Just Plain Nasty!!!

[bravado23]

I thought I'd pull out my nastiest bit of business for my first post...

Have you ever heard of someone getting barred from a drinking establishment for chronic and insidious gas? Well this is the very thing that happened last week at the bar I've worked at for 10+ years. We've come to call this woman "Sh**ty Britches" and she was a regular, and I mean regggggular. She was there every day, like a routine haunting, and every day would release at least 3 bar-clearing rippers. They were the silent but deadly type. Through process of elimination we eventually dubbed her the source. This has been going on all summer. Maybe 2 weeks ago I finally took her aside and asked as gently as I could if she could at least step outside and spare us all the nausea. She played dumb. She’d had a few Capt’n and cokes after several Mich Ultras and wasn’t the brightest bulb in the box to begin with. There was no talking to her. The noxious gasses continued. Thank Bob we can’t smoke in NY or we may have all died in a combustion mishap…

My barback went so far as to bring a respirator to work, are you getting a picture of how bad this was?

With winter approaching we all knew something had to be done. What would we do on a -30 degree day when all the doors and windows are closed?

[marlovino]

With winter approaching we all knew something had to be done. What would we do on a -30 degree day when all the doors and windows are closed?

I would have a camera (w/ sound) pointed at her to see if you can see her 'breath' when she let one go.

[friendofjimmyk]

Maybe the woman needs to reconsider what she was drinking. I know that Miller products always made me gassy when I was still drinking.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

One of the guys who used to work in the backroom was like that.

He was a good, hard worker, but also very flatulent. If he was in the truck and he had a fart ready, he'd come out by us and share it.

He was in school yet and would eat lunch every day at a greasy diner joint near school. Made for some really nasty force-10 pants busters.

[dawnmaria]

I had to share a room once on a business trip with someone like that. I woke up in the middle of the night thinking the toilet had overflowed or something because the room smelled like sewage. When I got up to look, I heard my roommate rip one off and realized it was her. It went on all night. I think there really was something terribly wrong with her. She was dead within 3 months. I was considered a jinx after that and no one wanted to room with me anymore!

[AFpheonix]

God lord, hand her some gas-x or something. I always keep a box of those in my purse, seeing as I can be sensitive in the whole gastric area, too.

IPF, that is quite possibly the best smiley, ever

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I had to share a room once on a business trip with someone like that. I woke up in the middle of the night thinking the toilet had overflowed or something because the room smelled like sewage. When I got up to look, I heard my roommate rip one off and realized it was her. It went on all night. I think there really was something terribly wrong with her. She was dead within 3 months. I was considered a jinx after that and no one wanted to room with me anymore!

Ouch! What did she die from?

[MadMike]

IPF, that is quite possibly the best smiley, ever

I think so too. Wouldn't be great if some nice admin like myself would add it?

[Jester]

Mike,

I don't know when I am ever going to use that smiley, but it still kicks butt. And just because I don't know how I am ever going to work it, I now fart in your general direction.



Edited to say: okay, I lied. Back in the brewpub days, there would be nights when I would be drinking nothing but dark beer. And the next morning at the brewpub, my coworkers would KNOW I had been drinking dark beer, because my silent farts were absolutely the most noxious thing imaginable, even to myself. Their reaction was about the same as in the smiley.



NOW I have no idea how I am going to use that one....again.

[skeptic53]

there would be nights when I would be drinking nothing but dark beer. And the next morning at the brewpub, my coworkers would KNOW I had been drinking dark beer, because my silent farts were absolutely the most noxious thing imaginable

My brother reacts this way to stout and ale. He was napping in the back seat as his girlfriend and I took turns driving on a long trip. Every so often the car would silently fill with poison gas and we'd have to roll down the windows and hang our heads out gasping. I asked her how she could stand sleeping in the same room with him and she said she didn't, if he'd been to the pub he had to sleep on the couch!!

[MadMike]

I just remembered this one: I had this one roommate I didn't like. I was sitting on the couch chatting on the phone with a friend, when he sat down next to me. Without breaking the conversation at all, I ended up pulling a "one-cheek sneak."

Not even a minute later, he quickly got up and left.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

I just remembered this one: I had this one roommate I didn't like. I was sitting on the couch chatting on the phone with a friend, when he sat down next to me. Without breaking the conversation at all, I ended up pulling a "one-cheek sneak."

Not even a minute later, he quickly got up and left.

Unfortunately, I had to deal with that growing up. My brother was notorious for walking into my room, letting one rip, then running out the door giggling while I'm throwing windows open and cussing up a storm.

Luckily he has outgrown that type of behavior.

[marlovino]

Here is one for those people who end up bringing a 'loaded weapon' with them.

[Kitten in the box]

One time I was going to my friend's checkstand to get something and I smelled this horrible smell...the kind of smell that would wake the dead and kill them again. I figured it was this guy standing in front of me so I figure...be an ass....I said "Dayyymn!!! who died?! It smells like rotting ass in a sewer on a hot august night! The dead are even complaining!!" The guy hurries out of there. I look at my friend and he is as red as a beet holding himslef up on the checkstand laughing his ass off....it was he who farted and he thought it was the greatest thing in the world. Damn was he nasty.

[karma_gypsy]

This just happened a few days ago. I was on the other side of the store (relatively small store), so I was not affected.

A fellow employee apparently let one right near the manager in the back (between storage shelves, small and narrow area). She comes running out from the back screaming bloody murder about. "Saying, oh that stinks! how horrible!" He comes from the back laughing so hard. Apparently the smell had followed him and other employees and a customer were also gagging. I think they were playing it up a little bit, but it was all in the name of fun. He's quite proud of the story as well, keeps telling it over and over again.