it's extremely unlikely that they will ever be your friends again. I think that was the more accurate of your assessments. In fact, I would go so far as to say they weren't much in the way of friends to begin with, or they wouldn't be treating you the way they are treating you now.

          You cannot control what other people choose to think, but you can control what you choose to tolerate from other people. Their behaviour is way beyond what is acceptable and there's no reason for you to tolerate it. You haven't done anything wrong.

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          • #20
            Quoth Barracuda View Post
            Several things. I am not a lawyer, but you may have a case against the school--not for breach of contract, but for infliction of emotional distress. As for your "friends", you have an excellent case against them for libel and slander, (if anything was written) as well as character assassination. And a judge COULD order them to refrain from spreading that particular rumor about you as part of any settlement, it's called a gag order. For that matter, if you file suit, you could see about the possibility of imposing a gag order about the case itself (they would be ordered not to discuss the fact they're being sued or why or face contempt of court.) Now, obviously, laws on these things differ depending on the state and jurisdiction, but I would seriously ask your lawyer about this when you meet with him. They have destroyed your life and made you a social pariah by telling lies about you, and that is not just wrong but legally actionable.
            Something that just occurred to me is that I don't actually know if the rumors are still actively spread anymore. They were for a few months, but now, everyone already knows all of them. That doesn't make my present situation better, because everyone still believes them, despite months of attempts at demonstrating that I'm not a stalker. I stopped going to the grocery stores, restaurants, and other places I know A and his family and friends like, and I'm always careful to choose driving routes that don't bring me anywhere near his parents' home. Nothing has shown them that I'm not a stalker.

            It didn't occur to me to emphasize in my first post that A actually believes the stalker rumors that he has spread. The suicidal thing is something he told the school, but that's not in the rumors he's spread. The rumors are that I'm an unbalanced stalker who follows/followed him and his family and friends. A believes this, despite an overwhelming lack of evidence. Is it still slander if the person spreading the rumors believes them? When R attacked me, he told me that A views this as "warning" people, or "letting everyone know" that I'm dangerous, and that they shouldn't talk to me, because if they do, I'll stalk and harass them.
            There is no problem we cannot ignore, confront, plot against, drown in chocolate sauce, or run over with the car- Christopher Elliot

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            • #21
              Quoth Mr. Anubite View Post
              Something that just occurred to me is that I don't actually know if the rumors are still actively spread anymore. They were for a few months, but now, everyone already knows all of them. That doesn't make my present situation better, because everyone still believes them, despite months of attempts at demonstrating that I'm not a stalker. I stopped going to the grocery stores, restaurants, and other places I know A and his family and friends like, and I'm always careful to choose driving routes that don't bring me anywhere near his parents' home. Nothing has shown them that I'm not a stalker.

              It didn't occur to me to emphasize in my first post that A actually believes the stalker rumors that he has spread. The suicidal thing is something he told the school, but that's not in the rumors he's spread. The rumors are that I'm an unbalanced stalker who follows/followed him and his family and friends. A believes this, despite an overwhelming lack of evidence. Is it still slander if the person spreading the rumors believes them? When R attacked me, he told me that A views this as "warning" people, or "letting everyone know" that I'm dangerous, and that they shouldn't talk to me, because if they do, I'll stalk and harass them.
              The fact you are now curtailing even where you shop for groceries makes it clear these people are seriously impinging on your normal life. This is not acceptable.

              I am not a lawyer, but I doubt very much that "he believes it" is a legal standpoint, unless he has concrete evidence for his beliefs -- but this is why you need to go back and have another chat with a lawyer. And attacking someone as a way of "warning" them is not legal either. If R's story is true, this shows that A is also a coward as he's getting other people to do his dirty work for him.

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              • #22
                I apologize for being blunt, and again for the French. Sorry, but I'd sue the pants off those fuckers.
                Aerodynamics are for people who can't build engines. --Enzo Ferrari

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                • #23
                  Just because A really and truly believes this (which I call bull on anyway since you heard it from an unreliable third party), he's still spreading a lie. That's still slander. He has no right to infringe upon you in this way, no matter who his father is.

                  Get thee to a lawyer!
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                  • #24
                    As said, it doesn't matter if the person making the statement believes it to be the truth. If they say, "Anubite is a stalker" without objective proof it is absolutely slander. And because it's affected a lot of your daily life, it's also very much actionable.

                    Also, something that I doubt has been considered: If it did go to a trial, the discovery and statements would give you some information as to why A thinks you're stalking him, and it might come out that others are responsible and deserve to get their asses handed to them in court.

                    If it turns out that A was being misled by the people he's with and honestly doesn't know that it's all lies, it's actually possible that dragging the truth into the light might have a possible result that he would associate with you again. It's a long-shot, at best, but at the very least, you'd be able to prove to him that you weren't the one doing the lying.

                    ^-.-^
                    Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

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                    • #25
                      If you are putting "A"'s family over your own well being you need to stop. He is responsible for his actions and if his family don't like the bad press he himself has brought upon them...well that's their problem as a family. Talk to a lawyer and teach this bully that his Daddy can't keep him safe.

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                      • #26
                        Are you sure that transferring somewhere else will be any more stressful than this situation already is?

                        Please don't think of A and Ben and all the rest of them as friend material. Friends don't treat each other the way they treated you. You DO NOT DESERVE to be treated that way. You deserve friends who respect you and care for you.

                        Whatever you decide to do, good luck.
                        When you start at zero, everything's progress.

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                        • #27
                          the only way he could legally get off the hook is if it was actually true. That's an objective truth, not subjective. So no, he couldn't get off the hook that way.

                          also, there's one think i think you're forgetting. Currently, people believe A is telling the truth and you are lying. If you won a court case against him, it's possible those people would change their minds and would be open to friendship again. ( at the very least, you'd be able to join the groups that match your interests)

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                          • #28
                            Are there any theater groups outside the school. Locally here we have at least 7 different theatre and drama groups and 3 food co-op plus a native seed harvesting group. There might be other groups outside campus. Here we have a group for nonlocals that meets once a month. Or, due to your orientation a lgbt group you could join? Maybe someone else there can understand being discriminated against. Are there any depression support groups you could join? There is a local vollenteer corps here in town, if there is anything like that in your city maybe they could place you with a vollenteer gig in your city. You could look into visiting the elderly to get some human contact. They always apricate a visitor since so many go without contact from family.

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                            • #29
                              Quoth Andara Bledin View Post
                              As said, it doesn't matter if the person making the statement believes it to be the truth. If they say, "Anubite is a stalker" without objective proof it is absolutely slander. And because it's affected a lot of your daily life, it's also very much actionable.

                              Also, something that I doubt has been considered: If it did go to a trial, the discovery and statements would give you some information as to why A thinks you're stalking him, and it might come out that others are responsible and deserve to get their asses handed to them in court.

                              If it turns out that A was being misled by the people he's with and honestly doesn't know that it's all lies, it's actually possible that dragging the truth into the light might have a possible result that he would associate with you again. It's a long-shot, at best, but at the very least, you'd be able to prove to him that you weren't the one doing the lying.

                              ^-.-^
                              I know that part of why he thinks I stalk him is that he would see me at one of our dining halls, and in the dorm lobby. He assumed I was only in those places because I somehow knew he would be there.
                              Quoth MoonCat View Post
                              Are you sure that transferring somewhere else will be any more stressful than this situation already is?

                              Please don't think of A and Ben and all the rest of them as friend material. Friends don't treat each other the way they treated you. You DO NOT DESERVE to be treated that way. You deserve friends who respect you and care for you.

                              Whatever you decide to do, good luck.
                              Thank you. I do think transferring would be worse, and my doctors agree.
                              Quoth Aislin View Post
                              Are there any theater groups outside the school. Locally here we have at least 7 different theatre and drama groups and 3 food co-op plus a native seed harvesting group. There might be other groups outside campus. Here we have a group for nonlocals that meets once a month. Or, due to your orientation a lgbt group you could join? Maybe someone else there can understand being discriminated against. Are there any depression support groups you could join? There is a local vollenteer corps here in town, if there is anything like that in your city maybe they could place you with a vollenteer gig in your city. You could look into visiting the elderly to get some human contact. They always apricate a visitor since so many go without contact from family.
                              The theatre group outside of the university has both of A's sisters in it, and I was fired from the only co-op. The LGBT group has people from my dorm in it, and those specific people have asked me not to talk to them anymore. I'm afraid that if I go, they'll tell other members about me. There is actually a home from the elderly not far from my apartment. This is going to sound awful, and I'm sorry if this is offensive to anyone, but the thought of visiting the elderly has occurred to me before, but I decided against it, because I can't stop myself from relating my current situation to theirs.

                              Also, after years of using vBulletin forums, I just now realized how to multi-quote!
                              There is no problem we cannot ignore, confront, plot against, drown in chocolate sauce, or run over with the car- Christopher Elliot

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                              • #30
                                Quoth Mr. Anubite View Post
                                I know that part of why he thinks I stalk him is that he would see me at one of our dining halls, and in the dorm lobby. He assumed I was only in those places because I somehow knew he would be there.
                                Okay, not to be sarcastic, but if A actually thinks you are only in the dining hall and dorm lobby to stalk him ... as opposed to, say, having a meal, or just hanging out ... then I would suggest he needs some professional help.

                                Although to be honest it just sounds to me like a really lame excuse so he can keep harassing you.

                                Thank you. I do think transferring would be worse, and my doctors agree.


                                The theatre group outside of the university has both of A's sisters in it, and I was fired from the only co-op. The LGBT group has people from my dorm in it, and those specific people have asked me not to talk to them anymore. I'm afraid that if I go, they'll tell other members about me. There is actually a home from the elderly not far from my apartment. This is going to sound awful, and I'm sorry if this is offensive to anyone, but the thought of visiting the elderly has occurred to me before, but I decided against it, because I can't stop myself from relating my current situation to theirs.
                                No need to apologize. Everyone has their own comfort zones. What if you return to the LGBT group but make a point of NOT speaking to your dorm neighbours? Make a point of approaching other members of the group.

                                Aislin had some good suggestions for other possible groups.

                                Also, after years of using vBulletin forums, I just now realized how to multi-quote!
                                Congratulations!

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