SC's kid causes a car crash in front of my store

[Sylvia727]

That little kid has a guardian angel pulling overtime is all I can say. I have a new public service campaign to go with this.

Parenting: Just Say No.

And yeah, parenting is a matter of relativity. Within reason.
When I was 16, my sister Missy was 15 and my sister Emily was 8. We were with all our extended family at a restaurant, and Emily was acting up. Throwing things at her cousins across the table, talking loud enough to be heard outside, that sort of thing. My mom was at the far end of the table with my 85-year-old great-grandma, who was getting very stressed out by these bad children. Mom kept catching my eye and making that sharp gesture which is Universal Maternal Sign Language for "Take care of that problem before I take care of you!" Stern lectures just weren't working on Emily.

So I grabbed Emily and half-dragged her into the bathroom, though she was smart enough to know when the crap hit the fan and cooperated. Missy was in there washing her hands, and another middle-aged lady was waiting for the sink. I closed the door, leaned over Emily to give her two quick swats on the tush, and told her that if she didn't get her act together and stop stressing her frail great-grandmother out, she was going to be grounded for a week! I took her back out and for the rest of the meal she was a perfect angel. Later, Missy told me that after we left the bathroom, the other woman had said to her, "I just can't believe that some people are still striking their children! I ought to call the police!" Missy looked her in the eye and said "Those are my sisters." She dropped her eyes and didn't say anything else.

I can't believe that some people still think that two light swats on an errant child's behind is child abuse. Abuse is beatings, beltings, hospital visits. Putting a well-deserved whap in the same category as black eyes and broken bones is stupid to the point of criminal.

[blas]

Not a lot of parents do what my parents used to do.

Both of my parents would take my little brother and myself grocery shopping or whatever shopping. If we acted up, we got one warning, and if we continued to misbehave or throw tantrums, one of our parents would take us out to the car until the shopping was done. Being taught that bad behavior gets you taken out of a store, out of the public eye, NO attention from everyone anymore, is a really foolproof way to teach a child. They want attention. They want EVERYONE to know that their mean old mommy won't buy them toys. Getting the attention away from the child and showing that tantrums make you look like an ass and cast you out of the public eye really DOES work!

[IceLee]

Off topic I know, but I apologize for any mistunderstanding my partner may have said, he wasn't really being literal about the child needing to be hit by a car, but more for the mother to realize that her son needs a serious waking up call, and so does she, I know one kid, who always misbehaved, no matter how much punishment he got from his grandmother (his mum's gone or something no idea and his dads in jail i think) he continuted to do bad stuff, even kicking and hitting someone smaller than him, so I think punishments for those kind of bad kids are not worth it, because they wouldn't bother listening, I think that was what my partner was talking about because he had met him and have witnessed his behavior, because the boy wont stop until someone nearly hits him or bang something hard right near him (and yeah he ran off crying.... his grandmother told him " serves you right!"). I believe that mother should have been approached by the police and child welfare agenices.

[myswtghst]

Being taught that bad behavior gets you taken out of a store, out of the public eye, NO attention from everyone anymore, is a really foolproof way to teach a child. They want attention.

What's funny to me about this, is it's actually quite similar to training a dog. One of the main goals of a tantrum (either by a child screaming and kicking, or a dog barking it's fool head off) is attention. And while ignoring isn't a good tactic in public places, as others will pay attention, a firm "No," followed by removal from the situation, is often the best way to curb behavior like that.

And as many have said, mom needs to get precious under control NOW. For one thing, he obviously has no respect for her. And for another, someday, possibly sooner than she realizes, he will be big enough to cause pain when he takes a swing at her, if she doesn't teach him immediately that behavior like that will not fly.

[Ttam]

I actually just remembered about another thing that happened just a few nights ago when I went out to A Christmas Carol with some friends. Right in the row in front of me was this man, woman, and two boys. (I hesitate to say "mother and father", since I'm not entirely sure. I think I heard one of the kids mentioning the man by first name, which usually to me either means that one of them is a friend going along with the family, or the guy is a stepfather/boyfriend).

Anyway, intermission comes along and everyone pours out for a while and, by remarkable forsight, they're selling candy out in the lobby. Christmas, and all. So, yup. You guessed it. Thing 1 and Thing 2 come back in and they're absolutely hopped up on sugar. And, being boys, they promptly start to get to doing things like arm wrestling and grabbing at each other and all that sort of stuff. Woman was nowhere to be seen yet, but the guy is sitting there with them. Usually he was pretty complacent, but every once in a while they got a little too rowdy (almost kicking people nearby or starting to get louder than the ambient crowd noise), he'd turn to them with this really kinda concerned expression, knitted brow, and whine "Guuuuuys stooooop." Seriously, whined. Naturally, the kids would ignore him entirely. Not even turn their heads. Then he'd look back towards the stage again as if he'd accomplished something. Right up until the time they jostled him with their fooling around again, anyway. I just couldn't help thinking to myself that with a weak display like that, even I'd have trouble taking him seriously. :\

Luckily, they managed to calm down after the lights dimmed and the show started again....

[tollbaby]

Little story. Last night, my ex-husband and I take our kids grocery shopping. They were well behaved while we were buying the teachers' Christmas presents at Walmart, and all through the insane long line-ups, etc. But when we got to the grocery store, my six-year old decided she'd had enough, and started having a temper tantrum. Got attitude with me when I told her off, and then sat down on the floor and wouldn't move. Annoying to other shoppers, highly embarassing and PISSING ME OFF totally, and a hazard to herself and everyone else. So what did we do?

Gave her five seconds to get up off the floor, and when she refused, my ex picked her up and BROUGHT HER OUTSIDE. End of story. Your kid is acting out? Remove them from the situation until they can behave. When he came back inside with her five-ten minutes later, she was perfectly well behaved, and we were able to finish our groceries. I'll be damned if I'm going to let my kids act that way in public, and I've been known to tell off other people's kids. The one time I had a mother go apeshit on me for yelling at her little precious, I simply gave her my most condescending glare and said, "Oh, so you APPROVE of your child destroying store property?" in a very loud voice. She was quite embarassed when no fewer than FIVE store employees whipped their head around to see what was up LOL

[FormerCallingCardRep]

When we were kids we knew better then to act up in public. One time when we were out our youngest sister started to throw a temper tantrum. MY middle sister looked at her and said, "If you do that Mommy will let you have it" and she stopped immediatly.

Mom never really had to punish us. All Dad had to do was to pick us up off the floor where we were misbehaving and he would set us on the couch. When he had us about three to six inches above the couch he would drop us onto the couch. THat would stop any misbehaving that we would do.

[blas]

You guys are great. I hate that baloney "Removing a child is just going to teach them that if they act up, they can get out of going certain places". So not true. As said before, kids want attention. The temper tantrums are had in hopes of attracting strangers and everyone else to see what is happening. Ignoring doesn't work, but making an example of and humiliating the child works. Because if you can get through to them that they are humiliating themselves and no one is going to pay attention to them, they will stop.

[RebeccaOTool]

O_O;
That is insane. Go you for getting the info, though.

[South Texan]

You guys are great. I hate that baloney "Removing a child is just going to teach them that if they act up, they can get out of going certain places".

Ah! There lies the wisdom of tollbaby's ex. He did not allow the child to leave where they were. He let her figure out that the longer she took to calm down, the longer it would be until they went in and finished what they were doing. The tantrum did not remove her from the store.

If the child figures out that by acting up, the parent will take them away to the car and leave the store, then they do learn to act up to get their way. If the child knows that acting up only will delay whatever they are doing and that the child will be going back inside eventually, the child learns to calm down and behave.

It took me a little while to figure this out with my own daughter. The first time we stood outside in the cold while she screamed, she asked me why we were not going to the car. When I told her we were waiting for her to calm down so that we could go back into the restuarant where her mother was sitting; she threw a bigger fit at not getting her way, but finally wore herself out. We then went in and finished out dinner. It took about five incidents for her to figure out that throwing a fit was not going to get her away from wherever we were.

[Bright_Star]

How come she didn't run after her kid when he high tailed it out the store? I remember many a time when I was a kid & doing something similiar that my mom would come after me & beat the shit out of me for :
#1 being naughty
#2 making HER run after me

The cops oughta throw the book at her.

[Seshat]

If the child figures out that by acting up, the parent will take them away to the car and leave the store, then they do learn to act up to get their way. If the child knows that acting up only will delay whatever they are doing and that the child will be going back inside eventually, the child learns to calm down and behave.

I think that each child is individual, and has individual goals and desires. Learning what works with other peoples' kids gives you a starting point for working with your own (or your real/honorary nieces/nephews, or whatever).

Putting my mod hat on: thank you for keeping this as calm as it has been. Discussions of disciplining methods can get heated. I remind those of you who are carefully restraining yourselves that Fratching exists, and invite you to post a 'taking this to Fratching' note; preferably with a link directly to the thread you create.

Fratching can be found by scrolling down the main page of the forums, it's at the bottom of the Community section.

[zzapp the witch]

I'm just skipping to the end to post my reply, and I have no apologies for what I am about to say.

That kids brains should have been spattered all over his mother. End of story, no apology. Removal from gene pool complete. Could I be more optimistic by imagining the mother having a breakdown and commiting suicide because she's an irresponsible git and a horrible mother? Yes. I can. With no shame.

Am I a bad mother and a horrible person for making such a statement? No. Because I spank the SHIT out of my kids if they cross the line. You know how often they cross the line? I can count the times in the last month for the 3 of them on one hand.

You can only hope she learned from this, though I sincerely (based on personal observations) doubt it.

God, this pisses me off, you have no idea (check that you probably do) what white trash horrors I have had to wade through in the stores). Idiot 9 yr old girl, dropped some glass vase in the decor section, when her mom looks over, she says, "That lady threw it at me!" and points at me. Whuh? Yeah, you try to cow me down ya old hog. I won't bend. Sure, bring store security over, the cam will show I'm telling the truth. After a yelling match and management coming over, she finally left me alone, but I'm still expecting trouble. Saw the old cow follow me out to my car with my purchases and I thought I was going to get jumped. Nope, she's just writing down my license plate number so that she can call the cops on me.

Gah, I just hate other people's kids right now. (Not my neighbor's kids, they're all sweethearts). And don't worry, already told the lawyer what was up, and talked to the sheriff's office. But I am so.....GAH! And reading this story did not help.

I'm gonna go read the jokes.

[allniter]

That kids brains should have been spattered all over his mother. End of story, no apology. Removal from gene pool complete. Could I be more optimistic by imagining the mother having a breakdown and commiting suicide because she's an irresponsible git and a horrible mother? Yes. I can. With no shame.

I'm with you. some of the light hearted fools on here who don't think violence is the answer even when it's directed at them, deserve the shit they get. If they can't dish it back in equal amounts, then they're in the wrong profession.

[Gravekeeper]

I'm with you. some of the light hearted fools on here who don't think violence is the answer even when it's directed at them, deserve the shit they get. If they can't dish it back in equal amounts, then they're in the wrong profession.

That kids brains should have been spattered all over his mother. End of story, no apology. Removal from gene pool complete. Could I be more optimistic by imagining the mother having a breakdown and commiting suicide because she's an irresponsible git and a horrible mother? Yes. I can. With no shame.

O.o

Whoa.....wtf....