What's the funniest thing that happened on the clock?

[AccountingDrone]

Back when I was still working in a particular call center ... whenever they were bringing prospective customers through we would all get an instant message pop up announcing a dog and pony show is coming through.

Except for one memorable day the new supervisor IMmed everybody that the donkey show was about to start

[dawnfire]

there was the guy who ran through the store dressed in nothing but a mankini

[bunnyboy]

When I worked for my first stint at the yellow-upside-down W, I was talking with one of the managers that I had known (by that time) about 10 years, talking about how I hurt myself (lower back, car crash). While on this topic the Drive-Thru alarm goes of.

Me: Hi welcome to MacDominail's, how may I hurt you today.

Silence....then laughter from the customer, who goes through the order, total it out.

now that would be a brain fart if.....

Next customer....

Me: *repeat the line above*

Needless to say Manager decides it's time for a brreak after that one, and I go into the break-room laughing.

[Dreamstalker]

A couple weeks ago, one of the temps took it upon themselves to empty the used toner from the copier. We have a trash can with a double liner for the purpose (trash can mouth is about 1/3 the length of the used-toner tray, so there's a very specific way you need to empty it in order to not get it everywhere--you can't just tip it out).

Cue massive amount of swearing and a small cloud of toner puffing out the door of the copy room. The idjit got it on himself, the carpet (GAH), the wall, door and the server was in danger for a few minutes.

[Akasa]

At the last call center I worked at we did several things. There was a group of us that had penny fights. We'd wait for one of the involved to get on a call and start throwing pennies at them to try and mess them up on their calls.
One day we turned a supervisors desk all backwards. The pictures, the monitor his fridge under the desk, etc. Before he could come and find it we were made to put it back... I took pictures so we could still see his face when he saw what we did.
Same sup is scared of spiders. We got a package of plastic spiders around Halloween and on occasion would sneak one on his sodas or lunch in his fridge.
For Halloween we had a deocorating contest... we made a hallway of spider web with a swarm of spiders over his desk. He left us pretty much alone for 2 weeks, and when it was time to take stuff down he cracked the whip!

[unclejampuff]

The cakes at our Denny's come frozen, then they sit in a fridge until either someone orders one or they get stale. Only once someone let a whole cake sit out. Had to be comped, of course, but what to do with it afterwards?
So imagine this video: Two cooks, a dishwasher, a manager, and a server are standing in the back room of a Denny's. Wesley Willis is blasting in the background. Someone yells go. Everyone grabs a huge chunk of chocolate cake and starts eating it as fast as they can.
This video exists. My favourite cook ate two slices in 1 minute and 56 seconds. I took 2 minutes and 12 seconds to eat two slices. It was the best work day ever.

EDIT
I just remembered something better. I was working at the movie theatre. It was the glory days of being drunk and not giving a shit. The ice machine is broken, so we have no ice. Since it was Sunday and my manager had forgotten to get change from the bank, we had no quarters. I stepped out of the box office, hoping to get someone at the concession stand to cover me for a break. I wait for my two male co-workers to finish with their customer. When he gets a soda, they explain about the ice. When they have to give him change in nickles, they explain about the quarters. Then they say in unison: "No ice. No quarters. No pants." And then they drop trou. Completely straightfaced. Then one of them notices me and offers to let me take a break. He pulls up his pants and walks into the box office. The customer never said anything about it, and he was the only customer in the lobby at the time.

[LibraryLady]

One of the funniest things that happened in the Library was a reader who solemnly assured us that Hanibal "brought his elephants over the Alps to bring Islam to Spain"

Another goodie was the researcher who was positive that he had "King Tut's brain in a canopic jar" and sent us pictures. The canopic jar bore a startling resemblance to a 1930s cookie tin. We didn't dare even consider what was inside it.

[fireheart]

This isn't really "on the clock" per se, it happened during our lunchbreak, but was still funny.

I was in the lunchroom with my (female) manager, one of my co-workers and one of the newbie supervisors sitting behind my manager. I'm ranting about a situation involving me being used by men and my manager yells out "Men are pigs!" RIGHT in front of the newbie supervisor who happens to be male. At this point I'm going "there are exceptions...."
She turns around, realises that my supervisor is there and goes "there are exceptions of course..."

Straight after that, she turns, screams out the name of the liquor 2IC and makes us all laugh. Turns out that the liquor 2IC was sitting there with a big bowl of cereal...at 12:30 in the afternoon and gave us a cheesy grin.

EDIT: And now to take this thread down the toilet

These didn't happen at my store, but are still funny:

-Some guy was caught having a wank in the liquor coolroom! (And still kept his job)
-A couple (customers) were caught having sex in our banking booth (which was subsequently renamed the bonking booth )

I also had three guys attempt to hit on me (out of the 5 that hit on me in that day) and these three bought energy drinks and condoms. I think the point of the condoms was to embarass me. Anyway, I managed to shut them up by going through the motions like normal and then they're just like "I'll...go now."

The next guy I served though, goes to me "Maybe you should be changing your boyfriends every week!" I did have a boyfriend at the time and told him that. His reponse was "But how do you know if he's good or not?" I held my tongue, but my response would've been "Because he sticks around with me longer than a week!"

[Victoria J]

Where I work we have desks in shared offices, and then when we see members of the public there are separate rooms we use. I used to sit in the biggest office (5 people) and now share a smaller office (2 of us, with another in a little room of the side).

In the big office a colleague once telephoned a local solicitor to refer a client there. On speaker phone. She didn't realise that they were a different area code, and the same number in area was a phone sex line...

Because I don't have to see customers at my desk I can have what I want on it (more or less). A long time before I even had a job, possibly even before I went to university, my honourary aunt went on a wildlife holiday at the foot of Mount Kilimanjaro and somehow or other I ended up with a photo of vultures at a carcass, in a nice frame, with the agreement that if I ever had a desk job I would place it on my desk like other people have pictures of their family. So when the day finally came when I could do this, I have done this. I've got some questions about it but no one minds.

However one day a colleague, and at that time a friend, wandered over to the desk. She is very short sighted and had never noticed the photograph. She asks "Is that your mother ?"

I could only pass her the photo wordlessly, while the other people in the office start laughing.

I also once worked at another advice agency, where again our work involved giving advice to people in debt, when our telephones got cut off for non-payment. The customers thought that was hilarious, and teased us about it for ages. (The telephone company had paid the cheque to the wrong account).

Victoria J

[Sandman]

This happened after the store was closed and we were cleaning. Now we had a very cool manager so if we needed to talk to him about something we could.

Now.. one of my friends was going to start sweeping the store with the push mop. She turned to me and asked me.

"Would you like to sleep with me (she ment to say sweep)"

Now to her credit she's missing her cainine teeth so her w's come out as l's.

Now at this time the manager was walking right next to me because I was helping closing the registers down.

My manager and I come to a dead stop, take one look at each other... and I reply to her

"I plead the fifth because either way I answer I either get a sexual harassment claim or a slap"

She said "What did I say?"

I replied "Would you like to sleep with me"

She was denying she said that but my manager confirmed what she said. We all had a very good laugh from it, and to this day.. it's a running gag.

[KellyHabersham]

I remember one afternoon at Macy's when I was processing a credit card payment for a customer, and her little girl (I think she was about four or so) proudly informed me that she'd peed her pants at preschool that day. The woman was slightly embarassed, but I told her that I understood how that sort of thing was since I was a parent.....meanwhile, the little girl was telling me all sorts of info about how her parents were divorced, and her dad did such and such when she was at his house......I had to step away from the register after they left because I couldn't stop laughing.

[Ree]

At the last call center I worked at we did several things. There was a group of us that had penny fights. We'd wait for one of the involved to get on a call and start throwing pennies at them to try and mess them up on their calls.

One day, on the sales floor, a couple of the young guys started a penny fight and caught a customer smack in the middle of the forehead. It left an immediate huge welt.

The boy who threw it got canned.

[Bagboy]

I've got a few

From the previous grocery job:

-A guy came in wearing a t shirt and a tangerine speedo
-A drunk guy came into the store and pissed and shit all over the place.
- There must have been some sort of "party" going on,because a few men came in with whips and one was whipping himself.

From the job at Hy-Line Cruises:

-Asshole's SUV got owned by an F-150
-Some bratty tweenage bitch got pushed off the dock by her brother.
-A guy came in painted in all the colors of the rainbow.
-A woman told one of those street corner preachers to shut the fuck up

From the job at the Steamship Authority:

-Someone's horse truck's back gate had become unlatched, and horses got out.
-This asshole I worked with got fired because he was a moron.
-A drunk guy tripped down the ramp.

From this job:

-A fat guy came in with his button down shirt open, wearing no undershirt.
-Some sucky little brats got busted for stealing whiskey after putting it down their pants.

[nomorecarts]

one time in the break room a manager and an employee were making fun of each other. When the manager went into the smoking room the employee made a comment about how she didn't want to stay and embarass him, so she replied that a cigarette was much more pleasurable

I have a co worker who makes fun of me, and I make fun of him, and the main source of my jokes is that I call him an emo(he's a goth). One day he was making fun of me, so I offered him a knife asking if it'd been too long since he cut his wrists that one was meant, and taken as a joke between friends, no one needs to bitch me out about it being too mean

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

This didn't happen on the clock (after all I do not have Internet access at the Big Box O' Crap) but tonight I learned my store is mentioned by name in a song.

And the group doing the song is from my city so it is, in fact, my store.

I'd tell you what it is but it would give away my place of employment.