Signs You Will Never See Posted In A Business

[Strikesfirmly]

Hello

Welcome to our store.

We are pleased to offer you everyday fair pricing based upon;

*A reasonable margin to keep us ahead of our competition and draw you, the customer, to our store.

*Maintaining the overhead attached to running a customer focused business.

*Available service to special order desired non-stock items and have them shipped to our store or directly to you.

*Offering sales and promotions throughout the year based on regional availability and detailed marketing preferences.

*Paying competitive wages to retain decent, hard-working employees that can take pride in this job while taking home a meaningful amount to their families,

*Creating an interactive, self-paced employee and management knowledge training system to increase our ability to better serve you our valued customers.

*To create and maintain a clean, healthy, low stress store and work environment for a friendly shopping experience.

However, our prices are as marked, allowing for occasional minor human error. If you feel these prices are unfair or that you deserve a special discount we absolutely reserve the right to refuse service and suggest you shop at our competition.

Thank you for shopping with us today.

[Strikesfirmly]

Sorry

Our store now has a No Refund policy in effect.

We regret that due to a high volume of returned new, fully functional items that we are unable to sell even at a slightly reduced price to meet our inventory cost we will no longer be accepting returns other than for warranty or non-functional reasons.

We apologize for the inconvenience.

[Bloodsoul]

If ever I own a bookstore, I am so putting this poster where all can see. May not be professional, but...

[bigjimaz]

My grandmother ran a little coffee shop/sandwich place in the little town she lived in back in the 1950's and 60's. She was the sweetest woman I have ever known, right up until you started doing something stupid.

She had a hand-painted sign taped to the front of her cash register that read...

MONEY TALKS

BULLSHIT WALKS

You'd never find that in a store today. By the way, I still have the sign. If I ever get my own store, you can bet your ass that it will be hung prominently.

[Broomjockey]

Warning!

Managers have a sense of humour, and like their employees. Any employee caught making a sarcastic response at customers' expense will recieve a high-five in your direct line of sight, and an exemplary annual review.

If I had a business, that would be about 2 feet inside the front door.

[sms001]

Corp BS

luv 'em all so far!

Speaking of signs in stores. An indication of just how out of touch corporate can be sometimes:

The chain I worked for was moving to a new color scheme and "re-signing" EVERYthing in the stores. With the first shipment of "signage" (A word I abhor - we already had a word for more than one sign - SIGNS!!!) came a booklet explaining how and where to put them up. What really cracked me up was the one page blurb at the start meant to motivate me to put up signs. (uh - the boss told me to and he signs the checks isn't good enough?) The last item on the list of reasons to put up the signs, in bold letters; "Signs make customers feel smart." And then a sublist of how the signs accomplish this earth shattering paradigm shift.
Or maybe I'm too jaded and mistakenly put the emphasis on word four instead of word five?

[ShadedWings]

Ooh yeah, signs!

I always think someone should let people like whoever came up with that idea know... signs only make those who READ THEM feel smart! I swear, nobody reads anymore. Whether it's a "Yes I'm closed" sign or a policy, menu, pricetag, sale sign... I would always get a million questions a day related to something usually posted on a sign two feet from whoever is asking me the question.

At my current job even (call center for electric company) I constantly get people calling in who don't read their bill/notices. I hear very often "well I don't read my bill" or "I never saw a notice!". I even had one lady tell me just yesterday "*huff* Well the disconnection notice is ALWAYS on my bill, I just stopped looking at it. WHY are you turning me off??" She was aghast at the fact that we were actually acting upon it instead of warning her umpteen million times. :O Oh noes!

[cinema guy]

Alas, there are no signs that will make customers act smart.

[Becks]

My sign...

To Our Customers:

Please note that we fully enforce our "No Heelies" policy. Employees and other customers have every right to remove said footwear from offenders in any way they see fit.

Also, unexpected trippings may occur before removal.


I feel comfortable with that, since so few SCs read signs.

Warning!

Managers have a sense of humour, and like their employees. Any employee caught making a sarcastic response at customers' expense will recieve a high-five in your direct line of sight, and an exemplary annual review.

I would LOVE to work in a place with a sign like this!!!!!!!!!

[CrazedClerk]

I am so using some of these signs if (when) I start a business.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

WARNING!

When purchasing any item requiring a merchandise carryout, please have a vehicle large enough to fit the item into!

If your vehicle is too small to hold the item you purchased, a $25 Improper Vehicle Fee will be charged, payable to the employee(s) doing the carryout.

[ArenaBoy]

WARNING!

Employees and managers alike will not bend for you.

[BusBus]

Achtung!

Supervisors will simply repeat what the employee said when their intervention is requested by the customer.

[JustADude]

WARNING:
Anyone found being rude, obnoxious, moronic, or disrespectful to their fellow humans, for any reason, will be immediately ridiculed.
Further in appropriate behavior will result in immediate de-resolution.

Sorry about the last part, but I watched Tron last night and it's stuck in my head.

[Imogene]

signs only make those who READ THEM feel smart! I swear, nobody reads anymore.

No, no, the people who DO read your signs, and act appropriately on the instructions are the people who won't ever cross your path with stupid questions. You only get the people who ignore the signs, and thus, a disproportionately high number of stupid questions. Some of us out there have enough self-esteem to obey the posted signs.