Favorite Customer lines

[Worker-Intellectual]

"The price was X!" No, you are just too damn stupid to read a sign and want a discount for it.

"The sign is misleading!" See above.

"Can you just give me that price now?" It's called a 2 day only sale for a reason, moron!

"I'm never shopping here again!" You say that, but you will be back to make my life hell again.

"There's not enough cashiers." Well, I'm here, and I don't make the schedule.

"My time is just as valuable as yours." Well, your time must not be very valuable, because mine is worth less than $8 CDN an hour (at least, that's what it's worth to the company).

"The customer is always right." No, generally in the case of a disagreement the customer is wrong and stupid for thinking that just because they shop there they know more than a computer or someone who works there.

[Luna]

The website would probably crash if I listed all of them ...so here are the best ones...the greatest hits of Luna's jobs if you will:

*I'm never shopping here again! (but they're in every week)
*There's no tax on that/you can't tax that & other amusing variations on state TAXABLE items...
*I'm in a hurry (always made known to you after customer has demanded special services not normally requested that will take longer than usual)
*The sign said...
*The coupon said...
*Last time I was here the Manager...(yeah, I AM the manager...so what's your story now honey?)
*It was like this when I bought it!
*Can you open up another register? (said when ALL available registers physically in the building are manned & running BTW)
*Can't you make the drinks any faster? (sure, then just get a plain coffee, not a non fat soy milk sugar free raspberry syrup iced caramel macchiato with only a little bit of ice hold the whip cream....)
*If I don't like the book when I'm done reading it - can I get a refund? (No, but you try getting a library card )
*This computer only lets you listen to 30 seconds of the cd! I want to listen to the whole thing (You wouldn't believe how many complaints we had on that - if you want the whole thing - BUY IT.)

I'm drawing a blank now - I'm sure there are so many more...

[SonOfSpam]

I wouldn't really call them SC's but I've had at least a dozen or so customers who, after I asked them if they needed help looking for rugs, said "Can you get inside my head and make my decision for me? *chuckle*". It's funny for about a millisecond

[Mango]

One of our favourite (seriously) customers called while coincidentally all of our female employees were on vacation. I'm not entirely sure how old she is, but she is over 80, and she's been a customer since the start of our company. As we were helping her, she got transferred a few times between the guy at the front desk, and me.

At the end of the call, she says "One day, I'll have to have a party with all you men!"

[Lehk]

"ooh, i'm going to mess up your display" when taking an item off the shelf.

real clever, so clever i hear it 5-10 times a day on an 8 hour shift

[batmoody]

[QUOTE=IhateCrappyTire;16756]

"There's not enough cashiers." QUOTE]
Me:"Tell me about it! I'm almost sorry I even showed up today!"

"Working hard or hardly working? Yuk Yuk"

"Sitting on the job? Har Har " (When I'm down crawling all over the floor trying to face up the items on the veeerrrry bottom shelf)

(Standing in front of my checkstand,greeting and waiting for customers to come into my line, customer walks up)
SC: You look lonely.
Me: Thanks! So do you! (yes I really say that. Really, when is that ever a nice thing to say? Its evern worse that "You look bored.")

(My light is on, I am standing in my register, customer comes up.) "Are you open"

(In my deli days)....
Lady wants a burrito "Can I get one thats not greasy?" (Can I show you what we fry this krap in?)

[AnubisOne]

The only one I can think of at the moment happened when I worked at a liqour store.

A lot of customers would ask "Do you sell milk/bread/newspapers here?"

[TYFSOK]

"No price tag? It must be free."

Me: "No, sir, that mean's it's priceless. Do you still want it?

[childofsolitude]

My favorite (this actually happens all the time.. most recently yesterday)..

SC: "Can you tell me more about (insert random item here)."

Me: "What do you want to know?"

SC: (either) "Everything!" (or) "(Insert random question here that no one in the store knows the answer to)"

Me: "The only information I can tell is what it says on the packaging"

SC: "You don't have anymore information than that?"

Me: "No. This store just sells these products. We're not required to know everything from A-Z about each product we carry."

SC: "Can I speak to a manager?"

Me: *talks over walkie* "(insert manager's name), can you speak to a guest in (aisle number)?"

Manager: (to guest) "What's the problem?"

SC: "Can you tell me more about this (insert random item here)?"

Manager: "No. This store just sells these products. We're not required to know everything from A-Z about each product we carry."

SC walks off angrily.

[RichS]

Manager: "No. This store just sells these products. We're not required to know everything from A-Z about each product we carry."

I feel your pain. Most of the vacuum stuff we sell I've never used, yet customers will ask me, the computer tech, if X brand is good. The exception is the vacuum I bought special from the shop to replace my 10-year old one that finally bit the dust (pardon the pun). I recommend that brand to almost everyone looking for a new vac.

On the computer side, it's a little different - I don't know every program that's out there and how it works, so if you have a problem with some progran I haven't even heard of, it's best if you bring it in. Calling me on the phone asking for help will have me saying "I don't know - it's best if you bring in the machine" over and over again...and then, the problem is usually not reading the manual.

[friendofjimmyk]

My favorite thing to hear first thing after answering the phone...

"Yeah, how soon can you get a truck here?"

Where? How soon can I get a truck where? What's wrong with your vehicle? What kind of truck do I need to send? Who is this? Are you even a freakin' member!?!?!?!?

[batmoody]

Me: Hi how are you to-
SC: 555-555-5555
Me:


They want to give me their tele# for their club card but give me absolutely no warning. I mean, I have to set it up to do that. Its so annoying. When they do that, I just make them punch it in to the keypad themselves. By the time I set it up, I have forgotten the # anyways, and if I ask them to say it again, they usually yell it at me because they have to repeat themselves.

[wagegoth]

Absolutely Any Business, Retail or Not, I've heard this:

"I refuse to accept that."

I have heard this from so many different people, for so many years, in every kind of business.

The one I first vividly remember occurred when I was telephone support for lost and stolen credit cards for a bank. A customer (an over-privileged, unhappily married, entitlement b***h) called in because her new card had not shown up in the mail. I explained that we would send another card to her, etc.

She asked why the card had not arrived. I checked the computer, which showed the card had been issued, and I told her this. I told her that it was very possible that someone had stolen the card from her mailbox, that this was an, unfortunately, common crime, especially in better neighborhoods like hers. That's when she spouted the infamous line above. I think my brain actually froze up for a moment at her complete, clueless, self-centered stupidity.

I still hear this line in all types of situations. All I can think is, "So, you and reality travel on parallel paths. How incredibly lucky that you never have to meet up."

[Mixed Bag]

Me: Hi how are you to-
SC: 555-555-5555
Me:(

Sorry to hear that; maybe that customer visited the same sucky checker I did who rattled off a total, then, when I said I had a card, told me everyone else gave that info earlier on (unlike every other checker I've ever seen at any chain). Can't remember if they said that because I complained to them about not asking or merely because I offered by number, but it doesn't matter.

[ArenaBoy]

SC: Is this VIP? *Does not see the sign that we have right next to me.

"I pay *Insert amount of $ here.* just to park here."

"Can this get me into VIP?" *Is holding a Regular Parking pass, and cannot tell the difference.*

"I left my pass at home."

"They always let me do this."

"Is the freeway this way?" Does not see the goddamn sign

"Can this get me into *Insert lot name*? When SC is holding a pass that says so.

I swear I get so many illiterate SCs that I feel my intelligence drop at times.