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I know it's late, but I've got a big truck!

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  • I know it's late, but I've got a big truck!

    I work in the same hobbystore that Gabrielle Proctor does, and I've got plenty of good stories about sucky customers. Here is by far my favorite.

    Just over a year ago, the former manager and I were shutting the store down. On week nights we close strictly at 1900 (read 7:00pm for those on the 12-hour). Manager and I had already had a tough time getting the last few customers to file out. We locked the doors and just finished closing out the registers when a dude in his rusty, once-was-white, jacked-up pick-up pulls up to the front door at 1930. This truck has an engine with an unhealthy rumble, and it also featured an array of ghetto KC lights on the grille and roof of the truck (attached to wood boards via duct-tape). He gets out of the truck, which is still rumbling, and walks up to the door. He reads the CLOSED sign very carefully and then makes plaintive glance at me. I smile and shake my head. But he's not satisfied, so he pulls the door and is frusterated to find it's not open.

    "I wanna look a minute" he shouts in his redneck voice. I tell him we're closed and proceed to continue entering the end-of-day information. I'm a little relieved when he climbs back into his wanna-be monster truck and starts his rumbling engine again. But he doesn't leave. To express his desire to get in, he revs his engine loudly. When manager and I look, he honks his horn.

    It plays dixie.

    Manager and I chuckle, which must only infuriate him furter. He revs his engine again. Manager turns the lights out, the biggest "go away" signal we have. His response is to turn his lights on to full bright, including his taped-on wanna-be KC stadium lights, and toot his dixie horn again.

    We're not opening, so he gets angry, revs his engine, and begins to back out of his space. He stops to honk his horn a couple of times, but idles his sick engine a little too long and it stalls as he's shifting gears.

    He tries to crank it. It won't start on the first try, nor the second, the third, or the fourth. Finally, it cranks, and to make sure we understood he was hot stuff, he honked his horn for attention, the revved the engine louder and louder. I can only imagine the RPM needle climbing into the dangerous reds. Suddenly, we hear a sound like a gunshot and see a bump rise up in his hood. He'd thrown a rod!

    You would think this whole situation would have humbled him, but he's still determined to look cool. Instead of opening the door like a washed and civilized human being, he cranks the window down and tries to climb out a la Dukes of Hazzard. But he catches his shoelace on the lock pin of his door and he falls, slamming his face into the asphalt and breaking his nose!

    We set the alarm and walk out chuckling as poor redneck still trying to free his foot from the lock pin, cussing as profusely as his nose is bleeding.
    O God, thy sky is so vast and my plane is so small.

  • #2
    My god someone better check the exhaust on that thing isn't spewing into the cab...!
    I don't go in for ancient wisdom
    I don't believe just 'cause ideas are tenacious
    It means that they're worthy - Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"

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    • #3


      I LOVE to hear you tell that story!

      Priceless, especially when you do the sound effects with it too, which can't be accomplished via the web.
      Check out my cosplay social group!
      http://customerssuck.com/board/group.php?groupid=18

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      • #4
        Quoth Swordsman422 View Post
        Suddenly, we hear a sound like a gunshot and see a bump rise up in his hood. He'd thrown a rod!
        Reminds me of Blues Brothers when that happened. Oil spewed onto the windshield while they are driving down the street.

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        • #5
          Ah, hearing stories about crappy customers cracking their faces open on the pavement is just the kind of thing I need to help make me feel a little bit better after a lousy day at work.
          "I don't have an anger problem I have an idiot problem!" - Hank Hill

          When in deadly danger, when beset by doubt, run around in little circles, wave your arms and shout!

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          • #6
            That was freaking awesome--that idiot got pwned twice!
            Aerodynamics are for people who can't build engines. --Enzo Ferrari

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            • #7
              Quoth Swordsman422 View Post
              Suddenly, we hear a sound like a gunshot and see a bump rise up in his hood. He'd thrown a rod!
              Ok, I've seen the Blues Brothers and Know that throwing a rod is a bad thing but what is it exactly? The expression implies that a piston rod somehow got detached from the crankshaft and flew out of the engine. For that to happen it would have to go through the piston and cylander head or push the piston through the cylender head. Can that happen?
              Proud to be a Walmart virgin.

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              • #8
                I don't know what it does physically, but a thrown rod means that unless that vehicle is attached to a tow truck, it ain't going NOWHERE ANYTIME SOON.

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                • #9
                  I'm trying to imagine the rationale that would drive someone to believe that a horn blaring Dixie could possibly be taken as a sign of intimidation, and I just can't.
                  "You are loved" - Plaidman.

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                  • #10
                    Karma!!

                    Even though I don't feel the least bit sorry for the idiot for smashing his nose, I actually think the part of throwing the rod is the funniest. As nasty and obnoxious as SC's can be, they really don't deserve any physical harm to come upon them, no matter what we might wish in the heat of the moment, but to have this inanimate extension of him to be seriously damaged, is simply priceless!

                    Mike
                    Meow.........

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                    • #11
                      Quoth Mark Healey View Post
                      Ok, I've seen the Blues Brothers and Know that throwing a rod is a bad thing but what is it exactly? The expression implies that a piston rod somehow got detached from the crankshaft and flew out of the engine. For that to happen it would have to go through the piston and cylander head or push the piston through the cylender head. Can that happen?
                      I've never seen one go through a cylinder head--usually, when you "throw a rod" it goes through the side of the crankcase--destroying the engine. It can be caused by overheating, flaws in the rods when they were made, or just poor care (using pre-stressed aka "used" bolts) when rebuilding the engine. When my Tempo destroyed itself, it was overheating because of a damaged cooling system..and later blew up the engine

                      Locomotives can also throw a rod--I've heard stories about people getting injured on locomotives like EMD's E and F units years ago. On those, the engine has enclosed walkways on both sides--if you happen to be walking past when it throws a rod...look out! The problem isn't so bad on newer locomotives--the engine is enclosed, and the walkways are open.

                      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Connecting_rod
                      Last edited by protege; 04-21-2007, 04:39 AM. Reason: Stupid me forgot the link :p
                      Aerodynamics are for people who can't build engines. --Enzo Ferrari

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                      • #12
                        This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

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                        • #13
                          Quoth Kara_CS View Post
                          I'm trying to imagine the rationale that would drive someone to believe that a horn blaring Dixie could possibly be taken as a sign of intimidation, and I just can't.
                          I know but you'd be surprised at how many guys actually think it's a chick magnet.
                          Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

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                          • #14
                            Hurray Swordsman! I love this story. People, he's a friend of mine, and the story's even funnier when he does the sound effects. "BrrUMMmbumbumbumbum. PING!"

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                            • #15
                              Quoth DGoddess View Post
                              I know but you'd be surprised at how many guys actually think it's a chick magnet.
                              *Sigh* He probably didn't get the memo. Chicks dig the DUKE BOYS, not their butt-ugly pumpkin POS.

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