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How to brew coffee... NOT!

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  • #16
    Quoth MoonCat View Post
    I brewed a pot of hot water once. Forgot to put coffee in the filter, poured in the water, turned it on...voila, nice pot of hot water. Not as tasty as coffee, though!
    Well, in that situation, there's always instant coffee...

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    • #17
      Quoth Difdi View Post
      Well, in that situation, there's always instant coffee...
      Or hot chocolate mix.

      ^-.-^
      Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

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      • #18
        Thank godess for the Keurig. The world is truly a better place thanks to the saint that created that one.

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        • #19
          Do not forget that the grinder on your grind 'n' brew is busted, and put beans in there expecting fresh, extra strong coffee the next morning.

          Got myself a burr grinder after that.

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          • #20
            Got one you missed:
            Fill filter w/ coffee.
            Fill reservoir w/ water.
            Set timer.
            Get in intense conversation.
            Fill carafe w/ water to put in reservoir.
            Continue conversation.
            Put full pot of water on burner.
            Wait ten hours for full reservoir to brew into full pot while you are asleep.....

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            • #21
              I haven't scored ALL of the above as accomplishments...

              Just t'aint sayin' how many...
              I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
              Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
              Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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              • #22
                When I was just a young'n, my mother put the kettle on to boil water for her coffee (she used instant for her "ordinary" coffee). She got started on something else, so when the kettle boiled I, being a helpful lad, followed her procedure for making coffee:
                1. Put a heaping teaspoon full of the brown stuff from the glass jar beside the toaster into the mug.
                2. Fill the mug with boiling water.
                3. Stir.

                What I didn't know was that there were TWO glass jars of brown stuff, with the second being the ground coffee she used on special occasions. Guess which jar I grabbed.

                Of course, one of my brother's model railroad magazines (years later) had a single-panel cartoon that taught an important lesson - NEVER store your dark brown track ballast in an old coffee can.
                Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.

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                • #23
                  Quoth DGoddessChardonnay View Post
                  making a full pot but only drinking 2 cups and leaving the rest to get cold really steams me.
                  This is why we love our Keurig. Yes, it can be annoying washing out the filter cup (possibly 5862 times a day in my case )but I can make one cup at a time.

                  My dad once had one of those grind 'n brew machines, he set the timer before we went to bed but missed the carafe sitting in the dishrack.

                  I wake up to the grinder going, a 'brewing' sound that isn't quite right, dad running upstairs, then "OH SHIT!"
                  Last edited by Dreamstalker; 11-04-2011, 01:44 PM.
                  "I am quite confident that I do exist."
                  "Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up." The Doctor

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                  • #24
                    Quoth MoonCat View Post
                    I brewed a pot of hot water once. Forgot to put coffee in the filter, poured in the water, turned it on...voila, nice pot of hot water. Not as tasty as coffee, though!
                    I'm not a coffee drinker, so I rarely make coffee unless I'm helping out somewhere. I ALWAYS make a pot of hot water first, just to clean out the machine a little bit before I make the real stuff.

                    Quoth Chromatix View Post
                    No, usually the right amount is about half the depth of the filter - which, because it is cone shaped, is a good deal less than half the volume.
                    Let's see...Volume of a cone is 1/3 base times height, so for half a cone that would be one sixth the perceived volume...

                    Quoth sms001 View Post
                    Got one you missed:
                    Fill filter w/ coffee.
                    Fill reservoir w/ water.
                    get distracted
                    Fill carafe w/ water to put in reservoir.
                    get distracted
                    Fill reservoir w/ water.
                    Hit start button.

                    I did this more than once back in my restaurant days. when the reservoir was a LOT bigger than on the "modern" machines.
                    Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end.

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                    • #25
                      Quoth Dreamstalker View Post
                      This is why we love our Keurig. Yes, it can be annoying washing out the filter cup (possibly 5862 times a day in my case )but I can make one cup at a time.

                      My dad once had one of those grind 'n brew machines, he set the timer before we went to bed but missed the carafe sitting in the dishrack.

                      I wake up to the grinder going, a 'brewing' sound that isn't quite right, dad running upstairs, then "OH SHIT!"
                      One of those Keurig machines would be too expensive to use. I usually drink 3 or 4 cups a day and those boxes of single pack pods are expensive compared to the large can of Folger's French Roast, meaning I could go through one box of those in a week's time or less.

                      Not practical for someone who gets paid every 2 weeks yet buys most of her groceries at the first of the month.

                      Another mistake that was made with my coffee maker (by the former painter) was he had started brewing a pot but forgot to put the carafe back underneath on the plate. I had a lake of coffee going all over the counter.

                      But then I almost forgot to move it back into the kitchen last night after moving it (we're trying to get stuff moved back in and Mom's been playing musical appliances) to the top of the dryer in the laundry room.

                      When I finally got back to move it, one of the cats was almost wrapped up around it, asleep. It's a good thing he didn't figure out how to plug it up and turn it on.
                      Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

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                      • #26
                        Quoth DGoddessChardonnay View Post
                        ...one of the cats was almost wrapped up around it, asleep. It's a good thing he didn't figure out how to plug it up and turn it on.
                        This coffee tastes like cat piss!
                        I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
                        Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
                        Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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                        • #27
                          Quoth dalesys View Post
                          This coffee tastes like cat piss!
                          So that's the problem . . . Stan forgot to fill up the carafe from the kitchen sink.

                          Speaking of a coffepot smelling like cat piss . . . same cat who had, in her time with us, ruined two Epson printers and a keyboard had somehow managed to ruin a 4 cup coffemaker.

                          For some reason, when I'd turn it on, it'd smell just like cat piss and the smell would overtake the kitchen. Not to mention my coffee would taste funny.

                          I tried cleaning it inside and out and soaking the carafe, but nothing seemed to help. Mom and I tried to turn it on again and I thought I could still smell the cat pee.

                          That coffeemaker went out the back door and into the trash can. And Zoey was put down not too long afterwards . . . .
                          Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

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                          • #28
                            Reminds me of a bar story.

                            A corny sue'r, a maistre of stays and postponements, an odious ale legal, two twit a professional liar, lacking the humility of our ain an ainly Jester, was bloviating at the bar of the fineness of his pàláté, claiming to be able to identify any wine, beer, rum, whisky or liquor at a single sip.

                            Our zero was impressing one and all until the bar's resident wino, One-Finger, slid a shotglass down the bar and said: "Name that."

                            The Filthydelphia Lawyer sipped... strangled... and sp-p-puttered: "That's piss!"

                            "Yes, but whose?"
                            I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
                            Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
                            Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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                            • #29
                              Well, you can always make Cowboy Coffee... Brew as usual, pour coffee into water reservoir, re-brew. Fresh grounds optional.
                              "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
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                              • #30
                                Found another way:

                                Pour the carafe of water into... the can of coffee.
                                I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
                                Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
                                Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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