damnit, COFFEE!!!

[blas]

Nothing better than the good old "Good morning, how are-"

"COFFEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!"

I used to get drama king and drama queen customers at the gas station who would trudge into the store right after opening (these were notorious regular SCs. Unfortunately most regulars were SCs, so entitled!). Anyway, they'd trudge in and I'd try to say "Hello" and they'd blargle "COOOOFFFFFEEEEEE NOWW!" or something all dramatic and desperate like "I NEED COFFEEE NOOOOOW!" "COFFFEEE COFFEEE!"

From the looks of it, I don't think they needed any coffee at all.

[Seshat]

Heh, as a customer I'd likely annoy you, I just want coffee, that's it, none of that unleaded stuff, none of those stupid drinks, just coffee.

That's still pretty easy to get. If the place has a choice between an espresso-based coffee and a drip or percolated coffee, get the drip/percolated.

If it's espresso only, ask what's most similar to a drip/percolated. Probably a long black (long white if you want milk or cream).

If you like milk/cream with your coffee, a cappucino or a latte are worth trying.

(Note: these are not Starbucks names.)

[South Texan]

SC: I just want some DAMNED COFFEE!!!

"Oh, I am so sorry. All our coffee had a religious conversion last week and repented. I don't think any of it is damned anymore...
But I believe I heard the chef say that some of our milk went bad this morning if you would like a glass of that."

[JustADude]

Me: Would you like the dark roast, which is more like espresso coffee or the medium roast, which is ju-

Sorry to pick a nit here, but there is no such thing as "espresso coffee" anymore than there's such a thing as "Whiskey Beer".

Coffee is coarse-ground and poured loose into a pot-sized basket where the hot water is then allowed to flow through it, soaking in and eventually pouring out the bottom once the grounds are saturated. Despite some dark-roast blends tasting extremely strong, and marketing idiots claiming they're "espresso style/based/whatever" for marketing, it's still a thin, translucent liquid with a barely-significant rise in caffeine content over the normal stuff.

Espresso, on the other hand, is ground extremely fine, releasing more of the oils, is tamped tightly into a single-serving chamber, where the water is forced through it under pressure to extract every bit of the beans' content. The result is a thick, opaque liquid that compares in effect to normal coffee much like the aforementioned whiskey compares to beer, which is why you have a shot of Espresso and a mug of coffee.

[Shironu-Akaineko]

More or less...

I can' get anybody in town to give me a cappuccino.
On the coffee machine at work, there are TWO different buttons determining that A) Cappuccino is half-coffee, half hot choccy and B) French Vanilla is NOT capp.
No way in hell.

My mom wanted to get me a Capp at the donut place and they screwed her over giving her a FV, INSISTING it's a Capp. It's not.

I tried to get one a coupla weeks later at the 24hrs, but nope, my hometown only drinks FV it seems.

Donut place also gave my friend Lionette (fake name duh) a FV when she asked for a Mocha. Is there a warehouse full of FV that the town is trying to liquidate or what?

[matty]

I can only shudder at the thought of these SCs visiting the wonderful "coffee cart" we had at our university.

Not only could you get the short black, cappuccino, flat white, latte, mocha etc. but also a variety of more creative styles such as "White Velvet" - coffee with white chocolate (can't remember the exact type/ingredients, but mmmmm, yummmm! )

[Eben56]

coffee

All I want is a cup of coffee flavored coffee. Please don't make me feel like a SC because your place offers 23 kinds of coffee flavored coffee.