Proof that Customers do not listen.

[Tex]

My favorite "DEE DEE DEE, not listening moment" is when you have customers asking about BOGO prices.

C: (Grabs item from display near till) "So this is BOGO?"
M: "Yes, it is."
C: "Ok." (Proceeds to grab another of same item from display, and puts in cart)
M: "Ma'am, I need to see that, so I can ring it up."
C: "But I thought you said it was BOGO?"
M: "It is, but you can't just take it off the shelf and not pay for it."
C: "But you just said it was BOGO, so I get one of these for free."
M: No ma'am, a BOGO sale means each item rings up as half-price, or 2 for the price of 1."
C: "But you just said that it's BOGO."
M: (Getting pissed off, daydreaming of pulling out an AK-47) "Ma'am, let me explain it for you (calmly): If you didn't have your "13-22-16" Card, then these would normally be $4.99. Since they are BOGO this week, you get them BOTH for $4.99. BUT, in order to get the BOGO, I need to scan BOTH of these, b/c they ring up as half-price. If you take that and not ring it up, you are stealing."
C: (Deer in the headlights look) "But I get one free."
M: "Yes ma'am, but that's b/c both ring up as half-price, and if you have 2 half-price items of the same price, you get the full price for just 1 item, hence the Free item."
C: (Still does not understand) "So why do you need to ring the other one up?"
M: (Grabs pice of paper) "Ok, let me explain. (Writing down fractions) 1/2 + 1/2 = 1. Do you understand?"
C: "Yes." But why do you have to scan the other item?"
M: (Paging manager to register)
S: (Explains BOGO promotion)
C: "Ok, now I understand."
M: (Rings up rest of transaction) "You have a good day, ma'am."
C: "Thank you for your help"
M: (puts 50 rounds in customer w/ said AK I was daydreaming about)

Me and my manager were laughing our asses off for the next couple hours.

Tex

[Ttam]

They're listening! Honest! I even asked one of them once at a supermarket!

Cashier: Need a bag for that?
Him: No.
*Time passes*
Him: What, no bag?

Already I can feel the urge to kill rising, since it's a bottle of pepto. It can fit in a POCKET. So I couldn't let it go, even though she was already getting the bag.

Me: She already asked you and you said no.... Were you not listening?
Him: Oh, I was listening. I just wasn't paying attention.

Luckily for him, he managed to get gone before I could find something suitable for bludgeoning him to death with. >< Cashier just laughed and rolled her eyes.

[GingerBiscuit]

SC: Can you explain the differences between Fish Oil and Cod Liver Oil please?
Me: Sure. Basically, Cod liver Oil has much less Omega Three, and naturally contains vitamin A and D. It's better as a sort of all-rounder, whereas Fish Oil contains more Omega three, but no A+D. It's better if you specifically want to benefit your brains and joints.
SC: So fish oil is better for...
Me: Your Braina nd joints. Oh, and your skin.
SC: I want to help my joints. Which one is best?
Me: The fish oil.
SC: And how much is this?
Me: Well, the one you have there is £8.99 for 100 capsules, or we have this one on special offer for £9.49 for 250 capsules.
SC: How much is the 250 capsules? (not just not listening but not seeing, as there is often a brightly colourd sign hanging RIGHT THERE.)
me: £9.49.

Or at our sister company...
Me: Do you have a discount card?
Them: Yes.
Me: *wait, as I need the discount card before I scan items*
Them: WHy aren't you doing anything.
Me: I'm waiting for the discount card.
Them: I don't HAVE one! GOD!

[HawaiianShirts]

Me: "Can I get the name that appears on the credit/debit card you'll be using today?"
SC: "Visa." .... not the answer I was going for...

(If that was on the phone...)

Rep: Visa? Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Johnson, I won't be able to accept that card.
SC: Why not?
Rep: I can only accept credit card information from the person whose name appears on the card.
SC: But my name IS on the card.
Rep: You said your name was Jane Johnson.
SC: Yes.
Rep: But the name on the card is Visa, not Jane Johnson. Is Visa there? Perhaps I could speak with her...

[cinema guy]

We get that at the cinema:

Me: "Screen 1, first on the left. Enjoy the film."
customer heads to the right.
Me: "No, the LEFT."

[Lyra]

I worked in the cash office for my last employer, and there were usually two of us on busier nights, so the person staying latest could get a lunch without leaving the office empty.

One evening, I had just walked back in the office, and my partner asked me "How was lunch?"

I swear, I was thinking "Fine.", but when I opened my mouth, all that came out was "Screw!"

I still have no clue where that came from (no, that's not what I did for lunch ) and ever since then, when something unexpected or weird happens, we'll yell "Screw!"

[jigshoes86]

...

One evening, I had just walked back in the office, and my partner asked me "How was lunch?"

I swear, I was thinking "Fine.", but when I opened my mouth, all that came out was "Screw!"...<snip>

Completely and 100% off topic (i'm sorry) but I nearly fell off my bed laughing at that.

and then my brain went back to an old Kenan & Kel show episode (yes, I am very much a 90s Nickelodeon kid) that had Kel going around a court room screaming "I...put the screw....in the tuna..." over and over, each time more and more dramatically.

Now back on topic.......

I get many instances of

me :"is that all?"
customer : No
*silence*
me: Oh, okay...that's everything for you?
customer: Yes
me: *puts in order and retreats to office*

and it never fails, at least 3-7 times a busy night I'll get this

me: thank you for calling <location on westend of town, just off rather main road> pizza hut, can I help you?
customer : uh...yeah, is this the <store on the other side of the James River that sounds nothing like my road>
me: No.....that's <number>
customer : oh, uh....*click*
me :

[Imogene]

Many, many times, I've had this particular conversation with customers, at the registers already.
RJ: "How are you today?"
C: "Yes."
RJ: "I'm sorry, *sepulchrally*'Yes'*/sepulchrally* is not a valid option to my query. Please reply in the form of a positive or negative."
(Wow, Sepulchrally is a word? At least, according to spell check? I knew Sepulchral...)

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

One evening, I had just walked back in the office, and my partner asked me "How was lunch?"

I swear, I was thinking "Fine.", but when I opened my mouth, all that came out was "Screw!"

That good, huh?

[Peppergirl]

I love it when I answer the phone:

Me: "Thanks for calling _(my travel agency)______. This is Peppergirl. How can I help you?"

SC "Is this ____ ______ ______?" (exactly what I just said)

Just ONCE, I'd love to be able to shout 'NO!!!!" and slam the phone down in their ear, really hard.

This happens at least 5-10 times in a 12 hour shift.


Also, the Greyhound bus line of Canada was published with our 800 number, which is off one digit from the actual number. Keep in mind, when they call, they hear a recording telling them they've reached my travel agency and to please hold for an agent. Without fail, I'll answer the phone as above, and they'll start about bus schedules. No biggie, it happens. I politely tell them that the number was published wrong this year, and offer them the new number. I'll give you one guess as to the types of responses I get. I've actually been cussed out for offering them the correct number.

[AmericanZero8503]

My contribution to this dabbles with tech support. As a result...

Powercycle - a basic step-by-step process wherein everything is powered off, given time to "cool down," then one by one, each device is turned back on in a specific order, typically starting with an external modem and ending with a computer you intend to continue troubleshooting on.

Apparently this has gotten so bad...that the cable company I use started running commercials telling people how to power cycle.

However, I know how to do this...I'm not a 95 year old guy trying to use a computer. So why is it that tech support treats me like a baby anytime I call? I've told the technicians several times that the connection problem is on their end. After three maintenance people get sent out and countless hours of down time (all while paying 29.99 for UNLIMITED high speed internet) they finally admit that our line needed to be replaced. UGH!

But I completely understand...Some people are idiots. I just don't know why tech support has to get so crabby when they have someone who KNOWS what they are doing.

[powerboy]

I got that yesterday.

me: What is your unit number?
him: I want to pay my rent.

Me: I need your name or unit number. To bring up the info.

[gunsage]

Him: What, no bag?

"Sure...I got your bag RIGHT HERE!"

Him: Oh, I was listening. I just wasn't paying attention.

OBJECTION!! That thar be a contradiction, I reckon!

I swear, I was thinking "Fine.", but when I opened my mouth, all that came out was "Screw!"

...Yeah, I got nothing. By the way, my major concern about powercycling is that I have diagnostic tools where I can actually see the state of the modem, upstream, downstream, etc., but also I can see the very next device attached to the modem, so when I ask if you have a router, don't BS me.

[mattm04]

I got one of those today. Cust. asked if we had any more of product X in the back.

Me: Yes, how many would you like.
C: Yes.
Me: Yes, I have them. How many would you like.
C: No.
Me: *how dumb are you you fing moron, this is not a hard question, hands Cust 1 item*
C: Can I have two.
M: Two total?
C: Yes
M: Hands cust. 1 more.
C: Can I have another?
M: *hands cust another*

I eventually gave her 6 total. Each time she asked for only 1 more.

[hotelnpa]

I'll have customers call to make reservations on a day we are sold out:

ME: I'm sorry we are sold out that day.

SC: My name is ______. (Apparently not hearing that I just told them that we are sold out for that day.)

ME: I'm sorry we are sold out that day.

SC: Oh why didn't the hell you tell me?? <click>

++Bonus points if they ask if we have any jacuzzi rooms left...NO! Sold out means sold out! Even the jacuzzi rooms are sold out!

++Extra bonus points when a travel agent calls and wants us to overbook for them.