Just Plain Nasty!!!

[Amalthea]

Here is one for those people who end up bringing a 'loaded weapon' with them.

UGH. This reminds me of the last time I went to church with the extended family. My husband and I were sitting with his mom, who had our nephew sitting with her cuz she's the grandma and wanted to spend time with him. He's at that age where he's old enough he should be getting potty trained but he's really resistant to it, so he still wears diapers. Anyhoo, he suddenly gets up off the bench and onto the floor and hides under grandma's dress. We thought it was kinda funny. Then the smell hits...

[thegiraffe]

My brother (19) has a habit of announcing his flatulence. He'll go "uno, dos, tres!", aim in our direction, and squeeze. He thinks it's the most hilarious thing EVER. It is, as long as it doesn't smell.

On that note - I've made the observation that the hotter they come out, the more they smell. Anyone concur?

I grew up with farting competitions at the dinner table. My dad would let one fly (as loud as possible, of course), and my brother and I would holler "butt frog!". It's a wonder I have ANY table manners at all.

At work a few months ago, a cashier was helping out another cashier by bagging their groceries. He let one fly in the process (loud enough to hear), and everyone within a register on each side was DYING laughing. I was on the other end, but I heard the explosion of laughter. Yeah, we have a pretty close-knit store haha.

Let's see...what else do I have?

Oh yes...I've been guilty of many a cold car-ride because we had to ride windows down, or suffocate. In March, we went to Colorado. For several hours, we had to put the windows down in 20 degree weather so we could breathe. I'm also responsible for a cold, soggy family on a weekend trip to Tallahassee when it was cold (like 60....cold for Floridians) and rainy. Gotta breathe!!

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

OK, seeing as how this has turned into the fart thread, I have another flatulence story:

About 15 years ago we took a vacation to Missouri. We visited an amusement park in Kansas City for two days (and stayed in a hotel that had a major roach infestation, which I have mentioned in a different thread)

Anyhow,the water around there must not have been too clean, because I had some lemonade drinks there and then became sick as a dog.

So we left Kansas City and headed for the Ozarks, and I was absolutely miserable, and I laid my head down on the seat to try and sleep. My head was right by my sister's butt. And what does she do as I'm trying to sleep?

Really loud and really nasty. Thanks, sis! I feel so much better!

[Broomjockey]

Yeah, my roommates used to bust me if I let a sbd go, because at the first reaction, for some reason, I'd burst out laughing. On the other hand, it did mean I didn't take blame for what wasn't mine, because if I didn't laugh, it wasn't mine.

Also, my friend had a brother who he used to bring to my house because his brother couldn't be left alone. One day, brother is playing video games, we're putzing around on the other side of the basement, and we smell something absolutely vile. We go over to brother to see if it's coming from him, but it doesn't smell over there. So we then putz around on that side of the basement for all of 5 minutes. Then we smell it again, go back to the other side of the basement, and it smells fine over there. We dubbed it the incredible wandering fart for its stupendous crossing of the basement not once, but twice!

Also, hands up, who agrees the fart scene in Scooby-Doo the movie is one of the funniest scenes in cinematic history?

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Ever see the movie "Escanaba in Da Moonlight"? There's a hilarious fart scene in that movie too.

Same with "Blazing Saddles".

[JustaCashier]

George Carlin: "Have you ever noticed....your own farts smell O-Kay?" *Breaking into character voice* "Sayyyy....by god that's fairly decent!"

Mike

[Rine]

Once I was helping out with the sixth grade Sunday school class and there was a priest that would come around and visit with the class for a few minutes. One Sunday, he was in and lecturing about something and I was standing behind him against the wall. He suddenly lets one rip without missing a word in his lecture and I just about died. I could see the nearest sixth grader gives me this look as to say, "what did I just hear?" and I pointed at the priest and silently began to laugh. I couldn't help it. The sixth grader puts his head down and I could see his shoulders shaking. Thank god it was a sort of quiet fart because I don't think I could contain the laughter if the entire class heard it. The class was made up of about 25 twelve and thirteen year old boys and three girls, so you could imagine how a bunch of preteen boys would react to a fart, from a priest or not.

[XCashier]

This thread should have a Rule #1 warning in the title.

Also, hands up, who agrees the fart scene in Scooby-Doo the movie is one of the funniest scenes in cinematic history?

Ever see the movie "Escanaba in Da Moonlight"? There's a hilarious fart scene in that movie too.

Same with "Blazing Saddles".

From the recent Doctor Who series: "Excuse me, would you mind not farting while I'm trying to save the world?!"

[MadMike]

George Carlin: "Have you ever noticed....your own farts smell O-Kay?" *Breaking into character voice* "Sayyyy....by god that's fairly decent!"

Mike

And if two people are in an elevator, and one of them farts, everyone knows who did it.

[ladodger34]

I musta been 19 or 20 when this story happened..

Best friend and I go camping with his family. Before going to bed, we made a visit to the bathroom*. The bathrooms were constructed in a way that made things echo very well. I let one go and it kind of made me giggle in a stupid immature guy kind of way.

Some dude in another stall lets one go and it was LOUD. Remember, I was already laughing at myself a bit. I freaking lost it. I couldn't help it. My friend was in the next stall and when I lost it, he lost it as well. I think we waited until we heard the guy leave to go back to our campsite.

* My story is over, just wanted to post about the bathrooms so people can get a bit of a picture in their heads. The bathrooms were pretty fancy as far as "public" (as in federal govt places) campground bathrooms go. They were housed in a rather large building with showers on one side and toilets on the other. The building was(is) cinder block with a pitched roof. The stalls themselves were almost like seperate rooms (with "real" locking doors) except the cinder block didn't go all the way to ceiling, making it really easy to hear everything going on.

[Kiwi]

One of my friends at school had a nickname

the phantom farter.... the name is self explanatory

god im cracking up just thinking about it

[morgana]

You all do know how Whoopi Goldberg got her name, doncha?

My clueless ex was a master at the silent but room-clearing anal explosion. Seriously, there were foods that were never served in our house because of his . . . capacity.

Of course, his absolutely favorite way to prove this to me was to wait until bedtime, let one, and then throw the covers over my head . . .

[friendofjimmyk]

I just wanted to use the smiley!

[thegiraffe]

Of course, his absolutely favorite way to prove this to me was to wait until bedtime, let one, and then throw the covers over my head . . .

We call that a toaster oven in my house My dad's quite fond of it.

hahahaha - that reminds me.
My grandpa (Dad's dad) is INCREDIBLE when it comes to....gaseous releases. They don't even phase him. They're deadly whether they're silent or loud (and by loud, I mean they reverberate). He'll just let one fly, and grandma smacks him and yells "Merle!", while the rest of us are . Yeah...it's pretty funny. Gross, but funny.

[sportsmom]

And if two people are in an elevator, and one of them farts, everyone knows who did it.

This is even further OT, but did you ever think that an elevator smells entirely different to a midget?