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2 more days....and vacation! Escape! Well...parole. But still!
Dissolve my Sympathy in 3 Easy Steps
Step 1:
Call and immediately demand a supervisor. My spidey senses tingle warning me of an impending shitstorm. So I hide my supervisory status and recommend she call the client during business hours to speak with one of their supervisors. I'm not about to take the bullet for them for whatever it is you're pissed for.
This satisfies you. You go away.
Step 2:
Yet for some reason call right back 2 minutes later and get me again. Again the supervisor/manager demand. Again I recommend business hours but out of the kindness of my heart I offer to listen to the problem to see if there's anything I can do to resolve it or at least make a report of it.
The Problem(tm): You called earlier and the operator you spoke with allegedly called you back from his personal cellphone, but got your mom, and swore her out in Spanish berating her for how god damn stupid you are. Your mother is now emotionally traumatized and in the fits of panic/tears ever since ( For 6 hours, apparently ). You do not explain how you know it was the operator, since you didn't even hear the harassing call and I highly doubt he would ID himself....but whatever, I agree this is a serious allegation despite your blatant use of the Sympathy Card(tm).
However, the time of your call was during business hours ( Over 6 hours ago ) and we have no Spanish speaking operators here as we only provide service in both official languages ( English/French ). Which means you must have been speaking with an operator from the client's office. Although I don't know if they even have Spanish operators either. I inform you of this and again recommend you call the office during business hours as that would be the most direct way to address the problem as it would be from their call center.
You are upset and do not comprehend how there can not be a manager in our office right now ( Hint, its fscking midnight ), do not understand how there can only be 3 operators on right now ( Hint, fscking MIDNIGHT ) and do not understand how we're just allowed to do "Whatever you want" as if we are children who are irrationally unsupervised.
Your thinly veiled implication annoys me. But I remain polite and explain that it would have been a day time operator from the main office so your best course of action would be call them in the morning and lodge a complaint.
Again you, mercifully, sod off.
Step 3:
You call again a minute later....why I have no god damn idea since I've already explained twice and both times you have accepted my recommendations. But, you call again and by some fluke I get to speak with you again.
This time, through a leap of logic that would make even Phoenix Wright cringe, you figured that because you had spoken with me 3 times that I am the only one here ( Wrong ). Thus, despite the fact this alleged call occurred almost 6 hours ago, you immediately accuse ME personally of being the one that called your mother ( Hint, I just came on shift ). You rant at me, threaten to sue me ( Sorry, even if I was the guy you don't get to sue for hurt feelings ) and generally go off on a bitchfit at me before hanging up. I speak not a word because the only words I had were "Go rut a rusty pitchfork you weak minded vindictive cow."
I, as promised, make a report on your complaint including detailed accounts of your behaviour, accusations and threats. As an ironic result, your complaint is completely disregarded by management due to your behaviour.
Well played, Cow. Well played.
Anger Management
SC: "Yeah, can I make an appointment for December?"
Me: "I'm sorry, I'm only the afterhours service. I can't schedule appointments. However, I can leave a message for the office for you."
SC: "I'll call back later then, bitch!"
I have mentally reviewed our conversation several times and at no point could I deduce any infraction on my behalf that would inspire such a vehement label. I suppose it is easy to get "Good evening, <company>" mixed up with "Good evening, I am a female canine. Please label me as such at the end of this exchange as doing so will bring me wondrous joy." I mean, they sound so much alike its no wonder such misunderstandings don't happen more often.
Inquiries
Me: "Ok, and what's your address?"
SC: "Oh…um….that's a good question."
Yes, I know. I use it all the time. You'd be surprised how many people can answer it too! Of course, every now and then I unknowingly slow pitch it at someone who's hobbling just behind the rest of the pack but has not quite yet been overtaken and devoured by natural selection.
Alternatives
Me: "I'm sorry, but the property manager only handles emergencies such floods and water damage. They can't help you at this hour with a plugged toilet. Have you asked your resident manager?"
SC: "What am I suppose to do?! Sh*t on the floor?!"
Of course not! That would be uncivilized and bestial. We would never force you to do such a thing let alone even suggest it.
Open a window and use that.
Leave Me Alone
That facts of the case:
1) You paid utility bill at the last moment on the day it was due.
2) It did not post in time.
3) Utilities were shut off. It is cold and it is dark. You are alone and afraid.
4) The above is all personally my fault.
5) According to case notes, you called before and were informed the problem is on <utility company's> end.
7) When I halted you to inquire as to why you were ranting at me when the problem was <utility company>, you told me straight out "Well they're not open yet."
Verdict: You suck and I hate you.
Jesus Christ, Leave Me ALONE.
<utility company> is still not open so you called me back just to rant at me AGAIN. Despite the fact I have NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. We then had this conversation which literally made me head butt my desk.
Me: "It's only quarter to 5 for us here. We're on the west coast. So Pacific time."
SC: "Where ya'll located!?"
Me: "We're in Vancouver."
SC: "In Cancun?"
Me: "….no, Canada."
….Cancun? CANCUN? What the…but….the hell kind of raving idiot are you? This implies you A) Think Cancun is on the west coast of North America and/or B) You think Cancun is it's own country and it is north of you. It doesn't matter if its one or the other or both because you still fail so tragically at life that I cannot even intervene. Someone has already tracked you down and beaten you so ruthlessly with the stupid stick that any threat I may make would pale in comparison if you could even comprehend it at all.
My head hurts now. In more ways then one.
Boo Hoo
Me: "Good morning, <company>"
SC: "Yes, hi, I was using my debit card at Lowes and I know I bounce a cheque there once but-"
Me: "I think you have the wrong number."
SC: "Huh? Who's this?"
Me: "<company>"
SC: "Oh, sorry."
Yes, you may wish to verify you are speaking with the correct company before you launch into your huge woe is me sob story. Unless you were just trying to run it past an objective 3rd party for feedback. In which cause I tuned you out completely the second I sensed woe. I hope Lowe's does as well.
Audacity
Are you....charging your cell phone off of the outlet at the back of 7/11?. Wow, that takes some gall. Princess can't live without her cell for the 30 seconds it takes to find a pay phone? Best part is you were of course terribly offended when they told you to stop.
Weiner Lovin'
My coworker explained a curious scene he caught the tale end of when he went by 7/11. A tale so bizarre I had to ask the clerk's for the full story on my way home and boy was I in for a treat. A rich, frozen treat.
Apparently last night 3 rather fantastically intoxicated gentlemen stumbled into 7/11. One of them, I'll call him Ringo, managed to walk a straight line to the counter and asked the clerk for one hot dog, with mustard, and no bun. This was suppose to be some sort of joke amongst the 3 it seems, but the clerk, who is utterly desensitized to idiocy by now, simply got him the hot dog, sans bun + mustard.
The 3 of them were surprised and tried to explain it was some sort of joke. But Ringo, seeing an....opportunity.....accepted the hot dog, took it out of the box, stuffed it halfway down his pants so the top half was sticking out of his pants. Then proceeded to stagger across the store and feverishly hump the ice cream cooler with his fantastic 100% all beef supplementary penis.
This incurred several moments of complete and total silence from everyone in the store broken only by his lustful grunting. The shock was enough to stun even the clerks into silence and God only knows the sights they've seen.
At some point the hot fire and warm mustard in his loins was satiated by rubbing his groin against a cold metal box, so he finally disengaged himself from the cooler. Only to stumble back to the line and begin trying to hit on the two girls in line....with the hot dog still sticking out of his pants ( +Mustard ). They frantically hit the left and right shoulder buttons until they escaped. At which point the clerk told them all to get the fuck out now before he called the cops.
So for one brief moment I was actually thankful for my job. Yet began thinking I should buy myself a camcorder for Christmas just to bring with me to work.
I laughed in a caller's face and I'm not sure I covered my mic fast enough....
SC: "Yeah, I cant make my shift tomorrow because I don't have lunch money.
.............HAH! ....hahahahahahah! Are you SERIOUS?!
Me: "....you....what?"
SC: "It doesn't concur with my budget."
Ahahahahaha
Oh christ, I so wish I could be there when you get fired. That excuse wouldn't work in elementary school. Nevermind out here in the Real World(tm).
2 more days and I'm on vacation.... ( I had to take one, I don't have enough lunch money for work next week. )
Dissolve my Sympathy in 3 Easy Steps
Step 1:
Call and immediately demand a supervisor. My spidey senses tingle warning me of an impending shitstorm. So I hide my supervisory status and recommend she call the client during business hours to speak with one of their supervisors. I'm not about to take the bullet for them for whatever it is you're pissed for.
This satisfies you. You go away.
Step 2:
Yet for some reason call right back 2 minutes later and get me again. Again the supervisor/manager demand. Again I recommend business hours but out of the kindness of my heart I offer to listen to the problem to see if there's anything I can do to resolve it or at least make a report of it.
The Problem(tm): You called earlier and the operator you spoke with allegedly called you back from his personal cellphone, but got your mom, and swore her out in Spanish berating her for how god damn stupid you are. Your mother is now emotionally traumatized and in the fits of panic/tears ever since ( For 6 hours, apparently ). You do not explain how you know it was the operator, since you didn't even hear the harassing call and I highly doubt he would ID himself....but whatever, I agree this is a serious allegation despite your blatant use of the Sympathy Card(tm).
However, the time of your call was during business hours ( Over 6 hours ago ) and we have no Spanish speaking operators here as we only provide service in both official languages ( English/French ). Which means you must have been speaking with an operator from the client's office. Although I don't know if they even have Spanish operators either. I inform you of this and again recommend you call the office during business hours as that would be the most direct way to address the problem as it would be from their call center.
You are upset and do not comprehend how there can not be a manager in our office right now ( Hint, its fscking midnight ), do not understand how there can only be 3 operators on right now ( Hint, fscking MIDNIGHT ) and do not understand how we're just allowed to do "Whatever you want" as if we are children who are irrationally unsupervised.
Your thinly veiled implication annoys me. But I remain polite and explain that it would have been a day time operator from the main office so your best course of action would be call them in the morning and lodge a complaint.
Again you, mercifully, sod off.
Step 3:
You call again a minute later....why I have no god damn idea since I've already explained twice and both times you have accepted my recommendations. But, you call again and by some fluke I get to speak with you again.
This time, through a leap of logic that would make even Phoenix Wright cringe, you figured that because you had spoken with me 3 times that I am the only one here ( Wrong ). Thus, despite the fact this alleged call occurred almost 6 hours ago, you immediately accuse ME personally of being the one that called your mother ( Hint, I just came on shift ). You rant at me, threaten to sue me ( Sorry, even if I was the guy you don't get to sue for hurt feelings ) and generally go off on a bitchfit at me before hanging up. I speak not a word because the only words I had were "Go rut a rusty pitchfork you weak minded vindictive cow."
I, as promised, make a report on your complaint including detailed accounts of your behaviour, accusations and threats. As an ironic result, your complaint is completely disregarded by management due to your behaviour.
Well played, Cow. Well played.
Anger Management
SC: "Yeah, can I make an appointment for December?"
Me: "I'm sorry, I'm only the afterhours service. I can't schedule appointments. However, I can leave a message for the office for you."
SC: "I'll call back later then, bitch!"
I have mentally reviewed our conversation several times and at no point could I deduce any infraction on my behalf that would inspire such a vehement label. I suppose it is easy to get "Good evening, <company>" mixed up with "Good evening, I am a female canine. Please label me as such at the end of this exchange as doing so will bring me wondrous joy." I mean, they sound so much alike its no wonder such misunderstandings don't happen more often.
Inquiries
Me: "Ok, and what's your address?"
SC: "Oh…um….that's a good question."
Yes, I know. I use it all the time. You'd be surprised how many people can answer it too! Of course, every now and then I unknowingly slow pitch it at someone who's hobbling just behind the rest of the pack but has not quite yet been overtaken and devoured by natural selection.
Alternatives
Me: "I'm sorry, but the property manager only handles emergencies such floods and water damage. They can't help you at this hour with a plugged toilet. Have you asked your resident manager?"
SC: "What am I suppose to do?! Sh*t on the floor?!"
Of course not! That would be uncivilized and bestial. We would never force you to do such a thing let alone even suggest it.
Open a window and use that.
Leave Me Alone
That facts of the case:
1) You paid utility bill at the last moment on the day it was due.
2) It did not post in time.
3) Utilities were shut off. It is cold and it is dark. You are alone and afraid.
4) The above is all personally my fault.
5) According to case notes, you called before and were informed the problem is on <utility company's> end.
7) When I halted you to inquire as to why you were ranting at me when the problem was <utility company>, you told me straight out "Well they're not open yet."
Verdict: You suck and I hate you.
Jesus Christ, Leave Me ALONE.
<utility company> is still not open so you called me back just to rant at me AGAIN. Despite the fact I have NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. We then had this conversation which literally made me head butt my desk.
Me: "It's only quarter to 5 for us here. We're on the west coast. So Pacific time."
SC: "Where ya'll located!?"
Me: "We're in Vancouver."
SC: "In Cancun?"
Me: "….no, Canada."
….Cancun? CANCUN? What the…but….the hell kind of raving idiot are you? This implies you A) Think Cancun is on the west coast of North America and/or B) You think Cancun is it's own country and it is north of you. It doesn't matter if its one or the other or both because you still fail so tragically at life that I cannot even intervene. Someone has already tracked you down and beaten you so ruthlessly with the stupid stick that any threat I may make would pale in comparison if you could even comprehend it at all.
My head hurts now. In more ways then one.
Boo Hoo
Me: "Good morning, <company>"
SC: "Yes, hi, I was using my debit card at Lowes and I know I bounce a cheque there once but-"
Me: "I think you have the wrong number."
SC: "Huh? Who's this?"
Me: "<company>"
SC: "Oh, sorry."
Yes, you may wish to verify you are speaking with the correct company before you launch into your huge woe is me sob story. Unless you were just trying to run it past an objective 3rd party for feedback. In which cause I tuned you out completely the second I sensed woe. I hope Lowe's does as well.
Audacity
Are you....charging your cell phone off of the outlet at the back of 7/11?. Wow, that takes some gall. Princess can't live without her cell for the 30 seconds it takes to find a pay phone? Best part is you were of course terribly offended when they told you to stop.
Weiner Lovin'
My coworker explained a curious scene he caught the tale end of when he went by 7/11. A tale so bizarre I had to ask the clerk's for the full story on my way home and boy was I in for a treat. A rich, frozen treat.
Apparently last night 3 rather fantastically intoxicated gentlemen stumbled into 7/11. One of them, I'll call him Ringo, managed to walk a straight line to the counter and asked the clerk for one hot dog, with mustard, and no bun. This was suppose to be some sort of joke amongst the 3 it seems, but the clerk, who is utterly desensitized to idiocy by now, simply got him the hot dog, sans bun + mustard.
The 3 of them were surprised and tried to explain it was some sort of joke. But Ringo, seeing an....opportunity.....accepted the hot dog, took it out of the box, stuffed it halfway down his pants so the top half was sticking out of his pants. Then proceeded to stagger across the store and feverishly hump the ice cream cooler with his fantastic 100% all beef supplementary penis.
This incurred several moments of complete and total silence from everyone in the store broken only by his lustful grunting. The shock was enough to stun even the clerks into silence and God only knows the sights they've seen.
At some point the hot fire and warm mustard in his loins was satiated by rubbing his groin against a cold metal box, so he finally disengaged himself from the cooler. Only to stumble back to the line and begin trying to hit on the two girls in line....with the hot dog still sticking out of his pants ( +Mustard ). They frantically hit the left and right shoulder buttons until they escaped. At which point the clerk told them all to get the fuck out now before he called the cops.
So for one brief moment I was actually thankful for my job. Yet began thinking I should buy myself a camcorder for Christmas just to bring with me to work.
I laughed in a caller's face and I'm not sure I covered my mic fast enough....
SC: "Yeah, I cant make my shift tomorrow because I don't have lunch money.
.............HAH! ....hahahahahahah! Are you SERIOUS?!
Me: "....you....what?"
SC: "It doesn't concur with my budget."
Ahahahahaha
Oh christ, I so wish I could be there when you get fired. That excuse wouldn't work in elementary school. Nevermind out here in the Real World(tm).
2 more days and I'm on vacation.... ( I had to take one, I don't have enough lunch money for work next week. )
I'm pretty sure where I live that if you aren't given a 30 minute lunch on every shift of 6 hours or more and two lunches on a shift of 12 hours or more the company can be cited for a violation!
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