What's the funniest thing that happened on the clock?

[fireheart]

we have a liquor section that has it's own storefront, desk, phone, PA system etc. everything else (rosters, cash, lunchbreaks, storage space and stock) is run through us. Anyway, whenever someone steals liquor, a code is called. This results in store security, mall security and any staff member who is not currently tied down to a job or manning a certain area of the store will go chase after the thief and/or guard the liquor store.

One night, I'm on checkouts when the code is called. My manager is trying to exit the service desk, but he can't because the door backs onto an express queue. So he hesitates, then jumps OVER the service desk counter and goes chasing after the guy. And to top it off, at the end of the night, several of us got to watch the footage of our manager jumping the service counter

So what's the funniest thing that's happened at work while on the clock?

[nomorecarts]

one time shoplifter tried to steal a TV. they went out the door right next to the LP office and were chased down in the parking lot by the Asset Protection Coordinator and store manager

one time I hit a customer's truck with carts and she tried to make me wipe the side of her truck off. I LOL'ed at her. I don't know if she whined to management or not, I wasn't talked to

[smileyeagle1021]

one of the funniest things ever at work was when I was at the movie theatre... one of my male coworkers (most notably straight) put up on one of the empty marquees "for a good time call" and put his phone number (really funny is that management didn't notice for 2 weeks)... and the first call he got was from a guy... and it's funny because the guy said (this was on speaker phone so we could hear it too) "oh, I was kinda hoping this was a girls number, but your name sounds kinda feminime, so I guess you'll have to do"
ah, poor Jordan... never could find a good girl (I wonder why )

an honorable mention was when an older sister pantsed her younger brother in the lobby... that was good for about 30 seconds of amusement (he was wearing boxers so he won't be making it into my naked person thread).

[PepperElf]

had a couple of hours of company-wide training - we didn't do much usually, just sat in the shop and went over stuff until they announced on the PA that training was over.

Total silence in the shop... and then from the PA: "Something"

Us (for about 5 minutes): !

kinda wonder who told the guy "Well say something!"...

[Javarod]

Hmmm, i can think of three, one being when i worked at K-Mart, our sign guy and one of the salesman took over the service desk mike that over rides the whole PA system to sing the Gilligan's Island theme at closing. Another would be when i was working pizza delivery and was taking a break. I went to get a soda refill and didn't know they'd mopped the floor by the waitress stand. I managed to land flat on my back, still holding my glass upright (adjusted the orientation as i fell) and slide feet first into the waitress station. Last one woud be at Wal*Mart where the phone got caught as i was making a PA announcement. At the time i was a DSD receiver, so the receiver hit the floor, slid across the floor, and bounced off a roll up door, all of which was broadcast to the whole store as was my laughter as i tried to finish my page.

[powerboy]

Back when I was working as a stocker overnights at OfficeMax. One night the manager was hiding up on one of the very top shelves. He had a bunch of handballs tossing them at us, while we were working. Took us all night to catch on. We all thought it was one of us doing it.

[bainsidhe]

I know these are minor, but I'm tired and not much is coming to me right now. Manager once told a newbie to mop the freezer. Then was surprised when said mop froze solid to the floor. Another time a manager was showing off (of course) and tried sliding on a recently mopped floor. Realized he couldn't stop as he skidded the entire length of front end and went toppling over the mop bucket and met the wall pretty hard. Then you had the guys throwing old stock of gummy bears into the fry vat to see them melt and die.

When I worked fast food, I sometimes made a point of greeting customers covered in whatever food was handy. It made it easier to break bad news. For example: Do we have biscuits? I'd come up front with biscuit dough covering my forearms and apron (sometimes even my face) and I'd explain it'd be another 20 minutes since I was still making them, People would laugh and be understanding. Or when our icecream machine would crap out during summer rush and instead spray me head to toe with chocolate milk. Instead of wiping off first, I'd answer the drive thru window, glasses still dripping milk, and explain our ice cream was currently out of order. Usually resulted in an empathetic laugh and calmed people down before they had a chance to get upset.

[Jay 2K Winger]

Most of the funny stuff that happens at my job comes as a result of "you had to be there" snarky remarks that somebody (usually me) makes because of something.

One time, though...

At the time, we had no overnight person assigned to straighten and stock softlines. So once all the re-shops and post-closing clean-up was done, everyone went back to fold and straighten the clothing tables. It was a job EVERYONE hated to do. Now, depending on who was the closing manager, it could be "done" in five minutes ("Are clothes done?" "They're close enough!" "Good enough for me, let's go!") or you could be there until it was DONE.

DG, our Ops Manager at the time, was this big black lady. She could be fairly cool, if you caught her in a good mood, but she could be a real stickler for rules and such. Then again, on some days, she'd be more at ease about things.

This particular night, she was in stickler mode. Everyone stayed back in clothes until she gave the go-home announcement. This night, for whatever reason, she started "singing" Ludacris' "Roll Out" over the PA. And DG does NOT really have the voice to pull it off.

So there's the employees, laughing as we head on up to the front to punch out. Me, I see DG at the desk, and look her in the eye. Then I do this "dance" move where I just sort of lean back, and spin my fists around each other in front of me, while sort of juking backwards, while mimicking her "Roll out... roll out..."

DG and quite a few of my coworkers who saw me do it burst out laughing again.

Every day after that, if I was on my way out the door and I saw DG, or if she was on her way out the door, I would just go, "It's time to what?" Slap my hands together and do that "dance." "Roll out... roll out..." And EVERY time she would start laughing.

I suppose it's necessary to point out that I'm a 6'2", doughy, pudgy whiteboy, and I'm living proof that white men can't dance either.

[smileyeagle1021]

just happened today

One of the owners was trying to replace a toner cartridge in the copier... somehow in this process the cartridge blew up covering his pants in ink, so for about an hour and a half the owner was wandering around the hotel wearing a towell while his pants were in the hotel laundry... twas quite amusing, especially when he was up at the desk part of the time acting like nothing was out of the normal while I handled a few maintanence requests.

[Kitten in the box]

One time this customer engaged me in a stupid conversation saying that how he remembers me from school. (keep in mind that he was old enough to be my father) He kept saying I went to X High and graduated in 80'. I kept saying no I went to Y High and graduated in 95. Well apparently this did not go over well and he got loud and kept saying I was wrong. Finally I said "Ok your right. I graduated X High. At the wonderus age of 4. He spoke to management but nothing came of it.

[mattm04]

One of our managers, Mr. C, wanted to have some cal his portable phone tha tis part of the stores phone system. We hear this page "Mr. C pleas call 303, Mr. C 303." Now 303 was his phone, the phone in his had, and he was Mr. C. No one call, a minute later he repeats the process. He did thsi three times before realizing his mistake. When he finally paged the person he wanted, he could barely hide the laugher. We never let him forget it.

[Munkie]

I'll attempt to put this down, but just be warned this may come out not sounding quite right.

A couple days ago I was at work, working with two of my coworkers, whom I'll call K and T. Now, the majority of the staff (98.999%) are female. There is only 1 male on the staff now. Anyway. I was joking about with K and purring in her ear whenever I got the chance, cause I thought it funny, since most people tend to giggle and cringe away. Funniest part of the whole thing was that I just kep doing that to her, and she had to sit down alot... poor girl was so "on" she disappeared into the bathroom to calm down. At least, I think! T was completely in the dark as to all of it - including not only K's secksual orientashun (deliberate misspelling!) and mine (we're both bi) - that we had tell her right up what was going on. T blushed but started ribbing us over it afterwards. I think she'll fit in nicely.

I love my co-workers.

[fireheart]

Just happened today:

We get a call over the PA today for all the checkout staff to pick up our phones and listen to our supervisor (very common, usually used to warn staff of thieves, asking for shifts, reminders etc.) and the polite reminder to send up our pickups (basically clear your drawer of EFT slips, all $50 and $100 notes except for 4 $50's) which I had already done.
Funny things:

-FES had to repeat it about 5 times because everyone picked up the phone at different times.
-Just as me and my colleague are about to hang up, we hear "What's a pickup?" from one of the guys who has been in the store for about 3 months and knows FULL well what a pickup is. Cue fits of giggles from all of us.

Creepy and funny:

-We don't usually get drunk guys at work, but this one takes the cake. While he was waiting in line, he started singing. And not "Elmo's world" either. He was singing about sex acts involving the violation of various fruits and vegetables. The first few times it was funny, after that, I refused to serve him and had my wonderful manager serve him

EDIT: He came in today and was singing while wandering around the store. All of us started giggling and going

Songs being stuck in our heads:

-Ignoring the usual muzak in the store today (I heard S Club 7 about 5 times that shift), I had the following songs stuck in my head by the end of my shift:

The Elmo's World theme song (some kid had a Elmo talking cellphone toy and kept hitting the buttons that had the theme song)
Two In A Million by S Club 7
Our company theme song which had a recent change in theme.
Aaand

"Do your balls hang low,
Do you toss them to and fro..."

I didn't serve the person responsible, one of my CW's did and it was a 10-year-old kid.

[Chromatix]

"...with a giraffe / If you stood on a stool / But the hedgehog..."

[fireheart]

Other funny stories:

-Before the promotion of our store loyalty card, we had to blow up balloons. Just as I'm coming back down from taking drawers up to the cash office, I hear these farting noises coming from the PA system. Turns out that one of the guys had managed to get hold of the balloons, manipulate the PA phone at the service desk (which has about 30 odd buttons and is confusing for all) and was blowing the balloons up and letting them out slowly over the PA system creating the fart noises. We were all cracking up laughing and our temporary 2IC was laughing and yelling at him to stop.

-One guy who used to work produce and quit after 6 months there used to crack me up constantly. I recall one time where he grabbed a leftover cucumber from the stock and proceeded to imitate a gladiator with it. I then had to call him back for the potatoes.

-During one particular Thursday night, we'd closed off for the night and had finished all the night jobs when we hear some unusual comment. Supervisor at the time proceeded to drop a drawn-out F-bomb over the phone.

And not so much funny at work, but my manager came in the day before the start of our credit card promo and was in casual clothing helping set up. After a while he was chatting to one of the supervisors, while I was trying to get said supervisors attention. My eyes wound up fixing themselves on my manager's butt for about 10 minutes. First of all, my manager is gay (I think...). Secondly, not my type. And thirdly, my cw later said to me on MSN "his butt is hypnotic."