damnit, COFFEE!!!

[cloudiko]

The Pit of Despair decided to start having two brands of coffee...which means that we, as wait staff, have to offer it to every single freaking customer who graces us with their presence. So...here is the way this conversation typically goes:

SC: Sucktastic customer
Me: Wanting to pour hot coffee (dark roast, medium roast, and decaf) on their heads.

The jackass response:

Me: Can I start you off with some coffee, iced tea, pepsi -
SC: COFFEE.
Me: Would you like our decaf, dark roast, or medium roast?
SC: What? *looks puzzed at the veritable fuckton of coffee choices*
Me: Would you like the dark roast, which is more like espresso coffee or the medium roast, which is ju-
SC: I just want some DAMNED COFFEE!!!
Me: (thinking: Okay asshole...here's where you get 0.0001% coffee and the rest is hot water)

The less-than normal response:


Me: Can I start you off with some coffee, orange jui-
SC: Damnit, COFFEE!!
Me: ...okay....right.
(note: in this situation, i wouldn't usually offer any type of choice. the non-caffinated beast is a dangerous one)


Rejection:

Me: Can I start you off with some coffee, iced tea, pepsi -
SC: I HATE your coffee. It tastes horrible. How dare you even offer it to me? You know I hate the coffee here.
Me: Erm, no...I'm suggesting it because we just changed it. We have two types now, which are much more consistant in taste. There's the regul -
SC: I just told you I HATE your coffee. I mean, I F***ing hate it. Stop offering it to me right now. I just want some orange juice. And pancakes.
Me: Well, would you like the regular pancakes or the super thick pancakes?
SC:....*takes a minute for it to sink in* What are you doing?
Me: *smiles and walks away*


Monosyllables:

Me: Can I start you off with some coffee, iced tea, pepsi -
SC: Me. Coffee. Now.
Me: Would you like the regular or the dark stuff?
SC: Yes.
Me: Which one?
SC: Coffee.
Me: Ah yes, how could I forget.
SC: Cream.
Me: Deal.
SC: Ok.


And...I am back. Many stories have been building up, just waiting to be posted on here. Hopefully that will happen very soon.

[Zoe1975]

oh i know i hate it when they THink YOU can read their minds as IF YOU knew they hated the coffee and HOW dare YOU offer this?!!!

[Marxfan]

My god, how haven't you killed anyone?

[Gawdzillers]

I must say, I don't get the "pancakes" thing.

[Jacen]

I must say, I don't get the "pancakes" thing.

If I understand correctly, it's not the pancake thats super thick. Could be wrong.

[Posture Moll]

SC: I just want some DAMNED COFFEE!!!

Denis Leary?!

[Estil]

Why are they so mean? Don't they realize how lucky they are to be in a GOOD resteraunt with Pepsi products instead of that stupid Coke monopoly like almost everyone else has? :P

I am willing to drink Diet Coke at a dine-in place if I don't got a choice, but other than that I'm a very orthodox Diet Pepsi fan. Kudos to your resteraunt for actually treating us in the Pepsi Generation like we do exist.

And I like coffee too, but only if they can give me a cup of sugar I can scoop out with a spoon; I can never get those silly packets right...

[Javarod]

Heh, as a customer I'd likely annoy you, I just want coffee, that's it, none of that unleaded stuff, none of those stupid drinks, just coffee. Its not a lot of choices, but it seems like you almost need a degree to order a cup of coffee lately, I mean heck, I typically get it at Jack In the Box, at least they don't make it complicated, its regular or unleaded, that's it, that's all you need.

[smileyeagle1021]

Why are they so mean? Don't they realize how lucky they are to be in a GOOD resteraunt with Pepsi products instead of that stupid Coke monopoly like almost everyone else has? :P

all i can say is

[theredbaron47]

Me: Can I start you off with some coffee, iced tea, pepsi -
SC: Me. Coffee. Now.
Me: Would you like the regular or the dark stuff?
SC: Yes.
Me: Which one?
SC: Coffee.
Me: Ah yes, how could I forget.
SC: Cream.
Me: Deal.
SC: Ok.

I found this absolutely hysterical. I don't find those customers sucky, just funny as all hell.

Unless they get mean. In which case, I wish I could proudly display them the one-finger salute.

[TNT]

SC: I just want some DAMNED COFFEE!!!

Denis Leary?!

Coffee flavored coffee.

[XCashier]

Why are they so mean? Don't they realize how lucky they are to be in a GOOD resteraunt with Pepsi products instead of that stupid Coke monopoly like almost everyone else has? :P

I am willing to drink Diet Coke at a dine-in place if I don't got a choice, but other than that I'm a very orthodox Diet Pepsi fan. Kudos to your resteraunt for actually treating us in the Pepsi Generation like we do exist.

I agree with smileyeagle1021: Maybe we should all get together to do breakfast sometime...

Back OT, haven't these folks ever heard the saying, "Never abuse anybody who handles your food"?! What's wrong with "yes, please" "no, thank you" or "I'll need a minute to look at the menu, please"? You do not swear at the waitstaff or grunt like a caveman. Manners are good. Use them.

[qaxons]

<.< You don't get the "wuh? cough eeee goooooood *snzz*" people?

In the few years i opened a certain king of comestables, I never had any mean morning folk, just the people who I thought should NOT be behind the wheel of a car, navigating a small alley of concrete, to get their first cup of coffee.

I had one lady who gave me her money, and when I turned back with her TurboJoe she had passed out on the wheel... Scary in a different way.

Also, another reason I don't eat out in the mornings, I am an evil evil being without my first hit of caffiene (and nicotine), and I know enough not to upset the waitstaff.

[cloudiko]

My god, how haven't you killed anyone?

1. Remembering that I need this job in order to pay for tuition
2. Knowing that this idiot was probably raised by repeat SCs for parents
3. Laughing my butt off at their stupidity..or just messing with them. That's where the pancakes thing comes in.
4. Lots and lots of patience. I'm surprised the Patience Well hasn't run dry yet, since I've been in the Pit of Despair for almost 2 years now.
5. Also, counting to ten VERY slowly...and thinking of every fluffy creature known to man.

[cloudiko]

I agree with smileyeagle1021: Maybe we should all get together to do breakfast sometime...

Heck yes!!! You could all come and visit me at my workplace. Since you're from the NW XCashier, you might have deduced which restuarant I work at.

What's wrong with "yes, please" "no, thank you" or "I'll need a minute to look at the menu, please"? You do not swear at the waitstaff or grunt like a caveman. Manners are good. Use them.

It's too much work for their simple minds. Politeness = neural overload for SCs.