How things are done at work: Official method vs Unofficial method

[Worker-Intellectual]

Official: Any price adjustment must be signed by a manager at the time it is done.
Unofficial: Call the manager, when he ok's it, say "and can you come sign my sheet." Manager doesn't come. Call him at least three times in that day, culminating in a call when you get a supervisor who says "manager left already." Then forge the manager's signature.

As for the trash compactor... under NO circumstances do you ever get inside one. If the manager asks you to, refuse because he is an idiot trying to make you do unsafe work

[repsac]

Some not from retail, but from my past:

You have a ton (literally) of sawdust that needs disposal.

Offical answer: Segregate the dust into several large cardboard dust bins. Then load each into the incinerator to be destroyed. Make sure Incinerator is off at the time.

Unoffical answer: Dump the dust bin into the open incinerator door in one lump sum. Hope you don't spill it outside the oven door or accidentally put out the fire. Also, pray the wind doesn't blow the sparks back your way. Keep fire extinguisher handy.

The Incinerator needs lighting.

Offical answer: Seal, lock out, tag out gas line. Open gas line and let excess bleed free. Open door, check for foulings, then close door. Remove locks and open gas line again. Turn gas on for five seconds to fill line, then press the red starting button. Listen for whooshing sound. Bring oven up to temperature for start up, and then turn down heat. Leave pilot light burning if possible.

Unoffical answer: Open door, toss paint thinner soaked flaming rag inside, close door. Turn on gas. Watch large flame come out the smokestack.

The incinerator is out of comission, you have wood to dispose of.

Offical answer(s): A.) Load wood into a skip to be carried away to landfil.
B.) Neatly stack wood outside, and then when Incinerator is back working, burn that scrap first.

Unoffical answer: Make large stack of wood scrap. Pour on one to two gallons of paint thinner. Stand back a good distance. Soak rag with thinner, light and sling onto pile. Watch scrap go up in a loud whoosh.

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Gotta break here to add a note. I never actually did this, however, I worked with the chap that had singed off his eyebrows and all his facial hair with the sawdust one. Apparently he didn't realise that DUST in air, burns.

[Becks]

To add mustard to a sandwich:
Official: Using mustard draw a W on top of burger or cheese.
Unofficial: Claim illiteracy if caught doing otherwise....

Creativity isn't allowed there? What a shame?

[MadMike]

To add mustard to a sandwich:
Official: Using mustard draw a W on top of burger or cheese.
Unofficial: Claim illiteracy if caught doing otherwise....

I think there's a potential joke there -- something about the person drawing the "W" on it, then walking around the counter to get something, and then coming back from the other direction, and then having to throw it out because they drew an "M" on it by mistake.

[Delacroix]

Situation: Old stuff gets pennied out.
Official Method: Heap it into a box and throw the box into the dumpster.
Unofficial Methods: a- destroy it by means of literally throwing it around, sitting on it, standing on it, etc. THEN throw it out. b- fishing through it to see if there's anything good, keeping that, and leaving the rest in a box on the counter with a sign that says "free" on it.

Situation: No customers are in the store, and you're really freakin' hungry.
Official Method: Wait til the store closes, then you can eat on the floor.
Unofficial Method: Stash some candy or other non-messy food in the drawer next to the register, and take a little bit when no one's in the store.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Situation: The DC has sent us a bunch of "free goods" crap they can't send out to the stores to be sold as normal.

Official solution: Price it and put it out on the salesfloor for customers to buy.
Unofficial solution: Give it away to the employees or sell it to employees for less than you would have sold it to the customers.

Situation: You have to get something off the top shelf in backstock.

Official solution: Get a ladder
Unofficial solution: Climb the shelves.

[Can I Help Your A$$?]

Situation: You need to dispose of your cardboard (couple of carts, one cage)

Official Method: Go to Guest Service and check out the bailer key, return upon finishing

Unofficial Method: Park your carts and cages next to the bailer and leave, until someone notices that no work can get done because there's a traffic jam. Try not to be the poor sod who has to stay behind and do cardboard. Repeat for two weeks until manager threatens to write the MODs up. Discuss in Chat sessions, and in the meantime let MOD break the rule by giving out keys again. Keep rule in policy to keep manager happy, thinking his new rule is the best damned thing ever. Note that no accidents have happened before the rule for at least a year, but don't mention it.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

What the hell do you need a lock on the bailer for?

It's not as if anybody can steal anything using it, or people are trying to perform wacky stunts jumping into the thing.

[MadMike]

...or people are trying to perform wacky stunts jumping into the thing.

Actually, it's a lot like that, from what I heard. Shortly after I started at my retail job, almost 20 years ago (wow!), the manager called us all into the back room, and told us that people (no one at our store, I don't think) had gotten hurt or killed because they were playing around in or on the thing.

Another reason to lock it is to keep minors from using it. I don't know if it's the same way in every state, but in PA, minors are not allowed to use any equipment deemed "dangerous", which includes pretty much any kind of power equipment. Up until our meeting in the back room, the baler was kept unlocked, and our under-18 employees were allowed to throw stuff in it, just not operate it, although I think a few did anyway. It wasn't really enforced all that much.

At the meeting, the manager announced that it would be kept locked from then on, and no one under 18 was even to touch it. If you needed to put anything in it or make a bale, you had to go up to the office and get the key. If you were under 18, the most you could do was flatten your boxes, and leave them in a cart beside the baler, which caused a pileup of carts in the backroom in a short time. As one of the very few 18-year-old nighttime workers, I ended up having to empty the carts and make bales quite frequently.

[Rapscallion]

I suspect a few homeless people could have ended up sleeping in one. Could be nasty if not locked shut.

Rapscallion

[braindead]

Official Method-OM
Normal Way-NW

Situation-To much work not enough time.
OM-Go to manager ask for help. (The will tell you the best way to solve the problem)
NW-Come in before manager, write their name on paper in scribles and slide problem under their door.

Situation-Finding comfortable office tempeture
OM-Ask everyone if they are hot or cold before adjusting the heater.
NM-It because ninja the dial for your comfortable temp. Hope no one sees because they will tell everyone that is hot.

Situation-Customer Being a jackass and we are tired of it
OM-Calmly work with customer
NM-check the hall for people, then let them have it. Make notes like they deserved it. when manager asks, call customer a liar.
-note, only done perodically and only to complete jerks.

[Pezzle]

Box of TP is needed for bathrooms and it is on the top shelf of the supply cabinet. The supply cabinet is 15 feet high.
Official method: Get two people to put large ladder (That nobody can find.) in position. Climb ladder and hand TP to co-worker below.
Unofficial method: Get medium ladder, climb to top of medium ladder, poke boxes of TP with a broom until they fall down. Throw extra boxes back onto top shelf.

I will give you the Chuck E Cheese version.

Box of brass tokens needed from the top shelf of a 10-15 foot high supply shelving unit.

Official Method: Grab a full sized ladder and prop against the top shelf, making sure that a Cast Member below is holding and spotting you as you grab the tokens. Pass to them below and make your way down.

Unofficial Method: While still in the Chuck E. Cheese mouse costume, shimmy up all 15 feet of shelve and, whilst haphazardly hanging onto the pole of the unit's support, cradle the heavy box of tokens on your shoulder and drop it onto the bags of pizza dough.

[Delacroix]

The problem: The garbage can under your register is full.

Official Method- Empty it into the dumpster outside, then put a new bag in the can.

Unofficial Method- Shove it down with your foot and leave it for the next guy.

[Lehk]

I suspect a few homeless people could have ended up sleeping in one. Could be nasty if not locked shut.

Rapscallion

where i work the bailer is inside, not sure why anyone would want one outside where rain will soak the cardboard that's inside it and soack the pallet jack when you empty it.

[Tufty]

So hang on a second...

You are in the practise of climbing into a garbage compacter...AND you've broken the lock?

No offense, but im smelling a darwin award coming up here...