The stupid is strong in this one (epic length)

[Kusanagi]

While the current issue regarding that woman with the sofa that took place a year ago is going on, there is a far larger one that needed a lot more time to post. This started back in summer of 07, and I think I made a post on it at the time, but I’m not sure.

Episode 1: The Phantom Smell

Society is obsessed with the way we smell. Fragrant shampoos, body lotions, colognes and perfumes are designed to produce smell while deodorants, powders, and sprays seek to eliminate it.

Society is also obsessed with spending as little money as possible on actual necessities. Usually, when, these two collide, the result is enough to make eyes water and the gag reflex to kick in.

I speak, of course, of the customer that thinks generous amount of cheap perfume can go as a substitute for bathing. Instead of having it mask the odor, it will create some unholy fusion strike enough to knock a buzzard off a fencepost at 30 yards.

This woman came in to our showroom, and spent about a week deciding what she wanted. While this isn’t uncommon, I had to spend nearly our entire supplies budget that month on air fresheners and Fabreeze. So she buys the sofa, and that’s that. Right? Oh no.

[Kusanagi]

Episode II: Attack on the Nose

Now, this is an older white haired woman, so I gave her a little more leeway when it comes to human decency. Well, she’s so impressed with the service that she decides to come back.

Nearly every day.

For four weeks.

Her excuse is that she’s doing a home remodel, and because of how short staffed we were, I was never at the showroom I managed, which caused its own problems. The other associate working here, A, would try her best to deal with her but she has a relatively weak constitution and asthma problems – all of which would be set off by this woman. Fortunately for her, and unfortunately for me, after about a week of it, she would come in and ask for “That handsome gentleman with the long brown hair and green eyes.” That would be me, and those were her exact words. A would inform me of this with an evil cackle, and I would smile good-naturedly, do a full body shiver, and die a little inside.

Well, I happened to be working with her one day, and she finally came in when I was there. This was about, oh…two months after the initial purchase, so this would have made it in September. I was able to suppress the reaction to the wall of smell (trust me, the smells from conventions and renaissance fairs are SO much worse) until she made a motion to grab me by the arm and lead me around the entire showroom to each piece, the same fabric swatch in hand. I tried to be as supportive as I could, not faulting her because she would have to be immune to such a stench and couldn’t smell it herself.

So at any rate, after she decides she needs more time, and I go into the bathroom to nuke my clothing with Fabreeze and see if my eyebrows hadn’t singed off, my coworker teases me mercilessly about it. I just laugh and say “Well, you’re here more than I am, so you’ll be dealing with her when next she walks in.”

She never did come back. I know the reason why. You see, a week afterwards, I went on a competition shop to another store in the area that we compete with to just check out prices and the like. I have a great relationship with all the other retailers in the area, and we all go out for coffee from time to time to chat about the industry and new tips and tricks.

While I’m at one of our main competitors, I see her there. And she sees me. She was at the sales desk purchasing an order. Soon as she sees me, she turned white as a ghost, and starts mumbling all sorts of apologies. I tell her “It’s okay, I’m a consumer too, don’t worry about it.” I continue on my way, not giving the situation, or her, any more thought, with the small exceptions of feeling sorry for the poor man she was dealing with now (who I noticed was breathing through his mouth, claiming he had a bit of a cold) and happy that I would no longer be serving her.

[Kusanagi]

Episode III: Revenge of the Odor

Oh, but it didn’t end there, not by a long shot. This totally caught me off guard, and has been my official “First Batshit Customer” award of the new year. And theyhave to be truly insane in order to get that, as most stuff doesn't even phase me now.

Come November, I’m STILL not working at my showroom, and handling everything remotely through the computer. Then she starts to make appearances at my showroom, much to A’s dismay. She still has the same carpet sample, still has the same smell, and still has the same insistent attitude regarding wanting to speak to me, and only me. She comes in about two to three times a week, and it was always on days I was never there. A liked to tease me about it saying she would send her down to where I was working. I never encountered her again.

Then came March 10th.

There’s no better way to describe the incident better than the email I wrote to my boss after it occurred. Names changed to protect the innocent, my own notes added to the situation are bolded.

Need some help/advice regarding a customer named SC. Wasn't able to write this out earlier as we were slammed after this happened, so let me explain what's going on, you can call A to verify all this

This woman had a sofa delivered to her in July of last year and as far as I knew never had any problems with it. Starting in November she kept coming in when I wasn't there asking for me, and also asking about getting a new piece when her remodel got done. A said she always had a piece of carpet with her and could never make up her mind, but I was never there on the days she came in.

On Sunday we had a slow point so I went to do some comparison shopping and when I got back, A was extremely upset to the point of tears and there was a beige sofa cushion wrapped in a plastic bag behind the desk. SC had come in while I was out and had brought the cushion stating that she was upset there was damage on it.

Keep in mind this was nearly 9 months of never hearing anything about damage from her, but I didn’t even have time to properly digest what just happened before this did:

At this point, she had been waiting in her car and walked back in, and the first thing she starts doing is badmouthing A to me. A kept her mouth shut and when I pulled out the cushion to see the damage. There was a defect in the fabric about the size of a silver dollar, but on the seat and sides there were also two large marks that looked like sharpie. SC went off on A saying that those weren't there before and that A had purposely marked up the piece. A’s jaw dropped and told her that the marks were already, and when SC called her a “fucking liar,” A walked out the back door of the showroom away from the situation.

You can understand at this point I had no clue what was going on. A is not known for having the best temper, and I’m glad she walked out the back instead of dealing with her. She was calling A all sorts of nasty names while pleading with me to help her.

SC then attempted to follow her out the back, making degrading remarks to her the entire time until I told her that she should know that what she's doing wasn't helping the situation.

I had to physically block the door and then shut it. At this point, the bitch looks at me and says “I’m a psychologist. I know exactly what she’s trying to do.” I’m thinking that I know exactly what the SC is trying to pull at this point, and say to her “Ma’am, if you really ARE a psychologist, then you know the way that YOU are behaving right now is not helping the situation.” She faltered for a second when I said that, and quickly shifted the attack.

She started to go off on me and finally when I told her that I wasn't picking sides, I just wanted to find out what happened to the piece, and more importantly why she had waited so long to contact us and what reason A could have had to mark up the piece.

When SC calmed down (Actually, it was more of a “Calm down or I refuse to help you”) I asked her several questions. This is what she told me.

1) She stated she never did anything about the damage to the piece because she was in and out of the hospital.

2) A had called and told her to come in because I was going to be there that day

3) The claims center had told her several times to bring her cushion back to our store and this was the first time she had gotten around to it.

4) A had caused the pen markings on the piece, as SC told me several times "I have a witness that there were no pen marks on there before we brought it in." (Indeed, she started saying this like a prayer)

All I could do to diffuse the situation was to tell her that anything like that has to be handled from a corporate level and gave her the number for the claims center. (She claimed she “lost it”) As she walked out, she was still making parting shots at A, and was refusing to take the cushion back.

I cannot say what happened before I came back from my competition shopping when A and SC had their first discussion but when I was in and SC came back in to talk to me about the cushion A did not once raise her voice or say anything derogatory towards her, instead making the mature decision to step out the back while I spoke with her. I was actually quite impressed with how well she conducted herself while I was there, but once again, I cannot say what happened while I wasn't there.

How do I even begin to handle this? I've never dealt with one quite this vehement before and I know that she's lying about some or all of it. Call her out on it, put the claim through and let corporate handle it? What instructions should I give to A should she come back into the store?

So, long story short, SC comes in on a righteous fury shitstorm, giving me barely enough time to digest it at all, much less decide on a course of action.

After I was able to collect my thoughts and talk to A to get her side of the story, this is what I can piece together as a semi response.

1) Nobody waits 9 months to contact claims about a defect on delivery and the two dozen times she had been in looking for me, she never said anything to A about her piece being damaged. If she had, I would have called her or we could have given the number to the claim center. Not to mention even if she was in the hospital for a period of time, she still had been in the store no less than two dozen times.

2) I was with A all morning and she made no such phone call telling her to come in

3) She has never spoken with the claims center before, or if she did, there is no entry at all in our database.

4) A would have had absolutely no reason to take a marker and go to town on the cushion. She would have alot more sense than that, and I can't believe that she did it under any circumstance.

I believe that she had no problem with it, or she did have a small defect she waited for too long to fix it. Then the piece was somehow marked up to try and blame us for it. The fact that she says she had a witness to say that the piece was NOT marked up when she brings it back to the store makes no sense whatsoever, and I’ve played all 4 of the Ace Attorney games. I don't buy it for a second but at the time I was trying to keep her away from A and calm her down enough to explain the situation to me.

[Kusanagi]

Episode IV: A Naive Hope

My boss weighed in on the situation after she called him. He used some very colorful words to describe her, all of which were accurate. I could not believe that A had done anything to the piece because we didn’t even have a sharpie out on the desk at that time, and conceivably the only way it would have happened was if she was holding it while she moved the cushion, but once again I don’t believe it due to the mysterious “witness” that never materialized.

My boss says we’ll order her a new seat casing just to get her to shut the hell up, and he places the order saying that there was a defect in the stitching and the seam split, so we can get a new one for free under warranty.

Since my boss had spoken to her, I can breathe a little easier.

But please, we still have two more parts to go!

[Kusanagi]

Episode V: The Bluehair Strikes Back

The next day after the conversation my boss had with the SC, the SC comes back into the showroom wanting to pick up her cushion. She did this three days in a row, with A kicking her out. She was informed of the situation, she knows a new casing is on order.

I don’t have the pleasure of dealing with her because once again, another showroom, but A calls me one day after she came in.

A: Hey, Kus. I got something to tell you.
Me: Hm?
A: SC came back in. I just told her that her cushion isn’t ready, and she tore me a new one.
Me: Greeeaaaat. Call the cops if you have to.
A: Oh no, something better. She’s standing out here with a sign that says “[Our company] SUCKS.”
Me: …
A: Yeah. I told her we didn’t have the cushion, and then she went outside and took a sign from her car and is holding it up over her head.

My hand made love to my forehead as I gave the biggest facepalm I have yet performed. Yes, ladies and gentleman, the old biddy, who had waited 9 months before telling us her piece was damaged, the old biddy who had been in the store no less than 30 TIMES since the piece was delivered 9 months ago, the old biddy who was so waylaid by the hospital…was picketing in front of my store.

She only did it for a few minutes, apparently. I guess she decided how stupid she looked, or she needed to go reapply the +4 Potion of Body Musk. befor some fresh air touched her skin.

[Kusanagi]

Episode VI: Return of the Smackdown

This happened on the 16th. I’m copying from my notes on that day. I was working by myself, and she came in again, demanding her cushion right this instant.

Here’s a rough transcript of the convo we had.

SC: I want my cushion back!
Me: You already know what’s been going on. You spoke directly with my general manager and a new cushion casing is on order. You will be called once it comes in so you can pick it up.
SC: That’s not good enough! Your taking too long when it was your fault that it was messed up in the first place! Who does that little bitch think she is? Why hasn’t she been fired!?
Me: That’s none of your concern.
SC: Like hell it isn’t! Nobody treats me that way.
Me: The issue has been handled internally. That’s all you need to know, and that’s all I’m going to tell you about it.
SC: But she purposely vandalized my piece! I want to know exactly what happened to her!
Me: Okay, look. I need to explain a few things to you. You’ve come in and ranted and raved multiple times towards my associates and my higherups. First off, you need to understand we are under no obligation to fix this for you, and you need to understand that anything we are doing right now is completely because we choose to, not because we have to.
SC: I don’t have time for this!

At this point, I made my voice a lot sterner.

Me: Yes, you do. If you want this situation to be resolved – if you want the cushion fixed, if you want my help, you will listen to what I have to say.
SC:
Me: Now, first off, you need to stop badmouthing A. Trying to illicit sympathy from me by claiming that she purposefully damaged your piece is not going to get you anywhere because neither myself nor anyone else at this company believes that she would have done such a thing.
SC: Are you calling me a liar?
Me: About that part specifically? No. I don’t know who’s correct but I do know that you lied to my face three times when you came in!
SC: How dare you! I did no such thing!
Me: Yes, you did. First off, you lied to me about why you came in. You said that A had called you and told you to come in because I was there. The problem is that I was working with A all morning, and she made no phone calls that morning to anyone. Only two phone calls were made, and they were to a different showroom to check on something.
SC:
Me: The second time you lied to me was about calling the claims center. You had said you were working with them for months to get someone to resolve your issue, however, when I looked in the computer and personally called the claim center, there was no record of you ever calling them. Nothing in the computer at all.
SC: Well...then they didn’t enter it!
Me: Even if I give you the benefit of the doubt, there is no way that nothing would have been entered, especially if you called them as many times as you say you did.
SC:
Me: The third thing you lied to me was what the claim center said to do. They never tell a customer to bring something back into the store. They never have, and I’ve been working here for years. If you had called them, they would have mailed you a new seat casing directly from the manufacturer. So that was the third time you lied to me.
SC: But…but…
Me: So yes, while I can’t say with 100% certainty that you’re lying about A causing the damage to the cushion, given that you lied to my face three times that day, I’m going to be much more inclined to side with her than with you.
SC:
Me: Now, my personal opinion of what happened was that there was nothing wrong with the piece and somehow months later some damage occurred. You then brought it here to the store, completely worked up, and if you are indeed a psychologist, you would know that by coming in looking for a fight and being as aggressive as you were that perhaps A or myself would simply cave in. It’s not going to work.
SC: (Incoherent mumbling)
Me: Now, in spite of all this, my manager has okayed us to help you. We told the manufacturer that there was a seam in your cushion that failed, and they are shipping us a new casing. It will be here within the next few weeks, because they are imported from overseas. Do not come in here, and do not call this showroom again until we call you to let you know it has arrived. Like I said before, we are under no obligation to do this and as such all I need to do is pick up the phone and two minutes later the entire thing can be off.
SC:…are…are you blackmailing me?
Me: No. I’m simply telling you that because you have flat out lied to me and my company and have taken steps to try and get one of my associates fired when she did nothing wrong towards you, that if you want this cushion fixed, this is the way it’s going to happen. There are no other options. Now, do you agree to this or not? (As I said this my hand went to the phone)

The SC then said “Fine” with the most acid I have ever heard anyone speak with and turned around and marched out the showroom door.

Moral of the Story:

Do not lie to me. I will stand up for myself, my other associates, and my company as well.

And I will call you out on it, with much amusement when I do.

Let’s see what happens in a few weeks when the new casing comes in. I see it happening one of two ways:

1) She comes in, gets it, and we never hear from her again
2) She comes in, gets it, and once she has it, does everything to try and make our lives a living hell because now we don’t have any leverage to counter her lying ass with.

Predictions?

[LambChop]

Wow, Kusa...just wow. You seriously have the worst luck with customers and I, for one, would -love- to be there with popcorn when that SC shows up. And on a personal level, mad props to you for backing A up when she needed it. Good on ya.

[Kusanagi]

I only post about the really bad ones. For every 20 or 30 customers I deal with, there's a few bad eggs which granted are caused by something we messed up on. Out of every 10 or 20 issues, only one or two of them make it to this level.

[dreams305]

All I can say is, she made a sign?

[iviles]

Dude just get out! Not out of that store but out of that town! You have the worst SC's ever and your a saint for dealing with them. I think thats the thing you are so nice to them that they latch on to you like leeches! Then when you stand up for your store and your coworkers then the sc just looses it all together.

[Cyphr]

+4 Potion of Body Musk.

My friend you have now just joined the few that have won the internet

[Kusanagi]

Dude just get out! Not out of that store but out of that town! You have the worst SC's ever and your a saint for dealing with them. I think thats the thing you are so nice to them that they latch on to you like leeches! Then when you stand up for your store and your coworkers then the sc just looses it all together.

I wouldn't exactly call the smackdown I laid on her "nice"

[Cyphr]

I wouldn't exactly call the smackdown I laid on her "nice"

but it was better than the beating she would recieve from some people

[Kusanagi]

but it was better than the beating she would recieve from some people

I'll concede that

At any rate, the other repeat customer situation was handled, we have a guy coming out next week to fix our window and another to do the roof.

I...might be landing a new job in a few weeks. One thing I've been approached with is several offers from business owners that have been customers of mine

[Andara Bledin]

Fortunately for her, and unfortunately for me, after about a week of it, she would come in and ask for “That handsome gentleman with the long brown hair and green eyes.”

Well, we have proof that there's nothing wrong with her vision....

Yegods. What is it about furniture that the psychos are so completely psycho?

^-.-^