Sir, it is neither hygenic nor legal to defecate there...

[Emmeileia]

So, a bit of background first...This past year I graduated from university and scored my dream job working in a large provincial park in northern Ontario. Overall, it was marvellous. I worked at one of the smaller campgrounds selling electrical sites, as well as backcountry passes to those hardier souls who don't need their RV to camp. However, you do meet some very sucky customers (well, sucky tourists) who expect the strangest things...


The omen...

This is were I realized parks is not all fun and sunshine. Or even bugs and storms...I was sent to pick up trash at the access point to the lake I worked at. (Basically where you put in your canoe) Whatever did I find? Used diapers, scattered through the woods. I guess I should be glad they did not leave them in the backcountry, but still!!! WHO leaves that type of thing on the ground? Little did I know...

Recylced Surprise
A theme of the summer seemed to be people defecating anywhere BUT where they were supposed too. As witness when the maintenence guys informed me that they hade found a little ziplock baggies full of poop in the recyling bins. That is not recycleable. And for the record, the campground HAD flush toilets, people were just too lazy to use them.

Angry Brits and 'False Advertising'
Co-worker (CW)
British hikers (BHS)

BH: 'Scuse us, where do you keep the bears?
Cw: Pardon? Like the stuffed ones from the gift shop?
BH: No, the BEARS. Where are the cages? Where do you keep them? We want to know where we can go to see them.
CW:Ummmm, sorry we don't exactly KEEP them anywhere...This is a park, they sort of...run wild?
BH: What do you mean? There is no viewing area? There are no planned bear viewings?
CW: Well, no...
BH: THIS IS RIDICULOUS! WE CAME FROM ENGLAND TO SEE BEARS!!! RARGH! YOU ARE A DISORGANIZED PARK!!!


Wide Load
People would complain our sites would not fit their 45 foot RVs. People, when this campsite was made, there WERE no 45 foot RVs. WHY are you camping if you must have that? Stay at one of the lodges for chrissake. I can understand the nice elderly folks with their RVs, but otherwise, dosen't it defeat the point of camping?

Water Safety
Death wishing idjits (DW)
ME (ME)

Park Policy was no backcountry permits are sold after 7pm. After that, there is no time to get to your site before dark, which is hella-dangerous. Also, there was a severe storm warning. As we had already had one storm death that year, it made me a bit...jumpy shall we say when the DW partyshowed up at 7:30.

DW: Hi, we're here for our permit
Me: Sorry, it is too late to issue it now, and we have a severe storm warning so it isn't really safe for you to canoe out anyways.
DW: No, don't worry, see we just bought this new canoe, we know what we are doing! It's top quality!
ME: No, really...I can't give you the permit. I could get in big trouble. Park Policy, y'know.
DW: But the sky looks fine now! We can canoe! IT is not dark (No, but is is sunset as we speak...happens early under all the trees)
DW's Girlfriend (speaking through a pound of makeup) We have to CANOE? We can;t walk to the toilets?
Me: Well, the interior sited all have a box...
DW's Girlfriend: A BOX? *apoplexy*
DW: Just give us the permit...
ME: YOU COULD DIE YUPPIE BOY!

rinse, lather repeat. Lucky for him, DW's girlfriend saved his butt by refusing to paddle, and they got a regular site.

Later that year, we had a group go out who had NO CLUE how to paddle. It was a fairly chilly day in August and the canoe tipped in the wind. As the other boat didn't know how to paddle, they were unable to help the others (two parents and an eight year old) back into their canoe. Instead of swimming for shore, or the island FORTY FEET from them, they sat there in the water. In the cold. By the time a convienient group of scouts pulled them out, the little girl was well on her way to a severe case of hypothermia. Much longer in there and she would have DIED.
The other canoe did not try to get her out, to the island where there was a fire pit or even PADDLE TO THE OFFICE for help. All of these would have gotten them out quicker.

This year, thank GOD, we had no drowings at our lake. Maybe even the whole park, but I am not positive. We HAVE had them in years past. The most memorable apparently involved an S&M scence gone awry in which the sub found, to the dom's dismay, that leather chaps make terribly inefficient aids to flotation. OF course, what can you expect from people who think it is nifty to have kinky sex on a lake in a canoe at 3am while under the influence...

The long haul
On longh weekends the park is booked full. FULL. Not a campsite to be had for love or money. So WHY do people insist on telling me how far they drove to get there? It won't help. If there was a site in the entire park, I would sell it to you. Honestly

Not handicapped enough
We had two handicapped sites. Most handicapped people used the normal sites ,but some needed the special access, such as a couple we had who were both confined to wheel chairs. One day they both came into our office
Wheelchair Dude: WD
ME
Warden Man: WM

WD: Um, I have been watching the people on the other handicapped site (the wheelchair people had one, and there was another family on the other) and I don't think they have anyone handicapped. I think they are just using someone's pass. Can you have the warden go kick them off?
Me: Well, I will see what I can do, I will definately tell the warden to stop by

Me: Hey WM! Can you check site *blah*? Apparently they people at *Blarg* site say they are not handicapped?
WM: The grandpa is 97 and can barely walk...I am pretty sure he is handicapped...
Me: The wheelchair people apparently disagree...

Honestly, WHY would they do that? To get the other site? Or just to be jerks? *SIGH*

Wildlife

Okay, here is one of my BIG peeves...The animals are wild. DO NOT FEED THEM. The bears are not Winnie the Pooh. DO NOT TRY TO ATTRACT THEM. We had to kill FOUR aggressive bears at least this year, cause of damn tourists feeding them till they lost the fear of people and got aggressive. We had to shoot a wolf last year cause someone tried to feed it by hand. Trust me, in a choice between turkey coldcuts and you, YOU are tastier. Just because it looks like a dog, does NOT mean it acts like one.
Same for Moose. Just cause it looks like a horse, does not mean it is tame nor rideable. Moose are angry and ornery. ESPECIALLY in the mating season when you see them the most. Do not put your kid up there if you EVER want them back.

And please, PLEASE for the love of Sekhmet and all that is good in this world...DON'T smear your kid with honey, BBQ sauce or WHATEVER to get a cute pic of the bear licking them. IT WILL NOT BE GOOD YOU ASSHAT. (We see this every year)

The storm
We had bad storms this year. Our power, phones and water were out for eight days. We gave a big discount. Do not ask for FREE Camping though. You still used our site, our trash facilities, etc. We GAVE you a per night rebate. Do not tell us the warden said it was okay, we know you lie cause we just spoke to him.
Also...I am so very NOT sorry about your A/C, Satellite etc on your trailer not working. Did you know you are camping?
Also...you cellphone does not work here. We are sorry. But take it up with your provider not me.

Unsanitary
A lot of people thought our public toilets were unsanitary. We did clean them several times a day. But they would go anywhere but there. On their sites, on the road, in the shower...it was awful. Except if the toilet was plugged. THEN everyone would use it. No matter how bad it got. And not tell us it was broken. The hight point of the summer was one backcounrty warden who ticketed every member of a family of 11 for pooping all over their site. And made them carry it all out. And followed them to make SURE they did. HAHAHAHA.

Elephants and monkeys
Long story short...we had a gentleman swear he saw a monkey. And another ask were the elephants where. Did we move to Africa?

Incompetant
Being a bit tired is not reason for a warden to evac you. Do you know how we evac? The wardens go in and carry you out on a stretcher. We have no secret ATV/Truck trails to whisk in and pick you up. ATV;s will not fit on our trails, the terrain is no good for them. So unless you broke something, hike your own damn fat ass out. Oh, and if you get lost. Stay where you are. For the love of Ghandi, do not try to bushwack. You have already proven your sense of direction sucks. You will just get more lost.

Baby Dalhmer
We had a kid stone a duckling to death. An ENDANGERED duckling. In front of several traumatized little girls. WE caught the kid, told his dad. Dad was not pleased to say the least. And I had to explain to several very young girls that 'duckie' would not be okay. Damn.

Overall though...LOVED that job. Met so many wonderfully tourist, from 'Uncle Buck', a lovely man who stayed all summer and cooked for us, to the sweet German couple who helped me with my French. And lots of cute kids, whom I got to teach all about ecology.

[ArenaBoy]

On the subject of people defecating in unusual areas, this made me remember a small story. When I took karate, we shared a very old building that still had tanks on them. I went to use one of them and someone left an "upper-decker" in it.* Needless to say, we ended our public bathroom thing.


*Do NOT Google upper-decker while eating, drinking, or being near food.

By the way welcome to CS. I liked your reply to yuppie boy. *salutes*

[Titi]

In response to the handicap couple, maybe they complained because they didn't see the grandfather and thought that maybe another couple like them couldn't camp out because someone had used grandpa's pass without him being there?

That might explain why they complained. I have a feeling if they had seen grandpa who could hardly walk they wouldn't have said anything.

JMO, though.

The rest I have to agree with you about, sometimes adults can be so stupid about the wild. I worked a camp (mainly a kids summer camp, had a similiar duck incident but involved a goose and luckily we could send the kid home.) from the time I was 14 till I was 18, and the worst people we ever had were on the weekends I would work when they had the adult camping sessions (which were before and after the summer children's camping program had ended).

it was amazing to see how much common sense the kid's had vs the adults. (Like do not try to touch the animals.)

[hecubus]

And please, PLEASE for the love of Sekhmet and all that is good in this world...DON'T smear your kid with honey, BBQ sauce or WHATEVER to get a cute pic of the bear licking them. IT WILL NOT BE GOOD YOU ASSHAT. (We see this every year)

This reminds me of something I saw when I was a kid and we took a family vacation to Yellowstone. We saw a guy who was holding a camera and was trying to take a picture of his kid and a bear. He had his kid holding out a slice of bread to try and draw the bear closer. As if that wasn't stupid enough, the kid was holding the rest of the loaf of bread under his arm.

I just cringe to think what would have happened if the bear had decided to go for the whole loaf instead of the single slice he was being offered.

[RentalRacer]

I spent a few years living near Grand Teton National Park, and Yellowstone National Park, renting cars to the idiots going to visit. I feel your pain. Especially about the bears. Yes, cartoon bears are cute. But a real bear can f-up your world. Stupid tourists!!!

[Shironu-Akaineko]

[B]Angry Brits and 'False Advertising'[B]
Co-worker (CW)
British hikers (BHS)

BH: 'Scuse us, where do you keep the bears?
Cw: Pardon? Like the stuffed ones from the gift shop?
BH: No, the BEARS. Where are the cages? Where do you keep them? We want to know where we can go to see them.
CW:Ummmm, sorry we don't exactly KEEP them anywhere...This is a park, they sort of...run wild?
BH: What do you mean? There is no viewing area? There are no planned bear viewings?
CW: Well, no...
BH: THIS IS RIDICULOUS! WE CAME FROM ENGLAND TO SEE BEARS!!! RARGH! YOU ARE A DISORGANIZED PARK!!!

Hey, I know a good Organized Park with cages and viewing areas!
*gives BHs a good couple of B*tchslaps* IT'S CALLED A ZOO, IDJOTS!

[CurlyLocks]

Great stories Emmeileia, and welcome to CS.

[Bloodsoul]

we had a gentleman swear he saw a monkey.

Maybe he saw a little Bigfoot! O_O

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Whaddaya mean poop is not recyclable? Of course it is! It's called Milorganite!

http://www.milorganite.com/about/history.cfm

[megami]

as for people defecating in weird places...

first job i had out of highschool was in a dollar store. we didn't have a public bathroom. a woman's daughter apparently couldn't wait. guess who had to clean that one up

and...

i now work in a mall. next door is a jewelery store. one day, one of the girls came over and asked us if we, for some odd reason, smeared chocolate in front of her store. we said that we hadn't. she got this very sad/disgusted look on her face and called housekeeping.

as for people that complained when the power went out

i don't know about them, but that's exactly why i go camping. no power. no phone. it's so peaceful...'cept when you have screaming kids the site over complaining that they're bored without their video games
bah

[Seshat]

Some people are really weird about wilderness.

My father was raised next to a national park, and hung around a lot with the forestry rangers when he was growing up. His first job was trail maintenance[*] in that park, working for the rangers.
[*] Important note: rainforests are fragile. So are some other sorts of wilderness. If there are signs saying 'please stay on the trails', they mean it. Make sure your boots are waterproofed so you can walk through any puddles on the trail rather than going off trail to avoid them.
There are types of ecosystem where you can go off the trail and do no damage. If you don't know which type you're in, ask a forester or err on the side of caution.

Er. End digression. Sorry.

Thinking about it, I don't have many new tales, just the same ones Emmeiliea told except with kangaroos and koalas instead of bears and moose. And brush turkeys - feeding the brush turkeys was such a favourite activity of tourists! It still is.

Oh, and if you ignored the speed limit on the parking lot road on a rainy day, your car went into the creek. They've changed the layout of the park since, but Dad helped fish far too many cars out of the creek.

[Gurndigarn]

Recylced Surprise
As witness when the maintenence guys informed me that they hade found a little ziplock baggies full of poop in the recyling bins. That is not recycleable.

Sure it is. In a garden. Take it home, numbnuts...!

[B]Angry Brits and 'False Advertising'[B]

BH: What do you mean? There is no viewing area? There are no planned bear viewings?
CW: Well, no...
BH: THIS IS RIDICULOUS! WE CAME FROM ENGLAND TO SEE BEARS!!! RARGH! YOU ARE A DISORGANIZED PARK!!!

Ha! You're yuppies are as stupid as our yuppies! Well, almost.

[B][B]The storm[B]
We had bad storms this year. Our power, phones and water were out for eight days. We gave a big discount. Do not ask for FREE Camping though. You still used our site, our trash facilities, etc. We GAVE you a per night rebate. Do not tell us the warden said it was okay, we know you lie cause we just spoke to him.
Also...I am so very NOT sorry about your A/C, Satellite etc on your trailer not working. Did you know you are camping?

Remember what I said about our yuppies? Well, never mind.

[Witch of Endor]

I grew up in cottage country because my parents were in the tourist business. I couldn't stand city slickers who were completely ignorant about nature, or who treated it with the same disrespect that they treated their concrete jungles.

Having said that, with regards to the subject line: I remember once walking in the woods with a friend when we were about ten years old, and he said he had to go to the bathroom. That meant either doing it in the woods or walking back home. We decided it would be okay for him to do it in the woods, since it would decompose. I looked away, he did his business, we continued on.

I went through that same area many times that summer, and the #2 he left at the base of a tree was there for months. I kid you not. Much later I learned that there are proper ways to dispose of your leavings in the woods to make sure that they do decompose in a reasonable amount of time.

[protege]

Especially about the bears. Yes, cartoon bears are cute. But a real bear can f-up your world.

That they can. Back in '93, I was at Philmont Scout Ranch, in NM. Not working, but enjoying the wilderness. Bears can do some serious damage to anything they encounter. With that said, the rangers stress not to leave anything fragrant in your tent, and to only bathe at certain hours--no late-night showers, since any lingering soap smell might draw them near. Before turn-in, all "smellables" get put into large sacks, and hoisted up into the trees. Usually, bears do not come into camp, and only come out at night. However, they do make themselves known during the day. Midway through the first time I was there, in 1990, one came into our campsite. He didn't stay long--after some yelling and whistling, he took off.

Several places, mainly in the high country (10,000 feet and above), you could see evidence of bear activity. There's one area that has trees...covered in claw marks! Not too far away was a cabin...with a bashed-in door. Apparently, the contents were too tempting, and a bear tried to bash the door in.

[air914]

[B]Angry Brits and 'False Advertising'[B]
Co-worker (CW)
British hikers (BHS)

BH: 'Scuse us, where do you keep the bears?
Cw: Pardon? Like the stuffed ones from the gift shop?
BH: No, the BEARS. Where are the cages? Where do you keep them? We want to know where we can go to see them.
CW:Ummmm, sorry we don't exactly KEEP them anywhere...This is a park, they sort of...run wild?
BH: What do you mean? There is no viewing area? There are no planned bear viewings?
CW: Well, no...
BH: THIS IS RIDICULOUS! WE CAME FROM ENGLAND TO SEE BEARS!!! RARGH! YOU ARE A DISORGANIZED PARK!!!

I think they were looking for the zoo....

And please, PLEASE for the love of Sekhmet and all that is good in this world...DON'T smear your kid with honey, BBQ sauce or WHATEVER to get a cute pic of the bear licking them. IT WILL NOT BE GOOD YOU ASSHAT. (We see this every year)

I don't get this at all - don't they realize bears EAT the honey - therefore they could EAT your kid? I really don't think the bears are going to stop and think "hey I could eat this nice meaty surprise covered in honey - but nah, I'll just lick it, smile for a picture, and then walk away!"