She Wanted To Have A Word With Me.....Literally

[Liannah]

They'd come in and grunt their name at me. That does not tell me what they want. Are they picking up? Are they placing an order? Are they checking on an order? Proofing? What?

I'd get this, too. If I had time I stand there and smile at them until they would give in and ask for what they want. Usually they're quite annoyed at this point, but I don't care. I rub it in further by saying something like, "Oh that's what you need. Okay, I can get that for you."

[Pagan]

I get people coming up and saying random words that could be either the name of the artist or the name of the CD. Sorry, but I'm going to need a verb at some point!

Could do like you do with little kids that are just learning to verbalize, "come on, use your words"!

[Imogene]

Could do like you do with little kids that are just learning to verbalize, "come on, use your words"!

No, no, that's what you say to get them not to punch each other.
To get them to verbalise, you pull out the old ear horn.

[Broomjockey]

I hate it when people come up to the box office and go "Pirates," or the first word of whatever movie they are seeing. How many tickets? What time? Sometimes we have movies with similar titles, which one of those did you want.

The worst is that people sometimes "order" by theatre number rather than movie name, or by an actor in the movie(these ones would have no clue what the movie was about, joy for when actors put out 2 or 3 movies at a time). Anyway, people would order by theatre number, and we were also playing "Lucky Number Slevin." Try to tell the difference between Seven, and Slevin. Through an inch of glass. With a crowd of people babbling in line behind. And an arcade 20 ft. away. GRRrr.

[dragonflygrrl]

This happened the other day. It cracked us up all afternoon.

Me: Hi there! What can we do for y--
SC: *interrupts* Cases.
Me: Cases?
SC: Cases.
Me: *Watches customer expectantly with wide, incomprehending eyes*
SC: *Stares at me*

---thirty seconds later---

SC: *speaking slowly as if to an infant* Where are your cases?
Me: *springing instantly into Stepford Wife-like action* Oh! You wanted to know WHERE our cases were...I see. Let me show you our cases. They are right over here, sir, we have several colors and styles...*rabbits on in perky sales-girl voice about cases*

Honestly, what is so hard about letting me say "hi, what can we do for you?" and then saying, "I'm looking for a case for my phone." Why does that simple courtesy elude people? It is fun to play the "I don't understand," game, though. I'm so passive-aggressively evil at work.

[TonyDonuts]

Hey, at least they're speaking you folks, or making some sort of gurgling sound, or something.

MY customers will walk in a groups of three or more, and just stand there, staring. This leads to attempts to find out why, exactly, they're here.

Me: Hello.

SC: <staring>

Me: Can I help you?

SC: <staring, sometime shuffling from one foot to another>

Me: <slowly> Can. I. Help. You. Do. You. Need. Something?

SC: <staring>

Me: <slowly> Do. You. Need. To. Pay. For. Fuel?

SC: <heavy sigh> I need tuh pay fer muh fuel. . .

Me: And how are you paying?

SC: <staring>

Me: Comdata?

SC: <staring>

ME: TChek?

You get the idea. Eventually we setttle on form of payment, information required (truck number, driver number, purchase order number, grandmother's maiden name, shoe size etc.). We run the card, driver signs fuel ticket and goes on his way.

If you're very, very lucky, they next person in line will not require that kind of hand-holding.

And sometimes, when I'm not lucky, and the next four or five people in line require this level of hand-holding, I'm very tempted to put on a very bovine expression, and say, "Mooooo-ooooo-oooo-oooo!" to the crowd, you know, speaking their language and all that.

[Think Blue]

We get that too

Me:Hello thank you for calling GR how may I help you?
SC:Vitamins
Me:What kind of vitamins sir
SC:UGH! (like im the idiot) you know vitamins
Me:We have many different types of vitamins
SC:Can I talk to someone who knows about f'ing vitamins, I just want vitamins.

[One-Fang]

"Hi, how can I help you today?"

"Pens!"

"Well okay, but that was the shortest game of 20 questions I've ever played!"

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I had this happen to me one time:

SC: Where are the supplements? (meaning vitamin suppllements)
Me: they're over here. What kind did you need?
SC: The supplements.
Me: We have lots of different kinds of supplements. Which one do you need?
SC: (annoyed) The supplements!
Me: They're over here.

[Jester]

The only time I don't mind one-word queries is when it goes something like this:

Customer RUNS into restaurant/bar/whatever, with a terrified look on their face, and squawks one desperate, plaintive word: "BATHROOM?!?!?!"

At this point, I will IMMEDIATELY show them to the bathroom, for two reasons:
1. I understand their pain.
2. I ain't cleaning up their mess!

[TruthHurts]

TruthHurts: Perhaps she thought you were one of those voice-recognition computer systems some businesses use.

Well that'd be a good excuse for the first time she said Reservation but after I said "I'm sorry" she repeated it again. I've never had a computer automated voice say I'm sorry.

[chainedbarista]

i like some of those sc's who 'order' drip coffee:

me: what can we get you today?

sc: coffee

me: what type and size? (we have bold, mild and decaf)

sc: regular

me: ...what size and type would you like?

sc: ...

that last part often repeats about twice before they realize that regular doesn't tell me shiite. i need a size at the very least, people; pray to god i don't hand you decaf when you wanted normal coffee, or a normal coffee when you need decaf. what is so freakin' hard about specifying? it's your drink, yes, but i need to know what YOU want, rather than having to pick your brain. that costs extra

[Pagan]

To get them to verbalise, you pull out the old ear horn.

I don't know if that would have helped with one girl tonight!

SC: Where's Christina Aguilera's CDs?
Me: In rock and pop under the A's. (nobody knows you alpha by last name)
SC: So....in rock and pop? *she said looking confused while staring at the A's in
the rock and pop section*
Me: Yes, right here in the A's.
SC: *walks over to where AC/DC is, which comes before Aguilera* ???
Me: *walks over and picks up one of Christina's CDs* They're right here.
SC: Oh, well, do you have her new one?
Me: It doesn't come out until August 8.
SC: So, you don't have it?

At least she used complete sentences. The one after her was classic.

SC: Techno!
Me: I enjoy that type of music. (Oh, the things you wish you could say!)

[Gurndigarn]

Well that'd be a good excuse for the first time she said Reservation but after I said "I'm sorry" she repeated it again. I've never had a computer automated voice say I'm sorry.

Really? It's quite common, IMO. Of course, it's usually followed by "I don't understand what you're saying."

I always follow that with "Human". If the computer doesn't understand me, then I don't want to talk to it.

No, scratch that. I don't want to talk to it no matter what.

[pbmods]

I hate those things with a passion. I tried to call verizon the other day to set up new phone service for my new apartment (I currenntly don't have a number). So I call and the automated thing goes

Auto: "Thank you for valling verizon. What number are you calling in regards to?"
Me (speaking to myself): I don't have one, that's why I'm calling. What the heck am I supposed to say?
Auto: "I'm sorry, I didn't understand. What number are you calling in regards to?"
*click*

I figured there was a seperate number for new accounts so I spend a few minutes searching for a new number. But no, I had the right one. So I figure that maybe if I didn't say anything, it would kick over to a menu or something.

Auto: "[...] What number are you calling in regards to?"
Me: ....
Auto:"[...] What number are you calling in regards to?"
Me ....
Auto: "[...] What number are you calling in regards to?"
Me *presses 0 in a vain attempt to talk to an actual person or get a menu*
Auto: "[...] What number are you calling in regards to?"
*click*

I finally figured it out. You have to say "New Service". My theory is they do stuff like this to weed out customers. You can only get their service if you're intelligent enough to get passed the initial automation. But at least by the time I got through they were nice.

My favorite is the photo gifts customer service line at my workplace. To check the status of an order, you *have* to use the automated system. And if the system can't find your order, you have to try it *two more times anyway before they'll let you speak to a real person*.

I had to figure out what happened to an order that had mysteriously disappeared.

Auto: I'm sorry; I can't find that order. Would you like to try again?
Me: *dials 0#*
Auto: I think you're trying to transfer to an operator. However, with just a little information, I can help you find the order you're looking for. Please enter the 6-digit order number.
Me: *dials 0#*
Auto: I think you're trying to transfer to an operator. However, with just a little information, I can help you find the order you're looking for. Please enter the 6-digit order number.
Me: *dials 0#*
Auto: I think you're trying to transfer to an operator. However, with just a little information, I can help you find the order you're looking for. Please enter the 6-digit order number.

Gah!